BCRD 13

Is it because of the sharp edge in his voice?

“While mentioning you.”

“……!”

“Director Baek, you seem to be having a lot of fun these days? How does a young kid’s cunt taste? Is there something different about the one attached to you? Well, I suppose he’s no ordinary thing, seeing how our Director Baek is even spending his money to support him. Is that why? I’m getting greedy too? You know my tastes are a perfect match with yours, Director Baek. Looking at the photo, he seems so fresh and green, he must be delicious. What do you say, will you lend him to me? Or should I just go ahead and devour him myself? You know how it is with me, Director Baek, don’t you? If I want to eat something, I eat it no matter what. If you don’t like that, then give me something else to chew on so my mouth isn’t bored.”

The content, recited in a monotone voice without any inflection, was terribly disgusting. The thought that someone I did not even know the face of had lewdly toyed with me was enough to make me want to vomit. The hardest thing to bear was the shame that came from the fact that Baek Sahyeon-ssi had heard those words directly.

“It was obvious what he wanted. It was at a level where I could have just ignored it and let it pass. It means he wasn’t even worth responding to. But… my hand just went for that bastard on its own.”

Haha, a self-mocking laugh was added at the end.

“First, I grabbed his hair. Like this.”

Suddenly, his hand bent like a hook and seized my hair.

“Ugh!”

A groan escaped me from the sudden pain.

He paid me no mind and continued speaking, a bitter smile on his lips.

“Then I smashed his head right onto the table. That’s how a first strike usually goes. The purpose is to shatter their spirit from the get-go. So they won’t even dare think about or try to fight back.”

“Ugh, hngh….”

It hurt. It was not just at the level where it felt like my hair was being pulled out, but to the extent that it felt like my scalp was being torn. But what I felt more strongly than the pain was bewilderment. Because this was clearly an act of violence.

Nevertheless, I endured it quietly without resisting. It was because I was aware that he was in an abnormal state right now. It would be difficult to shake off this hand even if I struggled anyway, and nothing good would come from provoking him further with pointless resistance.

“His forehead was torn, and the flesh was dangling. He was bleeding profusely, but somehow, even that bastard’s smell of blood was foul. The problem was that there was something more annoying than the smell. The screaming. I can’t stand loud noises.”

I forcibly swallowed the groan that had risen to the back of my throat. I was afraid. I was afraid that he, who detested loud noises, would also find my groans annoying.

“What else could I do? I had to make him shut up. To do that, I had to give him something to chew on. I was wondering what would be good, and just then, something suitable caught my eye. A glass. I broke it immediately and shoved the fragments into his mouth. To make it easy to swallow. Even getting my own hand hurt in the process. But that bastard dared to make a fuss, trying to spit it out. So, I blocked his mouth.”

His hand, which had been gripping my hair, now moved down and covered my mouth.

“Like this.”

The thick smell of blood flooded into my nose and mouth.

“I gave you something else so your mouth wouldn’t be bored, so just shut up and eat it.”

My breathing became ragged. It was not just because my airway was blocked. It was because of the deepening fear.

Actually, this was not the first time I had witnessed his violent nature. Long ago, had I not seen with my own two eyes the sight of him ruthlessly trampling my hyung? However, I had never encountered such abnormal madness. Yes, this was the first time.

“But he still struggled, saying he didn’t want it. I don’t know if he was being overly insolent, or if he hadn’t fully grasped the situation……. Anyway, there’s only one way to discipline bastards like that. To teach them properly. That the more you act up, the only thing you’ll gain is loss. If words don’t work, then with hands, and not just on the head, but on the body too.”

A chilling laugh was added at the end.

“I touched up his face a bit and made him properly grasp the situation and his place. In the end, he swallowed it all. But even then, I didn’t feel any better. I asked again. What else he wanted to eat. What more I had to stuff into that mouth that spits out whatever it wants for us to both be satisfied. Tongue? Fingers? Or, cock?”

The sense of unease deepened beyond measure. The him I was looking at felt so unfamiliar. It was as if he was a different person with a similar face, not Baek Sahyeon-ssi. It must have been because of the deepening fear.

“I waited for a long time, but there was no answer. His throat must have been properly torn, because he couldn’t make a sound and only coughed up bloody foam. So I had no choice but to choose for him. With cock.”

The hand that had been covering my mouth moved down again. Chin, nape, collarbone, chest, stomach, and…….

“……!”

All the way between my legs.

“So that he couldn’t secretly shove it in here, I cut it off and stuffed it in his mouth.”

Suddenly, he grabbed my genitals. Very, very hard.

“Ahk!”

It was the most private part of my body. A place I myself did not touch much except when washing was stimulated by another’s hand, and an indescribable pain surged up.

