BCRD 23

Shall I be honest?

It wasn’t out of goodwill. Just shallow curiosity.

💳

“Who?”

[That son of a bitch who drove, Yeon Jongjin’s younger brother. His name is Haejin, don’t you remember him.]

Ah…….

The clues Hyunki laid out finally brought it back to me. The emaciated body, covered in traces of abuse. That audacious face, smiling as he watched his own brother suffer in pain.

“I know who he is, but why the kid all of a sudden.”

[He said he came to tell on his hyung for taking the allowance money hyung-nim gave him.]

“Allowance?”

[Yes. You gave him some that time, didn’t you.]

Right. I had given him all the cash in my wallet. I even said this.

‘If he takes it, come tell me. I’ll punish him just like before.’

“Ah ah…….”

To be honest, it was something I said as a joke without any real meaning. But to think he took it at face value.

[For now, I’ve put him in hyung-nim’s office, what should I do.]

I don’t know if he’s clueless or just pure, but anyway, I’m the one who said it. If he came to tell on someone, I should at least hear him out. I can’t bring a dead guy back to life to punish him, but I could at least replace the money that was taken.

“Leave him there. I’ll head straight there after I’m done with my business. Get him something to eat while he waits.”

[He looked even more skin and bones than last time, so I already fed him a hearty meal.]

Is it possible to be skinnier than last time? A trivial question popped into my head.

“Got it. Hang up.”

After hanging up the phone, I passed the cell phone to Jongsu who was standing next to me. Then, as if he had been waiting, Chief Shin, who had been looking at the reservoir, started talking.

“Was that Kim?”

“Yes.”

“I just overheard a bit, but that accent was definitely his. But what did he say he is now? A manager, was it?”

“Yes.”

“My my, a son of a bitch who used to be a nightclub bouncer really hit the big time by latching onto the right person.”

This man knew the personal details of not only me but also the guys under me. That’s why he would act like he knew everything whenever he got the chance. It was a remark he made quite deliberately.

“Isn’t it the same for you, Chief?”

When I calmly retorted, Chief Shin let out a hollow laugh. However, he did not deny it. Because it was a fact that he was benefiting from me.

Chief Shin, currently serving in the Investigation Planning Division of the National Police Agency, was a long-time partner of mine, and we had a mutually beneficial relationship. For example, it was Chief Shin who helped me take down Director Oh, the real power behind this organization and the culprit who drove my younger brother to his death. In reality, it was more of a deal than help.

In exchange for me killing Director Oh and obtaining my current position and assets as alimony, he filled his performance record by catching the big fish connected to Director Oh and succeeded in getting promoted. However, only his main client had changed; he had been quite tightly connected with Seonjin for a long time before that, so he was a man who knew the organization’s information inside and out.

“That’s what I’m saying. I had a lot of fun collaborating with Director Baek. I was hoping to get some bonus from this one too, but, fuck. Why’s the ending so shitty?”

He was talking about the drug deal with Hong Kong that had just fallen through.

In fact, it would be more accurate to call it a conspiracy rather than a deal. To put it simply, it was a project created to get rid of a moron who held a grudge against me for taking his construction company and was being a nuisance, without any repercussions, and the key to this conspiracy was the drugs.

The organization I belong to, Seonjin, forbids drug dealing, and the rule was that anyone who violated this would be immediately expelled. So, I tried to use this rule in reverse. I even hired a top-level chemist from Jilin Province and spent money to produce synthetic drugs, then secretly distributed them under that moron’s name. The new product born from the chemist’s hands naturally created an explosive reaction among drug addicts. Thanks to that, a month ago, a one-ton supply contract was signed with Hong Kong, and the gist of the project was to finally have the opposition party1) expose this deal, thereby getting the moron expelled. Here, Chief Shin’s role was as the investigator leading the scene of the arrest, and he was supposed to receive the bait that I had prepared for him to eat easily.

But an accident happened during the transportation. One of the five cars carrying the drugs just vanished. As a result, the conditions were not met, so the deal naturally fell through, and the project was left hanging without bearing fruit. And the driver of the vanished car was none other than the brother of the kid who came to my office today, that son of a bitch named Yeon Jongjin.

“It’s a shame.”

“A shame? Is that all?”

“For now, yes.”

