CEL 14

He didn’t know that meant it would be accepted in this way.

In the middle of the campus where cherry blossom petals were falling, Hamin stood alone and he blinked slowly.

The sunlight touching his shoulder felt warm, and the textbook in his hand felt heavy. It was a sensation he had not felt with his own body for a very long time. But what pulled Hamin back into reality was not that.

“…Han Jaeha?”

Clear pupils, brightly dyed hair that matched the color of his eyes, and neatly folded eye corners.

With a smile that looked like it had come straight off a factory line, Han Jaeha tilted his head. With his lips, he murmured quietly something like, who is that? Seeing that, Hamin laughed.

He could have felt dazed, like someone who had just come back from a long journey, but the sense of reality came down too quickly.

It was natural. Because right in front of him stood none other than Han Jaeha from his university days.

Hamin only realized it after seeing his face.

He might not be inside a picture, it might really be the living, breathing Han Jaeha.

“It’s really Han Jaeha.” He said it looked like he wanted to see him.

•••

At an age close to forty, the first feeling he felt after becoming twenty-four again was far from joy or excitement.

Sitting blankly on a bench while flower petals scattered, Hamin mumbled.

“To think I have to do this again.”

For some people, youth is something they couldn’t buy even if they paid for it, but at least for him it wasn’t. No, if anything, he wanted to pay money to go back to his original age if that was possible.

Even if he rubbed his face dry to deny reality, nothing changed. He was twenty-four, he was a university student, and he was penniless.

The heavy weight of reality hit him in the chest the moment he parted with Han Jaeha. The first feeling he felt as soon as he realized his age was despair.

At that time, staying up all night was a daily thing. With the mindset that he had to do 101% when others were doing 100%, he could not calm his anxiety about the future. Because of that, he always gritted his teeth to do 150%.

He was desperate about everything given to him, and especially in those undergraduate years when a single small mistake could cost him first place, it was one of the periods when he was at his sharpest.

Tuition could be covered by national scholarships, but that would not take responsibility for his future. Without a solid background, he absolutely needed the title of top student at Korea University to survive.

His head was already hurting, and he pressed between his eyebrows. Even after repeating deep breaths several times, his thoughts would not come back.

He searched his pocket and pulled out his phone. April 6. Midterms were just around the corner.

The first trial he had to face after coming back to the past was the midterms, wasn’t this more a curse from God than a blessing?

“I only asked for an answer to that question.” No matter how much he rubbed the top part with the date written on it, the engraved letters did not change.

He closed his eyes with a small breath. From a distance, music and several lively noises flowed into his ears.

He opened his eyes again before even five minutes passed.

He stood up and picked up the heavy textbook. He organized one by one the things he had to do from now on.

He had to quit the part-time job he was doing now, and he had to pour all his remaining time into keeping up with the classes. No matter how long he had worked in the field, actually getting good grades on tests was a different problem. Tests in the first place were indicators to evaluate diligence, so in a way, it was natural.

Should he at least think it was fortunate that he had already finished his military service?

He started walking. The campus he walked on after so long was exactly as it was in his memory. There was nothing especially good or bad.

No matter how much he thought about it, there was not even a speck of advantage to becoming younger, but if there was one thing he could take comfort in, it was that Han Jaeha was here. Not in a picture, but in reality.

A cool breeze brushed his cheek.

“Should I ask him to have lunch together?”

When he thought that, he felt alive again after a long time and it did not seem all that bad.

•••

As always, after his lunch suggestion was rejected, he quickly walked away. Even if he split his body into three, it would not be enough to look at the material before the next class began.

He stuffed the cheap cafeteria meal into his mouth and fell into thought.

He admitted it. He had thought of Han Jaeha too simply.

It was because the way he remembered him was clumsy and soft. If he had to compare it, it felt like a big golden retriever.

But the twenty-one-year-old Han Jaeha was not easy. Like an untamed wild cat, he had his guard up and he did not want to show even a little bit of himself.

He recalled the first day he decided to get close to Han Jaeha.