I gasped for breath and shifted my body. I had tried not to resist, but this time, I could not help it. Even so, the hand lodged between my legs did not come away. Rather, it only dug deeper. Like a snake slithering to find a burrow.

“How was it. Do you think I did a good job?”

My mind went blank from the unbearable pressure, and I could not properly register what he was saying. Even in the midst of it all, I knew for certain that I must not deny his words or offer a counterargument right now.

I nodded my head indiscriminately. As if responding to my submissive reaction, he let a voice laced with laughter flow into my ear.

“That’s right, I think I did a good job too. It was quite fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt any excitement from grinding up a human body, whether by stabbing it with a knife or crushing it with my fists, but today was different. Was it because it was the first time I’d cut off a man’s raw cock? Or was it because it was a cock that would have been shoved into your hole if I had left it alone?”

The increasingly cruel words seemed to contain a potent venom. That poison, resembling a chill, entered me through my ears and froze my body. Soon, my body began to tremble.

“But why are you trembling like this? You said I did a good job. Huh?”

Hngh……. The only thing that came from between my finely trembling lips was a groan that resembled a sob. He, who was staring at me intently, changed the question.

“Are you scared of me?”

This time, I answered. By nodding my head.

Ha, he let out a sound that could have been a laugh or a sigh. And he finally pulled his hand out from between my legs. Instead, he gripped my chin firmly and pulled. My head was forced to turn, and my gaze met his more deeply.

After scrutinizing my face for a moment, he muttered under his breath.

“Yes. This is right. You should be scared. You shouldn’t be acting like a puppy looking at its owner, but looking at me like I’m some trash you can’t even associate with, that’s what’s right.”

No. This time, I wanted to deny it. Because I did not think of him as trash I could not associate with. Being scared… yes, that was true. But I did not feel like I wanted to avoid him or get away from him. What I was scared of was the situation, not the person named Baek Sahyeon. Those two things were clearly different.

But he, who had arbitrarily interpreted and concluded my feelings, did not give me a chance to explain. Instead, he laid bare his inner thoughts that he had not revealed until now.

“Haejin-ah, the truth is, every time you look at me as if I’m some kind of savior… my stomach twists.”

With a bitter smile.

“It was fun at first. I even enjoyed it quite a bit. But now it just feels disgusting. It’s fucking shitty. I feel like a conman. A fucking bastard of a conman trying to pull a fast one to fuck a clueless kid just once.”

That’s not true.

“I know what kind of person the me in your head is. I know even better that it’s just an illusion.”

That’s not it.

“I am not a good person. I’m not a savior, nor a saint. I’m just a fucking gangster. A gangster who does anything if it makes money, tears apart anyone who gets in my way, and gets rid of everything that’s unnecessary.”

You’re different to me.

“That’s why your hyung died. Because he caused me a loss. Not because of you.”

I still don’t care.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I understood. But understanding did not mean acceptance. His words, riddled with pessimism, only invoked a rebellious spirit in me, not compliance.

Yes, I knew. That objectively, he was not a good person. I also knew very well that he had killed my hyung simply as a result of pursuing profit. But regardless of the intention, my hyung’s absence brought me peace. In that context, my hyung’s death was no different from salvation for me.

Therefore, it was true that he had saved me. This was a fact and a truth that would not change no matter how much he denied it.

“If I were really your savior, I wouldn’t have let you come and go from that dump on the pretext of paying back money.”

But you did not reach out to me either.

“If I were really a person who cared for you, I would have just let you go instead of handing you a card. Leaving nothing behind, no pretext for interference or room for us to meet.”

But he did not forcibly hold me back either. Hadn’t he, on the contrary, left me alone to the point that I sometimes felt disappointed?

“If I were really a good person… I wouldn’t have imagined laying you under me every night and ramming my cock into you.”

……What?

For a moment, I doubted my ears. My brain, which had been unconsciously forming rebuttals, was also shocked and froze temporarily.

“I know that, but I can’t help it. Since I can’t, in the end, I become a bad guy to you too.”

Why?

“But you don’t see my true self. It’s not that you don’t know. You’re just trying not to see it. You put on a facade that you need, and you only look at the illusion you’ve created. That bothers me. It makes me angry. It’s so fucking shitty. To the point where sometimes I want to strangle you.”

Strangely, what he was saying right now, to my ears…….

“Haejin-ah, you….”

So, to me…….

“You constantly make me aware that I’m trash. You make me regret the process that made me this way.”

…it sounded like a confession.

“That’s why you carelessly blabber that you can do anything with me, yet you don’t let me actually lay a hand on you.”

That he liked me.

It might be a misunderstanding. It could be that my desire to get closer to him had arbitrarily distorted it. But I could not interpret it any other way. Everything he had said so far, in my mind, culminated only in the meaning that he liked me.