“Oh my. Look how calm he is after ruining a multi-billion won project. Director Baek, are you getting too complacent these days? Let’s be honest. How do you manage your kids that things like this happen and ruin the work.”

I couldn’t deny it. The project’s failure was also a result of my lack of supervision. Yes, it wasn’t something a few small-fry did in a fit of anger without knowing anything. When I dug into the truth, it was a planned theft with a planner, investors, and even an internal spy. After all, a guy who wasn’t even a member of the organization acted as the courier. It would have been impossible if someone on the inside hadn’t lent a hand. In short, it meant I was backstabbed.

I won’t make excuses. The reason the guys under me did such a thing was clearly because they looked down on me. In that I could have prevented it if I had managed them properly, I had no choice but to admit my mistake.

I had taken care of all the small fish who caused me damage through theft, without exception. There was no need to weigh the gravity of their wrongdoing. I did not differentiate in punishment and made them all pay with their bodies. Still, it was not enough to cover all the losses.

“I have been a bit like that lately.”

“Why. Is being a gangster not much fun?”

“No.”

I didn’t get into this to make money in the first place, nor did I get into it because being a gangster looked fun. It was to grind up all the sons of bitches who made me see the body of my miserably dead kin. But after achieving that goal, everything became boring. Maybe it’s because there’s no stimulus that surpasses the sight of Director Oh and his son pissing themselves in fear as they died.

“For someone who says that, you’re damn good at being a gangster. That’s why you ended up eating up the construction company and getting on Seokga’s bad side. You have a knack for it, I tell you.”

Seokga. It was the nickname for Seok Jinmyung, the target of this project.

“Is that so.”

“Of course. That’s why Chairman Jang is trying to run away after putting Director Baek in his seat.”

The Chairman Jang that Chief Shin mentioned referred to Jang Haejun, who currently holds the position of the organization’s chairman. It’s been five years since he was appointed, and for some reason, there are signs that he is considering retirement. The problem is that a rumor has been quietly circulating that he has me in mind as his successor for the chairman position, and by openly putting a major construction company, which he bought on the cheap after deliberately making it go bankrupt, into my mouth, this has become a fait accompli. I took it since he gave it to me to eat, but, well……. It wasn’t particularly tasty. Maybe because I don’t have much ambition for the chairman position. I’m more than comfortable enough to live on as I am now. I don’t feel the need to go all the way up to the chairman’s seat.

“But is Chairman Jang really retiring? I heard he’s going abroad to support the studies of some kid he’s keeping? Is that true?”

“I wonder.”

“Why are you so out of the loop?”

“Because I’m not interested.”

It was true that I was out of the loop. In the first place, if it’s not related to my business, I tend not to pay attention to rumors.

“Isn’t it that you’re lazy?”

“That’s also true.”

“Geez.”

Tsk tsk, Chief Shin clicked his tongue.

“I know how you feel, but you’re not going to quit being a gangster, are you? Then you should live with your head on straight. Be ambitious too. The scraps that fall have to be tasty for me to feel like continuing this partnership.”

Pointing out my unenthusiastic attitude, Chief Shin shook the shopping bag he had handed me earlier. It was filled with consolation money for blowing this project.

“This much isn’t enough, okay? Can I buy an apartment in Gangnam with this? No, right?”

“You probably couldn’t buy one anyway. Because your lady would hate it.”

Just as Chief Shin knew about my organization, I too knew Chief Shin’s personal details inside and out. It was a remark I deliberately let slip with that meaning. Chief Shin, who accurately grasped my intention, smiled and threw a sharp curse at me.

“Wow, fuck. You even know my wife Ms. Park’s taste in houses?”

“I’m quite interested in you, Chief Shin. That’s why, you may not be able to buy a house in Gangnam, but with that money, it’s enough to get your daughter who just entered college a foreign car.”

“…….”

“I’m just saying this for your reference.”

A crocodile and a plover bird. Chief Shin and I had that kind of relationship. The only thing that changed was who played the role of the crocodile depending on the situation. Therefore, it was advantageous to maintain a friendly relationship and avoid getting on each other’s nerves as much as possible.

Sigh, Chief Shin let out a deep sigh and grumbled as he packed up his fishing rod.

“Ah, I’ve completely lost my appetite. The fish aren’t biting either.”

