Chapter 66 – Homo Talk

As soon as these words were spoken, the air fell silent for a moment. Wei Lai, ever vigilant, said, “Sisters who scissor get struck by lightning.”

Chu Yin asked, “…Why?”

Wei Lai: “…”

It was clear that Chu Yin wasn’t trying to scissor with anyone—he was just genuinely curious. He tilted his head and asked again, “Why?”

Wei Lai was left speechless. Some sayings passed around in certain circles simply couldn’t be explained logically. For example: “If it’s going to rain, it will. If your mom wants to remarry, she will,” “See a 1, move on to the next.,” “Green smoke rising from the ancestral grave,” “Sichuan-Chongqing sisters hand in hand, whoever gets a 1 first is a dog”… These phrases were passed down by word of mouth, crafted for smoothness, not logic.

So, Wei Lai solemnly declared, “This is wisdom passed down by our predecessors. Scissoring leads to shattered sisterhood, trapping you in an endless loop of thunderclaps in a world with no 1s to rely on.”

Chu Yin’s gaze sharpened abruptly. “Which predecessor’s wisdom?”

Wei Lai waved his hands hastily. “Not mine, not mine! It was a friend—a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.”

Chu Yin pressed relentlessly, “You don’t have friends. Where did this ‘anonymous friend’ come from? It must be you! Who did you scissor with? Did your relationship fall apart?”

Booty-san swirled his red wine glass, thoroughly enjoying the drama. “Heh heh heh heh heh.”

Wei Lai, usually a smooth-talking pimp, found himself tongue-tied under Chu Yin’s interrogation. Just as he was at a loss, the food delivery arrived. Wei Lai scrambled to fetch it, returning with two large bags—one light, one heavy—tugging his shoulder askew.

Wei Lai: “What’s this? So heavy! This isn’t the hot pot I ordered.”

Booty-san said, “I ordered it. The heavy one’s beer and baijiu, the light one’s barbecue.”

Wei Lai: “Aren’t you drinking red wine already?”

Booty-san: “Red wine’s got nothing on baijiu! Bottoms up—you guys take it easy!”

Yan Yunshui chimed in, “I ordered too—fruit salad and sushi.”

The other three stared at Yan Yunshui with bewildered expressions. Yan Yunshui planted his hands on his hips and declared, “You all can get fat—don’t drag me into it! I’m a delicate, dewy boy!”

Though everyone present usually boasted about having dainty bird-like appetites, priding themselves as refined queens distinct from the gluttonous stink of straight men, the reality was that they were still four grown men. Hot pot, barbecue, fruit salad, red and white wine—nothing was missing from the feast spread across the table.

After meticulously arranging the dishes and snapping aesthetic food pics, the conversation circled back to its origin.

Booty-san crossed his legs and raised a hand painted with bright red nail polish. “If we’re talking about who should top, I vote for Slutty Wei.”

With that, Booty-san plopped a lamb kidney into Wei Lai’s bowl. “Eat up. Replenish those overworked kidneys of yours.”

Wei Lai dipped the kidney generously in sauce before deftly transferring it to Chu Yin’s bowl. “Chu Yin’s one centimeter taller than me. By extension, his hardware must also be 1 cm longer. So, I think he should top.”

Chu Yin, quick as a hawk, snatched the kidney back with his chopsticks and dropped it into Wei Lai’s bowl. “You’ve got more tricks up your sleeve. You top.”

Wei Lai flicked the kidney away. “Your abs are rock-solid. You top.”

Chu Yin speared the kidney and raised it toward Wei Lai’s mouth. “Your ass isn’t as soft as mine. You top.”

“My ass is perkier than yours. You top.”

Wei Lai blocked Chu Yin’s chopsticks with his own. The two pairs of chopsticks locked in mid-air, neither yielding. The standoff was so intense it reminded Wei Lai of the legendary duel between Ximen Chuixue and Ye Gucheng atop the Forbidden City¹Two master swordsmen from the Lu Xiaofeng series of wuxia novels by Gu Long..

Wei Lai declared, “A fine lady like you—why must you bottom?”

Chu Yin snapped, “Speak human!”

Suddenly, Chu Yin’s chopsticks slipped. The lamb kidney soared in a perfect arc before landing squarely on Yan Yunshui’s head.

Yan Yunshui shrieked and jumped up, shaking the kidney off before frantically wiping his hair with napkins. “What the hell, you two bitches! Not only are you flirting shamelessly, you’re dragging innocent bystanders into it! Shameless!”

Wei Lai solemnly intoned, “The lamb kidney says: Destiny decrees you shall top.”

Yan Yunshui stamped his foot coquettishly. “I’ll top for you—but would you let me fuck you, Slutty Wei? Come on!”

Wei Lai recoiled and repeated, “Sisters who scissor get struck by lightning.” Then, fearing Chu Yin would grill him again about his scissoring history, he excused himself to the bathroom.

Chu Yin, ever the curious kitten, popped up again. “Why won’t Wei Lai sleep with you? You’re even offering to top.”

Yan Yunshui: “…”

Booty-san raised an eyebrow. “Pouty Princess, take a shot of baijiu, and I’ll tell you.”

Chu Yin downed a hefty gulp without hesitation. The fiery liquor burned his throat, twisting his face into a scrunched-up mess.

“Cute,” Booty-san purred, licking his orange-tinted lips. “Since you’re so adorable, I’ll tell you. Look at Slutty Wei’s face—it’s so unfairly handsome, how could he not find men? But for him, physical relationships and emotional ones can’t coexist. Every fuck buddy who confessed to him, or every plastic boyfriend who caught feelings, got kicked to the curb.”

