BOSF 022: Separation

The winter break ended, and a new semester began.

Junior high was the first major turning point in a student’s academic journey, marking the end of compulsory education. After graduation, at least half the students would go on to regular high schools. Others would attend five-year junior colleges or vocational schools to learn practical skills for a living. Only a small minority, due to family or personal reasons, would choose not to continue their education.

At the start of the semester, the homeroom teacher handed out aspiration surveys for students to fill out and discuss with their families before submitting. The second semester of the second year was critical, prompting students to think about their futures early. The survey would guide class assignments in their third year: those aiming for regular high schools would be grouped together, those headed for junior colleges or vocational schools in another class, and those not continuing their education—after school evaluations—would be placed in a resource class. The resource class was designed for students with learning difficulties, staffed by specially hired teachers.

Holding the survey, Ji Yan’s gaze lingered on the resource class option. Barring any surprises, Xiang Yang would likely end up there.

Thinking of Xiang Yang, Ji Yan let out a deep sigh.

After that night when Xiang Yang kissed him, Ji Yan hadn’t visited him for the rest of the break. The more he tried to stop things, the more they spiraled out of control. He didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t something he could talk about with anyone, nor could he resolve it through effort alone. His only option was to avoid Xiang Yang for now. He didn’t hate him—surprisingly, he wasn’t repulsed or disgusted by what happened—but he was overwhelmed with worry. He worried about so many things. He knew Xiang Yang was different, that he didn’t care about others’ opinions, but that was exactly why Ji Yan felt twice the burden of concern for him.

After all, no one could truly live independently in this world. Family, relatives, friends, neighbors—all brought pressures and expectations, binding people like chains. Cities, towns, and villages were man-made cages, yet people willingly trapped themselves within, creating rules to constrain themselves and finding comfort in it. Ji Yan himself was just another beast in this cage, unable to break free. His fear was that Xiang Yang wouldn’t fit into this society, that he wouldn’t survive.

But no matter how much Ji Yan avoided him, he couldn’t abandon Xiang Yang when it came to going to school. So, at the start of the new semester, Ji Yan still waited at the door.

He no longer held Xiang Yang’s sleeve or arm or chatted about recent events. He walked in silence, avoiding Xiang Yang’s gaze. He was terrified of meeting those eyes, of softening again, of letting his softness lead Xiang Yang astray—something that never should have happened.

Ji Yan stared at the survey for a long time. Another year had passed, and he thought he’d grown, but it felt like nothing had changed.

People are full of contradictions. As kids, they can’t wait to grow up and make their own decisions; but as adults, they’re lost, burdened with more worries, and long for the carefree days of childhood. Right now, Ji Yan felt lost about his future. He still didn’t know what he wanted to do, could do, or should do as an adult.

He revisited a question he’d once asked his mother: What’s the point of getting into high school or university?

Back then, he had no clue. Now, a vague answer was forming in his mind, a blurry vision taking shape—he wanted to leave this place, and he wanted to take Xiang Yang with him.

He was still young, lacking the means to be independent, and maybe he couldn’t do it now. But in the future… surely, he could.

When Ji Yan brought the survey home to show his mother, his parents, unsurprisingly, wanted him to aim for high school. The nearest high schools were two, both outside the village, about an hour away. One had a high academic threshold; the other had a poorer reputation. Though both were high schools, their university admission rates showed a clear gap. High school entrance exams weren’t as competitive as university ones, especially in rural areas like theirs, where urban students rarely enrolled, keeping competition low. With Ji Yan’s current grades—neither stellar nor poor—getting into high school wasn’t the issue; the question was which one.

In the past, Ji Yan hadn’t studied hard or cared about grades. But now, with a goal in mind, he naturally wanted to aim for a good school.

His family couldn’t afford cram school. Most kids in the village were in the same boat, relying on self-study and asking teachers for help. Cases like Xiao Pei’s were rare—only wealthier families could afford cram schools or private tutors from prestigious schools.

Xiao Pei’s example, the stifling environment, and his clashes with his parents’ traditional views only strengthened Ji Yan’s desire to leave his hometown.

Though his family lacked extra money, they could afford after-school tutoring at school. The first time Ji Yan asked for money, Lin Yueqin teased, “What’s this? Suddenly want to study hard? You’re not tricking me to get money for arcade games, are you?”

Traditional parents like hers rarely praised; they questioned and doubted, always suspecting their kids were up to something. Ji Yan knew his mother well, but it still stung. He knew that no matter how many years passed or how old he got, his parents wouldn’t change. “No,” he replied. “You can ask my teachers.”

Lin Yueqin handed over the money. “Since we’re spending it, study hard. Don’t waste it.”

Ji Yan took it without another word.

He submitted the survey and signed up for tutoring. Only afterward did he realize the tutoring sessions included early morning and after-school hours, meaning his schedule would no longer align with Xiang Yang’s for walking to and from school.