It seemed he was about to pack up and leave.

While Chief Shin was packing, I stared at the calm reservoir in a state of mindlessness.

After finishing packing and gathering his things, Chief Shin said to me before leaving.

“By the way, Director Baek, are you not dating?”

The unexpected question made me frown instinctively. I couldn’t understand the intention behind the question.

“I mean, you’re handsome. There must be tons of women who like you, but I was just thinking you have surprisingly few scandals.”

I don’t know if there were tons of women who liked me, but even if there were, I wasn’t particularly interested. Sexual desire exists, of course, but I’m the type who lacks romantic love. I have never yet felt affection or possessiveness towards another person. Even the feelings I had for my deceased younger brother were more of a sense of responsibility than affection.

“I’m not particularly interested in that either.”

Besides, in this world, affection is practically a weakness. If the rumors about Chairman Jang are true, the reason he’s trying to wash his hands of it all now is probably for the safety of the lover he’s keeping. I don’t have the slightest desire to be more diligent in my gangster activities, but I also have no intention of creating any factors that could put my own safety at risk. Losing something I cherish helplessly once was enough.

“Tsk, what a waste of that face and body. If I were Director Baek, I would have been chasing after all sorts of women. Anyway, I’m leaving for today. The Hong Kong deal is already water under the bridge, so try to come up with a new plan.”

“Yes. I’ll get back to you after I look into it.”

“Alright.”

After sending Chief Shin off, I took out a cigarette and put it in my mouth. And I thought of him again. The little one waiting for me in the office.

“Came to tell on someone, huh…….”

Chewing on the reason for his visit that Hyunki had relayed, I chuckled. This was the first time a visitor had come with such an interesting reason. Was that why? I was quite looking forward to it. What kind of expression he would have, and what words he would use to tattle.

After finishing the long cigarette, I got up.

It was now time to go and listen to his tattling.

💳

When I arrived at the office, what I encountered was the kid, curled up and asleep on the sofa.

“…….”

I was curious about what kind of expression he would greet me with, but this reception was not what I had expected.

Without waking him up forcefully, I stood still and watched the sleeping kid. His face, which happened to be turned this way, was slightly frowning. I wondered if he was having a nightmare, and sure enough, he soon began to let out groaning noises.

That wasn’t all.

“Hyung……. Stop……. Ah……. It hurts……. It hurts……. Heuh…….”

He even mumbled things in his sleep that made the content of his nightmare guessable, while trembling. I didn’t particularly feel pity, but it wasn’t pleasant to see or hear.

I could tell the kid had lived under abuse for a long time without even needing to look under his clothes. His small body and the scars etched below his slender nape told me everything. Even so, feelings like pity or sympathy did not arise. In the first place, such emotions existed for me only in their dictionary definitions; I had never actually felt them.

What I just couldn’t understand was, how could someone feel like laying a hand on something this small. There doesn’t seem to be any place to hit.

My brother was eighteen when he died. What did I think when I saw my younger brother lying in the morgue, a pale corpse without a trace of blood? It was, ‘You were so small.’ I learned in such a cruel way in the winter of my twenty-fifth year that a child’s body, even a boy’s, is weaker than one thinks before it has finished growing.

But this little kid was incomparably smaller than my dead brother. I was quite surprised later when I looked at the report again and found out he was sixteen.

Recalling my brother’s image for the first time in a while, a bitter smile escaped. It was already six years ago. The kid who secretly worked a part-time job handing out flyers while attending school to lessen my burden of earning a living alone, one day appeared before me as a corpse. The cause was group assault. The perpetrator and ringleader was the son of Director Oh, the one I ground to dust with my own hands.

How did my younger brother, who was faithful to his duties as a student, get entangled with a punk who frequented clubs and acted like a thug with his gangster father as his backing? It was a part I still couldn’t clearly understand. For one, what Director Oh’s son said to me as he struggled just before he died was, ‘A beggar who just hands out flyers dared to talk back to me.’ I had hoped there would be a proper reason, but that was all there was. The police also concluded it was a random assault. That pathetic reason made my brother’s death even more tragic.

