CEL 27

It had only been three days since the tutoring started, but time felt like more than thirty days had passed.

“Can I call you hyung?”

“No.”

“Then what should I call you?”

“If you can’t even figure this out, would there be a reason for you to call me?”

“But if I want to ask something, I have to call you?”

His language skills seemed fine, but why was math like this….

Looking down at the test paper where rain drops kept falling without fail, Hamin pressed between his eyebrows. The lessons were not progressing at all, which made him frustrated and annoyed. The problem was that this frustration belonged only to him.

“Maybe this is a good chance for you to just go to America….”

“I said I’ll work hard.”

Hamin would rather Doyoung not work hard at all. If this result was after working hard, it would feel even more discouraging.

He rested his chin blankly on his hand and spun the mechanical pencil. Then the phone screen lit up with a messenger alert. He already knew who it was without checking. When he flipped the phone over, Kwon Doyoung, who had been sneaking glances, asked.

“…But hyung, do you have a girlfriend?”

More than him slyly calling him hyung, the word girlfriend made him immediately think of Han Jaeha, and that startled him.

Was I brainwashed without even knowing it….?

These days Han Jaeha threw around words like lover, couple, boyfriend whenever he got the chance, leaving him dizzy. Because of that, now he was starting to think, am I really dating him?

He tapped his lips with the pencil tip. He could not shake the thought that he had completely fallen into Han Jaeha’s pace. Of course, this was… strange.

“No.”

At the slow reply, the nervous Kwon Doyoung let out a sigh of relief. Hamin, who did not see that, slowly nodded. Yes, this was definitely strange.

By now even the nagging, like chew more than five times when eating or only two cups of coffee a day, sounded itchy at the back of his neck.

One time he had replied, try smoking less yourself, with the thought of making him feel it once too. Immediately, a long message came back with a promise to cut down on cigarettes, so he just turned off the screen.

When it kept going like this, it became awkward to even see his face. Three times a day a message came, “when will we meet again?” but he couldn’t bring himself to reply. He thought he should just treat it like childish mischief and let it go, but when he actually saw his face, it wasn’t that easy.

Yes, strange. This was really strange.

After summing up the current situation in one sentence, Hamin finally picked up the phone. The last message was, if you keep avoiding me like this, I’ll sue you.

See me after it’s over 1:44 PM

“Hyung, do you text too? Can I text you too?”

“If you have something you don’t know, save it up and ask all at once.”

“No, not like that….”

He ignored Kwon Doyoung mumbling in frustration.

“Hyung, don’t you have anything you’re curious about me?”

He even put down the pencil and turned his body toward him, and Hamin sighed quietly. From what he had seen over the last few days, Kwon Doyoung’s concentration was worse than a cat’s. After solving just one page, he already looked exhausted, and whenever a slightly difficult problem came up, he kept glancing around.

“I’m curious why you can’t solve this.”

“Not that. Like, why I live with my uncle, or why I don’t go to school, things like that?”

“If you get this right, I’ll tell you.”

“Isn’t it usually the other way around?”

“If you don’t like it, you can be the teacher.”

Kwon Doyoung stared at the next problem with a determined expression. Hamin watched him scribble for a while, but halfway through the numbers became a mess.

He shook his head at the jumble of numbers he couldn’t even trace back to the formula, when suddenly the correct answer popped up at the end.

He let out a small laugh. How did this end up like that?

Seeing Hamin’s expression, Kwon Doyoung realized that what he wrote was the right answer, and his face brightened.

“I got it, right? I got it?”

Looking at the twisted numbers in the middle, he didn’t want to admit it, but right was right. Before Hamin could reply, Doyoung quickly started talking.

“The reason I live with my uncle is because my mom and dad run a small business in America. So I lived there when I was little too.”

Judging by the size of their house, it didn’t seem like just a small business, but he stayed quiet and nodded.

“At first there was no problem, but as I grew taller and lost interest in studying, they started worrying I’d hang out with bad kids.”

“Did you actually do that?”

“I once smashed the nose of a guy who called me a yellow monkey.” He looked at his unusually large fist. It was big enough to smash a nose.

“When they said, keep doing that and we’ll send you to Korea, I didn’t know they meant it. But as soon as I turned fourteen, they really sent me. Isn’t that too much?”

“What is?”

“They definitely just dumped me on my uncle because I was a bother. Otherwise, how do you send your kid away alone? And now they talk about whether I should come back to America or not. They didn’t even care all this time.”

It was an uncomfortable topic.

Hamin thought he could faintly understand the parents’ side, but he couldn’t relate to Kwon Doyoung’s feelings of being left without proper care and protection in his childhood. Instead of giving meaningless comfort, Hamin chose to change the subject.

“So they want you to come back because your grades are bad?”

“Not that…. A little while ago I had some fight at school, and I think my dad heard about it.”

He rolled his eyes. His forearm, veins bulging without even flexing, looked threatening. He said it was a small fight, but it was easy to guess that the words weren’t literal.

“From now on, get yourself a lawyer friend.”

“Can’t you do that for me?”

“I don’t have a license yet.”

“Aren’t you curious why I fought?”

Honestly, he wasn’t curious at all.

Unless someone was a client, Hamin didn’t care what other people did with their lives or why. The world was hard enough for him to survive on his own. Why would he care about others?

But seeing those eyes lit up with expectation, it felt hard to just say flatly, “no, I’m not curious.”

Hamin asked back, without hiding how bothered he was.

“Why did you fight?”

“Because he kept bullying a classmate.”

“…What?”

“That bastard… ah, no. He kept picking on a quiet kid. It pissed me off. Always telling him to buy bread.”

