Chapter 9

That afternoon, the rain stopped, and the bright sunlight still illuminated the long street, but Lin Ze had yet to receive Xie Chenfeng’s call.

He sent Xie Chenfeng a text and made several calls, but the phone was turned off.

Asleep? Lin Ze thought it must be because the cold medicine made him too drowsy, so he went back and fell asleep.

Forget it, he’d talk about it tomorrow. After returning home, Lin Ze took a shower and went to the bathroom twice. The feeling of being a bottom was still very unfamiliar, but the thought of being with Xie Chenfeng in the future made his mood much better.

“When are we renting the apartment?” Lin Ze asked.

Zheng Jie was eating dinner and looked up at him. “Whenever, you decide.”

Since the two of them had been found by the debt-collecting gangsters at their current address, Lin Ze said, “Let’s rent a place in Nanping.”

Zheng Jie: “Isn’t your new workplace in Shapingba?”

Lin Ze: “I can just take the light rail once, it’s fine.”

Zheng Jie: “Let’s rent somewhere in the middle, so neither of us has to transfer.”

Lin Ze: “It’s okay. Your and Xie Chenfeng’s workplaces are both in Nanping. I’m the only one who’d have to adjust, and besides, I’m still a journalist—I don’t have fixed office hours. The newspaper might even give me a car.”

Zheng Jie made an impressed sound. “When are you getting your driver’s license? Laozi will quit my job and be your driver! Are you hiring?”

Lin Ze: “Drivers don’t get subsidies, so I’ll have to get the license myself.”

Zheng Jie: “That works too. We can all go out together on weekends if we have a car.”

Lin Ze hummed in agreement and asked Zheng Jie tentatively, “Is it okay if Xie Chenfeng moves in with us?”

Zheng Jie, full and satisfied, lit a cigarette. “Sure, if you like him. Just don’t fight at home.”

Lin Ze laughed. “He wouldn’t dare hit me.”

Zheng Jie looked at him skeptically. “You guys went to a hotel last night, huh?”

Lin Ze: “Of course.”

Zheng Jie didn’t say anything else. The fact that Lin Ze hadn’t received Zheng Jie’s frantic calls all night yesterday meant that Zheng Jie’s impression of Xie Chenfeng wasn’t bad either—at least he didn’t think Lin Ze was fooling around. It seemed Xie Chenfeng had already earned Zheng Jie’s approval.

Lin Ze: “He might not be the tidiest, but I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Zheng Jie: “No big deal, we’re all guys. Just remind him more.”

Lin Ze hummed again, cleared the dishes, and turned on his computer to look for rental listings. A two-bedroom apartment would be enough. This time, they absolutely couldn’t let Zheng Jie’s mom know their new address. If they all lived together, and Zheng Jie found a girl he liked in the future—as long as she was okay with him and Xie Chenfeng—they could all live together first even if she didn’t have a place.

Lin Ze tentatively picked out a decent-looking apartment with complete furniture, air conditioning, and a kitchen, renting for just 2,200 a month. If they saved on food and cooked at home, and had Xie Chenfeng bring some cold dishes from the school cafeteria, it would definitely be enough. Plus, it would save Zheng Jie a few hundred in transportation costs.

This was truly a double harvest in both career and love. Lin Ze’s future was full of sunshine.

That night, Lin Ze called Xie Chenfeng again, but his phone was still off.

Probably sleeping like a log, not even eating dinner. Whatever, a grown man wouldn’t die from skipping a few meals. If his phone was still off tomorrow, he’d go to the school to find him.

Lin Ze tossed and turned in bed, thinking about that passionate night yesterday. The feeling was intoxicating—soon, he’d be able to sleep with Xie Chenfeng every day.

At 4 a.m., Xie Chenfeng still hadn’t woken up. Lin Ze drifted in and out of sleep all night. At 8 a.m., he called again—still off. Lin Ze couldn’t hold on any longer, got up to eat breakfast, then went back to sleep, this time deeply.

When he opened his eyes again, it was already 5 p.m.

Lin Ze grabbed his phone—no reply to his texts. He called—still off.

