Chapter 15 – If You Weren’t Here

After a long moment, Jiang Lou was still smiling: “Cry? Do you think I’m like you?”

He withdrew his hand, stuffing it into his pocket. “Since your fever’s gone, you should go home early. Don’t make your mom worry.”

After saying that, he walked past Li Tang, striding forward on his own.

Li Tang wanted to follow, taking a few steps before slowly stopping.

Although he had been in Xucheng for two months, since he hadn’t integrated, his impression of the place remained vague. Not until now, watching Jiang Lou gradually fade away, as if about to step into this post-rain autumn scenery painting, did the city seem to materialize.

The biting wind, falling leaves, damp air, and the solitary back of the teenager.

It made one want to rush up and hug him, to tell him that the rainy days were over.

During the Monday break, Xucheng No.1 High School announced the successful conclusion of the autumn sports meet, with Class 1 Grade 2 winning the group first prize for their overall outstanding performance.

Back in class, Zhou Dongze posted the certificate right in the middle of the blackboard bulletin board. Li Zichu hopped around, wanting to stick a conspicuous big red flower on it, which was snatched away by the passing Huo Xichen: “Take a break, Class President.”

Li Zichu’s leg was injured from a fall during the three-thousand-meter race, propping himself down at the desk, he said seriously: “Don’t call me class president anymore.”

Huo Xichen had just stuck the big red flower on it, turning his head: “Then what should I call you?”

Li Zichu grinned: “Call me brother.”

Three seconds of silence later, Class 1 Grade 2’s classroom erupted with tumultuous noise.

Meanwhile, Li Tang was unaware of all this in the teacher’s office.

He had been called by Teacher Liu, his homeroom teacher, assuming that the school had found out about his run-in with the delinquents outside. Li Tang’s heart pounded, already contemplating how to help Jiang Lou get out of trouble.

He didn’t care about himself, after all, his academic record wasn’t here, but Jiang Lou was someone who had taken a leave of absence and had been given up on by the school. If there were more incidents, it might affect his college entrance exam and graduation.

With these thoughts in mind, Li Tang almost held his breath as he watched Teacher Liu rummaging through her drawer for something. It wasn’t until she took out a grade sheet that Li Tang breathed a huge sigh of relief.

“As a student in the advanced class, your results for the first monthly exam can be considered quite disappointing,” Teacher Liu frowned, looking at his school ranking, “The second monthly exam is coming up soon, have you prepared yourself?”

Li Tang blinked: “What kind of preparation?”

“Preparation to improve.” As if she had never seen such a slow student, Teacher Liu looked frustrated, “Do you want to lag behind in the class again?”

In Li Tang’s mind, forty wasn’t considered lagging behind, but he said sincerely: “The last monthly exam was due to my inadaptation upon arrival, maybe it’ll… be better this time.”

The hesitation was because he couldn’t guarantee the outcome.

Teacher Liu disliked students who were arrogant and complacent, so these words actually reassured her.

“I see that your main subjects are just fine in English, the Chinese teacher says you often veer off topic when writing essays. Your deskmate, Li Zichu, has good Chinese grades and has even won awards in essay competitions, you should learn more from him.”

“Mmm.”

“As for math…” Teacher Liu was at a loss, “If we’re talking about consistent excellence, it’s still the class representative Jiang Lou, but his seat is a bit far from yours.”

At the mention of Jiang Lou’s name, Li Tang pricked up his ears: “I can find him during breaks and ask him for guidance.”

Teacher Liu was pleased with Li Tang’s attitude towards progress: “Good, Jiang Lou’s English always falls short a bit, you two can help each other and learn from each other.”

From then on, Li Tang had ample reason to run to the back of the classroom.

It wasn’t entirely for selfish reasons. Li Tang’s self-awareness had awakened, starting to resent others constraining his choices. In fact, he didn’t want to study abroad. Going overseas would mean adapting to a new environment again, integrating into a new circle, which for a socially anxious person could be a nightmare.

And the only leverage to convince Li Yuanshan to let him stay in the country for university was his grades.

Li Zichu didn’t hold back on him, imparting years of accumulated writing experience, including his usual “master key” – concocting a story that could relate to virtually any life principle, and then citing various sources to adapt to all changes.

