Chapter 29

As soon as Situ Ye returned, Lin Ze sensed something was wrong. Most likely, Li Yanru had scolded Yang Zhiyuan, who then took his anger out on Situ Ye, who in turn came back to confront Lin Ze.

Yang Yu sat at the dining table, watching curiously.

Lin Ze, knowing he was in the wrong, could only say, “I didn’t say anything. I don’t even have his phone number—what could I have said? The bank card is with you. Let me use it first to pay my brother’s makeup exam fee.”

“Let’s get this straight first. You don’t trust me, do you?” Situ Ye demanded.

“How is this about not trusting you?” Lin Ze replied.

Zheng Jie poked his head out, sensing the tension. “Talk it out properly, no need to argue…”

“You warned Yang Zhiyuan not to keep bothering me, didn’t you?” Situ Ye said sharply. “Did I sell myself to you? Can’t I have my own friends? From now on, will you warn anyone I talk to for more than a minute?”

“I only mentioned this to Li Yanru today. She was the one who asked him, and she told me…” Lin Ze paused, realizing that in the heat of the moment, he shouldn’t badmouth Yang Zhiyuan, as it would only add fuel to the fire and make Situ Ye think he was slandering the man. He could only say, “She knew you were working and was worried we might have conflicts. She was just trying to help…”

“Alright, alright, no need to argue. Lin Ze’s brother is here. Let me introduce you…” Zheng Jie interrupted.

“Can you stop this?” Situ Ye snapped. “Do you think it’s enough to just fence me into your world and make me revolve around you? No friends, no…”

Lin Ze suddenly flared up and retorted, “Do you and that guy look like just friends? If you’re just friends, why get so angry? If you don’t care about my feelings, why get angry at all? You said yourself you don’t like him. If you told me you were actually dating Yang Zhiyuan and explained it clearly, would I even care?! We’re not just friends—we’re work partners. If you just clock in every day and then go off to date, how am I supposed to get any work done?”

“Didn’t you give me the day off? And how am I supposed to explain? He doesn’t need to explain anything! But how do you want me to explain?” Situ Ye snapped.

Yang Yu, sensing the situation was escalating, stood up and warned, “Hey, don’t yell at my brother. Who do you think you’re scaring? Watch out—three against one…”

“Hey, hey, no fighting! Yang Yu, don’t add fuel to the fire,” Zheng Jie urged.

Lin Ze took a deep breath. “Situ Ye, you were supposed to work today. I didn’t give you the day off…”

“Who cares?! Yang Zhiyuan even offered me a manager position at his company!” Situ Ye shot back.

“Then go!!” Lin Ze roared, silencing everyone.

“Damn it, I’ve been way too lenient with you! Give me the bank card!”

Situ Ye stood there panting, like a stubborn child.

“Alright, alright, A’Ze, calm down,” Zheng Jie said.

Situ Ye opened his wallet and tossed the card out. Lin Ze said nothing and left with Yang Yu.

The two walked downstairs in silence. Lin Ze, his face dark, withdrew money from the ATM and handed it to his brother. “Deposit this into your own account.”

Yang Yu hesitated. “Hey, bro.”

Lin Ze glanced at him, raising an eyebrow to signal him to speak.

The brothers stood in silence for a while before Yang Yu finally handed the money back. “I can pay the makeup fee myself. I don’t need the rent money.”

“Take it. I know what I’m doing. Just focus on your studies and don’t fail any more classes,” Lin Ze said.

Yang Yu hesitated again. “About… your partner… don’t be too upset.”

Lin Ze patted his brother’s head. He knew what Yang Yu was thinking—wanting to comfort him but not knowing what to say.

“Get out of here,” Lin Ze muttered. “No need for the mushy stuff.”

Yang Yu left. Lin Ze turned back, only to see Situ Ye coming downstairs with a backpack. His anger dissipated instantly, replaced by concern. “Where are you going?”

