BCRD 18

“Seok-ga. Jaeil. Snake bastard…”

I unconsciously muttered the words that had particularly stuck in my ear. What on earth was the true nature of this feeling of déjà vu? I feel like I’ve heard them somewhere… but it just teases me, on the verge of remembering, without anything specific coming to mind. It felt as if a fog had settled in my head.

“Ah…”

Suddenly, my head throbbed. It seemed a headache had set in from wracking my brain while being tired and not sleeping.

Let’s sleep. Let’s just go to sleep. Let’s somehow force myself to sleep. Because if I don’t, tomorrow will be grueling.

After roughly scratching my face with both hands, I pulled the blanket over my head and started counting sheep. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep…

💳

“Hey.”

Unfortunately, my ominous premonition hit the mark. In the Maehwa room, where I had gone to take an order, I ran into that customer again. It had been four days.

“We meet again, newbie?”

The man, who was in a more sober state than last time as he hadn’t started drinking yet, spoke to me cordially as soon as he saw me. Was it a relief that he called me newbie instead of new merchandise? At least he was treating me like a person.

Since I couldn’t show my dislike, I maintained a forced smile with difficulty and carried out my duty.

“Hello. I will take your order. What would you like me to prepare for you?”

“Set up a big table. By the way, didn’t I tell you to dress up pretty before?”

In short, it meant to act like an entertainer. I didn’t respond to the worthless comment, and just bowed my head deeply.

“I will prepare the table for you. Please wait a moment…”

“Well, look at this? How dare you ignore a customer’s words?”

Perhaps because it wasn’t the reaction he had expected, the man openly picked a fight with me. I didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. This was because I hadn’t been trained on how to handle it when a customer makes a pass at me. I had no experience either.

As I was at a loss, another customer who had been just watching the situation suddenly intervened.

“Ah, you’re being so mean to the kid. Why are you picking a fight for no reason? It’s obvious he’s just an errand boy.”

The voice was slightly familiar. It seemed to be the customer who had come with that man four days ago.

“Don’t mind him and go do your work.”

Fortunately, he didn’t side with his companion’s provocation towards me but rather mediated. I didn’t miss the opportunity and quickly got up and fled the room.

However, I already knew. That it wouldn’t end here.

[Haejin-ssi, call from the Maehwa room.]

It was just as I expected. From then on, I was called to the Maehwa room without rest. Bring alcohol, bring cigarettes, change the ashtray, the side dishes are gone, clear the table, come and wipe the floor… I felt like I was called almost every 10 minutes, and it seemed that man was calling me on purpose. The manager must have noticed this too, as he once stopped me and said this.

“President Jeong seems to like you. Do a good job. He’s a bit mischievous, but he’s a person who gives good tips.”

He probably said it as a piece of advice, but it was utterly useless. I let it go in one ear and out the other. I didn’t want to suck up to a person like that just to get some tips.

When I was called to the Maehwa room again as it neared midnight, only that man, President Jeong, who according to the manager’s information gives good tips, was left. President Jeong grinned at me with an unpleasant face as I brought in the side dishes. He had something like a white stick in his mouth, which at a glance looked like a cigarette but was actually a drug called weed.

“Excuse me. The fruit platter you ordered…”

“Uh-huh, right. Bring it over here.”

President Jeong tapped the table with his finger. The spot he designated was right in front of him. But the table was so large that in order to place the plate there, I had to get close to President Jeong. I hated that, so I pretended not to understand, placed the plate in the very center of the large table, and immediately stepped back.

When I didn’t do as he wished, President Jeong’s expression immediately hardened.

“Tsk! What are you doing. I told you to bring it here. Here.”

Thump! Thump! President Jeong tapped the table with his finger more aggressively than before. It was both a prod and a threat. I wanted to just push the plate across, but it was obvious that would provoke a bigger fight, so I had no choice but to pick up the plate again and approach him.

It was when I placed the plate down in the spot President Jeong had pointed to with his finger.

“…!”

Suddenly, my waist was grabbed. Following that, a pulling force made my knees buckle and my body collapsed downwards. One of my buttocks ended up on the thigh of the man who was sitting cross-legged. Startled, I tried to lean my body to the side to escape. But I couldn’t because of the arm wrapped around my waist. President Jeong’s strength was as extraordinary as his sturdy build.

Hee hee, a laugh carrying a vile stench pierced my ears. It felt like an insect crawling inside. My heart pounded frightfully.

“Hey, please, let me go, let me go…!”

I pleaded, wriggling my body. But it was no use. Far from letting me go, President Jeong tightened his grip, pulling me closer, and spouted dog-like nonsense.

“Hey, you’ve been deliberately ignoring me, haven’t you? A young thing with no manners. When an adult says they’ll be nice to you, you should say thank you, where do you get off being so stuck-up. Tsk!”

Fuck. Biting my lip, I struggled to swallow the curse that almost burst out. Instead, my breathing grew rapid and ragged.