The fear that had been consuming my body gradually changed to excitement. The chill that made my body tremble also changed to warmth.

I raised my hand, which had been hanging limply. And I grabbed his hand that was holding my chin and carefully tried to pull it down. His hand, which hadn’t moved at first, finally came away after three attempts.

With my lips finally free, I said.

“Mister, do you… want to touch me?”

His eyebrow twitched. As if he had been caught off guard. To me, that reaction sounded like a ‘yes’.

“Even now?”

“…….”

I asked twice. That meant he had two chances to deny it. Yet, in the end, he did not deny it. The opposite of denial is affirmation. In other words, his silence was the same as admitting his desire to touch me.

“Then. You… can touch me.”

I of course knew what the ultimate meaning of ‘touching’ was. It was sex. The act of joining the most intimate parts of the body.

He let out a dry laugh at my clumsy seduction. He seemed dumbfounded that I was approaching him even more instead of backing away. Perhaps he was treating my words as some kind of worthless bluff.

Honestly, it was true that I had said it impulsively. But I was sincere. Even if he were to touch me right now, even if he tried to spread my legs and shove his cock into me like he said before, I was okay. I had no intention of refusing.

To prove my sincerity, I pulled his hand and placed it on my chest. With my other hand, I caressed his cheek. And I said.

“If Mister touches me, I’ll touch you too.”

“…….”

“I said it’s okay, so you’re not doing anything bad.”

“…….”

“So even if you touch me now, Mister is not a bad person.”

Rather, if he did nothing to me right now, that would be the bad thing.

If he ultimately rejected me when I was coming on to him this much, then he would be the one who becomes the bad person.

His hand on my chest twitched. The hand that had so boldly gripped my genitals earlier was now only hesitating. So I approached first again. I lifted my hips, raised my upper body, tilted my head up, and moved toward him. And finally, our lips touched.

Soft and warm.

That was the first sensation of a kiss I felt.

Led by the desire to feel more, I slightly parted my lips. Then, through the opened gap, his body scent, carrying the smell of alcohol, flowed in. It was sweet. Extremely so.

Wanting to taste more, I unconsciously pushed my head forward. Our lips rubbed together more deeply. It was then. As if a tightly held rein had been let loose, he lunged at me.

“Eut!”

My head, pushed back helplessly, snapped back. My mouth naturally opened wider, and a thick piece of flesh flooded in. There was no room to breathe.

“Eumm, hngh…!”

The tongue that filled my mouth dug into my throat and roughly rubbed the mucous membrane. The stimulus, the first I had ever experienced, planted a fluffy ember in my mind. The ember soon began to pop and explode, and the world before my eyes spun. I was so dizzy I closed my eyes.

After crushing my throat, the roof of my mouth, and the inside of my cheeks in order, his tongue entangled with mine. Tongue against tongue rubbed quickly. The mixed fluids constantly flowed down my throat.

Unable to withstand the force pushing me, my body finally began to fall backward. My back, shoulders, and the back of my head touched the leather seat in sequence. Then, his body, looming over me, pressed down as if to trap me.

In the meantime, the ember born from the stimulation spread throughout my body like a wildfire. It was ticklish. Soon, even a sizzling, boiling sensation arose. The ember then went down to my lower body. My genitals became hard without even being touched, and my thighs tensed up on their own. I squeezed my legs tightly, trapping his lower body between my thighs.

Unfortunately, the excitement did not last long. It was because of the car body that suddenly lurched and shook. The jolt from passing over a speed bump knocked on my consciousness as if it were knocking on a door.

“……!”

Reason, which I did not even know when I had lost, reasserted its presence. As soon as I realized we were in a car, and not just Baek Sahyeon-ssi and me but with another person in the space, I grabbed his shoulders with both hands and pushed him away. Fortunately, he did not push further and paused.

Soon, his lips pulled away. I let out a long breath that had been trapped in my mouth.

“Haah…!”

After pulling his lips away, he just looked down at me without a word. His eyes were calm and uninhibited. It seemed as if he was displeased that I had pushed him away, and also as if he was confused by the kiss we had shared.

A moment later, he tried to raise his upper body. As if he was not going to touch me anymore. I was flustered. I had only wanted him to pause for a moment, not to stop completely. Afraid that the distance that had finally narrowed would widen again, I quickly reached out my hand. And, clutching his shirt, I hurriedly whispered.

“Ho, home! Let’s do it… at home.”

The area under his eyes twitched.

Feeling anxious that he did not readily agree, this time I pleaded more explicitly.

“I… want to keep going.”

“…….”

“Don’t you, Mister?”

His earlier silence seemed to mean affirmation, but now, I did not know. I did not try to figure it out. I did not have the luxury to. I just wished he would answer quickly. That he was the same as me. That he wanted to continue.