Situ Ye ignored him. Lin Ze followed. “Situ, don’t be like this. Packing up and leaving just like that—are you planning to cut ties with me?”

Situ Ye turned around, staring at Lin Ze without a word. Lin Ze noticed his reddened eyes and realized the situation was serious. He needed to coax him back first; otherwise, they might not even remain friends. He softened his tone. “It’s my fault. All my fault. Don’t be mad, okay? Where are you going?”

“Home,” Situ Ye replied.

They passed through Bei Cheng Tian Street, where the square was bustling with people under the evening lights. Situ Ye sighed and stopped.

“It’s my fault, Situ. I knew I was wrong right after calling Li Yanru. I even texted her not to say anything… I just didn’t want you to get hurt,” Lin Ze said.

“You’re the one lying. You’re the one hurting me. You’re just jealous and won’t admit it,” Situ Ye replied.

“I’m not jealous. Come, sit down. Let’s talk properly,” Lin Ze urged.

Lin Ze pulled out a chair at Starbucks. The outdoor seating was nearly empty in the cold weather, most customers preferring the warmth inside. Only the two of them sat by the pedestrian street.

“You’re too possessive, A’Ze. Tell me, what exactly is our relationship now?” Situ Ye asked.

Lin Ze answered almost without thinking, “If you stay, I’d be willing to be with you. But you said it yourself—you’re leaving. You won’t stay for me.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Lin Ze knew it was the wrong thing to say. What was wrong with him?!

“Forget all that. A’Ze, ask yourself—do you have feelings for me? If you do, why not say so? If you don’t, why lead me on?” Situ Ye said.

Lin Ze wasn’t sure if what he felt was love, but the awkwardness of misspeaking and being called out by Situ Ye was crystal clear. He couldn’t quite define his feelings for Situ Ye. If it was attraction, it wasn’t the kind of heart-wrenching, daydreaming love. But there was definitely some spark.

Strangely, looking at Situ Ye now, Lin Ze felt a sudden jolt of electricity.

Lin Ze laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Situ Ye asked.

Lin Ze shook his head, amused. He understood now—Situ Ye liked him, which was why he cared so much about these ambiguous feelings. The one lacking security was Situ Ye, not him.

This was an indirect confession. Lin Ze looked at Situ Ye, unsure how to respond. He nodded slowly. “Yes, I do. Right now, I do.”

“You’re lying!” Situ Ye was furious, drawing glances from passersby.

Lin Ze couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not lying. Listen—” He stood up, about to put an arm around Situ Ye in front of everyone, but Situ Ye recoiled as if shocked, knocking over his chair. “Don’t touch me… You’re such a… Lin Ze, you’re no good!”

“No, wait! Stay here. Wait for me, don’t leave. I’ll be right back.” Lin Ze grinned and dashed off.

Situ Ye stood there, breathing heavily. Lin Ze ran to the brightly lit Häagen-Dazs. “One scoop of ice cream, please.”

A tiny scoop cost 35 yuan—something Lin Ze would never normally buy. He got a cookies-and-cream flavor and returned to Starbucks, holding the ice cream and a small spoon, ready to feed Situ Ye.

But Situ Ye was gone.

Lin Ze stood there for a moment, wondering where he’d gone. Back to his old rented place? He started walking when someone called from behind, “A’Ze!”

Lin Ze turned to see Zheng Jie, standing in the cold in his pajamas and slippers, looking exasperated. “Did you find him? I just took a shower and he was gone.”

Lin Ze replied, “It’s fine. He probably went home. Here, have this.”

Zheng Jie glanced at the Häagen-Dazs. “Nah, save it for your wife.”

Lin Ze: “It’s not—”

Zheng Jie added sourly, “Isn’t this the kind of thing you buy for your girlfriend? Last time I wanted some, you said it was too expensive, no different from Wall’s…”

Lin Ze nearly doubled over laughing. As they walked, Zheng Jie suggested, “Let’s hang out this weekend. Where do you think I should take Rongrong?”

