CEL 43

“Why are you ignoring my messages?”

This sounded too much like a line from a boyfriend.

Even as Jaeha looked at Woojin, who could not hold back his anger anymore, he thought of Hamin. That day, because it was the first time he got drunk on alcohol and he held Hamin however he wanted, Hamin got angry to the point of exploding and declared that he would spend some time alone.

In the end, because they still had classes together, it lasted only four days, but to Jaeha, it was nothing short of a thunderbolt. So the one who should have been saying something like that was not Choi Woojin but himself. The one who should hear it was Seo Hamin.

Was it too much?

The next day when he woke up in bed, fragments of memories came back and shame and regret rushed in together. He was sure it had been ecstatically good, but his memories were chopped into pieces, and that made him regretful. And those insane words about imagination and so on made him feel embarrassed.

“That’s not it.”

“What do you mean it’s not it? You’ve been avoiding me lately.”

Because of the loud voice, some people who were drawing turned their eyes this way. Jaeha let out a small sigh, he felt a bit tired.

“I said I never did that.”

“Hey, honestly, I’m really hurt. How many years have we been friends, fuck.”

“Woojin-ah, why are you acting like this.”

“Am I really your friend?”

After he showed that half-baked courage, from then on Choi Woojin started to bother him like he was keeping an eye on a cheating lover. At every meal he tried to check who Jaeha ate with, after class he tried to check what he was doing, and whenever Jaeha talked with someone he didn’t know, he rushed in to interrupt the conversation. Because of this, recently Woojin’s standing in the Western Painting Department was not good at all. Even to Jaeha’s eyes it looked strange, so there was no way others would think it looked normal.

In the end, one of their classmates, who couldn’t take it anymore, jumped up from his seat.

“Hey, Choi Woojin. Why do you keep acting like that to Jaeha?”

“…What?”

“Stop bothering Jaeha. Do you even know how weird you look when you act like that? Don’t mess up the department’s atmosphere.”

Maybe he hadn’t expected the criticism to turn on him, because his already big eyes opened wider and he stammered, fumbling his words.

“Since we’re on the subject, stop paying with Jaeha’s card too. Do you know how rumors about our department spread to the others?”

“What rumor?”

“They’re saying the Western Painting Department eats and drinks on Han Jaeha’s charity.”

For Woojin, that was unfair. Jaeha might have handed over his card, but had any of them ever refused even once? They happily urged to order more food, they subtly asked about the card’s limit, and now the moment they turned their backs he even felt betrayed.

And charity?

Just hearing the word, he could guess where that rumor came from.

Fuck, it had to be that asshole from the law department again.

“Who said that, Seo Hamin? Do you believe that senior’s words?”

“Hey, what bullshit are you talking about? Who’s Seo Hamin?”

With the two of them fighting over him, Jaeha stood up from his seat. Several cutting looks stabbed into his back as he left. Before, he would have felt suffocated in a situation like this, but he was calm. And Jaeha knew why.

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Ji Eunah

Hamin-sunbae, what am I supposed to be? 1:49 PM

Ji Eunah

You have to finish your assignments on time!!! 1:50 PM

Seo Hamin

Peach Silence 2:01 PM

Ji Eunah

Oh, what kind of scent is that? Peach?

Does that mean I’m fresh like a peach???? 2:02 PM

Koo Chaewook

Bullshit lolol

He meant shut up lolol 2:05 PM

Ji Eunah

???????

Hamin-oppa, is that really true?????

Oppa are you a T|???? F-type wounded soul,,, 2:07 PM

( She’s asking about MBTI types. T = Thinking type F = Feeling type)

Even if he didn’t answer Jaeha’s texts, seeing Hamin force out answers in the group chat made Jaeha laugh to himself. When he pictured Hamin frowning at the messages, his fingertips tingled.

He wanted to see Seo Hamin.

Even being apart for a short while made him feel lost, to the point he wondered how he had lived without Hamin all this time. Since the Psychology on Human Relationships class was on Friday afternoon, he could see him tomorrow, but he wanted to face those black eyes one day sooner. Running into him by chance should be fine, right?

Jaeha opened an app he had installed but never used. Looking at the heart icons floating on the map, he took steps forward.

•••

Another word for human relationships is time.

At least, that was how Hamin thought. To bring anything to fruition, you had to invest time, and that was especially true with relationships between people. Objectively, his circle of connections wasn’t wide, but splitting his already limited time to invest in them felt tiring.

The Human Relations group chat that piled up 200 messages even if he didn’t check it for a short while, but even the Administrative Litigation Law assignment chat or the General Tax Law chat were noisy. He didn’t think his attitude had changed, but unlike before, his name popped up here and there, and that made it hard to completely ignore.

“Have they all gone crazy?”