He was starting to vaguely sense that something was wrong.

But he still didn’t let himself think the worst. Was Xie Chenfeng sick and hadn’t woken up? That didn’t seem right.

He sat up, steadied himself, but couldn’t stop the thought he feared most—had he been tricked into another one-night stand? He could hardly believe it. If even Xie Chenfeng would deceive him like this, then there was truly nothing left in this world he could trust.

No, that couldn’t be.

Lin Ze’s entire worldview was on the verge of collapse. He pushed aside all other thoughts, turned on his computer, and tried to recall the school Xie Chenfeng worked at. Should he go there now? What if he ran into Xie Chenfeng with his girlfriend—or another bottom?

No, that couldn’t be. Xie Chenfeng didn’t seem like the type to cheat. Lin Ze could still deduce that much. For one, Xie Chenfeng had never taken any calls in front of him. Second, from his clothes, his manner of speaking, even the freedom with which they spent time together—none of it suggested he had someone else at home.

Lin Ze went over every detail of their time together. Xie Chenfeng was almost always available whenever Lin Ze called, and his bag didn’t have anything from anyone else—not even a flashy phone case. Plus, he’d stay with Lin Ze as late as Lin Ze wanted—he never left unless Lin Ze told him to. He was available at any time.

Even when they were apart, Xie Chenfeng would reply to texts, no matter how late. Unless he hadn’t been with anyone else for a whole month, there was no way he could’ve pulled that off.

Having ruled out the possibility of cheating, Lin Ze truly relaxed. Logically, Xie Chenfeng shouldn’t be that kind of person. And what was wrong with Lin Ze? It was way too early to get tired of him after just one time. Xie Chenfeng really did seem to want a life with him.

So why was his phone still off? Was he sick and hadn’t gotten up? Or had his battery gotten wet in the rain? That was possible.

Or maybe he was cooling off, thinking things over? From what Lin Ze knew, some people did that—after having sex, they’d panic and shut off their phones to think things through, only reconnecting once they were sure of their feelings.

Better to go find him. If he’d passed out from a fever, that’d be terrible.

Lin Ze thought for a moment, turned on his computer, and decided that if Xie Chenfeng still hadn’t called by 6 p.m., he’d go to that middle school and ask for his address.

But he didn’t wait until 6. The more he thought about it, the more uneasy he felt. He went downstairs, hailed a cab, and headed straight for the school.

He’d only glanced at the teacher’s ID back then and had already forgotten which school it was. But he had his press pass with him—he’d just ask around. There weren’t many high schools in the area. Yet every time he asked at the gate, the answer was the same:

No such person.

Lin Ze was stunned. He’d seen the teacher’s ID with his own eyes! How could there be no such person? Was he mistaken?

He kept asking until 10 p.m., calling Xie Chenfeng between inquiries—still off. In the end, he had to admit it: he’d been tricked into another one-night stand.

Lin Ze stood on the rain-drenched street, dazed for a long moment. He could never believe in love again. Xie Chenfeng’s deception had shattered the last bit of hope he had in this world.

Lin Ze wasn’t one to deceive himself. If it wasn’t there, it wasn’t there. If he’d been tricked, he’d been tricked. The other man was probably just some socialite who liked playing love games, carrying a few fake IDs to fool people.

On his way home, Lin Ze stopped by the Lifan Club to ask if they’d had a tall, thin goalkeeper a few years ago who now brought students for referrals. The guard said he’d never seen such a person—he was new and didn’t know about things from years back. Lin Ze, unwilling to give up, asked to see the club director, only to be told that the Lifan owner was under investigation and even the director had been replaced.

Late at night, walking alone, Lin Ze was certain Xie Chenfeng had lied to him.

His last shred of hope was that Xie Chenfeng might be sick, passed out from a fever. But since he wasn’t a teacher, the meetings and such were probably lies too…

Lin Ze returned home, slumped at the dining table, and said nothing.

Zheng Jie came out of his room, saw Lin Ze like this, and didn’t ask.

“Did you eat?” Zheng Jie said.