“By the way, how old are you. You’re not a minor, I hope… Around twenty? About that age? Am I right?”

Not wanting to tell him, I deliberately pressed my lips shut even tighter.

“Hey, you fucking bitch. Am I right?”

Thwack, thwack. A thick hand slapped my cheek. It didn’t hurt, but it was sufficiently disgusting. This time too, I didn’t answer and just breathed raggedly through my nose. At my attitude, which was defiant rather than submissive, President Jeong once again said, “Well, look at this?” Then he moved the hand that was on my waist and suddenly shoved it into my pants.

“…!”

It was a molestation that had crossed the line by a long shot. I didn’t know this, but it seems your body gets paralyzed when you’re too shocked. I couldn’t even think of pulling it out and just froze.

In that time, the man’s hand, which had delved deep into my crotch, grabbed my genitals. It didn’t stop there; verbal molestation followed.

“Wow, fuck. Look at this dick. It’s so plump, looks good to fuck.”

The shock from the filthy taunt was enormous. Thanks to that, I was finally able to break free from the paralysis.

I clenched my teeth and tried my best to grab the man’s arm and pull it out. But the hand stuck in my crotch wouldn’t budge. On the contrary, as if mocking me for trying to get away, the man squeezed my genitals even harder.

“Trying hard, aren’t you. Hey, you young thing. Stop pretending to be coy and just spread your legs. I’ll, huh? Stick it in your pussy nice and deep for you. You came all the way here to make money anyway, didn’t you? The bitches who work here, at first they all act innocent like you, but in the end, they suck dick and spread their pussies to get money. You think you’re different?”

I am different. I was different. Now and in the future, I would never sell my body to a stranger. I had no intention of doing so whatsoever. Yes. I needed money. It was also true that I had rolled all the way here to earn money. But I wasn’t so desperate as to have to act like a whore. I would rather work three part-time jobs a day again; I absolutely hated doing something like that.

“Should mister teach you something interesting? You don’t know how vicious the owner of this place is, do you? I’ve known that bastard since his days as a pimp for the girls working at the ten-percent bars in Gangnam. And he’s no ordinary guy. Even back then, he was the kind of bastard who would sweet-talk fresh young kids, promising to make them celebrities, and then offer them up to the establishment, that bastard. This place was set up with the money he earned from that. He’s probably spawned countless little ones too. The guy who stuck you in here probably got a hefty commission for it.”

If it’s the person who introduced me here… first of all, it wouldn’t be Jiho. He wasn’t in a difficult enough situation to have to make money by offering people up to a place like this, and his feelings for me were genuine. Then does that mean that sunbae named Hwang Jiwon got money by putting me in here through Jiho? I don’t know if it’s true, but for starters, that person must have known that this place was close to a decadent establishment. In that context, it wasn’t a completely nonsensical story.

“The ones who act as courtesans here? They’re the same. They’re all caught in that bastard’s spiderweb and can’t get out. You think you’d be any different? It’s just a matter of time. You’re destined to sell your dick and your hole, huh? To act like a whore, that’s what I’m saying. So if you’re going to do it anyway, let’s start now. Mister… no, oppa will pop your cherry for you nice and good.”

As soon as he finished speaking, a sticky sensation ran across my cheek. It felt like an insect full of mucus was crawling on my skin. It took a little time to realize that the man had licked my cheek with his tongue.

“Look at the taste of this skin. It’s so soft, so a young thing tastes good, huh?”

For a moment, I felt something snap in my head with a ping. My heart swelled as if it would burst, and my breathing became even more ragged.

“This is a secret, but I was the one who popped the cherry on the owner’s hole here too. You know the manager who follows him around? He’s his dildo, a dildo. A bastard who only looked for pussy got a real taste for dick thanks to me. That’s how good my dick is. I’ll make you get a taste for it too. You should know it’s an honor.”

Anymore… I really couldn’t take it anymore.

I impulsively reached out my hand towards the table. My hand touched a glass. I grabbed it immediately. And with all my strength, I smashed it against President Jeong’s head.

Thwack!

“Aaaaargh!”

A dull thud and a sharp scream echoed at the same time. Shards from the glass, which shattered on impact, flew in all directions, and blood flowed from my hand, which was cut by a sharp fragment.

“Th-this motherfucker! Motherfuuucker! Aaaargh!”

President Jeong spewed curses, clutching the forehead he had been struck on. In that gap, I used all my strength to push him away, got up from my seat, and ran outside.

When I got out into the hallway, I saw customers and employees. They must have come out after hearing the scream. Among them, an entertainer in a hanbok asked me.

“What? What’s going on?”

Even in the midst of it all, President Jeong’s curse-laden screams continued. I pushed past the people and ran forward again. I just ran without once looking back. I didn’t even have the presence of mind to worry about the aftermath. All I wanted was to get out of here.

💳

“You really caused quite a scene.”

