BCRD 9

To be honest, Mr. Baek Sahyeon and I had no real relationship. We weren’t family, friends, or lovers; the only connection between us was a single, thin card. Once that was gone, there would be no reason to see each other anymore. That’s why I wanted to create another connection. I needed a reason to keep meeting him. The conclusion of that desire was debt. In that sense, this was closer to the true purpose of borrowing money than the deposit itself.

“Be specific.”

“So… I’m planning to bring the cash directly to you.”

Did he see through my intentions? He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.

“Why go through the trouble?”

Yeah, it was a hassle. In an era where a few taps on a phone could transfer money instantly, choosing to show up in person with cash was practically admitting I had an ulterior motive.

Feeling caught, I lowered my gaze and nervously picked at the skin next to my fingernail. Then I rattled off the excuse I had prepared.

“Well, my phone is under your name, so it’s hard to install banking apps. I keep getting stuck at the identity verification step. Without the app, transferring money is tricky too.”

It was an excuse, but not a lie. It was true. I was still using the phone he had sent me via delivery back then, and since it wasn’t in my name, I couldn’t use banking apps, mobile payments, or any pay functions. Of course, now I could get a phone under my own name without a guardian, but… I didn’t really want to yet. I’d switch if the phone broke, but for now, I was fine.

“Is that… not okay?”

He didn’t suggest alternatives like changing my phone or using an ATM. It was clear. He had already figured out my plan to use repayment as an excuse to visit him regularly. That made his next response crucial.

If he refused, saying it wasn’t okay, it would mean he had no feelings for me and saw no need to leave room for further contact.

“Is it not okay?”

But if he allowed it,

“What?”

then it would mean,

“…No.”

that he meant,

“Do it your way.”

he had enough goodwill to leave room for me.

That’s how it sounded to me.

“…!”

At his permission, at the opening he gave me, I quickly lifted my head. His expressionless face came into view. The slight upward curve of his lips and the faint crease in his brow fully revealed the complex emotions he was feeling.

“Thank you.”

And I smiled.

With clear, unmistakable joy.

💳

[With this, the 51st graduation ceremony of Seungil High School comes to a close.]

As soon as the closing remarks ended, thunderous applause and cheers erupted from all corners. It was the sound of people welcoming the end of a tedious ceremony. I felt the same and clapped mechanically.

Following the instructions, people exited the auditorium in an orderly fashion. Since I was in the front row, I was among the last to leave. I returned to the classroom, listened to the homeroom teacher’s speech—whether it was a curse or advice, I wasn’t sure—cleaned out my desk, and left.

Passing through the chaotic hallway filled with students taking photos or shouting and playing around, I stepped outside and saw the familiar schoolyard. It was just as hectic. Groups of people with bouquets were taking pictures everywhere. Some were with close friends, others with family, capturing memories of graduation on video. Among them, one family stood out.

A mom, a dad, an adult man who looked like an older brother, and a kid my age holding flowers, standing among them.

“…”

Watching them, I suddenly felt a chill. Maybe because their family structure was similar to mine. But while their entire family was intact, I was alone, with everyone else gone. The comparison left a slight bitterness. Not sadness, though. The time for grieving the absence of my family had long passed.

I forced my gaze toward the school gate and started walking again. As I reached the edge of the schoolyard, my phone vibrated. Checking it, I saw a message from Jiho, asking me to come back to the classroom for a group photo. I could go back if I wanted, but I didn’t feel the need to take a picture. Sure, I was close with Jiho, but I wasn’t that tight with the other kids he hung out with. They probably felt the same about me. They’d likely think, “Do we really need to take a picture together?”

I replied that I was already on the bus, and within a minute, he shot back, calling me heartless.

“Lol, see you later,” I sent back, a perfunctory response, as I passed through the gate.

Thud. Something hit my head.

“Ow.”

I covered my forehead, where I felt the impact, and looked up.

And,

“…!”

I was shocked. Truly shocked. Because of who it was.

None other than,

“Watch where you’re going.”

Mr. Baek Sahyeon.

“Huh?”

The unexpected encounter left me stunned. I even wondered if it was someone who just looked like him.