Of course, at first, I tried to borrow the power of the law. However, the ones the police arrested were not the ringleader, Director Oh’s son, but only the small-fry under him. The punishment those bastards who beat my younger brother for over an hour until his internal organs ruptured and he died received was one year in prison with a three-year probation. Yes, it was only that much. The reason? Because they were still young. Because they seemed to be reflecting sufficiently. Because there was room for rehabilitation. But what was even more absurd was that Director Oh’s son didn’t even show up at the police station. Not even once. The reason was that he did not directly participate in the violence. There was CCTV footage of him laughing as he watched my dying brother. Nevertheless, that footage became evidence of innocence for Director Oh’s son, not grounds for punishment. It was the result created by Director Oh, who had strong connections in the prosecution. It wasn’t even the first time he had done something like that. The person who told me this was Chief Shin, who was in charge of the case at the time.

‘What can you do. You know the saying, innocent if you have money, guilty if you don’t, right? That’s reality. There’s no better country to live in sinning like this if you have money and connections. That hooligan son of Director Oh’s knew damn well he’d get away with it, that’s why he did it. You think this was the first or second time he’s done that shit? I know, it’s fucking infuriating. But I’m powerless too.’

This was the starting point that made me put down my carving knife and pick up a blade. If I couldn’t borrow the power of the judicial system, I had no choice but to use my own hands. From the moment I held a blade instead of a carving knife, my goal was one thing. Punishment. I didn’t use the grand word ‘revenge’. It wasn’t to clear my brother’s name either. I just wanted to hold them accountable for making me lose something I cherished so meaninglessly. I also wanted to hold them accountable for the future my younger brother couldn’t have. And so, in the end, I made not only Director Oh and his son but also all those small-fry pay the price in my own way.

Maybe that’s why. That this little kid, carrying the marks of abuse all over his body, caught my eye. Because he was small like him, because he was a mess like his corpse, because he must have been in a lot of pain like him.

“Heuk, eugh…….”

“…….”

The sound of crying reached my ears again. As if cold, the kid trembled and even curled his body up as much as he could.

I took off my overcoat and covered him with it. It was a purely impulsive act. Even so, the trembling did not subside. The crying did not stop either. He was still consumed by fear. So, uncharacteristically, I ended up comforting him.

“It’s okay.”

As if my voice reached his subconscious, the cry-laced sleep-talking stopped. The frown on his brow also gradually smoothed out. It was a change that indicated he was escaping the nightmare.

After watching a little longer, around the time the kid’s even breathing began, I went to my desk, grabbed the documents I hadn’t yet checked, and came back. It seemed unlikely he would wake up soon, so I intended to take care of my backed-up work.

While I was looking at the documents, the sound of breathing that a young child might make tickled my ears. Sack, sack… like that. It wasn’t bothersome. On the contrary, it was at a level where it helped my concentration like white noise. Come to think of it, it seemed to be the first time that the presence of another person felt so unobtrusive and comfortable.

The kid finally opened his eyes around sunset. After that, some trivial conversation followed. Strangely, the conversation with the kid, which had no substance, was quite enjoyable. The highlight was when the kid got worked up and argued that he wasn’t a little kid; despite having clearly witnessed his brother get knocked down by my hand and thus having a rough idea of what kind of person I was, the way he subtly showed his temper was… what should I say. Insolent? ……No, audacious. Yes, that was more like it. But that audacity wasn’t bothersome. Rather, it was just interesting.

When I felt the tension emanating from the kid had subsided to some extent, I brought up the main topic first.

“What’s the little kid’s business for coming all this way?”

The kid was flustered by my question. It seemed he hadn’t been gauging when to bring up the main topic, but had completely forgotten about it. Even that naive side of him was amusing to me.

As if he had just remembered, the kid replied with a nervous face again.

“It’s be, because of my hyung… I came.”

“Specifically.”

“Huh? ……Ah. So, my hyung hasn’t been coming home. I was wondering if maybe……”

“Maybe?”

“……you knew what happened.”

I had already expected it, but as I thought, he hadn’t come to tattle on me. He had come to ask about the whereabouts of his missing brother.

“So you didn’t come to tell on him after all.”

In a way, it was to be expected. The kid knew that his brother would die if he couldn’t come up with about 300 million won within a week. In that state, it would be a natural course of action to wonder about the life or death of his missing brother. It was a more plausible reason for visiting than coming to tattle because his allowance was taken.

I went to my desk, lit a cigarette, and let out a joke along with the smoke.