It was after a period of time, one I could not even gauge whether it was long or short, had passed. His lips, which had been still, finally moved.

“Jongsu-ya.”

It was an unfamiliar name. There was no need to find out whose name it was. For the driver, who had been erasing his presence until now, had revealed his existence for the first time.

“Yes, hyung-nim.”

Following the respectful response, Baek Sahyeon-ssi’s command followed.

“Go to Seocho-dong.”

---

The car, after driving for a long time, arrived at the apartment where Baek Sahyeon-ssi lived. While we were moving, my attention was so focused on him that I did not even know what scenery was passing by the car window, but when I came to my senses, we were in the underground parking lot.

He, who had been leaning his head against the seat with his eyes closed the whole time, opened his eyes as soon as the car stopped. I thought he might have fallen asleep, but I guess not.

“Are you alright, hyung-nim. If you’re not feeling well, I can escort you to your…….”

His subordinate, who was watching him through the rearview mirror, carefully spoke. He dismissed the offer with a light wave of his hand and got out of the car right away. I dazedly followed him out of the car. From behind me, his subordinate’s farewell of “Please go in safely” followed.

Even as we headed from the underground parking lot to the elevator, he did not give me a single glance. But I could tell that his indifference did not mean a lack of interest. I could feel instinctively that although his gaze was not on me, his nerves were stretched solely toward me.

I trailed behind him as he walked looking only ahead. It was a sight that, if anyone saw, they would have thought looked like a puppy following its indifferent owner.

Soon, we arrived at the elevator. He, who entered first, turned his body. Our eyes naturally met.

“…….”

“…….”

We looked at each other quietly for a moment.

Suddenly, I realized. That he was giving me a chance. And also that if I were to take a step back here, he would not hold me back.

If I wanted to stop, I had to stop here. I should not get on the elevator, but turn around and go to my own home. Despite knowing that, I walked forward. I stepped into the elevator and stood next to him.

I faintly heard the sound of wind. It also sounded like a sigh, and also like a laugh. What was certain was that it was a sound he had made.

His hand pressed a button. Soon the doors closed, and the elevator moved. A silence hung in the air as we went up. The tension contained within it was clearly tinged with a sexual energy. One that was on the verge of exploding.

The elevator, which ascended without pause, stopped when it reached the 45th floor. This time too, he got off first, and I diligently followed behind.

His steps stopped in front of the door located at the very end of the hallway. Beep, beep, beep……. A series of short button sounds echoed. The inside of my thighs twitched in time with the sound. I could feel my lips getting parched as well.

After eight button sounds, the door lock was released and the door opened. He gestured at me with his chin. It meant I should go in first.

After hesitating for a moment, I passed him and stepped through the open door. As soon as I entered the foyer, the sensor light turned on, and the dark surroundings brightened up. At the same time, two sets of footsteps sounded behind me, then, SLAM! A heavy noise echoed. I flinched my shoulders in surprise and was turning around to look back at that moment.

“Uuht!”

He roughly snatched my chin and pressed his lips against mine. My head and waist bent back in sequence from the aggressive contact, and I lost my balance. A firm arm supported my body, which had been stumbling and about to collapse helplessly.

“Eup, euu….”

Flesh and tongue rushed into my parted mouth without restraint. I just took it all in 정신없이. From the kiss, which was rougher than the one we had shared in the car, my breath quickly ran out.

My body, unable to handle the force pushing against it, started to be pushed back. My legs took steps backward on their own, regardless of my will. I could not hold on at all, as it was overwhelming just to swallow the saliva that was continuously coming over.

Fortunately, my unstable steps stopped after a short while. It was because at some point, he had grabbed my hips and lifted me up. Suddenly, the height of my gaze changed, and our deeply locked lips separated slightly. My two legs, floating in the air, wrapped around his waist on their own. My hands, which had nowhere to go, naturally gripped his shoulders.

The parted lips soon pressed together again. He moved while holding me. He was moving while holding not a little girl, but a grown man, and even with one hand injured, there was not the slightest waver in his steps.

My body, floating in the air, was soon thrown down as if being tossed. What touched my back was a soft mattress. I knew without having to check.

Chup, his lips, which had been clinging wetly, pulled away with a moist sound. I opened my eyes, breathing heavily. What I could see through my blurry vision was him, taking off his shirt while his gaze was fixed on me.

In an instant, the shirt was stripped from his body. It was dark, so I could not see well, but I could tell well enough from the silhouette alone. That it was a body tightly packed with muscle, without a single bit of fat. The feeling was completely different from when he was fully clothed. If his body line in a suit gave off the slender feeling of a meticulously managed model, his true form with the outer layer stripped off was like a beast harboring wildness. It looked that big and rough.