As I stood there, mouth agape and blinking, he chuckled. My expression must have been amusing.

“Hello.”

His familiar greeting snapped me out of it. It wasn’t a lookalike or a hallucination. It was him. Mr. Baek Sahyeon, in the flesh.

Flustered, I asked,

“What are you doing here?”

Without answering, he thrust something toward me.

No way. A bouquet of flowers.

“Is this… for me?”

He nodded, confirming it.

I took the bouquet, feeling bewildered.

It was a gift I hadn’t expected at all. Flowers from Mr. Baek Sahyeon, of all people… Sure, I had texted him a few days ago about my graduation ceremony, but it wasn’t an invitation. I didn’t expect him to come, nor did I hope for it. That text was just part of my habitual updates.

Maybe because it was so unexpected, the bouquet he gave me sparked more surprise than joy. Even holding it in my arms, it didn’t feel real.

“Th-thank you, ahem.”

My voice caught in my throat, cutting my words short. Thinking I might be tearing up, he bent down, tilted his head, and peered closely at my face. Of course, I wasn’t crying, but being stared at so intently made me embarrassed. I raised the bouquet to subtly cover my face. At my timid avoidance, he let out a low chuckle.

“Thank you.”

I finished my thanks in a softer voice. Tap, tap. His large hand lightly patted my head. I didn’t need to hear it to know what that gesture meant.

The contact was brief. He tucked his hand back into his pocket and asked,

“Lunch? For the record, I haven’t eaten yet.”

That was music to my ears.

“Me neither.”

I eagerly took the bait he offered.

“Perfect.”

He nodded and turned to walk away. I instinctively followed, but then,

“Alright, here we go!”

A lively voice from behind caught my attention. Turning around, I saw people taking photos in front of the gate. It was a scene I’d seen countless times while crossing the schoolyard, nothing special. But strangely, a feeling I hadn’t noticed before surged within me. The sudden emotion was envy.

Pushed by impulse, I called out to him.

“Mister!”

At my call, he stopped and turned to look back. I swallowed hard, gathered my courage, and made my request.

“Would you… take a picture with me? Is that okay?”

I wasn’t usually fond of taking photos. In fact, I disliked it more than liked it. Whether I was taking a picture of myself or someone was taking one of me, I wasn’t a fan.

But today was my graduation day. And the person I liked was here. I was holding a bouquet he gave me. The reason, setting, and conditions were all perfect for taking a photo. I couldn’t help but want it.

He frowned. It was obvious he wasn’t thrilled. Did I go too far? Was it too much? I got nervous, but I couldn’t give up easily.

“Is it not okay?”

I asked again.

“…”

After a moment of silence, he let out a sigh toward the sky. Thinking he’d refuse, I started to feel disappointed, but then he turned fully and started walking toward me. My sinking mood shot up instantly.

In just three steps, he was right in front of me and said,

“You sure know how to make use of people, kid.”

Was it a compliment or a jab? I decided to take it as the former and grinned. He relaxed his furrowed brow and gave a small laugh.

“Here work for you?”

“Uh, yeah. One sec.”

I needed someone to take the photo, so I looked around. But the assistant who usually followed him around… wasn’t here today.

“Mister, did you come alone today?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh? Why?”

“They’re on vacation. Can’t have them trailing me on their day off.”

Oh, that explains it. That’s why his outfit was different from usual. I’d only ever seen him in impeccable, monochromatic suits, but today he seemed more relaxed, which made him stand out. It hit me again—he really didn’t look like someone in that line of work. Especially today. If I exaggerated a bit, he could pass for a college student. One who took a four-year break and came back, maybe…

By the way, the concept of vacation exists in that world too, huh? Well, no matter what you do, you need a break.

“What, need more people to celebrate with?”

“No, I was just going to ask someone to take our picture…”

Of course, the one time I need them, they’re not here. For the first time, I felt the absence of that usually annoying presence.

If you don’t have teeth, you use your gums. I quickly looked for someone else. I couldn’t just suggest a selfie. Just then, the group taking photos by the gate started to disperse. I hurried over and asked a girl who had free hands and seemed friendly enough.

