LS 96

Until they reached the front door of the house, an odd silence hung between them. Dohee felt frustrated, he was sure something was going on, but couldn’t push for an answer. Moonhyuk, on the other hand, wanted to say something but didn’t even know what it was himself, and that was frustrating in its own way. Even after dropping their things off and hanging his outerwear in the dressing room, no words passed between them. Eventually, as Dohee was about to leave the room, he leaned against the doorframe and looked at Moonhyuk. Moonhyuk, who had only just taken off his coat and scarf, met his gaze awkwardly. It was obvious that something was on his mind, or that he had something to say, and Dohee was about ready to explode from the silence.

When would he stop feeling this frustrated with Moonhyuk? Dohee let out a sigh too quiet to hear. The two of them were just fundamentally different, and even though he knew that, moments like this still made him impatient. In the end, it was Dohee who spoke first, again. They say the one who loves more always loses, right?

“Hyung.”

“…Yeah?”

Moonhyuk’s answer came a beat late, clearly caught off guard. Dohee tried to keep his voice as gentle as possible as he asked again.

“Are you really sure nothing happened?”

“Yes…”

He said yes, but the way his voice trailed off made it obvious there was something. He was terrible at hiding things, couldn’t lie or conceal even the smallest emotions. How was someone like that supposed to survive in this tough world?

Without replying, Dohee simply stood in the doorway, watching him silently. Moonhyuk kept glancing at him before quickly averting his gaze. But in a small dressing room, there was nowhere to escape. Under Dohee’s intense stare, Moonhyuk’s ears slowly turned red. By the time the color had spread to his cheeks, he couldn’t hold out any longer and finally mumbled something.

“There’s… not.”

“Really?”

“…I mean.”

“‘I mean’?”

“A-A coworker… asked.”

“A coworker? That girl?”

“…Yeah.”

Dohee folded his arms. Why bring her up all of a sudden? Just as he was about to ask, Moonhyuk spoke again, this time a bit faster.

“She… saw us today. When you dropped me off… saw us talking…”

“Yeah.”

“She knows we didn’t know each other before. I mean, you used to come in as a customer. And even back then, she said you were good-looking. So today, when she saw us talking, she started asking – like, how we got close, what you do, how old you are, and all that.”

“Yeah.”

“And then…”

Moonhyuk clammed up again. He fidgeted awkwardly, avoided Dohee’s gaze, opened his mouth, closed it again, and bit his lip hard. Dohee couldn’t help but worry, what if he hurt those pretty lips?

“Your lips are gonna get chapped, hyung.”

Unable to take it anymore, Dohee finally intervened. Moonhyuk snapped out of it and blinked rapidly, swallowing hard. Dohee could clearly see the movement in his throat. With a sigh, he asked gently,

“And then, what?”

“…She asked me if you had a girlfriend.”

“….”

“I told her I didn’t know… because, like, I don’t. We’ve never talked about that. So I didn’t know what to say, and…”

Moonhyuk trailed off again and frowned. Dohee watched him silently. He wasn’t just shutting up, he was clearly struggling, thoughts tangled up in his head. He blinked, looked down, glanced back up, lips twitching as if trying to form words.

Dohee mentally replayed what Moonhyuk had said. So the coworker had asked if he had a girlfriend, and since Moonhyuk didn’t know, he said he didn’t know. That was it. But… then why was he acting like a puppy that needed to poop?

Dohee scratched his chin. He didn’t get it. And since Moonhyuk didn’t seem like he was going to explain any further, Dohee asked directly.

“So… are you wondering if I have a girlfriend?”

The moment he asked, Moonhyuk froze. Dohee clicked his tongue silently. Who turned the place into the Siberian tundra?

Moonhyuk wasn’t even blinking now.

Dohee pushed off the doorframe. Honestly, he felt kind of grateful to that coworker. He’d thought Moonhyuk would never associate himself with anything even remotely romantic, but that one little question – Dohee has a girlfriend? – had stirred all this thought in him.

