Chapter 33 – You Are Perfect

The term of endearment Li Tang had chosen himself was now at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it, feeling embarrassed.

After calling out the second time, he refused to speak again. Jiang Lou persistently kissed his neck, lingering on his collarbone, while Li Tang bit his lip, occasionally letting out faint breathy sounds.

When his roommate Sun Yuxiang returned, they had already moved from the bed to their desks, each engrossed in their phones, seemingly focused on browsing the internet.

Seeing Li Tang, Sun Yuxiang greeted him warmly. “Come to visit, huh? I have lots of snacks here; feel free to take some.”

Li Tang nodded in agreement but then buried himself in his screen, pretending to be busy, as he was actually anxious that someone might notice his chapped lips and the marks covering his neck.

Sun Yuxiang, still high from his date, felt the room was too quiet and decided to play music through the Bluetooth speaker he carried with him.

Listening for a while, Li Tang’s face began to heat up.

He guessed that Sun Yuxiang had saved this song from a playlist titled something like “100 English Songs You Must Listen To This Year,” completely oblivious to the lyrics’ meaning. That’s why he played it without restraint in front of his classmates, moving his body to the beat while tidying up his things, dancing around casually.

Suddenly, his phone vibrated, signaling a new WeChat message.

Jiang Lou: Did you understand?

Li Tang: Almost…

Jiang Lou replied quickly: I didn’t understand. Please, Teacher, translate it for me.

Li Tang looked up at the person sitting across from him. Jiang Lou seemed normal, as if genuinely seeking guidance.

Reluctantly, he asked: Which part?

Jiang Lou: From No sin onwards.

Li Tang pursed his lips and started typing: No sin means without sin.

Jiang Lou: What about after that?

Li Tang took a deep breath.

Call it meditation when we both unravel within,

Feel the calm before the storm as is my tongue on your skin,

In between your breathing I can hear the drop of a pin.

The translation could perhaps be less erotic if taken literally, but considering what had just happened on the cramped single bed, Li Tang found it hard to remain calm and professional.

He began to suspect that Jiang Lou was intentionally provoking him, yet he couldn’t resist the way Jiang Lou called him “Teacher.” He barely managed to translate the second line when he suddenly heard Jiang Lou’s soft laughter.

Immediately after, a new message appeared: Your ears are red.

Li Tang subconsciously touched his ears, finding them indeed hot.

Fortunately, Sun Yuxiang was lost in his own world of bliss, unaware of Li Tang’s unusual behavior.

However, this clandestine method of communication, especially regarding such an advanced topic, proved too much for Li Tang to handle. He hastily got up to bid farewell and returned to his own room.

After Li Tang left, Jiang Lou scrolled up to reread their chat history, his finger pausing on Li Tang’s reply, “No sin means without sin.”

No sin, without sin.

A corner of Jiang Lou’s mouth lifted in a mocking smile.

Two people with half the same blood running through their veins, engaging in such filthy acts.

How could there be no sin?

The next afternoon, the classmates embarked on their journey home.

As they gathered at the foot of the mountain to board the bus, Su Qinhan finally found the opportunity to ask Li Tang, “Is your wound alright? I’ve already taught Zhao Yutao a lesson; he won’t dare to do it again.”

Li Tang said, “It’s fine, the water wasn’t scalding.”

“What about your mouth?”

“I accidentally bit it during dinner yesterday…”

“It looks painful.” Su Qinhan scrutinized it further. “Little Tang, your lips are so beautifully shaped, plump and inviting.”

“…”

“Must be great to kiss.”

“…”

“Oh, I was just saying it out loud; why are you blushing?” Su Qinhan chuckled. “Let’s sit together on the way back. I haven’t finished the snacks I brought; you can help me clear them out.”

Li Tang, harboring a secret, mumbled, “…Okay.”

On the other side, Jiang Lou waited until the number of people entering and exiting the restroom dwindled before heading inside.

While washing his hands, the sound of the water masked all other noises, so Jiang Lou didn’t hear anyone approaching.

By the time he realized someone was there, that person had already settled beside him on the right.

“You two have made up?” Zhou Dongze asked.

Jiang Lou ignored him, not even lifting his eyelids.

“Now you’re not even bothering to pretend?” Zhou Dongze questioned further.