“Excuse me, could you take a picture for us?”

Thankfully, she agreed readily. I handed her my phone and went back to stand next to him, leaving just enough space so our shoulders almost touched.

“Alright, here we go!”

The girl lowered my phone to her hip, skillfully adjusting the angle, and shouted cheerfully. But then,

“…!”

Suddenly, he put his arm around my shoulder. At the same time, click, the shutter sounded.

“Aw, what’s with that expression? One more time!”

I couldn’t see my own face without a mirror, but judging by her reaction, it must’ve been pretty weird. Despite the chaos in my head, I quickly forced both corners of my mouth up. Then, click! click! click! The camera sounded three times in a row.

His hand stayed where it was, still around my shoulder.

We got into the car.

He placed his hands on the steering wheel and asked,

“What do you feel like eating?”

I answered without hesitation.

“Alcohol.”

He looked dumbfounded.

“Alcohol?”

I replied confidently.

“Yes, alcohol.”

And I added,

“I’m old enough to drink now, right? You’re going to let it slide as a mistake, aren’t you?”

“Try pulling that stunt when you’re old enough to drink. I’ll let it slide as a mistake then.”

I was quoting what he said a year ago, word for word. Ever since then, I’d been thinking about it. When I became an adult, I’d definitely drink with Mr. Baek Sahyeon.

He must’ve remembered his words too, because he let out a short chuckle.

“No changing your mind.”

Just in case he tried to back out, I jumped in quickly.

“Not planning to.”

Thankfully, he went along with it.

“But drinking in the daytime is a bit much, no?”

Is it? Well, day or night didn’t matter to me. Drinking itself wasn’t my goal. What I wanted was time with him, a chance to get closer. Alcohol was just the excuse and condition for that.

“Then let’s drink tonight.”

“Oh, you want me to stick around till night?”

I didn’t exactly mean it that way, but if he was willing, that’d be awesome.

“I’d love that.”

For a moment, I worried I was being too obvious. But I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know how to play hard to get. I wasn’t good at hiding my feelings in front of someone I liked. I’d never done it before. Liking someone romantically was new to me, so of course I was clueless.

“You’ve gotten bolder while I wasn’t looking.”

I could tell he didn’t mean physical size. He meant I’d gotten cheekier.

I didn’t deny it. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I was an adult. I was at an age where I could do anything with him. And to do anything, I had to be bolder.

💳

He took me to a seafood restaurant in Yeongjongdo. It was a three-story building entirely occupied by the restaurant, and it looked very clean, like it had just opened recently.

We were led to a seated room on the third floor, with a view of the vast ocean.

“Wow…”

The scenery was different from what I’d seen from the car, and I couldn’t help but let out a gasp of awe. Even after sitting down, I spent a long time admiring the ocean through the large window. It felt that special to me.

Suddenly, I remembered a summer from when I was very young, when my parents took me to the beach in Gangneung. But the memory was hazy, like it was shrouded in fog. Probably because it was so long ago.

I hadn’t been to the beach since then. There was no one to take me, and I had no reason to go. I hadn’t even thought about wanting to go. Realistically, the beach wasn’t an easy place for someone like me, without a car, to access. In that sense, I felt a renewed gratitude toward Mr. Baek Sahyeon for bringing me here.

“You seem to like it.”

He read my mood perfectly. Well, I wasn’t hiding it, so it must’ve been obvious.

“Yeah, I love it.”

“Worth the long trip?”

Honestly, I was a bit skeptical before we got here. With so many restaurants in Seoul, was it really necessary to come this far? But seeing the place changed my mind. It was really great. I was glad I came.

I nodded with a happy smile.

“Yeah, definitely worth it.”

In reality, he did all the driving, and I just rode along comfortably, but… the effort of enduring hunger during the trip was definitely worth it.

“Good. I was worried you’d ask for steak again.”

“Oh… haha.”