Lin Ze waved him off—he didn’t want to eat. He sat at the table all night, and Zheng Jie sat with him.

Five days later, Xie Chenfeng’s phone was still off. Lin Ze acted as if he’d never known the man. On Monday, he started his new job, coordinating layout matters, organizing related topics, and designing the focus and themes of the new section with the editor-in-chief.

The work was a bit demanding, but the only thing on Lin Ze’s mind now was forgetting what had happened and throwing himself into his job.

Zheng Jie didn’t ask about Xie Chenfeng again—it was clear Lin Ze had been dumped.

Being dumped was a lot like losing a job—both meant preparing for a new chapter in life. Sometimes, Lin Ze even wondered if his birth chart had somehow offended the heavens. Thinking back to his first love, had he really done anything so terrible? Why punish him like this?

On his first day at work, Lin Ze used all the resources at his disposal to put together a report on urban divorce rates. As soon as it went to print, the editor-in-chief praised him as a true talent.

The hottest period in Chongqing arrived—late August, early September. Nearly a month had passed since the night Lin Ze and Xie Chenfeng had spent together. In that month, Lin Ze hadn’t called Xie Chenfeng again.

But on two separate days, he’d received calls from unfamiliar numbers. Each time he answered, the other end hung up immediately. Was it him? Lin Ze had no idea what game Xie Chenfeng was playing. Checking later, he found the calls had come from public payphones. If things were already like this, why couldn’t he just explain properly from the start?

Lin Ze’s thoughts were a complete mess. He forced himself to forget everything about Xie Chenfeng, repeatedly hypnotizing himself into believing that man was just some bored player. He hadn’t known Xie Chenfeng before, and he didn’t know him now. It was all just a dream—or a movie so realistic it was hard to forget.

By September, Lin Ze’s work had settled into a rhythm. One day after work, he habitually opened a few QQ groups to see if there was any news-worthy content.

In one of the gay groups, Li Chiran was flirting with a bottom, calling him “darling.” Many bottoms in the group were discussing a deep-sea mud face mask on Taobao. Distracted, Lin Ze thought about buying one too.

Ranran: [Brother, buy this for me. I don’t want the shorthair cat anymore.]

Dreamcloud Marsh: [Okay, two sets? Does Junjun want one?]

The group chat was flooded with drooling, lustful emojis, with many members saying: [Buy one for me too! Buy one for me too…]

Lin Ze clicked the link and was about to pay when someone started spamming messages.

Weiwei: [Watch out for this guy! Everyone in Chongqing, be careful of him!]

(Image)

Weiwei: [This guy has AIDS! He was diagnosed a year ago! He’s out for revenge in the community—if you’ve seen him, don’t be fooled! Tell everyone you know, and don’t hook up with him! He’s probably already slept with tons of people! Forward this to your groups—don’t get scammed!]

Lin Ze glanced at the QQ group, and in that instant, his mind went blank—it was like being struck by lightning.

The photo was of Xie Chenfeng. He didn’t look exactly the same—not as thin as the Xie Chenfeng Lin Ze knew—but Lin Ze recognized him. For a moment, he didn’t even know who he was anymore. He mechanically closed the Taobao page and stared at the QQ group, typing a few lines before deleting them, unsure what to say.

Weiwei’s messages were quickly buried under the chatter of the bottoms.

Dreamcloud Marsh: [Are you Weiwei?]

Weiwei didn’t respond—clearly, he’d sent the message and run off to other groups. Lin Ze opened another group and saw the same message. At that moment, Lin Ze truly felt at a loss. He could only think, absurdly, Is this a joke?

He added Weiwei as a friend from the group and waited a full three minutes. During that time, his mind was completely blank.

A cough notification sounded—Weiwei had accepted his friend request.

Lin Ze sent him the photo of Xie Chenfeng and asked: [Is this the guy you’re talking about? What’s his name? He told me his name was Xie Chenfeng, right?]

Weiwei: [……]

Lin Ze: [Tell me!]

Weiwei: [Did you sleep with him? How long ago? Go get tested right now! Don’t take any chances!]

Lin Ze: [His name is Xie Chenfeng, right? I’ve been looking for him too.]