Lin Ze thought for a moment. “I’ll find a place. Don’t worry.”

Zheng Jie, knowing Lin Ze was experienced, trusted him completely and nodded, insisting he take time off. Lin Ze realized he’d been too busy lately, hardly spending any time with Situ Ye. A weekend outing would be good.

Lin Ze knocked on Situ Ye’s door. A girl answered, a forkful of instant noodles in her mouth, staring at them—Lin Ze and Zheng Jie in his pajamas, standing in the hallway.

“Looking for Situ Ye,” Lin Ze said.

The girl replied, “He’s not here. Didn’t come back.”

Lin Ze raised an eyebrow in a Chen Kun-esque smirk. “He’s definitely here. You didn’t check through the peephole—you opened the door right away because you knew someone would come for him.”

“Fine,” the girl said, amused. “You’re sharp. But I can’t let you in.”

“Pretty girl—” Zheng Jie chimed in. “Open up, little bunny, open the door—”

Zheng Jie, now confident after his romantic success, wasn’t shy around pretty girls anymore. Situ Ye’s voice came from inside. “Don’t open it for him!”

Lin Ze called out, “Situ, first tell me—what did you mean by what you said earlier?”

Situ Ye, still fuming, stayed silent. Lin Ze handed the Häagen-Dazs to the girl. “For you.”

With a 100% success rate on the prop, the dungeon gate opened. Lin Ze entered Situ Ye’s room and closed the door. Situ Ye sat on the bed and muttered, “My hand is better now. No need to trouble you anymore. I can go home. Thanks for taking care of me.”

Lin Ze walked over. “Come back. What’s the point of this? Let’s talk first.”

The bed had only a bare mattress, no sheets. Lin Ze sat beside Situ Ye in silence.

“First, about today—it was my fault. Forgive me, okay?” Lin Ze said. “Hear me out. I promise I won’t interfere with your friends again, alright? But you should at least listen to what I’ve heard about Yang Zhiyuan. It’s from my sister, but it might help you judge his character.”

Situ Ye said nothing, just watched him. Lin Ze went on, “My sister said Yang Zhiyuan is a bit of a playboy, never settles down. I’m worried he’ll hurt you. Someone his age, with money and experience—if he genuinely liked you, I’d… I’d accept it. But I’m afraid he’ll deceive you. I’m just a small-time reporter. I’m afraid I can’t protect you, and it’ll… hurt me too, and hurt you. That’s the first thing…”

“The second thing—”

“A’Ze.”

Situ Ye suddenly interrupted, “You’re usually so smart. Why are you so dumb today?”

Lin Ze: “?”

Situ Ye stood up. “Let’s go back.”

Lin Ze stopped him. “Wait, I’m not done—Situ?”

Situ Ye walked out. The girl was still eating her ice cream, watching them. Situ Ye said, “Bye, glutton.”

The girl replied calmly, “Bye—”

Zheng Jie started sneezing the moment they stepped outside. Situ Ye felt a bit guilty and followed them home, showered, and went to bed as if nothing had happened. That night, in the dark, Lin Ze kept thinking about Situ Ye’s words, unable to make sense of them. But he vaguely sensed something—that Situ Ye both wanted to be with him and didn’t.

It was a strange, contradictory feeling, but Lin Ze could grasp it. Back in high school, he’d felt similarly about Zheng Jie—seemingly attracted, spending every day together, checking out girls at the bus stop (Lin Ze just humored him). If the intensity of a secret crush was 100%, his feelings for Zheng Jie back then were about 70%. He didn’t dare act on them. If Zheng Jie had dated someone, Lin Ze would’ve been jealous, feeling like his best friend was being taken away. Of course, as adults, Lin Ze no longer felt that way. They’d matured, and Lin Ze couldn’t offer Zheng Jie a normal family—how could he tie him down?

Situ Ye sighed.