So it wasn’t even that he was bullied, but he beat someone up because that person bullied a classmate?

“Is he a close friend of yours?”

“No? I don’t really know him.”

“Then why did you take a hit to help him?”

“What hit did I take?” His bewildered look left Hamin speechless.

“You can’t even go to school because of it, can you?”

“Why can’t I go to school? I just didn’t go because I was pissed.”

At the absurd answer, Hamin rubbed his forehead, not sure where to start pointing out the problem.

“That’s… ha. What pissed you off?”

“I helped him, and then he goes, ‘When did I ever ask you to help me?’ Is he crazy? Thinking he can get by just because he has a pretty face.”

“So?”

“And then the next day he comes with a bunch of coins and bills, saying, ‘Here, okay?’ So I didn’t go. I didn’t want to see his face.”

Hamin listened quietly, then turned his head away and cut off his interest. It had nothing to do with him what choices Kwon Doyoung made.

“But yesterday I went out to buy ice cream and saw him getting beaten up in some alley again. So this time I made sure he couldn’t be messed with anymore… but maybe this is enough for suspension.”

“That’s usually how it goes.”

Hearing him murmur “is that so,” Hamin added.

“You don’t even get thanked for helping, so why bother?”

“I just wanted to.”

Was this the spirit of being nineteen? No matter how simply he tried to see it, it was impossible to understand.

For a moment, he thought of explaining how much loss his behavior would bring him, but then shut his mouth. After all, with someone like Kwon Doyoung, who grew up in a completely different environment, it would be meaningless words.

“So, I don’t want to go to school, I think I’ll just keep taking tutoring until the college entrance exam….”

So this was the real point. Hamin sighed. Did he really pile up that long story just to say this. Instead of pointing out that if he missed too many days he wouldn’t graduate, Hamin looked down at his lit-up lock screen. It was a reply from Han Jaeha.

Han Jaeha

I just saw it

Where should we meet? Should I go now? 2:24 PM

Reading the reply, the corners of Hamin’s eyes softened. Warmth returned to a gaze that had stayed cold, and the stiff muscles in his face loosened.

Seeing that, 2:24 PM stopped chattering and fell into thought, though Hamin did not notice.

•••

“Why the park today?”

“No need for a long talk.”

To be exact, he had gotten fed up last time when Han Jaeha ordered one of every menu item at the cafe, but Hamin hid that thought smoothly.

Meanwhile, Jaeha pressed the area of his pounding chest and looked at Hamin. Today it was a flashy purple shirt. The fashion showed a serious lack of sense, but on Hamin it almost seemed like it had its own reason. Something like, putting all the focus on his face.

Why is he even doing tutoring?

Jaeha thought seriously. Hamin was clearly mistaken about something. The fastest way for him to earn big money would obviously be as a model, actor, or entertainer. Even with a simple online livestream, he could easily make as much as he earned from tutoring. A law student study vlog alone would be enough, so why go through this hardship?

As Jaeha’s gaze grew more intent, Hamin leaned a little aside. At times like this, Han Jaeha really looked like someone out of his mind.

Anyway, he had no plan to drag out the talk on a park bench, so after a deep breath he went straight to the point.

“You and I can’t date.”

“What kind of soap opera line is that? Are we siblings?” Jaeha answered playfully on purpose, but it wasn’t entirely light. Just looking at Hamin’s expression made that clear.

He tried not to show it, but his mouth went dry.

He was nervous that Hamin might say something he would have no choice but to accept.

What if he says we should stop seeing each other when they haven’t even properly started?

It was ridiculous, but ever since admitting to himself that he was curious about Seo Hamin, Jaeha felt like he was reborn every day. Things he had never wondered about in his life became questions. His mood swayed over a few words.

And probably he would never know what that meant for him, not even until the day he died.

After a short pause, Hamin continued.

“I don’t want to date anyone. And I….”

His focused eyes turned toward Jaeha then dropped to the ground. Jaeha ran dozens of simulations in his head as he met those black pupils. His palms began to sweat, so he hid his hands behind his back and secretly clenched them.

“…It’s not you. I like your drawing.”

Jaeha’s eyes widened slightly. Hamin’s expression as he said it looked a little apologetic.

He quickly buried his face in his palm. He let out a breath that sounded like a sigh and let his hunched shoulders drop.

The longer his hand touched his cheek, the warmer it grew.

Children’s laughter, the splash of the fountain, the rustling leaves. In the middle of that noise, only the pounding of his own heart rang clearly in his ears.

Hamin didn’t know, but to Jaeha those words sounded like a greater confession than saying I like you. He repeated to himself that it was only possible to say because Hamin didn’t know the truth, but he still couldn’t calm down.

Hamin hesitated a little, maybe thinking Jaeha was hurt, then patted him twice on the back.

It was a clumsy gesture, closer to picking a fight than comforting.

Jaeha suddenly laughed. From the start, Hamin’s words didn’t even add up.

Seo Hamin, who claimed that time was more precious than gold and that his hours had to be measured by the minute, was wasting it on him. That alone was a contradiction.

So, Jaeha didn’t feel bad about his words. He wasn’t hurt either.

But… there was no reason to throw away a chance that had come to him.

“Go on two dates a week with me.”

“Why would ?”

Hamin raised his head. Jaeha smiled at the slightly baffled eyes.

“You’re not planning to cut me off, are you, sunbae?”

“……”

“If you were, you’d have done it already.”

Hamin was momentarily at a loss for words and shut his mouth. He had vaguely thought Jaeha would get angry or sad, but he hadn’t expected this response.

“If you need me, then you should also give me what I want?”