CEL 18

This too was something he had never heard in his past life. Back then, the subject had started lightly with just, “Minjae died.” It had never gone into such detail.

Kim Hyunwoo trembled as he forced out each word.

“So I only found out in the last stage… even when I stormed that damn orphanage and flipped it upside down, nothing changed.”

“……”

“These days the world is so convenient. If they had at least run a fundraiser… if they had begged on the internet, asking to save just one child, maybe he could have lived a few more years… But those bastards at the orphanage hushed it up. They even told Minjae not to say anything, so the kid really kept his mouth shut and didn’t tell anyone.”

Tears welled up and dried over and over on Hyunwoo’s face. As if he thought he didn’t even deserve to cry, only the rims of his eyes turned red.

“At first I went every day, you know? When I met Minjae, I kept saying he’d get better soon, that he’d be fine… But the kid, already small, just kept wasting away. He turned into a stick. His belly just swelled out.”

Could someone waste away more than that?

Thinking of Minjae, who had already been scrawny compared to his peers, Hamin took a small breath. The more Hyunwoo spoke, the more Hamin’s vague suspicion hardened into certainty.

“But it was too hard for me to watch. In the end I stopped visiting. I couldn’t stand seeing his face turn yellow… and not long after, they told me Minjae died.”

“…Five days. It was only five days. He waited for me alone at the playground. That kid, he really endured so well.”

Hyunwoo’s trembling eyes shut. A single drop clung to his lashes but never fell, making him look even more pitiful.

“Hey.”

The reason he had come to Hamin at thirty-eight was not that he was busy, not that he had forgotten Minjae.

“Did I kill Minjae?” It was because he had never forgotten him, not for a single moment.

Hamin couldn’t bring himself to give a cliché comfort like, “It’s not your fault.” Hyunwoo’s expression was too painful for that.

He raised the cold glass to his lips and drank heavily, but the suffocating feeling didn’t ease.

The truth was, Hamin disliked Kim Hyunwoo.

Cheap sympathy, pity, a sense of justice. There was no reason to like that jumble of emotions he couldn’t even take responsibility for.

To take responsibility for something meant to carry the cost and the duty. That was why Hamin had promised Minjae twenty years, and that was why he had clawed his way upward to keep it.

For him, compassion was that. Justice was that. Empty words never brought results.

Young Kim Hyunwoo had been the complete opposite. Always tossing out careless reassurances, “You’ll get better, just trust me.” Always chattering about how he’d protect the orphans no matter what. That impossible sense of justice was ridiculous.

His actions were equally foolish.

He never looked far ahead, only tried to patch up what was in front of him, so nothing worked. That was why he had done errands for the shady director and taken a motorbike as payment.

On top of that, piercing his ears everywhere and smoking just to look like an adult and land part-time jobs had been the worst choice.

When he had heard Hyunwoo’s big dream of saving up with that scraped-together money to buy a studio apartment, he couldn’t stop himself from scoffing and turning away. He was too young, didn’t meet any of the conditions, where did he think he’d go? And how was he planning to fit all the kids into a single studio?

Those things about Hyunwoo had always annoyed him. Seeing him look at Hamin like he was some kind of villain while accomplishing nothing himself often made Hamin feel like real trash.

He hated watching someone make a fuss in a world where it was hard enough to keep yourself alive. He hated feeling emotions without reason.

Even so, the first name that came to mind when he heard the word “friend” had been Kim Hyunwoo. That felt strange. Maybe it was just because they had known each other since they were young.

Watching Hyunwoo’s pale face slowly regain color, Hamin blinked.

Knowing Hyunwoo’s personality, he wouldn’t have gone around babbling about this to anyone. This was probably the first time he was letting it out, which was why he reacted like this just at the mention of Minjae’s name.

Seeing Hamin give no reply, Hyunwoo spoke again, late.

“Sorry, I’ve been talking about myself too much. How have you been?”