“I won’t hide it from you, I once wrote the same story in consecutive sessions of a certain essay competition, guess what happened? I won first place both times,” Li Zichu said proudly.

Li Tang took the lesson to heart. He turned around and wrote several passages, then showed them to Li Zichu. The more Li Zichu read, the more indescribable his expression became: “One minute it’s ‘he,’ the next it’s ‘I,’ then it suddenly turns into ‘you,’ whose perspective is it exactly?”

Li Tang thought about it: “Whoever is convenient, the test paper doesn’t specify that multiple perspectives can’t be used.”

Li Zichu’s mouth twitched: “I think you’d better put your hopes in math.”

Li Tang originally thought Jiang Lou wouldn’t teach him, after all, their last conversation before parting ways wasn’t pleasant. Unexpectedly, Jiang Lou seemed to have forgotten about it, Li Tang had barely brought the test paper in front of him when he took it over: “Which problem do you not understand?”

Mathematics was indeed better than Chinese, after all, most solutions to problems were singular, lacking the infinite space for development and bizarre possibilities. Li Tang wasn’t stupid either, often understanding with just a hint, not needing Jiang Lou to explain every step of the solution in detail.

This was also the first time Li Tang felt Jiang Lou’s “willingness to help,” whenever there was a question, Jiang Lou never refused, making Li Tang regret immensely – if he had known earlier, he wouldn’t have pretended to be reserved during the deskmate period.

Moreover, Jiang Lou treated everyone equally. Once during lunch break, Li Tang even saw him standing in the corridor explaining problems to classmates from the neighboring class, one hand holding the workbook and the other gripping a pen. With a lift of his finger, someone would present a rough draft paper like a scroll, truly calm and collected, attracting the attention of passing girls without exception.

But it left a sour taste in Li Tang’s heart, a bitter feeling.

He didn’t want to be so petty, but every time he remembered that night on his birthday, the candle lit for him alone, there would always be a sense of despair that “he would do the same for anyone else.”

In the blink of an eye, it was time for the second monthly exam, Li Tang was still unaccustomed to the high-density exams of five subjects a day. After finishing the last subject, he was dazed and collapsed onto the bed as soon as he got home.

Waking up in the middle of the night to check the time on his phone, he found unread messages from Jiang Lou: Isn’t the second question of the English cloze B?

Li Tang struggled to get out of bed, rummaging through his backpack for the rough draft paper, confirming the answer before replying: Yes, did you choose correctly?

Jiang Lou didn’t answer, but switched to another subject: How did the math exam go?

Speaking of mathematics made Li Tang’s head hurt: Generally average, but you guessed two major questions right, you’ll definitely get those points.

Jiang Lou sent a thumbs-up emoji.

Li Tang carefully selected from his collection of emojis, picking one with a blushing cat face.

Holding the phone, he waited for three minutes, no response from the other end.

Unwilling to let the conversation end there, Li Tang pretended to remember something: By the way, are you going to the athletes’ gathering this weekend?

The so-called athletes’ gathering was the reward Zhou Dongze and Li Zichu came up with to encourage everyone to participate in the sports meet, for which they even spent half a class meeting discussing how to arrange it.

The conclusion was a package deal of a movie, afternoon tea, and dinner. The movie was a recently released 3D special effects blockbuster, the afternoon tea was scheduled at a newly opened script-killing venue in the city center, and dinner was booked at a Thai restaurant.

While there was nothing particularly novel, it was commendable for being packed and sincere. Already, students who hadn’t signed up for the sports meet were beginning to regret it, asking physical education commissioner Zhou Dongze if they could squeeze in. Zhou Dongze was stern: “Next time, please sign up early.”

Who didn’t know that the next opportunity would only be the spring sports meet in the second semester of Grade 2, which would take at least another six months.

The homeroom teacher also said that after this, everyone should settle down, so everyone was rubbing their hands in anticipation, ready for a grand play.

But Jiang Lou said: No, you guys have fun.

Li Tang didn’t understand: Why? Are you busy with something else?

He couldn’t help but speculate, could it be that he was going to the boxing gym to earn money again?

This time, Jiang Lou replied, perhaps too lazy to type, sending a voice message: “I’ve never watched movies, nor have I been to movie theaters.”

