Chapter 5 – Confession?

Li Tang couldn’t make sense of what Jiang Lou was saying, what did he mean by “stop pretending”? Wasn’t it normal to be more terrified when mugged late at night?

As for “do you know who I am,” Li Tang pondered over it and came up with a guess: “Could it be that you were once part of their gang?”

Back home, lying in bed, Li Tang replayed Jiang Lou’s expression over and over again. He could only discern a hint of confusion and a subtle sense of difficulty to express himself.

He had forgotten to say thank you again.

Not used to accepting favors, Li Tang had prepared his lines and practiced them several times in his bedroom before leaving the house. He planned to sincerely thank Jiang Lou as soon as he saw him today.

But he didn’t expect that as soon as he entered the classroom, Li Zichu, sitting in the second row third seat, waved at him, signaling him to come over.

“Mr. Liu came to class earlier and said that starting from today, we’ll be sitting together.” Li Zichu smiled, “Hello, new deskmate.”

As soon as morning reading was over, Li Tang headed towards the back of the classroom.

However, he was too late. The few boys at the back, including Jiang Lou, had left the classroom a few minutes before the bell rang. The students in the front row said they had been called by the Chinese teacher to move teaching aids.

Li Tang mustered up the courage to ask the head teacher in the office.

“It was Jiang Lou who came to me early this morning and asked me to move your seat to the front.” Mr. Liu said.

“But I didn’t want to move to the front.”

“He said you have myopia and can’t see the blackboard clearly during class.”

“…”

Having two hundred degrees of myopia, Li Tang, who indeed needed glasses to read the board during class, was momentarily speechless.

Mr. Liu pushed his glasses up and sized him up, “And besides, you’re not very tall. Sitting there is just right.”

Li Tang, standing at a height of around one meter seventy, had no argument against that.

Although he still found it strange—suddenly changing seats, could it be because of that “minefield” song?

But he saved me last night, he doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge over a song.

What was even more frustrating was that Li Tang couldn’t find an opportunity to even say thank you.

Whether intentional or coincidental, Jiang Lou was either sleeping or nowhere to be seen during breaks these past few days. Even when collecting and distributing math homework, he rarely showed up. Instead, it was his new deskmate, Huo Xichen, who took his place.

Huo Xichen was originally Li Zichu’s deskmate. After moving to the last row, he became much more cheerful, walking with a lively expression and humming a tune. So when Li Tang approached him, he looked at him warily, “What do you want? I’m not switching back with you.”

It was as if the last seat in the fourth group, or rather, beside Jiang Lou, was some kind of auspicious spot.

Undecided matters could easily turn anxiety into frustration.

Li Tang began frequently rubbing the scar on his left wrist, the bruise left by the gang leader when he snatched his watch that night.

First, he poked it with his fingers. The swollen skin lost its original elasticity and took several seconds to recover its flatness after being pressed down.

After repeating this several times, that piece of skin seemed to develop its own consciousness, gradually becoming numb and losing its sense of pain. Li Tang then started pinching it, with his fingertips, with his nails.

His nails were short, so the pain from pinching was dull, enough to numb his body but not cause severe pain. This level was just right for him.

After pinching it like this for two days, it was Auntie at home who accidentally discovered that not only had Li Tang’s wrist injury not improved, but it also seemed to be worsening. She hurriedly applied medicine to it.

And she told Li Tang’s father about it.

This time, Li Yuanshan came to Xucheng ostensibly to check on how his wife and son were settling in, but in reality, it was still for business.

Therefore, Li Tang didn’t see him until the third day of his arrival.

Only father and son sat at the breakfast table in the morning. Li Yuanshan looked tired after a night of entertaining, and when he noticed the obvious bruise on Li Tang’s wrist, he asked, “How did you hurt your hand?”

Li Tang had already prepared his answer: “I tripped and fell, and my hand hit the ground.”

Li Yuanshan reminded him to be careful, not to run around aimlessly, and to spend more time at home accompanying his mother. Li Tang agreed.

Then he asked, “How are you doing at your new school, have you made any new friends?”

For some reason, Li Tang thought of Jiang Lou.

Even though he and he probably weren’t considered friends.

“Of course.” Li Tang said earnestly, “I’ve made many friends, I don’t even want to leave here.”

When he was little, his mother told him the story of the wolf coming.

He forgot most of the details, but the ending was that the boy who often lied finally caused the adults to lose trust in him. In the end, he was bitten by a wolf that tore his neck open and ate him whole, bones and all.

Li Tang was deeply frightened by this ending for a long time, and for a long time, he didn’t dare to tell a single lie, such as how timid and afraid of the dark he was, or how he didn’t want to go out and make friends… even small things like how he didn’t like buns but loved bread, he truthfully told Li Yuanshan.