Gulp. The saliva that was still left in my mouth went down with a sound. The visual stimulation from his starkly revealed body was considerable. It was even more so because he had undressed for sex with me. In a word, it was lewd. Perhaps because of that, I could feel my lower body getting stiff.

Embarrassed that my penis was showing signs of erection without even being touched, I closed my slightly parted legs. But his hand grabbed both of my knees and instead spread them wide apart. Not only that, but he even shoved his lower body between my spread legs with a thud.

“Eut!”

Something hard rubbed against my crotch. It was his penis. Realizing this, my whole body froze for a moment. My mind knew it was a natural act in the flow of things, but because it was my first time experiencing it, I could not help but be flustered.

“…….”

He looked down at me for a while with a blank face, then suddenly pulled his hips back and pushed them forward again. Thud. His lower body dug in deeply, as if striking the inside.

“Eut!”

My surprised body trembled on its own. It felt as if a sensation that was hard to describe had struck my body with all its might. I could also feel the ember in my body swelling to its limit.

Again, thud! He slammed his lower body into my crotch in the same way as before. With a deep gaze that made it hard to tell whether the intention was observation or voyeurism.

After that, he moved his hips several more times, and the stimulated penis transmitted pain to my brain. It was not because it hurt. It was because it was frustrating.

“Ah, ahh, ha…!”

It was an indirect contact with clothes in between. Yet, every time he drove his lower body, a strong sexual sensation that surpassed a kiss was driven into my body. The problem was that I was not used to sexual sensations. So I was surprised every time I was struck, and even felt fear at the ember called excitement that grew without limit.

“Ah, ajeos… Mister…!”

Unable to bear it any longer, I grabbed his arm and begged. I did so without even knowing what I was asking for. As if he had interpreted my plea in a certain way, he suddenly pulled his lower body back.

Was he going to stop?

An indistinct feeling, not knowing whether it was relief or disappointment, consumed my mind. But as if to mock this, he stripped off my pants in the blink of an eye.

“……!”

My erect penis was starkly revealed to the outside… no, to his sight.

I bit my lip. My face grew hot, as if it were on fire. It was not just anywhere, but my penis. And it was even erect. Even though I had prepared myself, I could not help but feel ashamed.

He looked down at my penis for a long time. I could not guess at all from his expression what kind of impression he, who had probably never been with a man before, was feeling as he looked at my penis. It was a relief, at least, that he did not seem to be displeased.

Separately, my shame only deepened as time went on. Instead of getting used to his gaze, it only became uncomfortable. Unable to bear it any longer, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and tried to pull it down to cover my penis. But, he was faster.

“Ah?”

Suddenly, he touched my penis. It was not just a touch. He grabbed it, tight. I was so surprised that my body trembled like it had been struck by lightning. I had already experienced a similar act in the car, but this time, the feeling was completely different. The sensation of it striking my bare skin directly was so unfamiliar. It did not feel like this even when I touched it with my own hand.

It did not end there. The tips of his fingers began to gently scratch the surface of my penis. My toes curled up on their own. It hurt but it was ticklish… a strange sensation ran through me, to the point where I wondered if this was what it felt like to be bitten by a small bug.

“Haeuh….”

I let out a groan, squeezing my thighs without realizing it. The stimulation to my penis grew stronger and stronger. As was perhaps the natural course of things, the urge to ejaculate came with it. All my nerves shot down to my lower body in an instant.

“Ahng… ha….”

Just a little more… more…….

The sense of rejection that arose from the unfamiliarity had melted away like snow, and I was now only chasing the sensation needed for ejaculation. Feeling like something was missing by a hair’s breadth, I closed my eyes and even moved my hips. I had rubbed my penis more strongly against his palm myself.

It was just before the missing hair’s breadth was filled. He suddenly took his hand off my penis. In a moment of overwhelming disappointment, I opened my eyes and looked up at him resentfully. His lips came down toward me. I impulsively turned my head and avoided them. I was throwing a tantrum because he was not giving me what I needed. He chuckled as if it were pathetic and grabbed my chin. Then he shoved his tongue inside haphazardly.

“Eueup!”

I could not even try to push him away and swallowed his tongue. In the midst of the chaos, I could sense him taking off his pants.

Suddenly, he lowered his lower body sharply. Something touched my neglected penis. It was not a hand. It was hotter, harder, and bigger. A shiver ran through my body, which had recognized its identity before my head did.

Thump, thump. He moved his hips. His penis and mine stuck together like magnets and rubbed deeply. The sensation of the hot skin and the rough pubic hair was clearly felt on the part that had become extremely sensitive. It had been stimulating enough when he touched it with his hand, but being touched by a penis was even more so.

No, it was to the point where a comparison was impossible.

“Eung, euh… eumm….”

