CEL 1

The meeting with that sunbae was strange from the start.

“…Han Jaeha-ssi?” An address that did not fit someone his age.

A face worn down with fatigue.

A precise tone that made even a question mark sound like a period.

There were countless peculiar points to choose from, but the decisive reason I came to define him as a strange person lay elsewhere.

“It really is Han Jaeha-ssi.”

A piercing gaze I had never once received in my life.

It looked like the gaze of someone who had met a person they had longed for over a long time, and it also looked like the gaze of a beast that had finally found prey after starving for a while.

If not for the thick textbook in his hand, I would never have believed he was a fellow student at the same school.

In Seo Hamin’s case, his eyes… were a little wild.

From about five steps away, two gazes of different temperatures tangled.

In short, this whole story began with meeting that strange sunbae on a campus under falling cherry blossoms.

April 6th. Along with spring air that had come a little early.

•••

“Do you have plans?” Today made it two weeks.

Even considering that he did not come to school every day, it was already the eighth time.

Today Jaeha deliberately sat in a spot where he would not stand out, yet how did he manage to find him the moment he entered the lecture hall each time?

Jaeha briefly wondered if this bizarre ability came from Hamin’s stalker-like tendency, or if he was simply lucky, but he did not ask out loud. They were not in that kind of relationship to begin with.

He stopped stuffing the printouts into his bag and stared straight into the pitch-black eyes. The moment he first met him came back to mind.

Cherry blossoms had been falling like in a scene from a movie, but in truth it was not a romantic situation at all.

Because it was only natural to feel resistance if someone you had never seen before called your name with eyes burning with intensity like a debt collector.

At the time, he thought, there really are all kinds of strange people, and he pretended not to hear. But the very next day, when that person came looking for him in the lecture hall, he could not ignore it.

“Han Jaeha.”

He tilted his head at the flat call.

The man’s hair stuck out in all directions from being unkempt, his T-shirt was stretched, and his sneakers were worn out, but he showed no sign of intimidation.

His drooping bangs nearly touched his eyelashes, but they could not cover the gleam in his ink-like pupils. Unlike at the first meeting, he asked with a calm expression.

“Do you want to eat lunch?”

How did he feel when he heard that?

Maybe, he felt a little disappointed.

The curiosity he had, even if small, vanished quickly at that tiresome question he had heard since childhood. Whatever the purpose was, the method was obvious.

“I am sorry. I already have plans, so I think it will be difficult.”

“Alright, I understand.”

Contrary to the expectation that he would insist, he nodded.

“Ah, I am Seo Hamin. Third year in law, twenty-four years old.”

“Hello, sunbae-nim. I am Han Jaeha, second year in Western painting. I am twenty-one.”

Except for dragging out his words a little when he mentioned his age, the conversation was nothing special. He thought it might be a bit late to be introducing themselves now, but at least outwardly it did not show.

“See you again.”

“Yes, see you next time.”

If he had known that exchange carried such meaning, he would not have answered so easily.

As the silence stretched, the black pupils that looked like they would not reflect anything even if hit by a straight beam of light held a faint emotion. Today? Maybe? Things like that.

Did this stalker have no pride?

It was honestly a little funny to see him keep expecting even while being rejected every time.

An untimely silence spread through the lecture hall. He could feel people pricking up their ears toward him while pretending not to. Persistent gazes pushed for an answer.

In truth, even if he did not know the person well, having a meal once was not a big deal for Jaeha. So he could just eat lunch or whatever and be done with it…

“I am sorry, sunbae. I already have plans today too.” Why was it that he so disliked saying yes?

There was no way he had full plans every day for two weeks straight, but the other person quietly nodded again.

“Alright, I understand.”

That was why, for reasons like this, he wanted to go against him.

“Have a good day.”

Instead of showing any regret, Seo Hamin left behind the same greeting as usual and walked away without hesitation. The one left dumbfounded by the steps that held no lingering attachment was himself.

As he stared blankly at the retreating back, Woojin, who had been sneaking glances from the side, asked.

“Did you do something wrong to that sunbae?”

“…Me?”

Jaeha tilted his head, sinking into thought with a face that really looked like he did not know. Woojin scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Well, it was a sudden question even to himself. Han Jaeha and wrong were words that did not match at all.

Woojin had watched Han Jaeha for five years since high school, and he was a perfectly balanced person in every way.

He had a good personality, he studied well, and he came from a good family. Trouble, accidents, mischief, those things had always been far away from him.

So, there was no way he could have done something wrong…

“Then did that sunbae do something wrong to you?”

“There has never been such a thing.”

“Then why is he so desperate to eat with you? How does he know your timetable? Did you already know each other?”

“Mm… Woojin-ah, sorry, but today I really do have plans. I think I need to go now.”

“Ah, really? I thought it was another excuse. I was going to ask if we should do the assignment together…”

“Sorry, let’s do it together next time.”

Woojin clicked his tongue inside as he watched Jaeha apologizing repeatedly even though he had done nothing wrong. How could he possibly survive in this harsh world if he is this nice?

Seo Hamin, was that his name?

His face was pale and his appearance shabby, the type who looked gloomy just at a glance. It was obvious he was approaching with impure intentions.

Should he find out what kind of person he was…

While running through people he knew in the law department in his head, he realized that even then those pale-colored eyes were quietly fixed on him. Normally someone would urge him to hurry, but he was waiting with lukewarm patience, and Woojin’s lips twitched on their own. No matter how he saw it, it made his shoulders rise.

