CEL 12

When he went down to the parking lot and got into the car, he felt a shiver running down his spine. He thought how could such a rich company not turn on a heater in the parking lot? As he was getting into the car and was about to leave the parking lot entrance, he saw a familiar silhouette.

“…Mr. Han Jaeha?”

Even though he blinked several times to check if he saw correctly, it was really Han Jaeha. Hamin was surprised, wondering why he was standing in front of another company’s parking lot at this hour, so he parked his car anywhere and walked toward him.

It was cold enough that just breathing made white mist come out. On such a dawn, Han Jaeha was standing there blankly looking down at the ground with nothing on him. His shoulders and head were covered with snow.

“What are you doing here?”

“Lawyer Seo.”

When Jaeha lifted his head and saw Hamin, he gave an awkward smile. Maybe because of the cold, the corners of his mouth didn’t rise well, it looked like someone was pulling his lips up by force.

“Lawyer Seo. I lost.”

“…I heard.”

It was not good news, but to be honest, a celebrity’s drug case was not that unusual. It would become gossip for a while, but making a comeback was relatively easy. On top of that, he insisted on his innocence when there was clear evidence, and with a suspended sentence it was… not a bad outcome.

But Hamin knew that these words would not comfort a celebrity who was already being cursed at endlessly right now. So instead of sincerity, he chose to give a conventional sentence.

“I am sorry.”

“…Strange. For some reason I thought Lawyer Seo would say, you did well to get a suspended sentence, congratulations.”

How did he know?

Hamin pretended to stay calm and hid his discomfort, and Han Jaeha laughed faintly. Each time he laughed, white mist came out of his mouth.

“It is cold, why are you standing here like this?”

“Lawyer Seo. Do you know that I studied art in college?”

What kind of question is that?

Hamin examined his expression closely to figure out his intention, but there was no evidence that could help. He quietly shook his head.

“I didn’t know.”

“Then did you know that we went to the same university?”

“Did you graduate from Korea University?”

“I am three years younger than you.”

Of course, he could not have known that. While Hamin was confused, unable to follow the flow of the conversation, several emotions passed over his face. Relief, regret, frustration, calm. And something repressed.

Again. That expression again.

As Hamin narrowed his eyes at the familiar but unclear expression, Jaeha’s broad shoulders shook lightly. It was cold weather to be out with only a single coat.

Hamin impulsively pulled off his gloves and handed them over. Jaeha’s clear eyes were filled with an awkward light.

“You said these are hands that draw. You will get frostbite.”

“…Thank you, Lawyer Seo.”

At last, the red, chapped hands took the gloves. When their hands brushed, Jaeha’s hand was so cold like ice that Hamin got goosebumps.

How long had he been standing like this?

“And, I am sorry.”

Their eyes met as he added the puzzling apology. It was hard to read the meaning in those pale-colored eyes.

What was he sorry for?

Hamin realized the meaning of those words not long after.

•••

Actor Han Jaeha found dead at home. Age 35.

Until yesterday, no, just a few hours ago, he was talking with him. Sometimes the death of such a person feels unreal, like stepping into a well-made play.

Even after seeing the headline, it did not sink in. Ironically, it only started to feel real after the law firm became noisy all day with the news of Han Jaeha’s death.

When Hamin heard realistic stories about how Jaeha had actually been an illegitimate child of a chaebol family, and now that he had died, where his inheritance would go, which law firm would take the inheritance trial, only then did he think he really is dead.

Something that sounded like a laugh slipped from between his lips. It was disgust at himself for realizing a person’s death in such a way.

He lowered his gaze and skimmed the messy documents. Evidence favorable to the client was placed on the left, unfavorable evidence on the right. Of course, the ones on the right were kept only as a precaution, with no thought of presenting them in court.

He felt a little dizzy. The letters blurred, and his empty stomach felt tight. When he let out a sound and covered his mouth, the people around him looked surprised.

“Lawyer Seo, are you all right? Your face is pale.”

He could not bring himself to say he was fine. He was feeling nauseous, his head hurt as if someone was hitting it with a hammer. In the end, that day, for the first time since joining E&Ha, Hamin left work early.

He thought it would be temporary, but as time passed that assumption lost credibility. Afterward, dizziness or nausea visited him repeatedly. Even if he went to the hospital, they could not find the cause. “It is neurological, it is stress related.” He heard the same empty words many times. Finally, unable to endure the irritation, he decided on impulse.

“I will take a leave of absence.”

“For a few days?”

“One month.”

“What? Wait, so suddenly?”

Leaving behind the startled voice, Hamin walked out of the law firm. He just wanted to be alone for now. He had already organized all the matters that needed to be handed over, so if anyone had eyes, they would check the documents and not look for him.

He spent quiet time alone in his silent home. It was the first peaceful time of his life.

He had always been restless, chased by something, but now, just listening to the ticking of the clock felt strange.

In the laziness that came late, he even foolishly thought “Am I going through puberty in my thirties?” Then the news mentioned Han Jaeha again.

The 49th-day memorial service of actor Han Jaeha was held. Many fans, acquaintances, and colleagues attended the memorial service…

“Has it already been 49 days?”

Hamin, sprawled on the sofa, turned his head and covered his eyes with his palm. The warmth against his face was lukewarm, exactly like his relationship with Han Jaeha.

As a lawyer dealing with criminal cases, it was not rare to face someone’s death. Occasionally, he even heard of the death of people he had met face to face. So this should have been just another ordinary matter too, but…

“Why do I feel so powerless?”

He like someone who had suddenly lost direction in life.

When something went wrong, the easiest solution was to start again from the beginning. Finding out where the mistake was and correcting it was sometimes harder than fastening the first button anew. But in the world, there were things that could not be undone.