He didn’t know what exactly was going on in that tiny brain of Moonhyuk’s. And unless he opened it up, he never would. Moonhyuk wasn’t the type to spill his thoughts unprompted. But at least one thing was clear: he was curious whether Dohee had a girlfriend. He looked upset about it. Maybe even… disappointed?

Dohee asked again.

“Are you curious whether I have a girlfriend, hyung?”

Moonhyuk hesitated, then finally gave a small nod. His lips moved as if the words were being dragged out of him.

“…Yeah.”

Now what? What should he say?

Dohee rolled his tongue in his mouth. Should he just say no, I don’t? Or…

His thoughts branched out like roots. After a moment of consideration, he made up his mind and called softly,

“Hyung.”

Moonhyuk looked up. Their eyes met.

“Yes?”

Staring into Moonhyuk’s smooth, dark eyes, Dohee prepared himself to say something he thought he’d only say once in his life.

“I’m gay.”

Moonhyuk’s eyes slowly widened. Frozen again, unable to say a word, let alone move.

As he stared blankly, Dohee shrugged and smiled.

“And I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“….”

“Sleep well, hyung.”

With that, he turned and left Moonhyuk standing stiffly in the dressing room. The short walk past the living room and into his room felt unusually long. His heart was racing. Once inside with the door closed, a sigh burst out before he could even stop it.

– I’m gay.

He didn’t know how Moonhyuk would take those words. He never imagined he’d have to say them again in his life. But he’d needed to take a bold step. Baek Dohee wanted to date Kwon Moonhyuk, and to do that, he had to move things forward somehow. He hadn’t expected it to happen like this, but it didn’t feel wrong. Not when Moonhyuk hadn’t even considered the idea that two men could date.

So maybe this was the best way to crack that door open.

Moonhyuk didn’t realize it yet, but he clearly saw Dohee as someone special. Whether that was romantic or not, he might still be stuck thinking of him as just a “closer-than-average” friend.

Still, it would be good if this made Moonhyuk think a little harder. Now that he knew Baek Dohee liked men, whether he wanted to or not, Moonhyuk’s thoughts would start drifting in that direction. Maybe he’d start noticing things, words or actions he’d brushed off before.

Dohee stood up. He headed into the bathroom to shower, letting out a soft breath of laughter.

“Would that bear-brained Moonhyuk even notice anything?”

The road ahead still felt impossibly long.

💎

The cereal he was chewing had gone completely soggy. Normally, he’d have finished it in under five minutes, but now it was puffed up in milk, reduced to something like baby food. He knew it was wrong to treat food like this, but Moonhyuk just couldn’t bring himself to eat.

When he’d woken up, he’d been hungry. And out of habit, he’d prepared some cereal. But once it was ready, he couldn’t bring himself to take more than a bite.

Slouched on a barstool by the island counter, Moonhyuk turned his head and looked toward Dohee’s room. The door was still firmly shut. It was almost 10 a.m. It probably wouldn’t open until noon.

Truthfully, Moonhyuk had barely slept. He knew that lack of sleep ruined his condition the next day, but there was nothing he could do. He’d tried everything to fall asleep, but by around 8 a.m., he gave up. He fiddled with his phone, jumped up to drink water, lay down again and just breathed quietly in the dark. At some point, he dozed off, but only for about an hour.

Even on normal nights, he’d never really thought ‘I slept well here’. But last night’s sleeplessness was different. Before, he hadn’t been able to sleep because he’d been scared or anxious. But this time… it was just that his thoughts wouldn’t stop. A storm of thoughts overwhelmed him.

His brain felt overloaded. Dohee’s words kept looping endlessly in his head.

– Hyung, I’m gay.

It was something he’d never even imagined. Not because it was Dohee, but because he’d never even considered the idea that someone around him could be gay.

He’d never dated before. He barely knew anything about relationships, let alone queer ones. But even someone as clueless as Moonhyuk still knew what gay meant.