Really… how was Han Jaeha supposed to live without him?

He tried hard to keep the corners of his lips in check, but it was difficult to stop himself from smiling.

Instead of hiding his expression, Woojin hung his arm on shoulders that were half a head bigger than his. Several envious eyes quickly landed on them.

That was what it meant to be the friend Han Jaeha relied on. No matter where they went, it was a place that received as much attention and treatment as Jaeha himself.

Jaeha looked up slightly, staring at Woojin and smiled as if he knew nothing.

“Tomorrow you are definitely doing it with me, right?”

“Come to think of it, didn’t you say you ran out of liquin? I still have some left in my locker in the practice room. Do you want to use it?”

“Oh? Is that okay?” He had been too lazy to buy more, so this worked out well.

With his easy-to-read face, Jaeha nodded as if to say, “You know the code, right?”

“Hey, you’re really a good guy.”

Grinning with a foolish-looking face, Woojin gave him a compliment and Jaeha answered calmly.

“It’s nothing.”

There was not a trace of awkwardness on his face.

On the way out of the lecture hall and toward the nearby parking lot, Jaeha encountered many people and exchanged greetings.

“Jaeha, hi.” “We should have a drink sometime.” “Want to go buy supplies together?”

They ranged from plain greetings to obvious advances. He answered every tiresome word one by one, then finally squeezed himself into his car. Only when he was alone did he feel a bit of relief.

While pressing the accelerator, he erased his expression from his face. His eyes, briefly caught in the rearview mirror were filled with boredom.

Even though it was not rush hour, it was an hour later when he got out of the car. It was always troublesome to make the trip, but he liked that here the chance of meeting someone he knew was low.

He pulled out a cigarette at the smoking area and put it between his lips. He inhaled deep into his lungs and exhaled, and smoke spread like a clump of clouds.

A place where nobody knew him was comfortable. He did not care how others looked at him, and he did not feel the pointless pressure that tightened his breath.

He smoked three cigarettes in a row there. After having worked only in the practice room for a while, the bitter taste felt sweet again.

He rubbed out the cigarette down to the filter and searched his pocket. He wanted to smoke a few more, but there were none left. He soothed his regret and entered the officetel. He pressed his temples with fatigue and then tapped in a simple four-digit code.

1234.

It was a half-hearted number, but since there had never been a break-in, it was functioning well enough.

When he opened the door, a messy interior filled his sight. Paints, palettes, pastels, a tablet, and several easels of different sizes were scattered everywhere.

There were two rooms, but both were packed with art supplies and used like storerooms. Since it was not a place for sleeping, there was no bed. The only thing it had was a large leather sofa that could be cleaned quickly even if something got on it.

He pulled the door shut so that it would lock with a click.

He tossed his bag wherever. It was soft and empty, so it hit the wall weakly and fell.

“This shit every time, it’s annoying.” He felt like accumulated fatigue had reached its limit.

He walked to the veranda and leaned his weight dangerously against the railing. It looked like if someone pushed from behind even a little, he would fall. He closed his eyes, feeling an unexplainable release.

If you had money and talent, life was usually easy.

If you added just a little humility and kindness, there was no reason life would be difficult. It was just that there was no particular fun in it.

For him, the easiest thing was winning people’s favor. Maybe because it had been that way since he was very young, it now felt simpler than breathing.

Of course, there were dozens of reasons layered over time that made it so, but by now it was all meaningless talk.

He moved his eyes downward. Tiny people, no bigger than fingernails from that height were rushing somewhere.

Why were they living so hard?

What was the driving force of life? That kind of philosophical question returned again. Maybe, unlike people who laughed when they were happy, someone who had to laugh just to look normal would never know the answer.

Looking down through the crowd, he spotted a person carrying only a book the size of their body.

Come to think of it, that stalker also always carried around textbooks like that.

That useless thought led to the person who had been throwing pebbles into his once peaceful daily life.

Not only did he carry a backpack stuffed to the point of exploding, but also thick textbooks in his hand. Every time he saw it, it looked shabby.

Anyone who saw it would find it pathetic and desperate, and it only caused frustration. On top of that, his expression gave no clue what he was thinking, and those black eyes. In many ways, he and Jaeha were not a good match.

A plain face and a behavior that was not plain. He somehow picked out the days Jaeha had classes and came to stick to him, and that persistence deserved applause, but the repeated pattern was tiresome. The question he heard without fail every day, “Do you have plans?” was so trite he could now memorize the movement of his lips.

Was he possessed by a ghost that had died from missing lunch?

The pale face came to mind. It might not be the right expression to use for a man, but appearance-wise, it was not bad. He surely lived an easy life, just like himself.

Jaeha did not know what about himself had surprised Hamin, but the reason he was surprised at their first meeting definitely included that his face was rather pretty.

Eyes slightly upturned at the corners, a well-shaped nose, lips naturally red as if he was wearing lipstick. And all those features fit on a face barely the size of his fist, making it a beautiful appearance. His unkempt hair and the shabby glasses he sometimes wore could not fully hide his natural gifts.

Maybe that was why. Even though he turned him away with the same words every day, the time his gaze lingered on him grew longer bit by bit.

Today was the same. Those completely black eyes, rare even among Koreans, looked like they were pulling him in.