Right, I’d said something like that before. That he seemed like he’d fit in at a steak restaurant. Honestly, that thought hadn’t changed. Even up until we left, I half-expected we’d go to a place like that. Not that I was hoping for it. I didn’t care where we went. Even if it was a shabbier place than the samgyeopsal restaurant we went to before, I wouldn’t have minded at all. As long as I was with him, anywhere was fine.

“Take a look and order what you want.”

He pointed to the menu, handing me the choice. I didn’t know much about sashimi, and I figured anything would taste good, but I felt like I should at least make a show of choosing, so I opened the menu.

But the menu was a bit strange.

It had dish names, but the prices… weren’t properly listed?

“Hmm…”

Even if someone else was paying, I couldn’t completely ignore the cost, so I was a bit stumped. I knew that the items on the first page or at the top were usually the most expensive. Pictures with crab legs were pricey too. Abalone was risky. So, ruling those out…

“I think I’ll go with the sashimi rice bowl set.”

After some thought, I made a reasonable choice and put the menu down.

But,

“…”

Mr. Baek Sahyeon’s expression looked quite unimpressed with my decision.

Huh? Did I pick wrong?

I put my hand back on the menu and cautiously asked,

“Should I… pick something else?”

“No. Don’t pick at all.”

Taking back the menu choice entirely, he pressed the call button. As I scratched my chin, wondering what was wrong with the sashimi rice bowl set, a server appeared.

“Yes, may I take your order?”

“The special set and a bottle of sake, please.”

“Which sake would you like?”

“Let’s go with Shichiken.”

“Yes, we’ll prepare it right away.”

He ordered smoothly without even glancing at the menu. He must’ve been here a few times before.

By the way, the special set? Sake?

Those names sounded ominous. I discreetly opened the menu to check the images. There was crab. And what looked like lobster. There were no prices listed, but I could tell it was heart-stoppingly expensive. My heart was the only one racing, though—Mr. Baek Sahyeon seemed completely unfazed. Well, he wasn’t the type to fret over the cost of a meal like I did.

“I’ll eat well.”

It was a menu he personally chose. As the one being treated, I couldn’t complain, so I decided to be nothing but grateful.

He wiped his hands with a wet towel and responded calmly.

“Yeah, eat well. That’s why I’m treating you.”

“Got it.”

I was confident I’d eat well. I’ve never failed to eat what’s available, not even once. Especially sashimi? Lobster? Crab? Those were dishes I could never afford on my own. I hadn’t even dared to consider them. Eating well wasn’t enough—I had to eat with gusto.

“By the way, how’s the new place?”

Out of nowhere, he brought up a new topic.

“Oh, the house? It’s fine.”

Just last week, I moved out after about five years of living in an attic apartment. I relocated to a studio near the university I’d be attending starting in March. The funny thing is, the room size is about the same, but the location is drastically different. I went from aboveground to underground.

“Is it really fine?”

His question was laced with dissatisfaction. It seemed like he knew where I had moved to. I had only mentioned that I moved, not the location… Oh, wait, Hyunki hyung stopped by with some tissues a few days ago. He might’ve heard it from him.

“Yeah, it’s really fine. It was recently renovated, so it’s clean, and best of all, I don’t have to climb stairs.”

The downside was that it didn’t get much sunlight. I was pretty sure the renovation was to cover up mold. Still, the reason I chose that place was, of course, money. The difference in rent between the first floor and the basement was a whopping 80,000 won. Since I’d be busy with school and part-time jobs, I’d only be sleeping there anyway, so what did I need sunlight for? That’s how I justified it.

“But honestly, it’s hard to invite you over. It’s not exactly a place for guests.”

Judging by Hyunki hyung’s reaction, I was certain of it.

“You’ll get sick living in a place like that. That’s… that’s just asking for trouble! Don’t you know how foolish it is to trade your health for money?”

He went on about how even when he was broke, he lived aboveground, not in a basement, how could I give up my health for 80,000 won, which real estate agent recommended such a place, why didn’t I just borrow more from him? He nagged me so much my ears hurt. By the end, he even called me a fool for choosing hardship over an easier path. At that point, I almost wanted to kneel and apologize, saying it was all my fault and begging him to calm down.

“Don’t push yourself. If it’s not working out, just move out. I’ll help you.”