Chu Yin, now flushed from the alcohol, mumbled, “Why?”

Booty-san shrugged. “No idea.”

When Wei Lai returned from the bathroom, the topic had inexplicably shifted from “Who among us is most likely to top?” to “Who is the ultimate bottom?”

With Wei Lai back in the fray, the competition heated up, reaching fever pitch.

Booty-san fished a large bone from the hot pot and sucked noisily at the marrow, his expression obscenely suggestive. “Like this—I could suck three of these in half an hour.”

Chu Yin, suddenly bashful, hid behind a sip of red wine.

Yan Yunshui said thoughtfully, “I have naturally pink nipples, you know.”

Wei Lai fell short in comparison—his ass wasn’t as perky as Booty-san’s, and he couldn’t rival Yan Yunshui’s clingy, coquettish charm. Even the aloof, cool guy Chu Yin was cuter than him.

Wei Lai racked his brain before declaring, “I’m slutty. Any position is doable.”

Chu Yin turned his head slowly, his gaze dark and intense. “Any position?”

Wei Lai caught the strong whiff of alcohol on Chu Yin and gasped, “How much did you drink?”

Chu Yin waved grandly, then strode confidently to the center of the living room, took a deep breath, and let out a mighty squeak.

Yan Yunshui watched eagerly. “Is my male god about to perform drunken boxing?”

The moment he spoke, a loud thud rattled the room—Chu Yin had just demonstrated a full split for his dazzled audience.

A genuine split, too. His long legs splayed out sharply, forming an angle infinitely close to 180 degrees.

Chu Yin lifted his chin challengingly. “Can you do this?”

Wei Lai, who rarely saw grown men doing splits, gaped. “I can’t.”

Chu Yin cheered. “I win!”

Wei Lai said, “Stand up first, then we’ll compare again.”

Chu Yin blinked but didn’t move.

Wei Lai crouched beside him, concerned. “What’s wrong? Did you pull a ligament?”

Chu Yin shook his head dizzily. “Lightheaded.”

“You’re drunk,” Wei Lai said, helping him up. “Sit for a bit.”

But alcohol seemed to flip a switch in Chu Yin. He wriggled and announced, “I can also do a backbend!”

With that, he arched backward, arms outstretched, revealing a strip of abs and… another area.

Booty-san and Yan Yunshui’s eyes bulged as they applauded wildly.

For some reason, Wei Lai didn’t want them looking. He hooked an arm around Chu Yin’s waist and hauled him upright. “Chu Yin, you’re drunk. Rest.”

Chu Yin insisted, “I can do front splits too. I’m amazing!”

“You are, you are!” Wei Lai steered Chu Yin toward the bedroom, calling over his shoulder, “You two keep eating. I’ll get him to lie down and be right back.”

Booty-san waved him off. “I’m heading out too. Need to shave and do a face mask.”

Yan Yunshui added, “Go on, don’t mind us.”

Wei Lai deposited Chu Yin on the bed and ducked into the bathroom to wet a towel. When he returned, Chu Yin was still performing—this time balancing on the bed with one long, slender leg lifted high like a ballerina’s, his gaze locked challengingly on Wei Lai. It was the exact pose their orange cat, Orunju, used when licking itself.

Wei Lai thought, Thank god Booty-san and Yan Yunshui didn’t see this.

Chu Yin declared, “I can do any position. Madam Wei, you trash.”

Wei Lai wiped Chu Yin’s face like a fussy mother. “Fine, you’re more of a bottom than me, okay? When you find a man, I’ll let you have first dibs.”

Chu Yin huffed. “I don’t want that.”

Wei Lai sighed. “Then what do you want? Crybaby can do the splits, no one’s good enough for you.”

He tried pressing Chu Yin’s raised leg down, but it just sprang back up. Pressed again—up again.

Wei Lai groaned. “What the hell are you doing?”

After a long pause, Chu Yin whispered, “Seeing how pitiful you are—no top, no bottom, even the cat’s mine—I’ll reluctantly assign you to me.”

Wei Lai chuckled. “Sure, sure, assigned to you. Now put your leg down.”

Chu Yin’s eyes cleared for a second. “Where’s my phone? Record this!”

Wei Lai grabbed Chu Yin’s phone, wanting to record his split, and asked offhandedly, “What’s the password again?”

Chu Yin blinked slowly, as if thinking hard.

On a whim, Wei Lai recalled what Qian Tianyi had told him when Chu Yin got lost that one time—Chu Yin’s password is your birthday.

But back then, Wei Lai had unlocked Chu Yin’s phone with six 8s²I remember it was 123456. Oh well..

“Six 8s,” Chu Yin said.

Wei Lai hummed in acknowledgment but then typed in his own birthday instead.

The phone unlocked—but the home screen wasn’t what Wei Lai usually saw. Normally, it was a photo of Orunju licking its tail.

This time, it was a picture of Wei Lai himself.

Shirtless, hanging laundry on the balcony, sunlight casting a golden glow over his back. It was… weirdly artistic.

Right—Chu Yin used a Huawei, which had a privacy mode. Different passwords led to different systems.

Wei Lai’s heart churned violently, emotions surging like wildfire.

“Done yet… Ow—” A pained yelp from Chu Yin snapped him back to reality.

Wei Lai nearly dropped the phone. “What’s wrong?!”

Chu Yin’s eyes were watery, his leg finally folding. “Cr-cramp… Squeak…”

• 1
  Two master swordsmen from the Lu Xiaofeng series of wuxia novels by Gu Long.
• 2
  I remember it was 123456. Oh well.