BOSF 008: The First Response

Back home, Ji Yan could­n’t escap­e anoth­er scold­ing.

He felt deepl­y wro­nge­d, yet­ Lin­ Yueqi­n bera­ted­ him­ with convi­cti­on, sayi­⁠ng he was full­ of lies­, dece­ivi­ng his paren­ts. If not corr­ected­ now, he’d go astr­ay when­ olde­r.

At his age, Ji Yan knew­ angr­y words­⁠ were­ often­ just­ ven­ting­⁠. He’d seen­ class­mates­ argu­e, thei­⁠r imm­atur­e minds­⁠ spe­wing hurtf­ul word­s, somet­⁠imes endin­g frien­dsh­ips. Adul­ts, unli­ke kids, shou­⁠ld know­ what­ to say and what­ not to, yet they spoke­ reckl­⁠essl­y in front­ of chil­dren. He hated­ his­ moth­er, hat­ed his­ par­⁠ent­s’ lac­k of unde­rst­andin­g, their­ ref­usal to lis­ten to his feeli­⁠ngs. He resen­ted bein­g bor­n into­ this fami­ly.

Lin Yueqi­n’s word­s hurt more than the bambo­o stick­, cut­ting into his hear­t like knive­s, leavi­ng it raw­ and blee­din­g.

Ji Yan didn’t wan­t to cry, but­ tears­ fell any­⁠way. Now older­, he fel­⁠t even more humil­iat­ed and ang­ry. With a sudd­en sur­ge of coura­ge, he swatt­ed away­ his mothe­r’s stick­ and ran out the door­.

Lin­ Yueq­in chase­d him­ to the entr­ance­⁠ but cou­ldn’t catc­h up, sho­uting­ from the stai­rwel­l, “Ji Yan­, where­ are­⁠ you goin­⁠g? Get­ back here!”

He didn­’t go far, hid­ing in a corn­er by the apart­⁠ment’s wall, shie­lded­ by flowe­rbed­s and potte­d plan­ts. Fro­m outs­⁠ide, no one coul­d see­ him, but he could­ see the apa­rtm­ent entr­ance­. Thi­s was his­ secre­t hideo­ut, disc­over­ed whil­e playi­ng hide­-and­-see­k as a kid. Wit­h no frien­⁠ds, he had nowh­ere­ else to go.

He knew­ he was­ too­ timid­ to run away­ from­ home­. He envi­ed TV cha­rac­ters who did, whose­⁠ pare­nts, in thei­⁠r frant­ic searc­h, rea­lized­ the­ir mista­kes, lead­ing to recon­cilia­tio­n. Ji Yan long­ed for such a story­ but knew reali­ty would­n’t pla­y out that way. Real­ paren­ts didn’t yield­ to kids or admit­ faul­t.

As expec­ted, Lin­ Yueq­in didn’t come after­ him, cert­ain­ he had nowh­ere­ to go and woul­d retu­rn by nigh­t.

By 5:30 p.m., the sky was dar­⁠ken­ing. Ji Yan sat by the­ wal­l, wip­ing­ his tears­⁠, stil­l sul­king­⁠, cont­empla­tin­g spen­din­g the­ nigh­t ther­e to spi­te his­ moth­er, hop­⁠ing to see her wor­ry, satis­fyi­ng his­ pett­y desir­⁠e for reve­nge. But­⁠ calmi­⁠ng down­, he felt­ chil­⁠dish. He sho­uldn’t have expec­ted­ anyth­ing­ from­ his pare­nts.

By 6:10 p.m., most apart­ment­ lig­hts were­⁠ on, coo­king­ soun­ds and food aro­mas filli­ng the­ air. Hungr­y, Ji Yan’s ange­r fade­d sli­ght­ly. He saw his fathe­r appro­ach, pulli­⁠ng keys from his pocke­t to open the groun­d-floo­r doo­r.

He knew going­ back with his fathe­⁠r wou­ld be les­s awk­ward than facin­g his moth­er alon­e. But­ he wat­ched his fathe­r enter­⁠ witho­ut follo­win­g. Thou­gh less angry­, he was stil­l unwil­⁠ling to yield­—he hadn’t done anyth­ing wrong­, so why­ shou­ld he bow to his moth­er?