Weiwei: [His name is Xie Lei! From Guizhou! He tells people he’s a P.E. teacher at Nanping Middle School, but he’s not! He doesn’t have a job! Don’t believe him!]

Lin Ze was utterly speechless.

Weiwei: [He’s a scammer! Be careful! I can’t help you anymore—go get tested. Did you use a condom?]

Lin Ze: [How do you know he has AIDS?]

Weiwei: [I used to date him, and we broke up later!]

No way. My God. What kind of life is this?!

Lin Ze could no longer analyze this rationally. He asked: [Was he already infected when you were together? Who gave it to him?]

Weiwei: [After we broke up, he started hooking up with random people. I have proof! Look!]

He sent Lin Ze a screenshot. The Weibo profile picture was Xie Chenfeng’s usual Italian soccer jersey, and the bio read:

“Haha, got the A. Friends in Chongqing, be careful—death is right beside you. Let’s welcome 2012 together.”

Weiwei: [This was his old Weibo. I took a screenshot. He’s deleted everything now and changed his profile picture.]

Lin Ze: [Do you have the link? Let me see.]

Weiwei sent him a URL. Lin Ze clicked it—the Weibo was gone, replaced by a default Sina avatar. The username was “Sunshine Still Bright.”

At that moment, Lin Ze felt the air freeze around him. He asked Weiwei for his phone number, then struggled away from the computer desk and lay down on the bed, gasping for breath as if suffocating.

That night, when Zheng Jie came home, he saw Lin Ze lying on the sofa and asked, “You sick?”

Lin Ze immediately blocked Zheng Jie’s hand—he couldn’t even think straight.

“Don’t talk to me…” Lin Ze got up.

Zheng Jie: “Where are you going?”

Lin Ze: “The hospital.”

Zheng Jie: “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

Lin Ze shrank away from Zheng Jie in fear. Zheng Jie pressed, “What’s going on?!”

Lin Ze panted for a long time, avoiding him, then sat back down at the computer. It had been over a month—he hadn’t had a fever. Could he have been infected with HIV? Was Xie Chenfeng an HIV carrier or already sick?

That day, he’d said his throat hurt—was he already symptomatic?

Lin Ze glanced at Zheng Jie. He knew a lot about AIDS—he’d done a feature on it before. Eating together, shaking hands, living together, coughing, sneezing—none of those could transmit HIV.

In the past month, he hadn’t had any blood contact with Zheng Jie, nor did he have ulcers or other conditions.

Zheng Jie should be safe, but he’d have to be careful from now on.

“Do we have disinfectant?” Lin Ze said. “It’s contagious. Stay away from me from now on.”

Zheng Jie: “What the hell? What kind of sickness?”

Lin Ze shouted in utter collapse: “I HAVE AIDS!!”

Zheng Jie: “……”

After screaming those words, Lin Ze gasped emptily, then added, “Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll check first.”

He immediately pulled out his phone and called a doctor friend for advice. At this point, he couldn’t care less—he laid everything out for his friend, even putting it on speaker so Zheng Jie could listen. After a long pause, the doctor asked:

“Did you give him oral? Were your gums bleeding or did you have mouth ulcers during oral? Did he ejaculate in your mouth?”

Lin Ze replied, “No oral. We had anal, but with a condom.”

The doctor continued, “Did you kiss? Any mouth ulcers?”

Lin Ze hesitated. “No… I don’t remember.”

“You haven’t had a fever recently, so the chance of infection is very low…”

Lin Ze relaxed slightly. Zheng Jie pressed, “How low?”

“Hard to say. A’Ze, you have to get tested. The results come back in less than half a day. Consulting me won’t give you answers—nothing’s 100% certain.”

Lin Ze hummed in acknowledgment.

“Go to the CDC tomorrow. If you’re lucky, you’ll be fine. Just do it for peace of mind.”

Lin Ze was silent for a moment, then murmured, “Okay.”

After hanging up, Zheng Jie let out a sigh of relief. “This is my fault, A’Ze. I thought that guy was decent too…”

Lin Ze shook his head and looked at Zheng Jie, who added, “It’s fine. I’ll get tested tomorrow too. It’ll be okay—don’t be scared.”

