Chapter 34

Lin Ze saw the shattered cup, as if something had shattered his anger along with it. He couldn’t accept it—no matter what, he refused to accept it. He took out his phone to call Situ Ye but couldn’t bring himself to press the call button.

Zheng Jie’s call flashed on the screen, and Lin Ze immediately understood what was happening. He rushed out of the office to answer.

Zheng Jie began, “Hey, A’Ze, wait a minute—”

Situ Ye’s voice was faint in the background. “Don’t look for him, Zheng Jie…”

“What’s going on again?” Zheng Jie demanded. “Situ Ye is leaving again. Didn’t I tell you not to fight?”

“I’m begging you, Zheng Jie, don’t tell him…” Situ Ye pleaded.

Lin Ze snapped, “Let him go, Zheng Jie. Tell him I love him, but let him get lost! Get the hell out!”

Zheng Jie shouted, “Situ, listen to me! A’Ze says he loves you and doesn’t want you to leave!”

Lin Ze roared, “Let him go! I love him! But let him go! Don’t come back!”

There was silence on the other end. Shortly after, Zheng Jie hung up.

Lin Ze leaned back in his swivel chair and closed his eyes. Twenty minutes later, a text message arrived.

[A’Ze, I’m leaving. Thank you for taking care of me all this time. It’s my fault for waiting until now to tell you, but I hope you’ll read my message carefully. In college, I fell for my Spanish teacher. I didn’t dare confess, but I wanted to go abroad and marry him. But he was a foreigner, very open-minded, never hid anything, and never intended to be with me. Later, our relationship became known. My father heard the rumors. He’s very conservative and couldn’t tolerate it—because our world is different from yours. Homosexuality is forbidden.]

[So he found a girl for me to marry. I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t. My family is a large clan. After my father and older brothers beat me, they tied me up and locked me in a room. I wanted to kill myself or escape, but there was no way. My second brother stood guard, insisting I get married. After the wedding, we even registered the marriage. On the wedding night, I gave up on suicide because it wouldn’t change anything—the outcome was already set. If I died, my wife would be a widow for life, and no one would take responsibility. So after the wedding, I ran away from home. For the past ten years, I’ve wandered the world, hoping to find my true love and take him on a pilgrimage.]

[I don’t dare sleep with any man. My sexual orientation has already ruined two families. I’ve been unfaithful to my wife and dishonest to my lover. My fate is to be someone who can neither love nor be loved. When you said you were willing to be with me, I truly didn’t dare accept it. The moment I fell in love with you, I should have left. That’s why I didn’t want to agree to be with you at first. I never thought I’d end up telling you all this. At least we didn’t do anything—you’ll forget me soon. Find someone better.]

[I really do love you. I thought you’d be willing to save me because I’ve always believed this isn’t my fault. If I had the ability to choose or resist, I’d rather die than marry. But I heard you say you love me. I could tell that just now, you meant it. I’ll go back and get a divorce. Forgive me. After the divorce, my father and brothers won’t give me another chance to run away. I can only tell them the truth about my sexuality and use suicide as my last act of defiance.]

[In our society, the souls of suicides are cast into hellfire. In our next life, and the life after that, until the end of time, we’ll never meet again. These are the words of my heart, spoken only to you. I hope you won’t be angry with me. Though my love is cheap, by the time I send this message, it will have already vanished like smoke. I sincerely wish you happiness, my friend. Farewell, A’Ze. Take care, A’Ze.]

After reading the message, Lin Ze stood up, grabbed his suit jacket, and left the office. A moment later, he returned, rummaging through his desk drawer—he remembered there was a photocopy of Situ Ye’s ID there.

He pondered for a moment, then opened a flight booking website on his computer and logged in using the account he and Situ Ye had used before. No bookings.

Zheng Jie called again. Lin Ze answered immediately. “Has Situ Ye left?”