“…How was he?”

They spoke at the same time. Hyunwoo didn’t properly hear it, he tilted his head and asked again.

“I didn’t hear. What did you say?”

“Minjae. How was he? Before he got sick.”

“…Minjae?”

Hyunwoo looked a little bewildered, then stammered out an answer.

“Minjae, well… he was the same as when you knew him. Ah, but he was really smart. At the new orphanage they had study hours, and Minjae was always first.”

“……”

“Every time that happened I’d say, ‘Only copy his brains, don’t copy Seo Hamin’s personality.’ Then Minjae would pout his lips all the way out here and scold me.”

Hyunwoo laughed, sticking out his lips like a duck. After that, he kept talking about Minjae for a long time. Even though it had only been two years, there were many stories, many little memories.

How he collected stickers from bread wrappers and got a Pibichu after ten, how in races he always came in second to last, how he hated carrots so much they always had to hide them inside meat. Just recalling them made Hyunwoo smile.

“Must have been nice.”

“Yeah, Minjae was my energy.”

“Not you, Minjae. He must’ve liked that you always visited him.”

At those words, Hyunwoo froze mid-laugh and blinked blankly.

“That’s what kids in orphanages envy most, right? Having parents. You basically played parent for Minjae.”

Not realizing that not everyone’s time ran the same had been Hamin’s mistake. If he had known Minjae only had around three years left, would he have chosen differently?

He thought about it briefly, but the answer was no.

Maybe that was the difference between him and Hyunwoo. And it was true that for Minjae, someone like Hyunwoo had probably been more help than someone like him.

Then Hamin realized maybe the reason he disliked Hyunwoo was jealousy of what he didn’t have. The feeling he got looking at Hyunwoo was similar to what he had once felt with Liriel Wecker. So it was probably right.

Once he realized that, it felt childish.

“To Minjae, the Fire Man must’ve been you.”

“…Ah right, Fire Man! It was Fire Man, not Firecracker-man. Minjae talked about that a lot too. Said he’d go find the biggest law office in twenty years.”

Hearing Hyunwoo murmur that, Hamin reacted. Somehow, this side of Seo Hamin was so unlike the man Hyunwoo knew that even while sitting across from him, his mind kept wandering.

If the Seo Hamin of the past had been like a beast crouched with its fangs bared, the Seo Hamin of now was more like… should he say an old lion.

Wondering if it was even right to use such words about a person, Hyunwoo sipped his chocolate latte. The sweetness of sugar felt like it blew his gloomy mood away. No, what had really cleared the gloom was Hamin.

No matter how hard he tried to recall Minjae healthy, the end was always that yellowed face fading away. To Hyunwoo, Minjae had always been deep sorrow and guilt. But once someone appeared who could share Minjae’s brighter memories with him, those feelings vanished as if they had never been.

He had never imagined he would be able to talk about things like this with Seo Hamin.

Of course, he hadn’t expected it, so he had never even pictured it. On days when Minjae came back to him like a shard stuck in his chest, he had grown depressed, and he had thought it was a pain he had to carry alone.

He hadn’t known that he could share it with someone else.

He finally asked the question that had been on his mind.

“But you said we were going to eat, so why did we come here?”

“You already ate.”

Hyunwoo’s eyes went round. His expression looked like he was asking, how did you know? Hamin’s lips curved slightly.

“When you’re forced to do something you don’t want, one side of your mouth droops.”

That answer made Hyunwoo’s mouth hang open stupidly. Did that really come out of Seo Hamin’s mouth?

When the boss earlier had said the word “friend,” Hyunwoo’s heart had fluttered but he had dismissed it as a cover. But hearing this now, it almost felt like he and Hamin were really friends.

Hamin had a special meaning for Hyunwoo too. Though it had been when he was very young, guilt and shame lingered from bullying an innocent kid. He had also envied and resented Hamin, who excelled at everything unlike him.