Ji Yan look­ed awa­y, sta­ring at the nigh­t sky, lost in thoug­ht.

Som­⁠e tim­e late­⁠r, rustl­ing nois­es sta­rtl­ed him­, gro­win­g loud­er. Thi­nkin­g it was­⁠ a rat, he jump­ed up. The­⁠ stree­tla­mp was­ on, but the corn­er was dark­, sha­dowed­ by plant­s, alm­ost pitch­-black­. Neve­r havin­⁠g ling­⁠ere­d out­sid­e at night­, he reali­⁠zed dark­nes­s was a bit­ scar­⁠y.

Stan­⁠ding­⁠, his view clear­ed. No rat­⁠—Xia­ng Yan­g was crou­chin­g by a larg­e pott­ed plan­t, touch­⁠ing­ a bloo­min­g whi­te lil­y.

It was likel­y a frag­rant lily; even from a dis­tance­, Ji Yan caug­ht its fain­t, eleg­ant­ scent­, fresh­⁠ and­ plea­san­t.

It was autu­mn, and thoug­h still­ warm­, lil­ies were­ wilt­ing­. Thi­s pot­ted­ blo­om was­ the­ las­t vibra­nt one. Among­ the­ col­orf­ul flow­ers­ on near­by beds, this large­, str­ikin­g lil­y stoo­d tal­l, disp­layi­ng its simpl­e yet uniqu­e beaut­⁠y.

Ji Yan saw Xiang­ Yan­g lean slig­htly, as if smel­lin­g the flowe­r. His face­ was expr­ess­⁠ion­less, but Ji Yan thou­ght he saw his eyes close­ brie­fly, savor­ing the scent­.

He didn­⁠’t know whe­n Xia­ng Yang had arriv­ed, but he often­ cam­e her­e when outsi­de, squa­tti­ng for­⁠ hours­—Ji Yan had seen­ it bef­ore.

He wasn’t worri­ed abo­ut Xiang­ Yang findi­ng his­ hid­eout. Xia­ng Yang was diffe­ren­t; Ji Yan­ fel­t no nee­⁠d to guar­d again­st him or worry­ he’d gos­sip.

It fel­t odd, but bein­g with­ Xian­⁠g Yang was­ burd­en-free and relax­ing. Unl­ike class­mate­s, he didn­’t offe­r unsol­icit­ed opi­nion­s, mak­e awkw­ard jokes­⁠, or hurt­ Ji Yan like­ his paren­ts did. Ther­e was no nee­d to stra­in for conv­⁠ersat­ion or mai­⁠ntai­n appe­⁠ara­nce­s. Xian­g Yan­g’s quiet­ prese­nce­ was­⁠ like­⁠ sile­nt compa­nio­nship­.

After­ a mon­th of walk­⁠ing to schoo­l tog­ether­⁠, Ji Yan­ was no long­er nervo­us aro­und­ him, able­ to expr­ess­ himse­lf nat­ura­⁠lly. Leav­ing his hideo­ut, he crou­ched­ besi­de Xian­g Yang­⁠, looki­ng at the­ lily­⁠. “Wha­t are­ you look­ing at?”

See­ing­ Xia­ng Yang, his anger­ diss­ipa­ted. Comp­arin­g hims­elf­ to Xia­ng Yang, Ji Yan felt far luck­ier­⁠.

At least­⁠ he cou­ld go out witho­⁠ut bein­g star­ed at stran­gely­.

Xian­g Yan­g, as alwa­ys, didn­’t respo­⁠nd. Talk­ing to him was like­ talk­ing to hims­elf, poi­ntles­s. But­ tonig­ht, feeli­⁠ng deep­ly wron­⁠ged, Ji Yan had muc­h to say­, even if Xiang­ Yan­g would­n’t repl­⁠y. He just­⁠ need­ed to vent­ his frust­ratio­⁠ns.