Tutoring started the following week. Looking at the schedule, Ji Yan didn’t know how to explain it to Xiang Yang. Would he understand? Would he think Ji Yan was abandoning him?

On the way home, Ji Yan started to speak several times but stopped. He was afraid of softening, of seeing Xiang Yang’s hurt expression.

In the end, he stayed silent.

At home, he told Lin Yueqin about the tutoring schedule and mentioned Xiang Yang. She had never approved of their closeness. If not for neighborly ties and Ji Yan’s insistence, she would’ve forbidden it from the start. They’d argued about it before, and now she seized the chance to lecture him. “I told you not to hang out with Xiang Yang, but you wouldn’t listen. Now you can’t shake him off, can you? What are you going to do? You’re going to high school, university—you have your own life. You can’t drag Xiang Yang along forever…”

Ji Yan couldn’t muster a single rebuttal, his hands clenching tightly.

Though Lin Yueqin scolded him, she acted quickly. Other people’s problems should be returned to them. Ji Yan didn’t know what she said to Xiang Yang’s mother, but Li Lilian agreed.

Ji Yan remembered that day as likely the last time he walked to school with Xiang Yang. Years later, he regretted not saying something meaningful to him then.

When tutoring began, Ji Yan had to wake at 6:00 AM and leave by 6:30. The first day he went alone, he lingered at Xiang Yang’s door, lost in thought. From now on, he wouldn’t know if Xiang Yang still waited here or if he could pick him up after school. Their paths in life were starting to diverge.

His eyes stung, and he went downstairs, holding back tears.

He told himself some time apart might be good. Maybe if they didn’t see each other, Xiang Yang would let go of those feelings.

He reassured himself it was only temporary, a step toward a future where they could walk a longer path together.

Wiping his tears, Ji Yan cried quietly, restraining himself. After crying, he pushed aside his troubles, focusing entirely on studying, filling every empty moment.

In their third year, classes were reshuffled. The classmates who’d spent two years together were reluctant to part, and with graduation nearing, a heavy sadness hung in the air.

Ji Yan looked at his test paper, thinking of Xiang Yang, who’d been assigned to the resource class. It was far away, tucked in a corner of the school, isolated from the other classes as if to avoid disturbing the “diligent” students. It wasn’t a route Ji Yan passed during regular school hours.

Several times, he thought about visiting Xiang Yang but held back. He didn’t know if Xiang Yang resented him or what he’d say if they met.

Could he ask Xiang Yang to wait for him? He couldn’t.

Could he tell Xiang Yang he was working hard to get into a good school so he could take him away someday? He couldn’t.

He didn’t even have control over his own future—how could he take care of Xiang Yang? If he couldn’t do anything now, it was better not to give false hope. He could only maintain the status quo. Don’t rush, he told himself. Just keep things as they are.

Steeling himself, Ji Yan dove back into his exams.

A year later, he achieved good grades as hoped. When filling out high school preferences, he could’ve aimed for a better school, but that would’ve meant boarding away from home.

Deep down, Ji Yan wanted to attend the nearby high school to stay close to Xiang Yang. Lin Yueqin, worried about him living alone in an unfamiliar place, agreed. Ji Qiuyuan had no objections.

For the past year, Ji Yan had buried himself in studies, deliberately ignoring anything related to Xiang Yang. When he finally wanted to share the good news, he stood outside Xiang Yang’s door, hesitant to ring the bell, overcome with a sense of trepidation.

As expected, Xiang Yang didn’t continue his education after junior high. He no longer stood outside watching flowers, staying shut inside instead.

During the summer before high school, Ji Yan lingered outside the apartment, hoping to run into him, but never did.

Li Lilian’s attitude toward Ji Yan had cooled. She was no longer warm, even a bit distant, busy caring for two-year-old Xiang Jie, always taking him with her. Ji Yan couldn’t find a chance to ask about Xiang Yang and could only watch them leave.

He wasn’t thick-skinned enough to keep trying after being given the cold shoulder. He suspected Lin Yueqin had said something harsh when refusing their arrangement, and now, with Ji Yan’s success in getting into a good high school, Li Lilian likely felt bitter and didn’t want him seeing Xiang Yang.

As time dragged on, Ji Yan didn’t see Xiang Yang once, and the summer passed.

In high school, the academic pressure intensified. After a relaxing summer, Ji Yan didn’t slack off. Lately, though, he noticed his parents arguing more. At first, they closed the door to keep him out of it, but the fights grew louder.

Initially, he thought it was just petty squabbles, as usual. Until one day, he overheard the reason. Word on the street was that the food processing factory outside the village was relocating due to environmental concerns. Many workers, whose livelihoods depended on it, were protesting. The move came without warning.

If the factory left, countless people, including his father, would lose their jobs.