My breath, wet with excitement, mixed clammily with saliva in my mouth. The urge to ejaculate, which had been ignited again, seemed to burn not only my body but also my reason completely.

After toying with the inside of my mouth enough, his parted lips went down, tracing my chin and the nape of my neck in order. Then, they finally reached my nipple. Suck. He sucked the flesh once with his lips. Then he even put it completely in his mouth and sucked it hard.

“Haeut!”

I reflexively grabbed his hair. The area that had no presence until now had now become as sensitive as my penis and brought in a sharp sensation.

“Aaaaah…!”

He toyed with my nipple while at the same time increasing the speed of his hip movements. As the dry skin rubbed fiercely, a stinging pain arose. I wondered what I would do if the skin peeled off, but I did not want to stop.

“Hngh… Ah, haa… Ah.”

High-pitched moans burst out endlessly from the stimulation coming from above and below. My mind was bleaching white. Ejaculation was not far off. I could feel it instinctively.

When the escalating sensation finally crossed the line, I thrashed my head from side to side.

“Mister, hngh, Mister is….”

Finally, as if heralding ejaculation, a clear fluid began to leak out. The dry skin and pubic hair slowly got wet. The sound coming from below also became more viscous.

Before long, a sensation like an electric current shot up my spine and pierced my brain.

“Aah!”

I squeezed my eyes shut. At the same time, semen burst from the head of my penis.

“Haaaah….”

The orgasm that exploded with the ejaculation swept through my entire body. It felt like small sparks were popping all over my body. I did not know what to do and just thrashed about, letting out moans, but he rubbed my lower abdomen, which was stained with semen, with his palm. I knew in the very next moment that it was a kind of prelude.

“Ah!”

I suddenly felt a foreign object between my buttocks. Something had touched the tightly closed hole. It did not take long to realize that the hard but moist object was Baek Sahyeon-ssi’s finger.

The finger rubbed the entrance of the hole deeply. As if signaling that it was going to enter. Unfortunately, what that signal brought was a tension close to fear.

“Aeu…!”

Regardless of my will, my body tensed up completely. As the muscles all over my body contracted, the hole naturally tightened inward. But as if to mock this, he suddenly thrust his finger in.

“Wait… Euk!”

I shuddered at the unfamiliar foreign sensation. My body shot up as if it had been jolted. But he pressed down on my lower abdomen, forcing my movement. The finger that had been hooked at the entrance came deeper inside.

“Ahk!”

I screamed, moving my hips at the deepened foreign sensation. Yet the finger that had entered without permission only dug into the tight inner walls without a moment’s hesitation.

“Eut…!”

Soon, another finger entered without any warning. Naturally, the foreign sensation accompanied by pain grew even stronger.

“Euh….”

Two fingers spread the hole to the sides. I could feel the movement of the fingers, forcibly piercing and opening the inside, so starkly. I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I was going crazy because it hurt, and I felt like I was going crazy because I was ashamed.

“Hngh… eu, haeuh….”

I sobbed, thrashing like a bug pinned by a thumbtack. Even in the midst of it, I could feel his deep gaze. I could not not know that I was being watched by him.

The fingers that had been mercilessly piercing the inside suddenly pulled out. But there was no time for relief. Because he immediately pressed his lower body against me.

“Ah?”

Before the hole could close completely, something suddenly came inside. I quickly sat up and checked what was stuck below. What had entered by spreading was the tip of a thick and long penis. I could only see the outline, but I knew it was incomparably larger than mine.

“Euh…!”

It hurt. It was not to the point where I could not bear it, but the problem was that this was only a prelude to the pain I would have to endure. Realizing this, a fear that was hard to describe rushed over me. The fear that stemmed from the pain of an insertion that surpassed imagination, the anxiety of an unfamiliar experience accompanied by pain, made his penis feel like a weapon made of a lump of iron.

Scared.

No.

In the end, I started to grab his shoulders and push him away.

“Ah, Mister, wait a minute… Hngh, just a minute….”

I could not take a man’s penis any longer. I did not have the confidence to endure a pain beyond imagination that I could not even fathom. I only now realized that, unlike my mind, my body was not yet ready.

But what came back to my rejection was a merciless invasion.

Thrust! His thing came in even deeper. Along with it, a strong pain made me let out a tear-filled scream.

“Aaaaah! Stop…! It hurts…! I said it hurts, heuk, I mean it…!”

Finally, I started hitting his body with my fists. At the more active rejection than before, he finally paused. But there was no sign of him pulling out his penis.

Afraid that he might suddenly enter deeper again like before, I begged once more.

“Mister… please stop, okay? It hurts… It’s because it hurts, hngh, because it hurts….”

“…….”

“It, it’s not because I don’t like it. So, euh, next, next time… if we do it next time… can’t we?”