After hiding in the dormitory the whole time, I was called to the president’s office after all business hours had ended. As the president said, I had caused a huge scene, so it could be considered a natural course of events.

“I’m sorry…”

“Yes, that’s right. It is something to be sorry for. What did I say the customer is in our establishment?”

“…”

The president did not ask for the reason why I attacked the customer. The reason why I did it was not important; the fact that I did it was what mattered.

“You were trained. Answer me. What is the customer?”

“…A king.”

“That’s right. A king who can do anything as long as he pays. The customer who got his head smashed in by you with a glass yesterday is no different. In fact, he is His Majesty the King, who is extremely particular about his tastes and temper.”

“…”

“Do you understand what that means?”

“…Yes.”

It meant this was not going to be resolved quietly.

It was understandable. I had hit his head hard enough to break a glass. Moreover, if he was a person with a temper, as the president said, he would be even less likely to let it go easily.

But I had something to say as well. Even though I knew the president wasn’t curious, I couldn’t hold back and revealed the reason for attacking the customer.

“That person sexually harassed me. I told him several times not to, but he forcibly touched me… I had no choice.”

“Is that so? You had a hard time. But you know. Was smashing his head in really the appropriate measure? I don’t think so. You should have refused as politely as possible.”

“That is…”

I refused verbally by telling him to stop, and I refused physically by pushing him away. By my standards, that was a sufficiently polite refusal. But none of it worked. What more should I have done? I admit that I took an extreme action, but was there any other way? No, even thinking about it again now, there wasn’t. From my perspective, that was the best and most appropriate measure, and therefore I didn’t regret it either. However, it was true that I had caused damage to the establishment, so I couldn’t be brazen in front of the president either.

“He got four stitches in his forehead. An hour ago, he called me and threw a huge fit, saying he wouldn’t leave you, me, and this whole establishment alone. He’s going to sue, is what it is. For your information, that person was called Mr. Prosecutor 10 years ago. Do you have any idea how much of a headache you’ve stirred up?”

Lawsuit. Prosecutor. My heart sank at the ominous words. No matter the circumstances, since I had injured a person, it would be difficult to get away without punishment.

I clasped my trembling hands together and swallowed a dry gulp of saliva. Meanwhile, the president found his electronic cigarette and put it in his mouth. Then, with a whoosh, as if sighing, he blew out smoke and said to me.

“What can we do. The deed is done, and now we just have to clean up the mess. I begged him to hold off on the lawsuit, but to shut that mouth, we’ll eventually have to give him what he wants.”

What that person wants?

With a feeling of ‘surely not,’ I cautiously asked.

“…What is that?”

The president narrowed his eyes and gave a suggestive smile.

“What do you think it is. You must have something that comes to mind.”

It meant that my ‘surely not’ was the correct answer.

I answered immediately.

“I don’t want to. I can’t do it.”

I had no intention of paying with my body. I would rather be sued than sell my body to a bastard like that.

At my firm and immediate answer, the president furrowed his brows.

“Is this the time for you to be saying you don’t want to or you like it?”

“I’ll just get sued.”

“In the event of causing damage to the establishment, Party B must do their utmost for an amicable resolution. That’s written in the contract you signed. You and my establishment being sued by a customer does not fall under an amicable resolution.”

That amicable resolution is just doing what President Jeong wants? Telling me to act like a whore? Of course, it was a solution I could not accept. If that had been possible, I wouldn’t have smashed his head with a glass in the first place.

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t do that.”

The only sexual act I had ever experienced was with Mr. Baek Sahyeon. And even that ended in an attempt. Let’s put that aside. Sex with a stranger? I had never even thought about it. Moreover, to have sex not just with a stranger, but with a repulsive person? The mere thought of it made me nauseous. If that person touched me again, I might vomit on the spot.

Tsk, the president clicked his tongue and let out criticism along with the smoke.

“You’re not making any sense. This is why kids these days are a problem. Can’t grasp the situation, don’t know how to take responsibility, only their own feelings matter.”

From my perspective, it was an unfair accusation. I had caused the trouble, but the one who created the problem in the first place was the other party. It was something that wouldn’t have happened if that bastard hadn’t sexually assaulted me. But the president was trying to make it seem as if I was the only one at fault, treating me like an inflexible, narrow-minded person. No matter how I thought about it, it was an unfair treatment, so I had no desire to surrender.

“…”

I reiterated my position with silence. It seemed there was no need to repeat the words ‘I can’t do it’ any further. The president, who had been staring at me as if to pressure me, suddenly put down his electronic cigarette and muttered.

“You’re a stubborn one too. Well, it can’t be helped.”

It was a sign that he was about to stop persuading me. Nevertheless, I felt uneasy. It was because I intuitively realized that it didn’t mean he would respect my wishes, but the opposite.

Beep, the president pressed a button on the phone. A dial tone rang a few times through the speakerphone and then cut off. Before the person on the other end could even react, the president stated his business first.