Jiang Lou continued to ignore him as if he hadn’t heard anything.

After washing his hands and turning off the faucet, he attempted to leave but was blocked by Zhou Dongze.

“What exactly do you intend to do to Li Tang?” Zhou Dongze, clearly infuriated by Jiang Lou’s disregard, spoke with urgency. “Why did you get close to him and then push him away? Are you playing games with him?”

At this point, Jiang Lou lifted his gaze, looking calmly at Zhou Dongze.

“What does it have to do with you?”

His voice was remarkably calm, as if completely unaffected by Zhou Dongze’s direct questioning. “This is between him and me. Do you have any right to interfere?”

Although not aggressive, Jiang Lou’s words were enough to make Zhou Dongze retreat.

Recalling how Li Tang returned to his room the night before, his face aglow, his inexplicably broken lips, and the faint traces on his neck…Zhou Dongze didn’t want Li Tang to get too close to Jiang Lou, unsure whether this thought stemmed from concern for Li Tang or his own selfishness.

Li Tang had already clearly rejected him, and Zhou Dongze knew that his current actions were crossing boundaries.

Jiang Lou’s words reinforced that boundary, leaving Zhou Dongze with a sense of powerlessness—yes, it was their affair; what right did he have to meddle?

But knowing Jiang Lou’s character, Li Tang’s situation seemed perilous.

Unable to stand idly by, he issued a warning.

Zhou Dongze looked sharply at Jiang Lou. “Regardless of your intentions, don’t hurt him, or I won’t let you off easily.”

Once Zhou Dongze walked away, Jiang Lou laughed alone in the empty space.

He found it absurd. As if Zhou Dongze was the knight saving the prince, while he was the villainous demon trying to capture him.

And the prince had fallen in love with the demon.

What a dark fairy tale this was.

Upon returning to Xucheng, there were only two days left until the Spring Festival.

Li Tang would spend New Year’s Eve with his mother in the capital and wouldn’t return until the sixth day of the New Year.

Unable to celebrate the New Year with Jiang Lou, Li Tang felt regretful, cherishing every moment he spent with him.

The night before New Year’s Eve, they met at a downtown mall. Li Tang arrived a few minutes early and ordered two hot coffees at a tea shop on the first floor. Just as he took a sip, he saw a familiar figure approaching through the store’s floor-to-ceiling window, causing his lips to curve upward.

Today, Jiang Lou wore the windbreaker Li Tang had given him, a dark blue that complemented him well, almost matching the color of his irises.

Walking through the bustling mall, Li Tang complained to Jiang Lou about wearing the windbreaker without telling him. He wanted to secretly wear matching outfits.

“Afraid of getting caught?” Jiang Lou asked.

Li Tang said, “I’ve thought it through. The more you hide, the more it seems like you’re trying to hide something. When you helped me with math and I scored high, people already noticed we were close. Now, pretending not to know each other would be artificial.”

That’s what he said, but when they approached a clothing store and saw a classmate inside through the glass, Li Tang turned and ran faster than anyone else.

Later, they sat at the most secluded table in the restaurant, Li Tang using the menu to shield his face as he stealthily observed their surroundings.

Jiang Lou asked him, “Didn’t you say you figured it out?” Li Tang replied, “I said we don’t need to pretend not to know each other, but anyone can tell we’re on a date, and we’re wearing the same clothes. It’s too ostentatious…”

Today’s society appeared inclusive and open-minded, seemingly offering understanding and support to sexual minorities. But that existed solely in the internet filled with “new ideologies.” Li Tang could easily imagine the reaction if he publicly came out, revealing his relationship with Jiang Lou to everyone around him. Perhaps many would offer blessings in person, but behind closed doors, there would be no shortage of those whispering about how disgusting they found it. Li Tang, unable to ignore others’ opinions, didn’t want Jiang Lou to face criticism for being with him.

Jiang Lou had already suffered enough; Li Tang hoped his future path would be smooth and wide.

Moreover, there were the elders. With Li Tang still dependent on his parents, he lacked the confidence to challenge societal norms. Perhaps in a few years, once he started working and could save money to buy a house, not necessarily large, just big enough for two people, and then adopt a dog and a few cats…

He was thinking ahead.