In return, he received rebukes from Li Yuanshan.

—How could a boy be so cowardly? I think you’ve just been spoiled rotten.

—If you don’t make friends, how will you cultivate social skills? How can I entrust the company to you in the future?

—Why would you not eat good Chinese food and instead love those foreign things? You’re causing me so much trouble.

Later, he learned to be clever. When confined to his room, he gritted his teeth and didn’t cry, pretending not to be scared at all; despite his fear of socializing, he forced himself to attend various gatherings and make countless “friends” without refusal; at home, he liked whatever his mother liked, and outside, he followed the trends of his classmates, whether it was anime games or milk tea coffee.

He wasn’t good at lying, but he didn’t want to stand out.

Being part of the crowd made him feel normal and thus safe.

Except for one thing, he wasn’t different from the normal boys around him.

On Wednesday noon, during the break, Li Tang sat on the steps leading to the rooftop on the fourth floor of the comprehensive building, surfing the internet on his phone, browsing a well-known domestic gay communication forum.

He rarely came here. For one, the screen was filled with posts seeking hookups in the same city, messy and difficult to find valuable content. Secondly, Li Tang had a strong sense of crisis and was accustomed to thinking far ahead and expecting the worst.

He had even thought that if he died unexpectedly one day, his phone would become important evidence for investigation. The police would sift through every chat record, every search term he had browsed, exposing them to everyone like a public flogging.

Such things were uncontrollable, but at least, Li Tang hoped that at least, when the police opened his browsing history, it wouldn’t be filled with passionate content like “what should I do for expansion the first time” or “how big is the maximum size that can be accommodated.”

Even if he died, he wanted to die with dignity, to die quietly.

When he heard footsteps, Li Tang was browsing a particularly pure-love post. The original poster said that the boy he had a crush on was much taller than him, and every time the boy bent down to talk to him, he felt as if the boy wanted to kiss him.

Most of the comments mocked him, telling him not to overthink it, that there were still plenty of straight men in this world. Some people were curious about how short the original poster was, wondering how someone could misunderstand simply by bending their head down.

Closing the browser and locking the screen, Li Tang stood up.

The timing was perfect. The person going upstairs passed the corner on the third floor and raised his eyes, meeting the gaze of the person above.

Li Tang was wearing contact lenses today, so he could clearly see that Jiang Lou lightly raised his eyebrows when he saw him.

Learning from previous experiences, Li Tang started by thanking him this time.

“For what happened last time, thank you.”

Jiang Lou stood right in front of him, “Which time?”

Indeed, it wasn’t just once. Li Tang said, “Monday night at the school gate, and also last time when choosing the English representative… I want to thank you for both.”

Jiang Lou had an expression of understanding, “Just for that.”

Li Tang was taken aback, “Otherwise, why else?”

If not for that, then for what?

Confession?

Jiang Lou smiled but didn’t answer.

He was wearing the autumn uniform today, and the loose sleeves covered his arms.

Remembering the second purpose of this visit, Li Tang pointed to his own arm, then to Jiang Lou’s, “Is the wound on your arm any better?”

Jiang Lou gave a noncommittal “hmm,” seemingly not wanting to explain further about the origins of the large bruise.

Instead, he glanced at Li Tang’s wrist hanging by his side, where the medicine had just been applied, making it look exaggerated, as if he had suffered a serious injury.

Li Tang couldn’t help but hide his hand behind his back, his fingers interlocking tightly.

Fortunately, Jiang Lou didn’t mock him for being delicate.

He shifted his gaze to the only window in the stairwell. The scorching sun at noon shone through the glass, blinding him and making him squint.

Taking advantage of this brief moment, Li Tang gathered his courage, “I want to invite you to dinner.”

Facing the playground, there was noise outside the window. Jiang Lou, not hearing clearly, tilted his head, “What?”

It was rumored that he was deaf in his left ear and relied solely on his right ear to hear. Therefore, he was arranged in the corner of the classroom, and when listening to others speak, he had the habit of tilting his head, slightly leaning forward with the right side of his face.

The distance suddenly shortened, close enough to see the sunlight penetrating his thin earlobe, giving the originally pale skin a faint golden hue.

Holding his breath was purely instinctive.

Li Tang repeated what he had just said, but in his mind, he thought that the profile was clearly more like it.

More like asking for a kiss.

During the afternoon break, Li Zichu asked if he had managed to catch up with him, and Li Tang nodded.

His behavior of chasing after him like a wolf chasing a sheep these past two days was seen by Li Zichu, his deskmate. Li Tang didn’t deny it, only saying that he wanted to properly thank Jiang Lou for helping him before.

“Then did he agree to have dinner with you?” Li Zichu asked again.