“Manager Gu, I think you need to educate this kid a bit. Come in and take him.”

「Yes, President.」

Education?

That word, which would normally not have made me think twice, now felt ominous. As if to confirm that it wasn’t just a feeling, the president immediately and kindly explained the meaning of education.

“Your name is… Ah, that’s right. Haejin. Yes, Haejin-ah. I’ve been rolling in this business for 12 years. In that time, I’ve been through all sorts of things, and met all sorts of people. Kids like you who have nothing to their name but their pride? It’s the same. You think I’ve only dealt with one or two of you?”

A faint smile was added at the end of his words. A shiver ran down my spine. It was because of the pure malice contained in the smile.

“What’s the best way to handle stubborn kids? The rod. The more stubborn you are, the more pain follows. You have to listen well for your body to be comfortable. If you teach them this, they eventually break. Let’s learn together this time why kids who grew up being beaten are particularly obedient.”

In short, it was a declaration that he would beat me until I listened.

My body began to tremble. The fear of violence, deeply engraved from my hyung’s abuse in the past, swelled up just from the warning.

I shook my head and took a step back. The president just watched with a smile. It was a leisure he could afford because he knew I couldn’t escape.

Soon, the door to the president’s office opened and the manager came in. The manager, whose impression was as fierce as Hyunki hyung-nim’s and who was just as large, approached me and immediately grabbed the scruff of my neck.

Watching me, whose movements were blocked, the president clasped his hands together, rested his chin on them, and drooped his eyebrows.

“Aah, look how scared he is. It breaks my heart. But what can you do? You have to clean up the mess you made, right? Follow the manager and receive your education well. I guarantee it, it will be of great help in your social life in the future. Ah, to be precise, in rolling around in this business.”

Suddenly, the words I had heard from President Jeong yesterday came to mind.

‘You don’t know how vicious the owner of this place is, do you?’

‘The ones who act as courtesans here? They’re all caught in that bastard’s spiderweb and can’t get out. You think you’d be any different?’

I knew then. That the president would inflict violence under the guise of education until he heard the answer he wanted from me. And that from the moment I gave the answer the president wanted, I would never be able to escape this world.

The pessimistic speculation brought forth a high level of fear.

I was scared. It felt like I had run into a monster after a long time. A monster bigger than my hyung, and incomparably more terrifying.

In other words, this place was a monster’s den.

Foolish me, I had only just realized it now.

I was dragged into a room that looked like a warehouse.

The manager, who had made me stand in a corner, wore a stone-like, rigid expression and first delivered a threat.

“There is only one way you can get out of here. From now on, you must answer yes to every question I ask.”

A question immediately followed.

“Are you going to do as the president says?”

I answered immediately without a moment’s thought.

“No.”

As soon as the words were out, thwack! The manager struck my head with his fist. It was a punishment for giving the wrong answer even though he had told me what the correct answer was beforehand.

After that, the same question and answer were repeated several times. Surprisingly, the physical violence was bearable. What was difficult to bear was the psychological violence. The anxiety from the unique confinement of the small, dark space and the pressure created by the threat of the large-bodied man were suffocating me. In particular, the manager’s actions of repeating the same question and violence with a blank face like a machine programmed with only one command were truly scary, to the point of being grotesque. As he had threatened earlier, it seemed he would not tire or stop until the answer ‘yes’ came out of my mouth.

The slaps, which had been bearable, became overwhelming after about twenty of them. The pain was one thing, but perhaps because only my head was being hit repeatedly, at some point I started to feel dizzy. Nevertheless, I did not utter the answer the manager wanted. It was only the pain that was dulling, not my stubbornness.

My tenacious stubbornness soon made even the manager’s machine-like expression crumble. It was when the manager, unable to bear it any longer, grabbed my neck as I was about to say no again. Suddenly, a click, the sound of the door, intervened.

The manager, still holding my neck, turned around. At the same time, the president’s voice was heard.

“Manager Gu, let me see you for a moment.”

Funnily enough, the appearance of the president who had cornered me felt incredibly welcome at this moment. It was because I thought the assault would stop, even for a little while.

“Yes.”

It was as I had expected. The manager, who let go of me, turned his back and walked outside. I unconsciously followed the manager’s back with my eyes. Then my eyes soon met the president’s. The president was looking at me with a strange expression.

Soon the door closed and the surroundings became dark again. Once I was alone, my legs gave out as if they had been waiting.

I collapsed to the floor, rested my forehead on my knees, and closed my eyes. Haaah… A heavy sigh escaped.

I felt as if I were trapped in a nightmare from which I could not wake.

As time went on, the concentration of darkness that had settled in the surroundings only deepened. The only light was what came through a small rectangular window, so as the day grew dark, the inside naturally grew darker as well.

When the violence stopped, the sense of fear that seemed to have subsided began to gnaw at the dark silence and once again swell in volume. My narrowed vision created the illusion that the already small space was becoming even smaller, and the darkness eventually felt like a straitjacket, constricting my body.

