CTS 50

Shen Mo was kissed until he could barely breathe. His back pressed against the cold kitchen counter. His hands clung to the man’s shoulders, feeling the heat radiating from the body beneath the thin shirt. Their lips and tongues tangled together, and Shen Mo felt like he was about to catch fire.

At that moment, he could not even remember his own name, let alone the other’s.

Only when his lungs were about to give out did Shen Mo manage to pull back slightly. The man followed immediately, but his movements had softened. He kissed Shen Mo’s lips gently, again and again.

The heat in Shen Mo’s body did not fade. Instead, it flared up even more fiercely. He lifted himself on tiptoe and teasingly hooked his leg around the man’s.

“Zhou Yang…” he murmured.

The man froze for a moment and said, “I’m not Zhou Yang.”

It had been a long time since he had said those words.

Shen Mo paused, stunned. He looked closely at the man’s face. That handsome face, the one he saw every day, could not possibly be wrong.

Someone so important to him, how could he possibly mistake him?

Shen Mo let out a breath of relief and leaned in again.

But the man firmly held his shoulders, stopping him.

Shen Mo looked at him, wide-eyed.

The man gave a small smile. “You’re still not well.”

“I’m not sick at all.”

The man was silent for a moment. His gaze lingered on Shen Mo’s face, and then he raised a hand, unable to stop himself from touching the corner of Shen Mo’s eye. His thumb slowly brushed over his eyelid.

Shen Mo thought he was about to be kissed again. He instinctively closed his eyes.

Instead, he heard the man sigh. “Let’s wait till you get better.”

He let go and turned away to finish the dishes, as if those bowls were more captivating than Shen Mo.

Shen Mo had only dared to cling to him because of the wine. But he couldn’t go any further. The man clearly had no interest, and he couldn’t force something that wasn’t there.

He watched the man finish washing the dishes, massage his right hand as usual, and then, as always, sleep on the sofa.

That night, Shen Mo felt unbearably warm. His dreams were chaotic. At some point, he dreamt that the man came into his room, but when he opened his eyes, it was all just an illusion. By the time he woke up the next morning, the man had already gone to the office.

After that, he only managed to squeeze in a few meals with Shen Mo before rushing off overseas. Still, he couldn’t rest easy. He had his assistant check on Shen Mo a few times and even booked a train ticket for him to go home.

Shen Mo thanked the assistant politely, but as soon as he turned around, he locked the ticket in a drawer.

He didn’t go home. He stayed in the rental apartment all the way through to the end of the year.

On the thirty-first, he got up early and gave the place a deep clean. Every surface was spotless. Only in the afternoon, when everything was done, did he finally make a call.

The phone rang just twice before someone picked up. A familiar voice came through, and Shen Mo couldn’t help blurting out, “Dad…”

There was a brief silence, followed by a sharp click as the call was disconnected.

Shen Mo sat there holding the receiver, staring blankly as the busy tone droned on in his ear. He waited a while before calling again, but no one answered this time.

His eyes turned red. Quietly, he hung up the phone.

After he fell in love with Zhou Yang, he had come out to his family. The fallout was explosive. He had nearly been beaten half to death and was kicked out of the house. Since then, he had never gone back.

But he hadn’t been completely alone. At least he had Zhou Yang by his side. Right?

Shen Mo forced himself to pull it together. He picked up the cleaning rag again and wiped down the already spotless floor one more time.

Evening arrived quickly. He didn’t feel like making anything fancy. He boiled a bowl of noodles and ate while watching TV, then waited on the sofa for midnight to come.

As midnight approached, fireworks began going off outside. Then his phone rang.

He jumped up to answer it. The number was unfamiliar, but the voice on the other end was one that instantly calmed him.

“Did you fall asleep?”

“No, I’m waiting for midnight. What about you?”

“Still having dinner.”

Shen Mo let out a small sound. Then he remembered the time difference. “Is it fun celebrating New Year’s abroad?”

The man’s tone was as flat as always. “Not really.”

They chatted idly for a while until the man suddenly asked, “Shen Mo, where are you right now?”

Without thinking, Shen Mo replied, “At home.”

The man asked again, “By yourself?”

Shen Mo’s heart skipped a beat. He glanced at the empty room, at the half-eaten noodles on the table, and tried to sound cheerful. “I went back to my hometown. My parents are here too.”

He was a terrible liar. Afraid he might slip up, and with the fireworks getting louder, he quickly added, “My parents are calling me to go light fireworks. I’ll talk to you later.”

The man didn’t reply immediately. Then, in a strange tone, he said, “Shen Mo.”

Shen Mo could feel he was about to say something important. He held his breath and waited.

After a long pause, just as the clock struck twelve, the man finally spoke.

“Happy New Year.”

Shen Mo replied softly, “Happy New Year.”

There was a strange ache in his chest, mixed with something warm and hard to describe.

After the call, he went to sleep on the sofa where that man usually slept. His dreams were full of him. Since he had stayed up late, he also woke up late the next day, only rousing when someone knocked on the door.

Startled, Shen Mo sat up, confused as to who could be knocking at this hour. He got up, still half-asleep, and went to the door.

The door opened.

And just like in a dream, the person he had been longing for was standing there.