“That’s a shame. It would have been nice if you had asked me to punish your brother for taking your money.”

The kid made a guilty face, as if he thought I was pointing out that he had lied.

“He, he did take it. So if you punish him… I’d be grateful.”

He stammers and spouts more amusing words. As a reward for that, I satisfied his curiosity.

“Is that so? But what to do. I can’t punish him anymore.”

The kid didn’t understand right away and asked back.

“……Why?”

“I wonder. Why could that be?”

“…….”

He doesn’t seem to be slow on the uptake, but he just can’t get a clue. I had no choice but to tell him outright.

“Don’t look for your brother. Don’t wait for him either. He’ll never show up again. Your brother broke a promise. And I’m a person who takes responsibility for my words. Is that a good enough answer?”

Only then did the kid’s face turn pale. He had realized his brother was dead. He seemed to be quite shocked.

But that was all. He just blinked blankly, neither crying nor pouring out resentment at me. So I asked.

“I’m confused, so should I say I’m sorry for your loss right now. Or, should I say it’s a good thing.”

“…….”

The kid maintained his silence. It’s not that he was forcing himself to hold back his words, but it seemed he didn’t know what to say. He was confused, too. About the true nature of the emotions he felt at his brother’s death.

It wasn’t a normal reaction, but it wasn’t an incomprehensible one either. Even if he was his only family, he was still a son of a bitch who beat him. So he couldn’t be purely pleased, nor could he be simply sad.

“Let’s just say, I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s a good thing.”

I came to a conclusion on my own and offered my simple condolences. In response, the kid returned an unexpected question.

“Then what happens to the debt? Do I have to pay it back?”

To be precise, it wasn’t a debt but damages. It was common in this line of work to apply joint liability, but this case was different. I had no intention whatsoever of passing the responsibility onto this little one.

Just in case, I asked if he could pay it back, and the kid immediately shook his head.

“I can’t pay it back while I’m alive. I don’t have the ability or the confidence to pay it.”

It was an answer I liked.

“I like that you’re honest. Fortunately, there’s no money the little kid has to pay back. I’ve collected as much as I needed. The market price for meat is pretty good these days.”

Half was true and half was a lie. It was true that I sold him off as a log, but I didn’t get enough to cover all the damages. Nevertheless, the reason I deliberately mixed in a lie was to prevent the kid from feeling unnecessary responsibility for what his brother had done.

“So I’ve got some left over after collecting, that’s great. The inheritance should go to the bereaved family. The remaining money is the little kid’s share. I’ll send it with some condolence money, so leave your account number before you go.”

Right or wrong, he was a kid who lost his only family because of me. I intended to give some pocket money as a form of consolation to the child who would have to live alone without a guardian. It was a paltry charity.

But a snag occurred in an unexpected area.

“Um… I don’t have a bank account.”

At this, I couldn’t help but be flustered. I never imagined he wouldn’t even have a bank account. However, considering he was a young child without a proper guardian, it wasn’t entirely strange.

If it can’t be transferred, the only way is to give him cash. It’s difficult right now, but I could have one of the guys under me deliver it.

However, the kid waved his hands at the method I suggested.

“I’m, I’m sorry, but I can’t manage that.”

“……You’re difficult.”

It was the first time someone insisted they couldn’t accept money even when I said I would give it to them. When I told him to just go make an account right now, the answer that came back was that he couldn’t. He said it was because he didn’t have a cell phone, nor did he have parents to act as a guarantor. He was a kid who was lacking so many things it made me wonder what he even had at all.

Perhaps embarrassed by his own lacking circumstances, the kid’s face reddened as he offered an unnecessary apology.

“I’m sorry.”

Looking at the downcast kid, I briefly contemplated what to do.

In truth, there was no need to force the consolation money on the kid who said he couldn’t accept it. If I really wanted to give it to him, I could just give him the cash without caring whether he could manage it or not. In fact, that would have been the cleanest way.

Despite that, what I handed him after some thought was a card. One engraved with my name.

“Use it whenever you need to. I don’t care what you buy or how much you spend. But you’re the only one who can use it. Can you handle this much?”

As I handed it over, I knew intuitively. That this card would serve as a kind of connecting link with a child who lives in a completely different world from me. In other words, the card was like a certificate of rights to interfere in the child’s life.