A long while later, click! Along with the sound of a switch, the surroundings suddenly brightened. A light I did not even know existed had turned on. I quickly lifted my head. Just then, the door opened and someone came inside. It was the president.

The president approached me, stopped right in front, and folded his arms. In that state, he just looked down at me without a word. I met his gaze and slowly got to my feet. There was no order to stand, but it felt like I should.

Once I stood up, our eye levels were more or less aligned.

The president, who had been staring at me wordlessly, finally opened his mouth after a long moment.

“Eight thousand.”

“……Pardon?”

“That’s the settlement money that man named. Can you pay it?”

It surely could not be 8,000 won… so then, 80 million won? It was a truly jaw-dropping amount. To me, who had only about 4 million won on hand and had struggled even to pay back 15 million, it was a sum that felt as colossal as a mountain. Mentally, I wanted to say I could pay, but realistically, I could not, so I answered honestly.

“……No.”

Tsk, the president clicked his tongue. Extremely pathetically.

“You can’t do this, and you can’t do that. You’re really hopeless, aren’t you.”

I had nothing to say. It was a fair point. I had caused the trouble, and yet I was not in a position to pay the settlement, and on top of that, I was stubbornly refusing to sell my body, so from the president’s perspective, it was understandable that he would find it absurd.

“Still have no intention of using your body?”

“No.”

“Then I guess there’s no other way but to solve it with money.”

“But I don’t have any money right now……”

“If you don’t have it, you have to make it. Is there anywhere you can borrow from?”

It was not that… there was nowhere.

Instantly, his face appeared in my mind like an answer. Mr. Baek Sahyeon might lend me the money without a word, no matter how much it was. No, he would. But… I did not want to ask him for help. I was someone who had stubbornly paid back even the money I did not have to, just because I did not want to feel indebted to him, and now I was going to ask to borrow money again? For such a disgraceful problem? If I was going to show him anything, I wanted to show him that I was living well on my own, not a pathetic sight of myself being harassed by some pervert in a place no different from a red-light district and then being unable to solve the problem on my own. For that reason, I deliberately ignored what might have been the best solution to this problem.

Then what should I do? As the president said, if I do not have money, I have no choice but to make it. I racked my brain to find a suitable method. The place I barely managed to think of was a bank.

“I’ll try to get a loan from a bank.”

The president scoffed at the solution I proposed.

“This kid really doesn’t know how the world works. A bank? Do you think a place that strict would lend that much money to a kid like you who has nothing to his name and no decent job?”

In truth, I had never even had a consultation at a bank, let alone gotten a loan, so I was not sure if it was possible either. Thus, it was difficult to refute the president’s words.

If the bank did not work, I would have no choice but to use a private lender. But a private lender was just another swamp. Trying to avoid selling my body, I could end up having my organs harvested. In fact, my hyung had died that way because he could not procure the money he had promised Mr. Baek Sahyeon……. Even without having to experience it myself, I knew very well the dangers of private loans.

As I fell silent, unable to offer a suitable alternative, the president shook his head as if he knew it would come to this. Then he abruptly held something out to me. It was my cellphone, which I had left at the dorms.

“I’ll give you one day. Get the settlement money, whether you borrow it from someone you know or use a private lender. Otherwise, you’ll have no choice but to pay with your body.”

A moment ago, he had resorted to violence and unconditionally forced me to sell my body, but now he was offering a choice along with my cellphone. I could not figure out the reason for his change in attitude, but this was an opportunity the president was giving me. However, both options the president gave me existed in the realm of impossibility for me. Still, if I had to choose one, it was obviously the settlement money.

For now, I took the cellphone the president held out.

“I’ll say it again, it’s one of the two: put up the money, or put up your body. There’s no other way. I hope you make a wise choice.”

Leaving behind words that sounded like both a warning and advice, the president went outside. And click, the light went out again, and I was trapped in the darkness.

I thought all night. About what the best course of action was, and what the wise choice was.

Reason told me that settling it with money was the best option, so I should call him. Emotion countered, asking if I had to become so pathetic in front of the person I liked.

I brought his number, which I still remembered, up on the screen and went back and forth dozens of times, on the verge of pressing the call button. I did not know if he would even answer the phone, but I could at least let him know the situation through a message. And if he found out about my situation, he would surely help me. I knew that, and yet… my worthless pride kept putting on the brakes.

Time flowed on endlessly. Early evening passed into night, night into dawn, and dawn into morning, but still, no conclusion was reached. I neither made the call nor prepared myself to sell my body. Therefore, when the president came to see me as the day broke, I could not say anything to him either.

“You don’t want this, you don’t want that. What are you going to do, just stubbornly insisting you can’t do anything? Do you even have any intention of resolving this?”

Naturally, the president was annoyed.