Because he had no hobby of digging into the past of someone who had died, he knew nothing about Han Jaeha. The only thing he knew was that they went to the same school and that he was an art student.

The lack of information about him was so great that he even downloaded the university community app that he had never once installed before.

After the download finished, he pressed the free board. Right away, the post that had risen to the very top was unusual.

Free board

Anonymous XX/XX

In the Western Painting Department..

There is someone I like ㅠㅠㅠ If I confess, will they accept it?

Ah, this has really never happened to me before ㅠㅠㅠ I keep thinking about itㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Anonymous1

Is that me?

L Anonymous (original poster)

Like I would?

Anonymous2

If the person you are talking about is the one you and I and everyone in the world knows, then… yeah, give up.

Anonymous3

Who??

Anonymous4

Who2222

L Anonymous (original poster)

ㅎㅈㅎ

Han Jaeha?

Hamin murmured and after that he browsed the board for a long time. On the anonymous community app, where people treated others’ personal information and private lives like nothing, there was a flood of information about Han Jaeha. It was an unexpected gain.

At best, he thought he might find something like a cafe art students often went to, but people were chattering about his private life in detail, like Han Jaeha was some kind of celebrity.

By piecing together just a few posts, it didn’t take long before he knew Han Jaeha’s schedule. For him, it was useful, but for the person being exposed, it had to be tiring.

Either way, since finding out the schedule was a remarkable gain, Hamin went to see him every lunch after that. The moment he stepped into the classroom, there was no need to turn his head. Even in that wide space, Han Jaeha stood out too much.

So, up to this point, things were going quite well…

He frowned slightly as he lifted the last spoonful. He hadn’t expected his suggestion to just have lunch to be rejected eight times, so he was honestly quite taken aback.

Would it be better to just ask him directly?

As soon as he thought of it, he shook his head. From the way Han Jaeha was acting now, he didn’t look like someone who would easily answer a question from a stranger he was seeing for the first time. So, getting close first had to come before that.

Little by little, the limits of his stamina were showing. Going back and forth every day between the law school building and the art school building was no small exhaustion.

Should I just ask him until tomorrow?

And if I get rejected again tomorrow, then I will have to put off getting close to Han Jaeha as a task for the second semester.

It was something that made his stomach ache, but there was nothing else to do. He was someone who found it hard to give up on anything.

He still went to see Han Jaeha the next day. Since he was already about to give up, he actually felt a little lighter. He was about to throw out a meaningless question like always when,

“Lunch…”

He saw his flushed and nicely shaped ear.

“You got a new piercing.”

Looking at the three piercings hanging from one ear, he thought “why does he keep putting holes in a perfectly fine body.” Han Jaeha made a strange face. Normally, he knew this was where he should say something nice, but even as empty words, he couldn’t find a compliment. To be honest, even if they were small, those piercings dangling from that small ear looked a bit…

“…That must hurt.”

That was a complete failure.

Hamin calmly accepted his defeat and sighed. He still asked like usual “Do you have plans?” he didn’t expect an answer. But the answer he got was unexpected.

“No, not today.” What was this?

Han Jaeha’s expression was interesting.

It was obvious he was annoyed because this person kept bothering him and he wanted to push him away, but he couldn’t. That made it a little funny. He probably thought he was hiding it perfectly, but in the end, the facial control of a twenty-one-year-old only went so far.

Taking him to lunch was an impulsive move. It wasn’t the right thing to do between people who needed to get along and look good to each other, but seeing his expression distort and then straighten again several times was honestly a little… funny.

The first few days, he really was so busy he had to just eat and disappear, but even after he got some room to breathe, his actions continued.

Even while he ate, with a face that said “why am I doing this here,” Hamin wanted to laugh because of his stubborn pride that wouldn’t let him ask why.

Was it because he was young?

When his actions made it look like he was even doubting his own identity, Hamin almost couldn’t hold it in, but he barely managed to hide it.

When he saw Han Jaeha’s face after he handed over his student ID, it was clear it was worth it.

Teasing him became a small pleasure in his busy daily life. Eating lunch together and seeing his baffled expression made the weight on his chest feel a little lighter. He wondered if this was why people made friends?