Zheng Jie groaned. “Damn, A’Ze, don’t be like this. Laozi is scared shitless by you two. How am I supposed to live with Rongrong if you keep acting like this? One minute you’re fine, the next you’re fighting. My poor heart can’t take this…”

“I’ll explain later. I’m going to find him now.” Lin Ze hung up, left the office, and took a taxi straight to Situ Ye’s place. On Sunday, his female roommate was home. Lin Ze barged in and asked, “Where’s Situ Ye?”

The girl opened the main door but not the security gate. She was watching TV. “He just left. Said he’s never coming back. It’s only been one night—how are you fighting again? You scum gong, if you don’t like him, don’t make promises you can’t keep. This back-and-forth is driving people crazy. Just leave.”

Lin Ze: “…”

“Open the door,” Lin Ze demanded. “Situ! I know you’re in there!”

“Situ. Whatever trouble you’re in, we’ll face it together.”

The girl got up to grab food from the fridge. “Aren’t you supposed to be smart? Guess if he’s home or not.”

Lin Ze stood there for a moment, glanced around the hallway, then called Yang Zhiyuan.

Yang Zhiyuan was still half-asleep, his voice groggy. “What?”

“Did Situ go to your place?” Lin Ze urged.

“You fought?” Yang Zhiyuan yawned.

“If he asks to borrow money for a plane ticket, don’t give it to him.”

Yang Zhiyuan hummed. “Okay, got it. Don’t worry.”

Lin Ze hung up.

“Is he going home?” the girl inside asked.

“I need to talk to him,” Lin Ze replied.

“He’s really not here.”

Lin Ze’s voice trembled. “Just let me check, okay? Just one look.”

The girl took pity on him and opened the door. Lin Ze stepped inside and saw clothes strewn on the bed. This time, Situ had packed only the bare essentials—his backpack was gone.

Lin Ze kept calling Situ Ye, but he didn’t answer.

Lin Ze knew Situ Ye had no money, but payroll had been processed on Friday. He checked—the money hadn’t hit his account yet, but he wasn’t sure about Situ Ye’s card.

As he ran, he pulled up flight booking sites on his phone, searching for tickets to Urumqi. Should he go to the airport to intercept him? First, he needed to go home… When Lin Ze pushed open the door, two of Situ’s photo albums were on the dining table.

Zheng Jie was sprawled on the sofa, texting with a grin. The moment Lin Ze sat down, he called Situ Ye again. No answer.

Lin Ze carefully composed a text and sent it to Situ Ye.

[Situ, you’re the wind, I’m the sand—entwined together till the ends of the earth.]

Lin Ze sent the message, cringing at himself. A moment later, Situ Ye replied with a single word:

[Fuck off.]

Lin Ze exhaled in relief. At least he responded—that was progress. He sent another message:

[I’ll be waiting at Urumqi Airport. If you insist on going home, I’ll take your photo to the Karamay police station and ask around. Your name is Yaoliwa—it means ‘little tiger.’ I remember.]

There was a long silence. Lin Ye opened the flight booking site and fabricated a message, making it look like a confirmation from the airline. He forwarded it to Situ Ye. It had Lin Ze’s name, flight number, booking reference, date (today), time (tonight), and instructions to arrive an hour early.

Situ Ye replied again.

[I don’t have money for a ticket yet. Don’t go. Don’t you dare go! You won’t be able to come back if you do! You don’t know how things are in Xinjiang right now. Listen to me, A’Ze. Don’t go.]

Lin Ze: [Then tell me where you are right now.]

Situ Ye: [Bei Cheng Tian Street.]

Lin Ze: [Wait for me there. Don’t move until I see you.]

Lin Ze ran out, then came back shortly after to grab something. Zheng Jie glanced at him. “Fighting every other day—are you insane? Can’t you just talk properly? Now I know why you can’t find a wife! Learn from me!”

“Fuck off!” Lin Ze roared from the doorway, slamming the door behind him.