I was worried he might have the manager inflict violence again in the guise of education, but thankfully, he did not. He just turned off the light again, saying he would give me more time, and left. The problem was that he only provided time. Even though he must have known I had not eaten anything since yesterday, the president did not give me so much as a drop of water, let alone food.

I was hungry.

I was thirsty.

I was scared.

It was hard.

The lengthening silence and darkness. On top of that, thirst and hunger. The cumulative suffering soon brought on a panic attack. The darkness, like shackles, tightened around me more and more. My breathing became ragged, and my heart, consumed by anxiety, pounded furiously as if it would burst at any moment. At some point, I even felt chills. Shivering, drenched in a cold sweat, when I finally wet myself powerlessly after holding it in for so long, I burst into tears out of shame.

The panic, which had first assailed my body, soon corrupted my mind as well. Later on, I could not think about my worries or anything else; all I could think about was wanting to escape this situation. Not only that, but I even started to feel pathetic for being so stubborn about protecting my worthless pride and my insignificant body. Rational thought had collapsed, and only the most basic survival instincts began to run rampant.

As the president said, since I had caused the trouble, I had to resolve it, and the only choice for someone like me, who had nothing, was one of two things. Put up the money, or put up my body.

To put up the money, I had to beg the person who had hurt me.

To put up my body, I had to endure a repulsive human being.

Which was the easier path? I could not make a judgment on that. However, it did seem that it would be easier to just shut my eyes and put up with my body being used a few times, rather than be tied to a mountain of debt that I did not know when I could repay and suffer from a sense of indebtedness for the rest of my life.

In any case, it was trouble I had caused, so it was right for me to resolve it on my own. Yes. That was the cleanest way. It was not for a lifetime, just a few times. Why was I struggling so desperately to protect this body, as if it were something precious? Serving or prostitution, they were both labor done with the body. People far more distinguished than me were living just fine selling their bodies here, so why. There was no reason I could not do it either. Touching garbage does not make your hand rot. Taking a repulsive man’s dick would not make my body rot either. Leaving aside right and wrong, I just had to think of it that way.

“Yeah, it’s nothing……. It’s no big deal……”

Crouched in a corner, hugging my knees and rocking my body, I brainwashed myself all night long. That was how I endured the long night. The only comfort was the fact that time was still passing, and therefore, this cruel night would also come to an end someday.

At last, the day broke. As expected, the president came to see me again. Before a question was even asked, as soon as I saw the president, I told him the conclusion I had reached.

“I’ll resolve it… with my body.”

💳

The next day, the president informed me of the date for the entertainment.

“It’s tomorrow at 8. Be prepared. And don’t even think about running away. Keep in mind that not a single person has ever left this place without my permission.”

In reality, it was a decision made while being pushed by fear, so after my reason returned to its place, I could not help but regret it, but there was no turning back. Even if I said I could not do it now, there was no way the president would accept it.

It was already spilled water. If I could not gather it back up, I had no choice but to wipe it up with all my might. I had simply decided to wipe up that water myself.

It was a body that got beaten up frequently anyway. If I could resolve 80 million won by rolling this body around a few times, it was a cheap price to pay. Yes, enduring a few moments of disgust was better than a lifetime of indebtedness.

……In that way, I tried to justify my decision to choose prostitution instead of begging.

The day of the entertainment. As I lay blankly on the dorm bed, the president came to see me. Holding the uniform that the hostesses wear.

“It’s tonight, you know that, right?”

Of course I knew.

I nodded my head and took the uniform.

“Get changed and go to the annex by 8 o’clock. It’s room 1.”

The annex was a separate building located in the rear garden behind the main building. I had heard that they only had three such buildings and did not take reservations from just anyone, so seeing that they were providing such a place, it seemed they were planning to properly entertain that pervert bastard.

“Yes.”

The president gave me a strange look as I replied calmly. He seemed more uncomfortable than pleased with my obedient attitude. Come to think of it, he had that same expression when I said I would pay with my body. I was a bit puzzled, wondering if he should not be happy now that he had finally secured my surrender. But I had no desire to figure out what the president’s expression meant. I did not have the energy for it.

The president, who lingered without leaving even though his business seemed to be done, only casting an unreadable gaze at me, spoke again.

“But do you really have nowhere to borrow money from?”

Naturally, Mr. Baek Sahyeon came to mind again. But this time too, I deliberately ignored it and replied nonchalantly.

“No. I don’t.”

“Why don’t you think about it carefully. It seems like solving it with money would be the best for you.”

It was strange. He was the one who had resorted to violence to force me to sell my body, and now he was pretending to dissuade me.

“It’s a decision I made after being properly educated for two days.”

The president let out a dry laugh. Did it sound sarcastic? I had merely stated a fact. Although it would be hard to say there was absolutely no intention of criticism.

“Alright, then. Can’t be helped. Go on and do a good job.”

The president left me with a jeer, as if I were pathetic, and turned his back. And just before leaving the room, he turned back to me and added.