Of course, with the shameless age gap between him and Han Jaeha, it was more fitting to call it like an uncle and nephew rather than friends.

For someone like him who had never really had family or proper friends, the situation now felt quite new. Even though he was doing something that could easily be called a waste of time, his mind felt at ease. Interacting with someone gave more stability than he had expected.

“Don’t smoke too much.”

Even so, the words he added were closer to a small spite. It was ridiculous and a little absurd to see a kid pull out a card and pay.

It reminded him of what Han Jaeha once casually said in the past, I actually smoked since I was a student. No one knew though. That was why he said it.

Han Jaeha didn’t catch the meaning right away and looked blank.

Will I see him tomorrow asking how I found out, Hamin thought as he went home.

He tore open a milk carton and drank it as he walked. Because he had pulled together sponsorships and loans, he could at least afford to eat, but since he wasn’t planning to work part-time for a while, it was better to save whenever he could.

Not long ago, because he ended up buying clothes he hadn’t planned to, his account was tight. Whenever he saw colorful fabric, someone came to mind, the one whose eyes used to sparkle like stars, and he couldn’t help it.

After he thought that if it was that person, maybe they would have quickly gotten close to Han Jaeha too, he came to his senses and found his hands already full of shopping bags. Wearing a few similar clothes would never make him that person.

Well, money would pile up once he got into E&Ha anyway. He would make more than he could ever spend.

“Oh? Seo Hamin?”

He stopped walking when he heard his name from a dark alley. The man wasn’t an unfamiliar face, but he wasn’t someone Hamin could call an acquaintance either.

His name was… Choi Woojin, right.m? The leech that hung around Han Jaeha?

He repeated the rude junior’s name calmly, and the man came stumbling forward with a face flushed, maybe drunk.

“Sunbae!”

“What?”

He kept coming closer without any sign of stopping, like he couldn’t control his distance. Hamin stepped aside slightly, thinking if he left him alone he might even bump into him. Woojin stopped abruptly with a flinch, exhaling heavily, then shouted.

“Why do you keep bothering Jaeha? Do you know how much trouble Jaeha is having because of you? Do you not have any thoughts at all? When someone like you keeps hovering around him, don’t you know how much it annoys him, tires him, and also… annoys him again? It’s troubling. Do you not have any thoughts?”

Drunk.

Hamin watched him repeat the same thing over and over, then started walking again. He had no time to deal with a drunk. But maybe thinking he was being ignored, Choi Woojin grabbed his arm roughly with an angry face.

Hamin looked down at the arm that got grabbed. If it left a bruise, should he sue him, he thought idly, while Woojin gritted his teeth and said,

“Do you know how good-natured he is? He can’t say harsh things to people, so do you think he’s easy? No way.” Was he introducing himself?

Hamin looked calmly at man glaring at him, and another harsh criticism followed.

“It’s exam period already, this is such a nuisance…”

At those words, Hamin’s eyes, which had been indifferent until then, shook slightly. Even just standing still was hard for him, but Woojin noticed it instantly, and thinking this was it, he attacked quickly.

“Sunbae, you might not know because you can stay first place just by breathing, but Jaeha studies really hard, you know? If he fails the exam because of you, will you take responsibility?”

“…That’s true.”

He had been so absorbed in his own matters that he had forgotten something important. If it was exam period for him, then it was exam period for Han Jaeha too.

Contrary to Woojin’s words, Jaeha didn’t seem to study that hard… but it didn’t change the fact that he was a nuisance.

It didn’t matter how much time he had taken. In the end, just by existing, he was distracting him. There was no way to study properly. Only then did Hamin realize he had been moving too much according to his own side until now. That wasn’t like him.

He nodded slightly.

“I understand what you mean.”

He had been acting strangely unlike himself. Not only was he bothering someone who disliked him, he was even disrupting an important time.

He decided he shouldn’t go see him for the time being.

Anyway, during exam period, he would be busy himself, so maybe it was better this way. Even while thinking that, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit of regret.

It was a strange thing.