Of course, I had no intention of forcing him. If the kid refused to take it, that would be the end of it. Either way, it didn’t really matter to me.

“Thank you.”

The kid ultimately accepted the card.

“I’ll, I’ll use it well. I will use it well. Really…… thank you so much.”

He said, offering a heartfelt thanks.

As if momentarily bewitched, I carefully looked into the eyes of the child who was looking at me, clutching the card tightly. His eyes, clear without a single murky spot, were truly sparkling. As if he had finally met a savior at the edge of a cliff.

A savior.

It was an unfitting treatment for me, who had mercilessly carved out the child’s own flesh and blood with a knife and even sold him for meat.

I recalled the time I had butchered the child’s brother. Right before I shoved the knife into the bastard’s throat for the last time, I hesitated for a moment. Whether to return his family to the child, or to dispose of the trash. To me, he was just a small-fry who I could kill or not, but to the child, he was his only family and his de facto guardian. No matter how much hatred had built up, the bond formed within the fence of family would not be completely non-existent. Moreover, he was a child who had already experienced the death of his parents at a young age. It was obvious that the death of his only remaining brother would come as a shock.

Even though I thought that, my conclusion ultimately did not change. I chose to deal with the thief. I collected the price for the damages I had incurred. Because I had no obligation to take responsibility for the shock the child would receive and the loneliness he would have to endure. To be treated like a savior after all that……. It was a situation like a black comedy.

It wasn’t that I was feeling any guilt now. Just like pity, guilt was also an emotion I only knew by its dictionary definition, an emotion that did not exist.

However,

“But what if. What if they question me even if I make an excuse and say you’re my uncle?”

I felt it instinctively.

“Can I… call you?”

That the affection the child was beginning to harbor for me was not ordinary.

“No, I mean, they might not believe me……. Then I’ll call to have you confirm it for them. And the card might not work sometimes, you know. There might be times when I need verification, or I could lose it…….”

And also, that this affection could one day act as a fatal element in my life.

“So can I…… call you?”

Despite that, I gave him the answer he wanted.

“Do it. Whenever you need to.”

I decided to leave the affection the child was feeling for me alone, without pushing it away.

Because I was curious. How the child’s affection, which held a certain danger, how his interest in me, which could develop in unknown ways, would stimulate me, who had fallen into a terrible ennui.

Therefore, the meaning contained in the card I gave him was by no means goodwill. It was merely a light investment for my selfish curiosity and my chronic disease-like ennui.

Yes, in the beginning, that was all it was.

And…….

💳

“He suddenly called me and told me to bring it to you.”

Now, 5 years later, the card was returned. Along with a thick envelope of cash.

“…….”

Without touching it, I just looked down at it.

I was confused. Should I be surprised that he had kept the card all this time without throwing it away? Should I consider it admirable that he had finally paid off his debt with the money he had worked so hard to earn? ……What was certain was that neither option was particularly pleasant.

The meaning of the card the kid had deliberately returned was clear. It meant to get lost. In other words, it was an attempt to remove all connections to me. It was quite an audacious and rather bold act.

“So, does he insist on going to work there?”

“He didn’t say that much. I was thinking of probing a little, but I was afraid he’d notice I had someone tailing him, so I couldn’t say anything.”

I knew where the kid lived and what he was doing. Because I was receiving reports from the tail I had on him without fail every day. Therefore, I had already grasped the fact that he had an interview at a superficially flashy entertainment establishment.

Actually, it was something I had been doing long before our relationship soured. Was it because he was the type to strangely attract attention? The kid tended to get caught up in trouble quite often. To be precise, I should say that pests were easily drawn to him. Moreover, though he seemed quiet, he had a surprisingly fiery side, so when problems arose, they were more likely to escalate to the worst-case scenario than to be resolved amicably. The school violence incident that occurred 3 years ago was an example of this, and that was the event that triggered the start of my surveillance.

The problem is that while I know what he is doing, I cannot know what he is thinking. I can receive reports on his movements, but there is no way to find out his thoughts until I hear them directly from the person himself. That’s why I didn’t expect it. That he would end up drifting into an entertainment establishment to earn money…….

Suddenly feeling suffocated, I yanked my tie loose. The irritation I hadn’t felt in a while was so intense that it even brought on a headache.