“No, it’s really fine. I lived in an attic for five years just fine. I’ll stay there until I save up enough money.”

“…”

His long eyes narrowed slightly. His disapproval was clear. I said it was fine because it genuinely was, but to him, it probably sounded like empty bravado.

What could I say to make him believe me?

I was choosing my words carefully when,

“Excuse me.”

The door opened, and the food arrived, naturally cutting off the conversation. The interruption felt oddly welcome.

An endless array of dishes filled the wide table. The surprising part was that the main dishes—sashimi and crab—hadn’t even come out yet. I was confident I could eat well, as I’d promised, but eating everything… seemed impossible.

As soon as the server left, he gestured toward the food with his chin.

“Eat.”

“Oh, yeah. You should eat too, Mister.”

I extended my hands in invitation and picked up my chopsticks. But I didn’t know where to start. Too many options led to choice paralysis. It was my first time facing so much food at once, so it felt awkward.

After some hesitation, I dug into the fish fillet closest to me. The texture felt incredibly soft through the chopsticks. It already seemed delicious without tasting it, and when I tried it, it exceeded expectations.

After that, I just followed my instincts, shoving whatever was in reach into my mouth. I must’ve been hungrier than I realized.

As I was eagerly filling my stomach, a sharp smell suddenly hit my nose. The smell of alcohol.

I lifted my gaze, which had been fixed on the food, to look at him. He was pouring sake into a glass. After swallowing the food in my mouth, I casually said,

“Didn’t you say daytime drinking wasn’t great?”

“This much is just a palate cleanser, not drinking.”

Same alcohol, but it changes meaning depending on the time and amount? I’m clueless about drinking culture, so I didn’t know. If I don’t know, I just accept it.

Having accepted it, it was time to experience it. I put down my chopsticks, grabbed the glass in front of me, and held it out to him.

“Pour me some too.”

He paused as he was about to set the bottle down. A flicker of displeasure crossed his face, evident in the slight twitch of one eyebrow.

Why, though?

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“Whether it’s okay to pour for you. I can still see the peach fuzz on your kid face.”

Oh, that’s what this is about…

“You said I’ve grown a lot earlier.”

“I meant your attitude. You knew that.”

“My body’s grown too, you know? I’m old enough.”

“The problem is you don’t look it.”

I see. To him, I still looked like a sixteen-year-old kid.

…That was disappointing. A bit annoying too.

Old fart…

I chewed on the words I couldn’t say out loud.

No matter how much I insisted I wasn’t a kid anymore, he wouldn’t take me seriously. He’d probably just chuckle and brush it off. Frustration swelled, and on impulse, I leaned forward, snatched the sake bottle from his hand, poured it into my glass, and downed it in one go.

But,

“Ugh…!”

I drank it boldly, but… honestly, it was too bitter.

Covering my mouth with the back of my hand, I waited for the bitterness to fade. Meanwhile, he let out a short laugh, propped his elbow on the table, and rested his chin in his hand. The smile on his lips and the steady gaze in his eyes seemed to say, “See? You’re not ready.” It wasn’t my imagination. It was both frustrating and embarrassing, so I lowered my hand and stammered an excuse.

“It’s because it’s my first drink. Everything’s hard the first time.”

Defiantly, I reached for the bottle to pour another, but,

“Stop.”

My wrist was suddenly grabbed.

“…!”

The unexpected contact made my heart thud. A strange tension washed over me. Maybe because his hand was directly on my skin. The subtle warmth, somewhere between cool and warm, seemed to transfer through my skin. It felt different from when he put his arm around my shoulder or patted my head.

A faint pain soon followed from my gripped wrist. He was applying pressure. I understood what he meant, so I didn’t resist and obediently set the bottle down.

He quickly took the bottle back and soothed me as I sat there, stunned.

“Take it slow. No rush. You’ve got plenty of time.”

Right. There was plenty of time. If I was going to stay with him until night, I couldn’t get carried away too early. I needed to stay as sober as possible for as long as I could. Reminding myself that my goal wasn’t the alcohol but closing the distance with him, I nodded.