Lin Ze had used up all his strength. He didn’t even have the energy to think much about Xie Chenfeng. He just kept praying—if he really was infected, may the heavens spare Zheng Jie. Let Lin Ze suffer the consequences alone.

That night, Lin Ze stayed at the table, thinking endlessly, as if waiting for an impending judgment.

Zheng Jie didn’t sleep either, sitting with Lin Ze the whole time. Once again, he was Lin Ze’s only lifeline. It was always like this—no matter how big or small the crisis, Zheng Jie was the only one who stayed by his side.

Sometimes, Lin Ze truly wanted to give his life for Zheng Jie—what he’d done for Zheng Jie was nothing compared to the loyalty this childhood friend had shown him.

If Zheng Jie ever turned out to be gay, Lin Ze swore he’d do everything in his power to make him happy.

He also thought—if he really did have AIDS, how many people would care? Li Chiran would definitely cry and ask his parents for money to treat him. As for Lin Ze’s own parents, he had no expectations. He could already imagine his father gloating, See, this is what happens to gays—they get AIDS.

Dawn broke.

At 8 a.m., Zheng Jie took Lin Ze downstairs for breakfast, then hailed a cab to the CDC. Under the gaze of many, he slung an arm around Lin Ze’s shoulders and went to pay for the tests.

The nurse, seeing Lin Ze and Zheng Jie, assumed they were a couple and comforted them softly: “It’s okay. We get lots of people coming in for tests every day. Have you had a fever recently? Has it been two weeks since exposure?”

Lin Ze: “No fever. My throat hurts a little, but I’m not sure.”

The nurse: “Don’t stress too much. Sometimes anxiety can make your body mimic symptoms that aren’t really there.”

Lin Ze nodded. The nurse turned to Zheng Jie: “Are you both getting tested?”

“Yeah,” Zheng Jie said. “He bit me.”

Lin Ze burst out laughing on the spot. The nurse asked, “Where?”

Zheng Jie rolled up his sleeve and lied, “Here. Didn’t bleed, just left a mark. It’s gone now.”

The nurse sighed and sent them off for blood tests.

Across from them, a boy who looked no older than twenty stood with red-rimmed eyes, tears welling as he watched them.

Zheng Jie skimmed a newspaper on HIV prevention. According to incomplete statistics, there were at least 20,000 HIV carriers in the six main urban districts.

Lin Ze’s mind finally settled. At times like this, he thought—everyone dies eventually. So many things in life are beyond prediction or control. You could be crossing the street at a green light and get hit by a drunk driver. You could get stabbed in a robbery. In the end, death is death.

But he didn’t die. The initial test results came back—both were negative. The nurse told them to come back for another test in two weeks.

Thank God. Zheng Jie said, “Let’s go. See? You’re fine.”

Lin Ze nodded, unable to speak.

Zheng Jie: “How many times have I told you not to fool around?”

Lin Ze could only nod. Zheng Jie ruffled his hair. “Alright, I won’t lecture you. Just be careful from now on. Hey! Watch out! CAR!!! Fuck! How are you driving?!”

Dazed, Lin Ze had almost been hit by a taxi while crossing the street. Zheng Jie yanked him back and started arguing with the driver.

Lin Ze hurriedly pulled Zheng Jie away, realizing the sky was so blue it hurt his eyes—like he’d been reborn.

The doctor friend called. Lin Ze answered, and the other man asked if he’d gotten tested. Lin Ze replied—negative.

The doctor congratulated him but reminded him to retest later.

Lin Ze: “Thank you, thank you…”

Standing by the flower bed, Lin Ze thought of that doctor friend—they’d only met in passing. A year ago, Lin Ze had helped with a report on medical disputes, and the man had remembered his kindness all this time.

That afternoon, Zheng Jie went straight to work. Lin Ze took the day off and went home to sleep. The elevator dinged, and as Lin Ze stepped out, he froze.