Yet Li Tang always enjoyed imagining the future, especially since being with Jiang Lou amplified that joy.

A future with Jiang Lou; how wonderful that would be.

Bumping elbows with Jiang Lou, Li Tang asked, “Do you have a favorite color?”

“Why are you asking that?”

“Just curious.”

“Black, probably.”

Li Tang had guessed as much. Jiang Lou’s clothes were mostly black, even the moon in his WeChat profile picture was black.

“Black is good, it suits a modern style…” Li Tang was already planning. “But how should it blend with my favorite color…”

He glanced at Jiang Lou and nonchalantly asked, “Do you know what my favorite color is?”

Jiang Lou looked at him and boldly replied, “No idea.”

Li Tang was speechless. “Wouldn’t you ask then?”

How could someone not be curious about what their lover likes?

So Jiang Lou asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

For once, Li Tang acted petulantly, humming, “I won’t tell you.”

Xucheng was lacking in entertainment options. Without movies or video games, they could only go home after eating at the mall.

They went to Jiang Lou’s home, of course.

Jiang Lou’s home didn’t have a TV. Li Tang brought a tablet, saying he’d leave it there to watch the Spring Festival Gala with Jiang Lou on New Year’s Eve.

There was no gala now; they watched Animal World instead.

It was showing lions hunting a herd of sheep. The sheep scattered in fear, and the lion effortlessly navigated among them, easily singling out the slowest one, which had stumbled. With sudden force, it pounced, baring sharp claws and fangs, biting through the sheep’s neck.

Although Li Tang knew this was a scene following nature’s food chain and the survival of the fittest, seeing the blood splatter, he still found it cruel and instinctively closed his eyes.

When the tearing sounds subsided, Li Tang opened his eyes slightly to observe the expression of the person beside him.

Unfortunately, Jiang Lou showed no emotion. He appeared so serene, as if watching a boring political news segment or a calm sea surface.

That night, Li Tang stayed over again.

Jiang Lou had a dream that wasn’t quite a dream, as the scenes replayed events from his past.

He saw himself at seven years old, standing by the road where his father had the accident, grabbing onto the white coats of medical personnel, begging them to save his dad.

He saw ten-year-old him, newly deaf in his left ear, surrounded by older students on the school playground. Someone deliberately yelled near his hearing aid, causing a piercing buzz in his head.

Next was sixteen-year-old him, stepping into the boxing ring for the first time. His frail body couldn’t withstand the heavy punches; he was knocked down several times, picked up by a professional boxer twice his size, and thrown to the ground like a sandbag. His bones crackled as if breaking, and his organs felt scattered and displaced by the impact.

…

Thousands of days condensed into three brief scenes, yet they sufficed to encapsulate his growth.

Like walking in eternal night without a single lamp, he had struggled, stumbling and falling, often ending up in dead ends and circling back, and countless times nearly drowning in swamps.

After waking up, Jiang Lou didn’t feel relieved from the ordeal, rather, he felt lost, still in the darkest hour before dawn.

Was it only by transforming from prey to predator that one could escape the fate of being hunted?

Li Tang also woke up, noticing the sweat on Jiang Lou’s palms, and asked if he had a nightmare.

Jiang Lou confirmed it, and Li Tang comforted him, saying, “I had a nightmare in your bed last time too, but nothing happened afterward…dreams are opposite to reality; don’t be afraid.”

Jiang Lou didn’t respond but tilted his head, staring fixedly at Li Tang.

The dim light from the bedside lamp illuminated Jiang Lou’s eyes brightly, reflecting a tiny silhouette.

Embarrassed by his gaze, Li Tang asked, “Are you scared?”

After a moment, Jiang Lou nodded.

Li Tang leaned forward to kiss him. Remembering the unwritten rule that only Jiang Lou could initiate, he merely brushed his lips lightly against Jiang Lou’s.

Pulling away, Li Tang asked, “Now?”

Jiang Lou shook his head, indicating he wasn’t scared anymore.

Li Tang smiled triumphantly, his hand under the covers rustling as he explored Jiang Lou’s reactions.

Just as he reached Jiang Lou’s lower region, his wrist was restrained. “Don’t move around.”

Li Tang bit his lip. “…I brought something.”