“Let’s eat.”

He picked up his chopsticks first. I followed, resuming the meal. But the food, which had tasted amazing earlier, now had no flavor. Probably because all my nerves were focused on the wrist he had grabbed.

That first skin-to-skin contact was intense.

It was overwhelming, dominating all my senses.

A red glow poured in. The sun had set, and the sky was painted with the colors of dusk. Staring at the horizon where the sky met the sea, I sipped the sake he poured for me.

“Ugh…”

It wasn’t refreshing—it burned my throat, drawing a rough groan. Still, I could faintly taste a hint of sweetness. If I was already picking up sweetness, I might have a knack for drinking.

Like me, he was drinking while taking in the view outside the window. Unlike me, who downed my glass in one go, he sipped his over several moments. Not that he drank less. He’d had at least five more glasses than me. Yet, he showed no signs of being drunk.

I started openly admiring his profile, bathed in the sunset. The conclusion of my long observation was this: he was handsome. Not just handsome, but strikingly so. It wasn’t just my biased eyes—anyone would think he was good-looking. He was undeniably a handsome man.

My gaze led my thoughts to a question.

“Hey, Mister.”

At my call, he turned his head. Our eyes, which had been misaligned, met for the first time in a while. His eyes, too, were tinged with the sunset’s glow. They were so striking, almost otherworldly, evoking both awe and unease.

With his gaze, he silently asked why I called him. After a brief hesitation, I cautiously began.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask a bunch of things.”

His permission was more generous than I expected. I grinned and playfully clapped.

“Wow, so generous… But, um, are you always like that? So nice to other people… so kind?”

I asked, but I already knew the answer I wanted. I was quietly nervous, hoping I wouldn’t hear something I didn’t want.

“Do I seem like that kind of person?”

Narrowing his eyes slightly, he smiled faintly and asked back. Though it was phrased as a question, it felt like an answer to me.

“Honestly… no.”

I hadn’t seen him interact with anyone other than me or his subordinates, so I couldn’t be sure. But my gut told me he wasn’t the type to be kind to just anyone. I also hoped he wasn’t.

“I don’t think so either.”

Thankfully, he agreed with me.

“Being called kind feels pretty unfamiliar.”

No one had ever told him he was kind. No one had felt he was good to them. But I felt that way… which meant I was the only one. Because he was only like that with me.

“Heh…”

A laugh slipped out. It sounded a bit goofy. My expression was probably just as silly. But I couldn’t stop the laugh or fix my face. The alcohol had weakened my self-control.

Seeing me like that, he chuckled, downed the last finger of sake in his glass, and picked up the bottle again. I quickly held out my glass. He filled it without a word and added a question.

“That all you’re curious about?”

I was about to bring the glass to my lips but shook my head.

“No, there’s more.”

“What?”

“Well…”

…What was I going to ask?

I forgot in that short moment.

“Hold on.”

To jog my memory, I pressed my fingers against my temples. The physical jolt worked, thankfully. The forgotten question popped up like a fish caught on a line.

“Oh, right… So, Mister, why… did you end up doing that kind of work?”

That was it. I was curious why someone who seemed flawless would choose the rough path of being a gangster. It wasn’t just about his looks. According to Hyunki hyung, his education was impressive too.

“He went to some Korean university. I think he majored in sculpture or something like that. But he didn’t graduate, they say.”

Honestly, I was pretty shocked when I first heard that. Going to college was one thing, but an art major? It kind of suited him, but it didn’t match his current job at all. His path, from having both good looks and a solid education to ending up a gangster, was impossible to fathom.

He tilted his head. The smile had vanished, leaving his face dry. His exotic, almost alien eyes, mixed with the sunset and darkness, were calm to the point of being cold.

His reaction was icy. The silence was sharp, the stillness heavy.

Was my question too rude?

I was about to apologize, saying he didn’t have to answer if it was uncomfortable, when he spoke in a slow tone.

“Well, it’s been so long I don’t quite remember. Let’s just say I ended up here chasing what I needed.”

I grew curious about what he needed and whether it was related to why he didn’t graduate. But my instincts stopped me from digging further.

