BOSF 019: Self-Comfort

At first, Ji Yan thought he’d wet the bed, but he quickly realized that wasn’t it—he hadn’t done that since starting school. Lifting the blanket and checking his pajamas, he confirmed it was what the teacher had mentioned in class. His face flushed, but with no time to dwell, he grabbed fresh underwear from the wardrobe and slipped into the bathroom to change.

While washing up, he cleaned the soiled underwear too. It took longer than usual, his first time dealing with this, and the embarrassment was natural. He hadn’t even grown facial hair yet—how had he had a wet dream first?

After washing, he planned to sneak to the back balcony to dry the underwear while his mom was busy, but as he stepped out, Lin Yueqin’s voice cut through. “Why so long today? Come eat breakfast.”

Ji Yan tried to hide the underwear, but she spotted it. “What’s that? Why are you washing underwear?”

“Don’t ask,” he mumbled. He often thought his mom was too blunt—like when she’d told him to shower with Xiang Yang. Women were odd, shy before marriage, then shamelessly open after kids.

He didn’t want her prying, but she pressed, “Still wetting the bed at your age?”

“It’s not that.” Ji Yan hurried to the balcony.

Following him, she paused, then guessed, “Oh, is it…?”

“Stop it!” he snapped.

Unfazed, she continued, sounding pleased, “You’re growing up.”

Mortified, Ji Yan’s face burned as he hung the underwear to dry. He ignored her, eating breakfast in sullen silence.

Lin Yueqin, amused by teasing him, added, “It’s normal, everyone goes through it. No big deal. You’re not a girl—what’s there to be shy about?”

In his head, he grumbled, It’s not just girls who get embarrassed. I just don’t want you blabbing about it.

Leaving for school a few minutes late, he found Xiang Yang waiting at the door. After his mom’s teasing, Ji Yan felt oddly shy facing him. Though both boys, he couldn’t discuss this with Xiang Yang. Glancing sidelong, he wondered—Xiang Yang had stubble; had he experienced this too? Earlier? Did he know what it was? Did he wash his own underwear?

Introverted and sensitive, Ji Yan’s first bodily change sparked endless thoughts, leaving him unusually quiet on the walk. Sensing his silence, Xiang Yang, unable to express concern, just stared.

“Don’t keep looking at me,” Ji Yan said, half-laughing at Xiang Yang’s intense gaze. Unsure if he’d understand, he shared his secret. “My mom says I’m growing up.”

Xiang Yang’s expression didn’t change, his gaze briefly lingering before shifting away.

Ji Yan sighed, chuckling helplessly. Xiang Yang’s calm made his worries seem self-inflicted.

Still, the incident lingered. Puberty brought endless concerns—height compared to peers, facial hair, body hair, penis size, erection timing. The last was the hardest to voice. He could discuss beards with classmates, but private matters? Impossible. He had no friends for that, and asking parents was out—his mom was a woman, and his stern father was unapproachable.

In the days that followed, Ji Yan noticed wet dreams recurring, sometimes waking up still aroused. The more he tried ignoring it, the more his body demanded attention.

One half-asleep moment, he slipped his hand into his pajamas, rubbing his swollen organ. Sex was sinful—or so outdated parental teachings claimed, painting it and masturbation as shameful. As he gripped himself, guilt flickered, but the intense pleasure overwhelmed it. Too shy to lower his pants, he explored sensitive spots, fingers wrapping around the hardened shaft, thumb pressing the engorged tip, breathing heavily until his first release.

Afterward, cool fluid coated his hand. He stayed still, catching his breath, then used tissues to clean up.

After the first time, the second and third felt easier. Growing up in a conservative environment bred his guilt, but Ji Yan’s curiosity led him to research, like when he’d looked up autism. School lessons, limited by propriety, were vague, but online searches via the library computer revealed masturbation and wet dreams were normal, even healthy, if moderate.

Relieved, he accepted his changes, curiously examining his erections—average, not too long or short, just less hairy. With classmates sprouting beards, he noticed his sparse body hair, likely inherited from his mother, who had little. This explained his shyness showering with Xiang Yang, fearing he was different.

The more he learned, the less he panicked—everyone developed differently.

He thought he’d overcome one hurdle, but a bigger one loomed.

Once, at Xiang Yang’s, Ji Yan accidentally brushed Xiang Yang’s groin while picking something up. Xiang Yang stepped back, frowning—not out of dislike but for a more awkward reason. Unsure how to handle it, he ignored it.

Ji Yan, recognizing the reaction from his own experience, looked up in surprise. A boy’s genitals were sensitive, especially in impulsive puberty; a slight touch could trigger it.

“Xiang Yang, you…” Ji Yan didn’t think it meant attraction. He figured Xiang Yang, never taught to relieve himself, reacted strongly because no one guided him. Communication was hard enough—whom could he ask?

Ji Yan bit his lip, at a loss. Telling Xiang Yang’s mother was impossible, and his father, who barely cared since Xiang Jie’s birth, was no help. Ji Yan wasn’t as urgent about his own issues but panicked for Xiang Yang, fearing he’d harm himself holding it in.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to help directly.

What to do?

Genuinely worried, he resorted to a crude solution—sneaking adult magazines from his dad’s stash, hidden under the bed. Wrapping them in his jacket, he brought them to Xiang Yang’s. Li Lilian, busy with Xiang Jie, didn’t notice.

Expecting Xiang Yang to browse alone was unrealistic, so Ji Yan flipped pages for him. After a while, Xiang Yang showed no reaction, but Ji Yan’s face burned. “Do you… feel anything?”

It was his first time viewing such material with a friend, but nerves dulled any excitement, leaving only embarrassment. Later, he asked a classmate who lent comics if he had adult ones, thinking visuals alone weren’t enough—Xiang Yang needed action to learn. But it backfired: Ji Yan blushed at the comics while Xiang Yang stared at him, solving nothing.

Frustrated, Ji Yan blurted without thinking, “Do I have to show you how?”

He froze, stunned by his own words. Even Xiang Yang looked at him.

Ji Yan realized—could Xiang Yang manage it alone? Did he know how?

Silently meeting Xiang Yang’s gaze, his ears red, Ji Yan felt this step was necessary, or the problem would persist. Hesitantly, he asked, “Xiang Yang, do you… want me to help?”