The debt-collecting gangster was standing at their door. Lin Ze recognized him—the boss who’d brought two lackeys last time had come alone now. Since last night, Lin Ze’s brain had been in shutdown mode. Now, he didn’t even know how to feel. He just walked past the man.

“Is Zheng Jie home?” the gangster asked.

Lin Ze opened the door, thinking that since the gangster was here for money, it didn’t matter if he waited inside or outside. Zheng Jie would have to pay him either way. Locking him out wouldn’t help—better to invite him in and discuss it when Zheng Jie got home. 1,500 should be enough to send him away.

“Come in,” Lin Ze told him. “He’s not here.”

Lin Ze was smart, and the gangster wasn’t too surprised. He followed Lin Ze inside, looked around. “This is your and Zheng Jie’s place? You grew up together?”

Lin Ze hummed. “But he’s moving out soon.”

The gangster: “Why move? It’s a nice place.”

Lin Ze: “Because of you guys. We can’t even hide from you.”

The gangster: “We’re just trying to make a living.”

Lin Ze: “Why’d you come alone today? Where are your lackeys?”

The gangster: “Fuck, none of them are out working anymore.”

Lin Ze poured him a glass of water. From what Zheng Jie had said before, these gangsters weren’t the actual loan sharks—they were just hired by a loan company to collect debts. Everyone was just scraping by—no need to make enemies. He set the tea down in front of the gangster, who nodded. “Thanks. What do you do?”

Lin Ze: “I’m a journalist. Make yourself at home—I’m going to shower.”

“Hard work,” the gangster said.

Lin Ze went to his room and called Zheng Jie, almost hearing the sound of Zheng Jie spitting blood on the other end.

Lin Ze: “What do we do?”

Zheng Jie: “I really can’t come back right now, A’Ze. Just sleep, ignore him. Let him sit in the living room—I’ll give him money when I get back tonight.”

Lin Ze: “Okay.” He grabbed his clothes and went to shower. As soon as the hot water hit, he felt drowsy again, thoughts drifting to Xie Chenfeng. How many people had he infected? How many hookups had he had? Weiwei had only started warning people now, meaning Xie Chenfeng probably hadn’t been sleeping around too much…

He’d only been showering for a short while when he heard the door open and close with a bang. Lin Ze thought Zheng Jie was back and rushed out in his shorts, only to find the living room empty—the gangster was gone.

Lin Ze: “???”

The glass of water was half-empty. On the table were Lin Ze and Zheng Jie’s HIV test reports, with the informational pamphlet tucked between them now pulled out. Lin Ze immediately understood—the guy thought they were both gay and had AIDS, so he’d run off.

Lin Ze laughed alone for a long time, then called Zheng Jie. Between gasps of laughter, he explained what had happened and added, “You don’t have to come back.”

Zheng Jie cackled on the other end. The two of them laughed until they nearly died. That gangster probably wouldn’t be back for a long time.

Still chuckling, Lin Ze finished his shower, sat down, and opened QQ. Life really did find ways to sneak in laughter through hardship. Now, he could finally sit down and think about Xie Chenfeng.

He had to find Xie Chenfeng—otherwise, this would forever be a thorn in his heart. But he wouldn’t bring Zheng Jie. If Zheng Jie lost his temper and got into a fight, and Xie Chenfeng bit him… no amount of money would be enough to make up for that.

Lin Ze was silent for a long time. He needed to talk to Xie Chenfeng face to face. Earlier, everything had been chaos—he hadn’t had time to think. Now that things had settled, his mind was much clearer. He could think about this person logically.

First, he dialed the number Weiwei had given him. It was noisy on the other end. Weiwei answered, “Hello?”

Lin Ze: “It’s Dreamcloud Marsh, Ranran’s brother. I got tested today—negative.”

Weiwei responded, “That’s good. Congrats. Sigh.”

Lin Ze sensed that Weiwei was still somewhat worried—perhaps feeling a sense of responsibility and guilt deep down. “Can we talk? I’d like to buy you coffee. I want to find him and talk about this.”

Weiwei replied, “I’ve been trying to find him too, but I can’t. Do you have any ideas?”

“Let’s talk in person.”