It was true. I was definitely not pushing him away because I disliked it. Fear and dislike could coexist, but the two did not have the same meaning. In this case, it was clear which one it was. It was fear.

I was foolish. No, I was arrogant.

I did not know that receiving another person’s penis with my body was not an easy thing. I did not know that sex with a man was not something that was possible with just impulse. I did not know that not just the mind, but the body also needed a certain amount of preparation.

Because I did not know, I took it too lightly.

“Heuk… I’m sorry… I’m sorry….”

Physiological tears flowed endlessly down my temples.

I, who had told him he could touch me, who had even walked here on my own, was now pushing him away, and I felt pathetic myself. But I could not help it. Right now, I could not… no, I could not accept a man’s penis any longer.

It was around the time when my crying had subsided a little after some time had passed. He pulled his hips back and took out the head. Then, the spread-open hole, as if it had been waiting, found its place and closed inward. The nerves that had been on high alert also seemed to calm down a bit.

Haah, a laugh like a sigh fell upon me. Soon after, his body suddenly collapsed as if the power had been cut off, and overlapped with mine without a gap.

He buried his face in the nape of my neck and muttered under his breath.

“See. I told you it wouldn’t work….”

I had to say, no, that it was only for today, that I was just surprised because it was my first time, so I could do better next time. But the only thing that came out of my choked throat was a residual whimper.

Fortunately, he did not try to touch me again. Even after a long time, he just breathed warm breaths with his face buried in my nape, as if he were asleep. However, the excitement I felt from his lower body pressed against mine, the heat that did not cool for a long time, told me. That he was forcibly holding back for my sake.

I had dozed off and then suddenly woke up.

The surroundings were still dark. I did not know if it was because the day had not yet broken, or because of the blackout curtains.

Baek Sahyeon-ssi was lying next to me. Judging by his regular breathing, he seemed to be asleep. I just turned my head and watched him sleep quietly. It was dark so I could not see well, but his outline and presence were enough.

He, who had been breathing evenly, at some point tossed and turned, placing his injured arm on his forehead. The faint smell of blood reminded me of the bandage wrapped around his hand.

“…….”

The smell of blood was quite bothersome to just leave it be. After contemplating what to do, I slowly sat up and looked around. Soon, I found a mood lamp on the bedside table. When I fumbled for the switch, the light turned on immediately. A dim light spread, and my vision finally cleared up.

I lowered my gaze and began to properly check Baek Sahyeon-ssi’s condition. His forehead was slightly furrowed as if he had sensed the light, but his eyes were still closed. There was no sign of him waking up. By the way, now that I looked, he was properly wearing his underwear and pants. Just in case, I lifted the blanket to check, and it was the same for me. I was properly dressed, not just my top but my bottoms as well. I did not remember putting on clothes or even covering myself with a blanket, so it seemed like he had tidied up. The absurd thing was that the blood-soaked bandage was left as it was. This was the most serious thing.

Sighing, I carefully took his hand and pulled it toward me. As soon as I unwrapped the bandage to check the wound, a deep sigh came out.

“Euh….”

The shape of the wound was worse than I had thought. As if to prove that what he had said earlier about breaking a glass and feeding him the fragments was true, the flesh was indeed torn in a long line from his palm to the blade of his hand. It was to the point where my own hand ached just from looking at it, and my brows furrowed on their own.

“It’s bad….”

I could not just leave it alone. I felt like I had to at least apply some ointment as a temporary measure.

I got off the bed and went on a search for ointment. But there was nothing to be found here. There was only a bed and a bedside table without drawers, so there was nowhere to look in the first place. I had no choice but to go out to the living room.

The living room was just as dark. It seemed the day had not yet broken.

First, I found the switch on the wall and turned on the light. Then, a living room incomparably larger than the one in my house filled my vision. Strangely, unlike my expectation that it would be as bleak as his office, the living room was quite full of the smell of a lived-in home. In addition to the basic items that would be in a living room such as a TV, sofa, floor lamp, coffee table, and a potted plant, several picture frames and large and small decorative items were harmoniously arranged in a pleasing manner. It was a sensuous interior that made one realize the past of the homeowner who had been an art student.

After a short look around, I first rummaged through the drawers that caught my eye. But no matter how much I rummaged, I could not find any medicine that could be used to treat a wound. Shouldn’t there at least be some ointment in the house? Especially since he was a person with a profession closely related to violence…….

In the end, I could not find it, so instead, I went to the bathroom, wet a towel with water to at least wipe the blood, and returned to the room.

He was still sleeping with even breaths. His posture was the same as before, to the point where I was a little worried because he was so still. I wondered if he had fainted……. For now, I carefully wiped the blood with the wet towel. He winced, as if he could feel the pain even in his sleep. It was better than no reaction at all.