I downed the sake I’d been holding. I drank to dilute the questions rising in my throat and the curiosity gripping my mind. Maybe I drank too fast, but my head spun. It worked to distract me, as I’d hoped, but… it was painful.

“Ugh…”

I rubbed my forehead with my palm and groaned. A sigh came from across the table. Not wanting to face the expression he was likely making, I deliberately turned my gaze back to the scenery outside.

In the brief moment I looked away, the sky had changed. The early evening’s blue light had emerged, blending with the sunset to create a strange, poetic scene. The collision of day and night, the chaotic landscape it produced, was truly spectacular.

The heavy silence lingered, asserting its presence. It was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t think of a way to break it. So, I had no choice but to let it be.

The colors reflecting in the window grew darker, and the silence deepened. The uneasy void created by silence and thoughtlessness was filled with an unwarranted emotion. Specifically, disappointment.

I could tell Mr. Baek Sahyeon anything he asked, but he couldn’t.

I wanted to get closer to him, but he wanted to keep his distance.

This was the limit for now. His response, drawing a line, felt like that to me. The sake I drank earlier tasted especially bitter because of it. The faint ache in my chest was probably because of it. My slumping shoulders were probably because of it too.

Even my nose felt stuffy. I sniffed and rubbed it with the back of my hand.

As the silence grew more uncomfortable, I started to want to escape. I craved fresh air. Thinking I’d use the bathroom as an excuse to leave, I was about to get up when,

“I had a younger brother.”

He suddenly broke the silence.

My slightly open mouth closed, and my head turned. Our eyes met again. He had been watching me, resting his chin in his hand, for who knows how long.

He continued.

“He was young like you, bold like you. Not as pretty as you, though.”

“…”

“He was two years older than you. So if he were alive, maybe he’d be sitting here drinking with me, talking about this and that. Or maybe he’d be in the military.”

If he were alive implied he wasn’t. Understanding this, I didn’t bother confirming.

“I cherished him a lot, but I lost him. And his final moments… weren’t great. I couldn’t send him off peacefully. That’s why. To catch the bastard who hurt what I cherished, becoming the same kind of bastard was the easiest and fastest way.”

A bitter smile followed. It was an expression carrying emotions I couldn’t fully grasp, one that seemed casual but felt all the more painful, like an old scar.

“An ordinary life, a decent environment, a bright future—none of that mattered to me then, and it doesn’t now. I’ve never regretted the path I took or where it led me.”

“…”

“So, how’s that? Does it answer your question?”

It did. But I hadn’t expected such a heavy story, so… my heart sank deeply.

“I’m… I’m sorry for asking…”

“No need to be sorry. Just stop feeling disappointed.”

I flinched.

“Disappointed…?”

“You’re not?”

“…I am. How’d you know?”

“Wasn’t it written all over your face?”

Was it that obvious? I rubbed my cheeks with both hands, trying to fix it belatedly.

“Well, anyway, thank you for telling me.”

I felt bad for unintentionally dredging up a heavy story, but separately, I was glad. Despite it being a difficult topic, he told me because it was for me. That meant it held more significance than just an answer.

But curiosity didn’t know satisfaction. My mind, having recorded his story, churned out another question. Unable to hold back, I blurted it out.

“So… was it because of your brother that you’ve been kind to me?”

Looking back, he had been good to me from the start, even though I was the kin of someone who wronged him.

Just out of pity?

No, that wasn’t enough. As he admitted, he wasn’t a good person. He had no qualms about hurting people and made money that way. Would someone like that be kind to me out of sympathy? …It didn’t add up. So maybe the root of his kindness was affection or longing for a younger brother close to my age. That was the reasoning behind my question.

This time, without any sign of evasion, he answered immediately.

“It was a starting point.”

Ah, as expected… I was about to feel disappointed when,

“Not the whole reason.”

His follow-up erased that disappointment completely. Funnily enough, I only now realized what answer I’d been hoping for.

I wanted to hear that he didn’t see me as just his brother.

“…That’s a relief.”

I murmured with a sigh, filled with genuine relief.