Yet the end of it had always been admiration. He had wanted to get closer, to be friends. After realizing Hamin’s feelings toward him were closer to hatred, he had given up on that. But now, he felt confused.

Hearing those words, it almost felt like…

He wanted to ask, do you think of me as a friend? but it was too embarrassing to actually say it. Besides, with that sulky, pretty face, Hamin would probably reply, “With you?”

So Hyunwoo chose to change the subject.

“You went to college, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Where? Korea University, right?”

“Yeah. Korea University, law.”

“You’re probably the most successful one to come out of Hope Orphanage.”

He said it jokingly while sucking on his straw. Hamin chuckled and answered.

“Only after I get employed will I be successful.”

The cheeky reply made Hyunwoo think this really was Seo Hamin. He watched as Hamin finished the rest of his tea.

It wasn’t such a bad time. Seeing his face again after so long, it did feel like a bit of a refresh.

Maybe, every once in a while, like once a semester, it wouldn’t be bad to meet.

He was about to end the conversation and stand, but the other treated it like the beginning and started asking all sorts of questions. Was school fun, were there lots of pretty girls, did he drink a lot. Questions exactly the kind kids their age would ask. Hamin answered them as best he could, but Hyunwoo didn’t seem satisfied.

Why does he attend school in such a boring way?

Why does he keep asking such pointless things?

The questions stopped as both thought the other was strange. Seeing Hyunwoo’s brows lift slightly, he cleared his throat with an awkward cough.

“It’s festival season lately. Does Korea University have a festival too?”

“Yeah, starting tomorrow.”

“Really? What are you doing there?”

“Fruit punch.”

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t him but his department. But drained from the earlier questions, Hamin just answered simply. Hyunwoo’s eyes lit up.

“Can I come see too?”

“The festival? It’s tomorrow.”

“I happen to be off work tomorrow.”

Here was a fool of the highest order, planning to spend a precious day off at a Korea University festival. Whether he hadn’t heard the rumors, or had heard and still wanted to go, Hyunwoo was already looking at him with a desperate expression.

Was the festival really worth wanting to attend that badly, when the biggest attraction was supposedly the trampoline? On top of that, this year’s festival was called “Saemo’s Dream.” He couldn’t even figure out what meme that was supposed to be.

Hamin hesitated a little, but soon nodded. If Hyunwoo wanted to come, there was no reason to stop him.

“Then I get to eat fruit punch you make? Amazing. You used to avoid even touching water, but now you’ve gone to college and turned into a person.”

“What? No…”

“I’m looking forward to it, Seo Hamin.”

Seeing Kim Hyunwoo laughing and enjoying himself, Hamin couldn’t bring himself to say that he wasn’t actually taking part in the festival.

Only then did he realize that Hyunwoo wasn’t coming to enjoy the festival itself but to see him. With a troubled look, Hamin raised and lowered his hand.

“Should I buy something? You’ll be working hard in the heat, ice cream maybe? Ah, but would it be taboo to bring ice cream to a fruit punch booth?”

The expression on Hyunwoo’s face looked like he had already eaten ten bowls by himself. Hamin couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

He remembered Hyunwoo’s expression just earlier, when it had looked like he might sink into gloom. Since he had already made him talk about something sad, it was hard to refuse him coldly.

After opening and closing his mouth several times in thought, he finally picked up his phone with a gloomy face.

I’ll help at the festival tomorrow too. 2:49 PM

Seconds after sending it, the “1” disappeared.

★Seyeoning

Really? That’s awesome!!!!! Thank yooou >_< Then come by ten tomorrow! 2:49 PM

Just seeing the reply made him feel already tired.

“Was that spam? Your face looks rotten.”

“…Something like that.”

Watching Hyunwoo’s puzzled expression, Hamin swallowed a sigh.

He hoped Hyunwoo would know exactly what he had just done.

No, he hoped he wouldn’t know.

No… he just hoped everything would collapse.