Lin Ze arrived at Bei Cheng Tian Street Square, panting. Situ Ye stood not far away, a bag slung over his shoulder.

Lin Ze pulled a ring box from his suit pocket, opened it, and knelt on one knee.

In broad daylight, everyone turned to stare, pulling out their phones to take pictures. Situ Ye paled. “Get up!”

Ignoring the onlookers, Lin Ze thought, Damn it, Laozi is finally going all out.

Under the evening sun, Lin Ze took out a ring and said solemnly, “Whatever the consequences, we’ll face them together.”

He slid the ring onto Situ Ye’s finger, then put the other one on himself. He closed the box, glanced around. “Run!”

Situ Ye: “…”

Lin Ze grabbed Situ Ye’s hand and sprinted toward Starlight 68. They nearly got hit by a car crossing the street, both gasping for breath by the time they stopped.

“Heh… heheh.” Lin Ze laughed.

Situ Ye was speechless.

“At least we’re both still alive,” Lin Ze reasoned. “How can we let this separate us forever? Let’s go home, Situ. Trust me—we’ll find a way.”

Situ Ye finally gave up on leaving, at least for now, and followed Lin Ze home.

“First,” Lin Ze asked, “does your wife love you?”

Situ Ye answered, “Very much.”

Lin Ze: “How much?”

Situ Ye: “She knew I was gay. She married me to save me. They believe marriage can ‘fix’ me. After being away for so long, I’ve come to understand many things. Your society knows far more about homosexuality than mine.”

They sat at the dining table. Lin Ze rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

Situ Ye smiled faintly.

Lin Ze lit a cigarette and stayed silent. This was, without a doubt, the most complicated problem he’d ever faced. After a long pause, Situ Ye broke the silence. “A’Ze, I should go back alone. It’s time.”

Lin Ze refused, “No. If you go, I’m going with you.”

Situ Ye urged, “A’Ze, let me go. I’ve made up my mind. Let’s just be friends.”

Lin Ze countered, “It’s not just you. Other families are the same. Didn’t you hear Zhao Yuhang? It’s either he gets married or his mom dies.”

Situ Ye: “…”

Lin Ze: “In your case, it’s just swapping ‘mom dies’ for ‘you die.’ Is there really that big a difference? Zhao Yuhang figured it out. What are you afraid of?”

Situ Ye was silent for a long time.

Zheng Jie, overhearing, exclaimed, “You’re married?! Situ Ye! That’s not okay!”

Lin Ze motioned for Zheng Jie to calm down, but Zheng Jie pressed on, “You deceived that girl—”

“Enough, Zheng Jie,” Lin Ze interrupted. “Wife—how old is your wife?”

“Twenty,” Situ Ye replied, almost laughing but not quite.

Lin Ze: “If your dad wants her to marry someone, he can marry her himself.”

Situ Ye: “Isn’t that what’s happening now?”

Zheng Jie, after listening for a while, actually offered a suggestion. “You could do what Zhao Yuhang did—a fake marriage. Go back, get divorced, then say you fell for someone else and find a girl for a fake marriage. You’ll still get scolded, but at least you won’t get burned alive.”

Situ Ye: “Karamay isn’t like that. It’s different.”

Zheng Jie: “Find someone here?”

Situ Ye: “No lesbian would agree to marry me. The family politics are too complicated, and the cultural differences are huge.”

Lin Ze had to admit he was right. “How long has it been since you last contacted your wife? Doesn’t her family care?”

Situ Ye: “Her family’s been searching for me, demanding I return to her. Unless I’m dead or admit I’m gay, they won’t let me divorce.”

Zheng Jie: “Just tell them!”

Situ Ye smiled bitterly and shook his head.

“They think homosexuality can be ‘cured’—that if I’m devout, avoid temptation, and live properly with my wife, I’ll ‘return to normal.'”

Zheng Jie: “The hell kind of trouble is this? Just don’t go back! Screw it—so what if you lied? Who cares?”

Lin Ze: “…”