“Should I have defended him?” He muttered blankly and closed his eyes.

Alone at home, he started thinking about many things. When he first joined E&Ha, when he was at university, or even long before that.

‘Thank you for helping me. I really like you, hyung.’

Maybe he had been quite happy with those words.

That someone in the world needed him, or that someone was on his side.

He became a lawyer thinking that if he became someone’s ally, then someone would be his ally too. It was definitely a job he chose for that, but…

He picked up his phone and opened the messenger. Excluding work talk and advertisements, nothing remained. He tossed the phone aside without even locking the screen. It was not something he had just learned, but the emptiness hit him again.

He was still alone, and inside he was hollow.

Time passed, one day, two days, three, four.

And finally, one day before his return. The doorbell rang for no reason.

“Quick delivery.”

“I think you have the wrong place.”

“Are you Mr. Seo Hamin?”

When he nodded with puzzlement, the delivery man handed over a box without another word and left.

What is this?

He wondered if he had been fired for taking a month’s leave and checked the invoice. The sender’s name was familiar.

Sender: Han Jaeha.

It was the name of a dead man.

In the winter that came again after a full cycle, Hamin warmed his frozen hands with breaths that turned white in the air.

How can anyone live when it is this cold just by stepping into the hallway for a moment…

He muttered that he wanted to move into a stair-type apartment, then carefully opened the delivery box. He knew well that as long as the deliveries kept coming, moving was only a dream, but he grumbled anyway.

The last day of every month was the day a package arrived from Han Jaeha. And at the same time, it was also his day off.

He was about to take out the painting as he had grown used to doing, when he suddenly found two square notes stuck to the bottom of the box.

“What is this?”

After hesitating for a while, Hamin gathered the contents and went inside.

He sat on the sofa and looked at the painting first. It was a view of the sky from a slightly higher place. Even to someone like him who knew nothing about painting, Jaeha’s drawing could not be described simply as ‘just a college student’s work.’ Han Jaeha probably could have made a living even if he had become an artist. No, maybe he would have been even more successful.

Hamin ran his careful eyes along the clean lines. Inside the canvas paper, the Han Jaeha he had met during the past year was there.

The subject of the paintings was different every time. Some were abstract with no clear meaning, some were detailed and precise like printed copies. But in every painting, he looked like he wanted to say something. Maybe it sounded ridiculous, but that was how Hamin felt.

He had meant to only glance for a moment, but then he realized he had been staring at the painting for quite a long time. He carefully set the painting down and picked up the notes.

Contrary to his expectation that they would hold something like a will or long words, the first note only listed the titles of the works he had sent so far.

Month: Hundred Years

Month: Joy

…

Month: Dawn

Dawn.

That was the title of this painting. He had assumed vaguely from the position of the sun that it was sunset, but the title was the exact opposite. Maybe because the picture had no colors, he could not understand the full intention of the painter just from the painting.

Why Dawn?

While he was chewing over the title and the picture, he turned to the second note.

Lawyer, do you know why I only draw in black and white?

So it was not that he chose to send only black-and-white works, but that he only drew black-and-white works.

“How would I know that?”

He mumbled even though he knew no one was listening.

He put the note back folded as it had been and hung the painting in the empty spot. One wall of the bare room without furniture was filled with the paintings he had received so far. Looking at them all together, it looked like a small gallery.

“Why is this one titled Hundred Years?”

Hamin mumbled things like, the world of art is really beyond me as he looked at the painting filled with black and white paint, then shrugged his shoulders and left the room.

Since he knew now that the paintings had not been the only things sent, maybe from next month the explanations would come too. Then naturally he would come to know.

But contrary to that expectation, that package was the last one from Han Jaeha.

In other words, that day was also the last time he met Han Jaeha.

•••

“This is case 2036do2941, breach of trust. The court of original instance recognized the establishment of the crime of breach of trust and judged the charges in this case guilty.”

Usually, lawyers rarely attend on the day of sentencing, but today Hamin did that unusual thing. Lately he had felt suffocated, and if he did not do something different from usual, he felt like he would suffocate to death.

As he stared blankly at the judge’s lips, meaningless sentences followed, linking the key points and the grounds of the case.

“…Therefore, since the original judgment is contrary to the existing full bench decision, in accordance with the unanimous opinion, we rule as follows. Order. The original judgment is reversed, and the case is remanded to the Seoul Western District Court.”

We won.

It was victory in a battle that had dragged on for three years. So it should have thrilled him from head to toe, but it was not as joyful as he thought it would be.

To be honest… he felt nothing. And that probably would have been the same even if he had lost this case.

He had often been like this recently. Whatever he did, it was not particularly good, not particularly bad. The world was only calm.

When had it started? Was it from the time when Han Jaeha’s paintings stopped coming?

It had already been several months, but it was strange. From the beginning, he had not even really known the man.

When he stepped outside and turned on his phone, the notification window popped up endlessly and disappeared again. Amid congratulations and joy, maybe because he alone was quiet, a few people mentioned his name. He was about to send just a few formal replies and leave it at that, when terrible news followed.

Lawyer Choi Seoin

Today is a company dinner!!! The menu is beef!!!!! 3:13 PM

Lawyer Choi Seoin

There was an order that the main figures must not be absent and must attend.

Especially Lawyer Seo~~ 🙂 3:14 PM

Lawyer Choi Seoin

If you do not come, they said you will not get the bonus. So you must come ^_^

It was news that made him sigh.

He pretended that he didn’t see the messages, he went into a nearby cafe and organized another case. But such a shallow move could not keep away people whose eyes were set on beef.