Lin Ze suddenly spoke. “Situ, let’s talk.”

Situ Ye replied coldly, “Sure, boss.”

“Do you think sex between men is dirty?” Lin Ze asked. “Is that why your relationships never last—because you don’t want to sleep with them?”

Situ Ye answered, “I don’t think that way.”

Lin Ze smiled. “How did you do it with your Spanish teacher?”

Situ Ye fell silent. Lin Ze leaned closer and whispered, “Did you finish too fast the first time?”

Situ Ye mumbled, “Let’s… let’s not talk about this.”

Lin Ze suddenly had a realization. “You’ve never done it.”

Situ Ye: “…”

Lin Ze had guessed right and burst out laughing, rolling on the bed. So all that earlier talk was a lie! Situ Ye was a virgin through and through! No wonder.

Situ Ye admitted, “A’Ze, I’ll be honest. I don’t know if I’m gay. This is the first time I’ve told anyone. Only you know.”

This made it harder for Lin Ze to respond. He could somewhat understand Situ Ye’s feelings—his resistance to sex and his ambivalence toward love both stemmed from his own aversion to homosexuality. All this time, since they’d met, much of what Situ Ye had said and done was just a front. If Situ Ye could still like women, get married, and have kids, Lin Ze wouldn’t dare pursue a relationship with him, even if he wanted to.

Lin Ze asked again, “Then do you… want to figure it out?”

Situ Ye sighed. “A’Ze, how do you feel about me?”

Lin Ze was quiet for a moment. He wanted to ask, If I’m honest, will you tell me how you feel about me? But he knew this wasn’t a battle of wills—there was no “whoever confesses first loses” rule. So he spoke his mind.

Lin Ze: “I think I might like you a little. Just now, I was treating you like a sulky wife.”

Situ Ye, “Is that how you always comfort your boyfriends?”

Lin Ze, “No comment. I’ve answered. Your turn—how do you feel about me?”

Situ Ye, “If I said I love you, would you believe me?”

Lin Ze: “I would. But I’d ask—what do you love about me?”

Situ Ye explained, “I want my own family too—someone I love, to grow old with, someone who’ll unconditionally accept me no matter how many mistakes I make, how many times I lie, how much we fight, how much money I spend, how much trouble I cause… someone who’ll always clean up after me and love me anyway. When I left Yangshuo for Guizhou, standing at the station, I wanted to stop for the first time. I wanted someone to chase after me, make me stay, and take me home.”

Lin Ze’s heart sank at these words, realizing a serious possibility. Was Situ Ye avoiding sex because… Lin Ze suddenly asked, “Do you have… that disease?! If you’re sick, don’t hide it. It wouldn’t change anything between us.”

Situ Ye roared, “No!”

Lin Ze’s ears rang from the volume. “Sorry, sorry, my bad. I’m just paranoid.”

“Where’s your test strip?” Situ Ye demanded. “Get it out.”

Lin Ze quickly said, “No need, I believe you…”

Situ Ye got up. Zheng Jie knocked on the door. “What now? No more fighting.”

Lin Ze responded, “It’s nothing.”

Zheng Jie left. The two sat in silence. Lin Ze said, “You still haven’t said why you like me.”

Situ Ye countered, “What about you? Why do you like me?”

Lin Ze realized it was just a small thing, built on their long acquaintance and mutual companionship, not wanting to let go. So he understood a little.

“But I won’t…” Situ Ye said. “If anything, you’d have to come with me.”

“I won’t go with you,” Lin Ze replied. “And I won’t beg you to stay. You’re not the type to settle down. Forcing it won’t work.”

Situ Ye concluded, “Then forget it. We’ll go our separate ways.”

Lin Ze said, “I never planned to be with you in the first place.”

Situ Ye lay down. Lin Ze did the same. They shared a blanket but didn’t touch. Lin Ze’s thoughts were a mess. What kind of logic was this? Tonight had been pure madness…