Jongsu, who noticed my state, carefully spoke up.

“Should I contact Sohyedang?”

It was a simple yet effective method. Yes, it would be a matter that could be settled if I told them that the kid named Yeon Haejin who recently had an interview was our person, so don’t let him near the place. However, I didn’t like it. Even if I stop it this time, will that really be the end of it? In Seoul alone, there are dozens, no, hundreds of such establishments. Young kids like him who are desperate for money are especially easy prey for entertainment establishments. Even if it falls through this time, similar temptations will arise many more times in the future. Having this side swat them away every time is actually quite meaningless. The best way is to make him realize it’s a swamp himself and not even think of going near it.

But at this point, I’m curious. Whether the kid went to that place for an interview knowing what it was, or if he went without knowing. I think it’s likely the latter, but, well……. The possibility of it being the former is not non-existent either.

Well, whether he went in knowing or not, the conclusion was the same. I had no intention of tolerating him setting foot in such an establishment. Only that was clear. The only difference was whether I would drag him out by force, or wait for him to quit on his own.

Tap, tap, tap…….

I drummed my fingers on the table. My gaze fixed on the card the kid had returned and the message it contained.

I drank.

Until I was drunk.

Deep in the night. Declining Jongsu’s offer to take me home, I dragged my staggering body alone to an alley near the house where the kid lived.

Buried in the darkness, I leaned against the cement wall that held the cold.

According to the report, the kid had not yet returned home. I knew that he usually worked until midnight, and sometimes until late dawn before coming home. He handed over all the money he earned working like a dog to me. Along with the card. As if to say, don’t meddle anymore and get lost.

Recalling it, a listless laugh escaped. Because it was both pathetic and admirable.

I stared at the shabby villa building and found a cigarette to put in my mouth.

How much time had passed? Around the time when the cigarette butts I had mindlessly smoked had piled up at my feet, I faintly sensed the kid’s scent. Turning my head to follow the scent, I saw the kid walking slowly in the distance. As always, with his shoulders slumped, the kid was walking while looking at the ground.

I followed the tired-looking kid with my eyes. His slow steps soon reached the entrance of the shabby building. It was when the kid turned his back to me. The image of the kid’s back from a year ago, when he turned away coldly after revealing the wound he had received from me without any filter, overlapped with it.

‘I’ll do as you wish. I won’t expect anything from Mister.’

“As I wish……”

I murmured softly.

What I wanted was one thing. The kid’s safety, that one thing. That’s why I didn’t hold on. I decided to keep him at a distance. I intended to just watch over him. I believed that was the right thing to do.

But…… today, a doubt suddenly arises. Was this the best way?

Just like losses, I did not deal with regrets. Because I considered them meaningless. The act of dwelling on the irreversible past and falling into assumptions that could not become reality was just pathetic.

But after meeting the kid, I often found myself doing that pathetic act. Thinking of the future I didn’t choose, doubting the decisions I had made in the past, and feeling frustrated with the person I had become in the present. Just like now……. And whenever this happened, a certain impulse resembling a murderous intent would surge. Not towards the kid, but towards myself. Towards me who had thrown away a normal future and chosen the present life of living as a mere gangster.

The kid goes inside.

Without seeing me.

Without noticing the confusion, impulse, and regret I feel.

A cold wind swept past my ears. A faint sigh flowed out through my interlocked lips. The kid’s name that I couldn’t bring myself to call lingered in my mouth.

Suddenly, an urge to run and grab the kid’s arm surged within me. I wanted to put the card back in his hand. I wanted to tie him down again like that. I wanted to leave room for possibility. Like that time 5 years ago.

……But in the end, I couldn’t catch him. Today, too.

I closed my two eyes. A heavy darkness descended. On top of the darkness that flowed like waves inside my eyelids, the innocent eyes of the child who looked at me like a savior in the past came to mind.

‘I’ll, I’ll use it well. I will use it well. Really…… thank you so much.’

I was curious.

‘Can I…… call you?’

How the interest in his eyes, directed at me, would develop. How his unfiltered affection would affect me.

I know the answer now. I knew it all too well.

The emotion the kid’s interest gave me was the joy I thought I had lost.

The emotion the kid’s affection gave me was the stimulus I had so longed for.

And, the emotion the kid’s love gives me is…….