His voice was low, devoid of emotion: “I can only hear sound in one ear, I’m not accustomed to multi-channel environments.”

Sitting in the cinema on the weekend, Li Tang was still ruing his blunder.

During this period, Jiang Lou had also sought his advice on English, so Li Tang discovered that Jiang Lou had obvious problems with his spoken English. Many words were pronounced indistinctly, in incorrect pronunciation. At the time, he assumed it was due to poor phonetics and a weak foundation, but when he demonstrated reading a word and Jiang Lou still couldn’t pronounce it correctly, he realized the root of the problem.

According to the data he looked up, people with unilateral deafness, or severe hearing loss in one ear as described by Jiang Lou, didn’t simply suffer a halving of the volume they heard.

They couldn’t discern the position and distance of sounds, for example, unable to determine which direction footsteps came from, unsure where the source of water flow sounds was.

They couldn’t hear people speaking clearly in noisy environments, hence, despite Jiang Lou’s remarkable popularity, he rarely participated in group activities, avoiding crowded cafeterias.

Not to mention the impact on learning languages, while others heard a complex and three-dimensional world, Jiang Lou heard a monotonous and flat one. To reach the same level, he always had to exert more effort than ordinary people.

Yet Li Tang still asked him why he didn’t come to watch movies – 3D movies were all about the colorful and dazzling visuals, and the earth-shattering sound effects. Since he couldn’t hear clearly, what enjoyment was there?

Halfway through the movie, Li Zichu, sitting beside him, shoved the popcorn bucket meant for two into Li Tang’s arms, saying he was going to the restroom.

Li Tang had things on his mind, already watching without interest, and without someone to discuss with, he found it even less enjoyable, almost dozing off with the popcorn bucket in his arms.

He woke up because the movie reached its climax, successive explosions jolting Li Tang. He sat up straight, glancing out of the corner of his eye to see someone in the seat next to him, and extended the popcorn.

After a while, the person beside him didn’t move. Looking sideways in confusion, Li Tang froze abruptly.

Sitting there wasn’t Li Zichu, but Jiang Lou.

Surprise was overwhelmed by joy.

After a long while, Li Tang finally spoke: “…Didn’t you say you weren’t coming?”

Jiang Lou tilted his right ear, Li Tang immediately leaned in to ask: “Why did you come?”

“I didn’t want to come at first.” There were other people watching the movie around them, so Jiang Lou also leaned close to Li Tang’s ear, “If it weren’t for you being here…”

“Boom—”

The movie started to unleash earth-shattering scenes again, with dozens of speakers in the theater blasting at full force, drowning out the latter half of the sentence. Li Tang didn’t hear clearly.

He didn’t have the nerve to ask.

Li Tang sat upright, casting a sidelong glance at the person next to him. Jiang Lou’s nose was tall and straight, his eyebrows and eyes appeared even deeper in the dim light environment, his pupils reflecting the changing images against a backdrop of deep black.

—If it weren’t for you being here, I wouldn’t have come.

Li Tang filled in the second half of the sentence in his heart, grabbing a piece of popcorn, chewing twice, and finding it unexpectedly sticky.

After the movie ended, everyone gathered on the open ground outside the cinema.

Seeing Jiang Lou, Zhou Dongze was surprised: “Thought you weren’t coming.”

After all, he hadn’t seen him during roll call.

Jiang Lou smiled: “Not welcome?”

“Of course welcome.” Zhou Dongze also smiled, “You’re also an athlete, and you won two championships for our class, you can come anytime.”

Walking out of the crowd, Zhou Dongze took out the roster, crossing out the cross behind Jiang Lou’s name and changing it to a tick.

Then he looked up, toward the person standing next to Jiang Lou.

Li Tang hadn’t spoken since the end of the movie, holding half a bucket of uneaten popcorn, lost in thought.

As if remembering something, he suddenly nudged Jiang Lou’s arm, moving his lips.

Jiang Lou, towering over Li Tang by half a head, slightly bent over, tilting his right ear to listen.

The two conversed for a while in a manner that was oblivious to others, at an extremely intimate distance and posture.

Li Tang’s gaze remained fixed on Jiang Lou, not sparing even a second for anyone else.