Li Tang shook his head dejectedly, “No.”

However, Jiang Lou didn’t directly refuse, but instead told him, “Next time.”

When asked when next time would be, Jiang Lou seemed surprised by such a serious question and laughed again, “Of course, when you want to have a meal.”

Li Zichu had an expression as if he expected this, “It seems that no one has been able to have a meal alone with Jiang Lou yet.”

Li Tang recalled it and indeed hadn’t seen him eating with anyone else.

He hadn’t even seen him eat alone. Based on occasional trips to the cafeteria, Li Tang had gotten to know all the classmates in a week, except for Jiang Lou, who had never appeared at any of the cafeteria windows.

Li Tang even began to suspect whether he didn’t need to eat, like a vampire or something.

Recalling the movies he had watched before, vampires’ skin was also very white, shining under the sun.

Li Zichu asked again, “Did you ask him why he wanted you to change seats?”

“No.” Li Tang said, “Even if I asked, the reason he gave me would probably be the same as what the teacher said.”

“Also true.”

Li Tang glanced at his new deskmate, “You seem to care more about the seat change than I do.”

Li Zichu was taken aback, then laughed, “Just a bit curious.”

Time quickly passed to the weekend, and after six days of evening self-study, Li Tang’s body felt drained, sleeping from dusk till noon.

Li Yuanshan had returned to the capital, leaving a considerable sum of money behind before leaving. At lunchtime, Li Tang bit on his chopsticks and checked the balance on his bank card, thinking that he would buy a few more cups of milk tea for everyone at school next week. They also liked fried chicken.

With his generosity, Li Tang’s phone kept ringing early in the morning. Apart from Zhou Dongze inviting him to play at his family’s cafe, there were also invitations to play basketball, murder mystery games, and even to watch a movie. The latter was from a girl from the neighboring class whom he had met at the cafe last week. He had added several WeChats that day, and Li Tang had already forgotten what this girl looked like.

His fingers swiped randomly on the screen, and Li Tang, suffering from decision fatigue, hadn’t decided whose invitation to accept when he suddenly heard footsteps downstairs.

Looking up, it was Zhang Zhaoyue, who had been resting behind closed doors for several days, finally coming out of her locked room.

With Mother around, everyone else had to take a backseat.

After having lunch with Li Tang, when asked about her plans for the afternoon, she said, “I want to go out for a walk.”

Li Tang immediately responded, and before Zhang Zhaoyue put down her chopsticks, he had already packed everything they would need for the trip—windproof jackets, blankets for her legs, and a thermos of hot water for her medication.

Auntie praised him for being considerate, “To have such a filial son, Madam is truly blessed.”

Zhang Zhaoyue’s body was not yet recovered, her lips almost bloodless in pallor. Hearing this, she only smiled but didn’t say anything.

Sitting in the car, the driver asked where they were going, and Zhang Zhaoyue said, “Just drive around.”

Fortunately, Xucheng wasn’t very large, and it took only half an hour to drive from one end of the city to the other. On the way, Li Tang proactively mentioned various aspects of his new school, and incidentally “casually” revealed that he had become the English representative. Zhang Zhaoyue was indeed pleased, smiling and telling him to study hard and not disappoint the teacher who had appointed him.

Halfway through, Li Tang dozed off leaning against his mother in the car, waking up because the road began to undulate and jolt. Looking out the car window, the towering skyscrapers had been left behind, and the road ahead meandered toward distant green mountains.

The houses on both sides of the road began to vary in height and elevation. Small hills were neatly paved with slabs of green stone, facilitating upward movement. And between the houses and the highway, there was only a low patch of weeds.

Stopping by the roadside, the fresh air mixed with the fragrance of grass and trees made Li Tang involuntarily take a deep breath.

Supporting Zhang Zhaoyue out of the car, Li Tang asked, “Mother, did you live nearby when you were in Xucheng?”

Zhang Zhaoyue paused for a moment, saying, “We just happened to pass by, so I got out to take a look.”

Li Tang didn’t understand what was worth seeing.

This place was better described as simply and brutally preserving its original state, fully displaying the characteristics of urban villages.

About half an hour later, Zhang Zhaoyue was dizzy from the wind and listened to Li Tang’s suggestion to return to the car to rest.

Feeling thirsty, Li Tang went to a nearby small store to buy water. That store was built at the foot of a short slope, with a wooden signboard and red painted characters. The shelves inside were also made of wood, eroded by dampness, with several uneven patches of mold.

Some snacks that Li Tang had never seen before were displayed on them, colorful packaging that looked cheap at first glance.

While pondering what a snack called “cat ears” was made of, Li Tang heard a familiar voice.

“Boss, give me a craft knife.”

Turning his head, he met Jiang Lou’s gaze looking over.