“The thing” referred to the necessary tools. Li Tang was ready both physically and mentally, awaiting Jiang Lou’s outstretched hand to pull him into his embrace.

But at this critical juncture, Jiang Lou called a halt.

He asked, “Are you sure?”

Soliciting pleasure was the limit of what Li Tang could do, so when faced with Jiang Lou’s question, he wavered, his response becoming hesitant. “Wh…when of course.”

Jiang Lou’s gaze was like a mirror. “If you’re still uncertain, wait a little longer.”

“But…”

“I’m not going to rush into it in a few days.”

Li Tang stuttered, “…It’s me who can’t wait.”

Jiang Lou chuckled. “I haven’t seen you this honest before.”

Li Tang retorted, “No one’s as stubborn as you.”

In the end, they didn’t go further.

The sky in the east turned a faint gray, and the poorly maintained windows rattled in the wind, as if the entire world was shaking uncertainly.

Li Tang nestled next to Jiang Lou, making a promise. “Then when I’m ready, you can’t run away.”

Jiang Lou held Li Tang, his arm under Li Tang’s neck, gently stroking his soft hair.

“How could I run away,” he said, almost sighing. “You’re the one who should run away.”

Jiang Lou had always believed that only by continuously growing stronger and climbing higher could one break free from predetermined destinies, even if it meant treading on others’ corpses or becoming a heartless hunter.

But who could have imagined that in this world, there would be a prey who would feel sorry for the hunter and personally hand over the gun?

On New Year’s Eve, Li Tang flew to the capital with his mother.

The following six days passed in a repetitive pattern of feasts, drinking, and visiting relatives…Perhaps slightly different was the reunion dinner with former international school classmates on the fifth day of the New Year.

Li Tang met Cao Yang, the friend who had nearly severed ties due to failing to manage the relationship between his girlfriend and friends.

Meeting again after months, it wasn’t as awkward as he had imagined. They greeted each other enthusiastically yet politely, and when the conversation turned to romantic lives, Cao Yang sighed, saying Li Meiqi had become his ex-girlfriend, the reason being incompatible personalities.

When Cao Yang went to the restroom, another classmate came over to gossip with Li Tang. “Do you believe his talk about personality differences? He wanted to sleep with her, and she didn’t agree.”

That made more sense.

After all, such matters required prerequisites—mutual affection and passion.

Moreover, in the Bible, such acts were described as tasting the forbidden fruit. Through dialectical thinking, Li Tang concluded that this portrayal was humanity’s conscious attempt to impose restrictions on desire. From then on, humans were disciplined, as if born with a sense of shame, as if such matters always implied wrongdoing.

So was Jiang Lou also afraid of taking a wrong step, leading to irreversible consequences?

The night before returning to Xucheng, Li Tang called Jiang Lou, starting with “Happy New Year.”

This was already the sixth New Year greeting this year. Worried that Jiang Lou would be lonely, Li Tang called him every day, under the guise of keeping him company for the holiday.

School reopened on the eighth day of the New Year, meaning they could see each other in two days. However, Li Tang had something to say and couldn’t wait until then, needing to tell Jiang Lou tonight.

“Do you remember, last year on my birthday, I made a wish at your place?”

Jiang Lou said he remembered.

Li Tang asked further, “Do you want to know what I wished for?”

Jiang Lou laughed. “If I said I didn’t want to know, would you not tell me?”

Assuming he wanted to know, Li Tang shared: “My wish was that you could see the last section of the lyrics of Hearing Damage. Those were the words I wanted to say to you.”

Hearing Damage was in Li Tang’s English song playlist, the song he had played in the classroom at the beginning of the semester, the one that had caused a stir.

The panic back then was genuine, as was the sincerity now.

The last few lines of the song were repeated—

You can do no wrong,

(In my eyes, in my eyes.)

And You can do no wrong had a more direct translation—You are perfect.

On Li Tang’s seventeenth birthday, he received an ordinary cake and unconditional favor from Jiang Lou, enough to fill the gaping holes in his heart, left by unfulfilled expectations.

So he wanted to repay Jiang Lou with completeness, making him the one blindly favored and the only one.

Such words could only be said over the phone, so Li Tang spoke with determination, akin to making a vow.

“You won’t do wrong.”

“In my eyes, you are perfect.”