After I finished wiping his hand, I rested my arm on the bed, propped my chin, and watched him sleep. In the midst of that, I suddenly remembered what had happened in this bed earlier.

“Ah….”

As I recalled it, my face heated up. It was understandable. Not only had I kissed him, but I had also rubbed our genitals together and even ejaculated. The fact that we had not actually had sex after all that was… should I say it was funny, or should I say it was absurd?

“Why did I do that?”

In the midst of the embarrassment, I became curious.

Why did I suddenly get scared? Why did I push him away? I had followed him knowing it would turn out like this……. I had been hoping it would turn out like this…….

“Haa….”

This time, I sighed not because I was embarrassed, but because I was tormented.

Really… I was so pathetic. To think that I trembled and cried over something like sex, really……. But it was really not because I disliked it. Absolutely not. It was just that it was so unfamiliar.

Actually, until then, the only skinship I had ever had with another person was just linking arms. I had not even masturbated often because I was tired. To the point where if I did it two or three times a month, I thought I had done it a lot. In other words, I had no tolerance for contact with others or sexual sensations at all. In that context, the fear I felt earlier might have stemmed not from pain, but from ignorance. Because I could not fathom what the sensation I would face after taking another person’s penis into my body would be like, because I did not know what the aftershock that would follow would be like, because I did not know how I… no, how my emotions would change after sex, that’s why I was scared.

And one more thing. …He was unfamiliar. The man I knew as Baek Sahyeon always had a refined atmosphere and a calm composure. But today’s him was different. He was rough, fierce, and cruel. He was like a beast that moved following only instinct, not a human who moved according to reason. The unfamiliarity I felt from that Baek Sahyeon-ssi might also have been a cause of my fear. Don’t people say that humans unconsciously guard against things they do not know or are unfamiliar with? I must have been like that earlier too.

Therefore, the emotion at the root of my rejection was fear, not disgust. This was clear. Therefore, I hoped he would not misunderstand.

“Mister, I really didn’t push you away earlier because I disliked it. Absolutely not.”

Hoping my true feelings would reach his subconscious, I belatedly made an excuse.

“I won’t do that next time. I promise.”

If the fear arose from unfamiliarity, the solution was actually simple. I just had to get used to it. And to get used to it, I had to experience it several times. Since I had this experience today, wouldn’t I be able to do better next time? …No, I would be able to do better.

“So please touch me again. I’ll do better then.”

At least, I would not act as pathetically as I did today.

At least, I wanted to show a better side of myself than today.

At least, I did not want to end it with today.

Really.

Dawn passed and the day broke. This time too, I was the one who woke up first. I had fallen asleep without even knowing when, and was forcibly awakened by the ray of light that pierced through the gap in the curtains.

As soon as I woke up, I yawned and unconsciously patted my back. Perhaps because I had fallen asleep with only my upper body leaning, without even lying down on the bed, my back was incredibly stiff. After I had come to my senses to some extent, I rummaged through my overcoat that was scattered on the floor and checked my phone.

“Ah, I’m going to be late….”

The current time was 7:50. Today was a day I had a lecture from 9 o’clock. I had heard yesterday that this was Seocho-dong, so if I wanted to make it to class, I had to move from now.

But it felt a bit wrong to leave without saying goodbye, so I hesitated, unable to move readily. But he did not seem to be waking up at all. It was not like I could forcibly wake him up either, so I waited a little longer and finally, reluctantly got up when it was 30 minutes before the first lecture.

“I’m going to school now. Please just have a good day today. Don’t fight with anyone… and don’t get hurt like this.”

At my softly spoken farewell, his eyelids twitched. It really seemed like a reaction to hearing my voice. Was he going to wake up? I looked at him with expectation. But it was in vain. His eyelids just remained quiet.

I was disappointed, but it was okay since we would be meeting again soon anyway. I leaned in close to his ear and let out a farewell that was close to a wish. Let’s meet again.

💳

Two days later, Wednesday.

Today was the day I go to pay back my debt to Baek Sahyeon-ssi. In other words, it was also a day when I could be lazy because I did not have a part-time job.

I slept in until late, woke up, washed, and leisurely got ready to go out. There was not much to the preparation. Just picking out my clothes with more care than usual, and putting the necessary things in my backpack.

“I have my laptop, my phone is here too. The money is also…. Huh? Where did I put the money…. Ah, here it is.”

The most important thing, more than anything else, was the envelope of money. Just in case, I even opened the envelope and checked the amount again. Fortunately, it was the exact amount I remembered.

“Good. Now I’m done.”

After finishing the check, I closed the backpack and slung it over one shoulder. Finally, after checking my face one more time in the mirror attached to the front door, the hour-long preparation process was all over.