“Let’s be clear about this. I gave you a chance, okay? Whatever happens later, don’t point the arrow at me. Okay?”

I wonder. Is forcing a choice while locking someone in a warehouse and starving them an act that is suited to the expression ‘giving a chance’? ……I was not sure. Still, I had no desire to aim the arrow of blame at the president. The root cause of this whole situation was that pervert bastard, after all.

“Yes.”

I agreed obediently. The president shot me a displeased look. But that was all.

Soon, the president left and the door closed. I tossed the uniform onto the bed without even unfolding it. There was no need to check what it looked like. I had already seen it to my heart’s content on the other hostesses.

I lay down on the bed again and stared blankly at the ceiling.

Tick, tock, tick…….

At some point, a strange noise brushed past my ears. It sounded like the ticking of a clock’s second hand. How strange. There was no clock in the dorms……. Perhaps this auditory hallucination was a side effect of the severe panic.

Or… it could be a warning, telling me that I had entered the wrong path.

Around the time the sun set and early evening approached, I changed into the uniform the president had given me. Wearing a top that seemed to be modeled after a hanbok jeogori and shorts that came down to my thighs, I looked in the mirror, and it finally hit me that I was about to act as a hostess. I was not particularly sad or scared. Just dazed, that was all.

Leaving about ten minutes to spare, I left the dorms and headed for the annex.

The establishment, which had been wrapped in a serene silence like a landscape painting during the day, had once again shed its skin with the night on its back and revealed its true face. The city that never sleeps, made of red lanterns under the eaves, the frivolous laughter, the chaotic music, the messy smells, and so on……. All that was vulgar and decadent felt more distant than ever today, like a nightmare.

I arrived at the annex right at 8 o’clock. The president was standing in front of the private room door. I had heard that he never left his office during business hours unless it was for VVIP entertainment, so seeing him there, it seemed he was quite concerned about that pervert bastard.

As I took off my shoes and stepped onto the wooden floor, the president gave me a look, signaling me to hurry inside. His stiffly set expression seemed as tense as my own. Was he worried I might lose my temper and do something similar again? ……Then again, I myself was not confident I could endure it to the end. Smashing his head with a liquor bottle had also been an impulsive act.

I walked towards the door, feeling the president’s gaze on me. It was not difficult to grasp the handle of the sliding door. The problem was what came next. I could not help but hesitate to open it and go inside. Even though I had come prepared, the thought of having to face that pervert bastard again already made me feel nauseous. To be honest, if it had not been for Mr. Baek Sahyeon, I would have been horrified at the very idea of giving my body to a man.

The president’s palm gave my hesitating back a light push.

Right. There was no way out anyway. Whether I liked it or not, I had to go in, and the spilled water had to be wiped up. It was just that this time, I could not wipe it with money, so I was wiping it with my body.

It’s no big deal.

It will pass anyway.

I just have to close my eyes, hold my breath, and endure it for a bit.

I tried hard to compose myself and took a deep breath. Only then did strength enter the hand holding the handle. Exhaling the breath I had held, I finally opened the door. And what greeted me as I stepped inside was…….

“……!”

What greeted me was…….

“Hello.”

A person who had no reason to be here, who should not be here… Mr. Baek Sahyeon.

What is this?

Am I seeing things?

I closed and opened my eyes repeatedly. He… did not disappear. He was sitting on the far side of the private room, beyond the wide table, continuously looking at me.

The moment I realized that the Mr. Baek Sahyeon before my eyes was real, my legs gave out. I collapsed onto the floor.

Why? How? For what reason?

Countless question marks floated in my head. There had been many times until now when Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s existence had felt like an illusion, but no time had ever felt as much like a lie as this moment. And this was the first time I was not happy even after realizing he was real.

He stared intently at me, who was just bewildered by the unexpected encounter, with an expressionless face. I could not tell what he was thinking, but I could feel that he did not welcome this reunion with me. This was made clear by his next words.

“Sit up straight. If you’re here to entertain, you should at least have the basic posture.”

I swallowed my breath. It was because of the word ‘entertain’ that came from his lips. It felt like an awl stabbing me in the lungs.

My frozen body would not move. I just stared at him blankly. Did he consider my inability to follow his orders as defiance? He frowned as if displeased and opened his mouth.

“Hyunki.”

At the familiar name, my dazed mind became clear again. Only then did the figures of the other people in the private room come into view. I had been so preoccupied with the phantom-like face I saw as soon as I entered that I had not noticed, but two men were standing by the wall behind him. One of them was really Hyung-nim Hyunki, and while I did not know the other person’s name, his face was vaguely familiar.

That was not all. Someone was sitting right in front of me as well. I could not see his face as his back was to me, but there was no need to try and confirm who it was. It was President Jeong, that pervert bastard.

“Yes.”

His characteristic jocular expression was nowhere to be seen; with a stiff face, Hyung-nim Hyunki responded respectfully to his call.