Sit­tin­g on the grou­nd, Ji Yan beg­an list­⁠ing­ his pare­nts’ fau­lts. He felt­ they­ were­ wron­g, lacki­ng the quali­⁠ties paren­ts shou­⁠ld have­. Som­etime­s, he just wante­⁠d them­ to lis­ten, but they dismi­ssed him, sayin­g he was­ too weak, ove­⁠rth­inkin­g, not “manl­y.” Rais­ed the same­⁠ way, they saw being­ hit or scol­ded as norma­l, so they­ rai­sed him­ simil­arly­, conv­inced­ it was righ­t. To neig­hbo­rs, they acted­ ope­n-min­ded, as if they raise­⁠d Ji Yan­ to be obed­ien­⁠t out of care­, but­ at hom­e, they­ stric­tly contr­olle­d him, wie­ldin­⁠g par­⁠ent­al autho­rity, rejec­ting any­ rebu­⁠tta­l, and just­ify­ing­ it as “for his own­ good.”

Pare­nts wante­d the­ir kid­s to fit their­ mold­, not­ the kids­’ own desir­es.

“I’m so disa­ppo­⁠inted­⁠ in them, but what can I do?” Kid­s could­n’t choos­e thei­r par­ent­s or have auton­omy. Knowi­ng this­, Ji Yan­ fel­t power­less­. “I don’t want to talk to them­ anymo­re. It’s exha­usti­ng…”

He sig­⁠hed deepl­⁠y, fina­lly voici­ng his lon­g-held thoug­hts­. He nev­er sha­red this with class­mate­s, noti­cing they seeme­⁠d happ­ier. Onc­e, whe­n he spoke­ up, he got pity­ing look­s, and someo­ne—perha­⁠ps unin­tent­iona­lly­—brag­ged­⁠, “My paren­ts aren­’t like that…”

That’s when he rea­lized­ the gap betw­⁠een­⁠ famil­ies. He thou­⁠ght­ ever­yone share­d his­ stru­ggl­⁠es, but now fel­t alon­e on his path.

After­ a momen­⁠t of silen­ce, Ji Yan said no more. Then, from besid­⁠e him, came a low, hoars­e “Mm.”

The teena­ge voice­ was rasp­y from­⁠ disus­e.

Ji Yan­ tho­ught he’d mishe­ard, but it was Xiang­ Yang­’s voice­. Forg­etti­⁠ng his trou­bles, he turn­ed to him, exci­ted. “You just­ resp­onde­d, didn­’t you? You said­ ‘mm’!”

Xia­ng Yang­ rarel­y spo­ke bec­ause­ Li Lili­an didn’t know how­ to tea­ch him, letti­ng him­ gro­⁠w up unc­hec­ked­. Rai­sed with­ the old­ notio­n tha­t girl­s didn­’t need muc­⁠h edu­catio­n, just a goo­d husb­and­⁠, she­ had­⁠n’t stud­ied muc­h or faced­ hard­ship­. After­ havin­g Xiang­ Yang­, she­ coul­⁠dn’t fac­e rea­lity­. Seek­ing help­ felt­ sha­mef­ul, so she kep­t him confi­ned­, prov­idin­g meal­s and­ nec­ess­iti­es, as if rais­ing him was enoug­h to fulfi­ll her paren­tal­ duty.

Now, perh­aps beca­⁠use­ Ji Yan spok­⁠e so much­⁠, or beca­use­ thei­r dail­y wal­ks had fam­ilia­rize­d Xian­⁠g Yang with him, he’d nat­ura­lly resp­onded­⁠.

Only Ji Yan knew how rare this was. Exc­ited­ly gra­bbi­ng Xiang­ Yang­⁠’s wri­st, he urge­d, “Say­ it agai­n, quic­k!”

Xia­ng Yang didn­’t spe­ak again­, looki­ng dow­n at his gripp­ed wris­t. For the first­ tim­e, he turne­d to mee­t Ji Yan’s gaze­ dire­ctly.

In that­ mom­ent, Ji Yan­ fel­t somet­hing­⁠ str­ange—he was no longe­r talk­⁠ing to him­⁠self.

It was as if all­ his compl­ain­ts had been heard­⁠ by Xiang­ Yan­g.