“Get him seated properly.”

He commanded in a dry voice.

Having received the order, Hyung-nim Hyunki immediately came over to me, grabbed my arm without a word, and pulled me up. There was no time to exchange greetings. I quietly moved as hyung-nim led me. As a result, I ended up kneeling a little further inside, at a midway point between Mr. Baek Sahyeon and President Jeong.

After seating me, Hyung-nim Hyunki returned to his original spot and stood with his hands behind his back. His gaze was fixed on the empty air. As if he was deliberately trying not to look my way. He looked colder than ever before. He had not been that cold even when we first met…….

“Let’s continue our conversation.”

Again, Mr. Baek Sahyeon initiated.

“Ah. Yes. The conversation…, yes.”

It was a voice full of trembling. Was it because of the intimidated tone? It felt strangely unfamiliar. Wondering if it was someone else and not President Jeong, I kept my head bowed low and checked the owner of the voice out of the corner of my eye. But my guess had not been wrong. It was President Jeong. The man who had been so arrogant towards me, as if there was nothing in the world to fear, was looking at Mr. Baek Sahyeon with a pale, frightened face. And with the wound I had given him displayed plainly on his forehead.

Mr. Baek Sahyeon, holding a liquor bottle, filled his own glass and said.

“First, shall we clear things up before moving on. So, President Jeong-nim, your position is that you were just trying to be good to him because he was like a son, but you were misunderstood. Is that correct?”

“Yes, yes. That is correct.”

What is this…….

I could not know exactly what conversation had transpired between the two of them until now, but judging from the situation, it was clear that the pervert bastard had spun the story of what happened with me to his advantage. But, what? He was trying to be good to me because I was like a son? That was utter bullshit. What kind of person does that to someone who is like a son to them.

It was just as I lifted my head and opened my mouth to argue that it was not true, that that man was lying. He raised his hand. As if to tell me to shut up. The words that had come all the way up to my throat could not come out and hovered on my tongue at his firm gesture.

He, who had dismissed my protest, continued the conversation.

“Then I suppose it’s my turn to explain my situation.”

“Yes, yes. If you would please tell me, I will li-listen… yes, well.”

“Good.”

The corners of his mouth pulled up into a slant as he downed the liquor he had poured into his glass. Simultaneously, President Jeong’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a loud gulp. It seemed his throat was so dry that he was moistening it with saliva. Even though the glass in front of him was filled to the brim with liquor. It was likely he did not dare touch it because he was watching Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s every move.

Soon, Mr. Baek Sahyeon, who had put down his empty glass, opened his mouth again.

“There was something I cherished quite a bit. I cherished it so much that I couldn’t even properly touch it. I thought it might break if I handled it wrong. Maybe because I’ve never cherished anything in my life, I had no idea how to touch it or where to put it appropriately. So, unable to do this or that, I ended up just letting it go.”

In context, it was clear that the ‘cherished thing’ he was talking about was me. President Jeong, too, seemed to have realized this, as he kept glancing at me.

“I understand that you once worked hard to lock up bastards like me. So you would know well, but bastards who have dipped their toes in this world have a different thought process altogether. Including their environment, their thoughts, actions, emotions, everything deviates from the normal range. And not just a little, but significantly. For example, if I ultimately cannot accept that fucking excuse from before, I am thinking of slitting your throat first, President Jeong-nim. After that, I’ll gouge out your eyeballs, tongue, fingers, and even your dick, in that order. Purely for my own mood.”

President Jeong’s already bloodless face turned even more ashen. Separate from my personal resentment, a sense of pity arose for President Jeong’s reaction. That was how excessively cruel Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s words were. His calm tone, which did not match the content, also seemed to amplify his inherent cruelty.

“In other words, murder and dismemberment for convenience are considered natural and proper actions to me. That’s why I let it go. Because I know all too well that I am that rotten of a person. I judged that watching from a distance was the best protection. But……”

He dragged out the end of his sentence and let a cynical smile form on his lips.

“I hear someone treated the thing I cherished so much I was willing to give it up, carelessly?”

As if his anxiety had reached its peak, President Jeong’s pupils shook violently. Not only that, but the cold sweat that had formed on his forehead began to stream down. It was surely because he knew very well that the ‘someone’ was himself.

“So how do you think I feel? I was so angry, I wondered if I’ve ever been this angry in my life.”

“……”

“To put it simply, I was fucking pissed off.”

The deliberately crass expression was an indicator of the degree of anger he felt. Perhaps that was why. A chill ran down my spine. A fine tremor ran through my hands, which were on my knees. It was not the first time I had faced him when he was angry, but never before had his anger felt so great and so vivid.

“Of course, the problem starts with the fact that he came crawling into a garbage dump like this on his own.”

This time, the arrow was aimed at me. His gaze was the same. It pierced into me. My shoulders instinctively hunched. It was so sharp that it felt like I was physically stabbed, and a pain even arose on my skin.