On top of that, when even Kim Hyunwoo and Kwon Doyoung, who complained that it was hard to see his face, joined in, Hamin started to feel sick of even opening his phone these days.

Kwon Doyoung

Hyungㅠ I don’t get this

(photo) 2:11 PM

The AS period is over 2:14 PM

Kwon Doyoung

What??

There’s no such thing??? If I fail to get into Korea University, will you take responsibility hyung 2:15 PM

Kwon Doyoung

But honestly I prefer you 2:16 PM

Hamin almost replied, should I tell you that if you get into Korea University that would really be an admissions scandal, but he sighed instead.

When asking to eat together every day didn’t work, Kwon Doyoung changed course and now sent math problems every day, demanding to be taught. The problem was, it didn’t seem like it was just a trick. With Doyoung, it was possible he really couldn’t solve such easy problems.

His conscience nagged him because he had taken quite a bit of money, but it was bothersome to accept everything. After thinking briefly, Hamin replied.

This is the last time

See me at a cafe after class 2:49 PM

Kwon Doyoung

My class is over!! Which cafe? Where do I go? 2:58 PM

Hamin ignored the claim that class was already over at this hour and just dropped a pin on some cafe nearby. He ordered coffee and was about to sit in a corner seat but then remembered the place he had gone last week and for no reason chose a seat by the window.

There were no drooping trees or a lake outside, but watching the busy movement of people wasn’t bad either. That naturally made him think of Han Jaeha.

Am I too weak when it comes to Han Jaeha?

To be honest, he hadn’t expected to be swayed this much, so lately his own behavior felt unfamiliar. He stirred the ice with a straw and sighed.

It will be a problem if I get too used to this.

What he had felt when he saw his body covered in bite marks the next day, like Jaeha said, was only momentary, and what came after was nervousness.

To be honest, it was hard to say that now they were together only because Jaeha wanted it. He also liked being with Jaeha. The way Jaeha dug in relentlessly was heavy and painful, but the pleasure that surpassed the pain always melted his brain.

And it wasn’t only the physical relationship. Everything was like that. If there wasn’t nagging like “chew five times,” he didn’t even feel like eating. If he didn’t get messages like “only two cups of coffee a day,” he doubled his caffeine intake in protest.

Maybe this was what people called acting spoiled. In other words, he was pouring out all the spoiled behavior he had never once shown in his life onto Han Jaeha. If Jaeha exited his life in a situation like this, it felt like he would fall into depression.

He was even debating whether he should find a famous psychiatrist right away when the cafe door opened and Kwon Doyoung rushed in, panting.

“Hy-hyung. Huff. I’m here, I’m here.”

“With that build of yours, doing that makes you look like a debt collector. Sit down quietly.” Since he hadn’t even bothered to wear a school uniform, in casual clothes he really did look like someone come to collect money. Maybe others thought the same, because people kept sneaking glances this way and whispering. Hamin stood up and ordered a strawberry latte.

“Hyung, I could have paid…. And I drink coffee, so why strawberry? Don’t you want something else? I’ll buy it for you.”

“What coffee? You’re a kid.”

“I’m already grown up.”

“You’re legally still a minor.”

Why were there so many people lately trying to look generous with someone else’s money. Hamin sat back down and told him to hurry and take out the problems. Ignoring Doyoung’s grumbling that it was too cold-hearted when they hadn’t met in a while, he picked up a pen. Doyoung only pouted but obediently pulled out the book. He had solved a decent number of problems since last time.

“How are your other subjects going?”

“I think they’re fine except math.”

“You still don’t want to go to Korea University?”

While checking the problems covered in question marks, Hamin confirmed again what types confused Doyoung. Compared to the start, it was major progress, but looking ahead two months, it was still nowhere near enough.

“I told you I’ll be your junior, hyung.”

“Play with kids your own age. Why are you trying to hang out with an old man?”

“You’re not exactly an old man…. And kids my age are all too childish.”

Did he think he wasn’t childish himself? With his collar stiffly raised and his hair slathered in wax to act like an adult, he looked exactly like a punk high schooler, but Hamin didn’t say it.

“School already started, so why aren’t you going?”

“Because I feel bad.”

“About what

“They look at me like I’m an insect. Why would you look at the person who saved you like that.”

So this was a continuation of the story about the student he had saved last time. Since Hamin didn’t know the details, he had nothing to add, and he didn’t care much either, so he flipped the workbook and began explaining.

“Let’s look at this problem. Here it says find the number of functions f….”

Doyoung looked like he had a lot to say, but once the lesson started, he seriously followed the tip of the pen with his eyes.

Since it was a cafe in a busy district, the inside was quite noisy. Naturally Hamin raised his voice, and soon his throat went dry, and one coffee disappeared fast. When Doyoung kept glancing at his remaining drink and then suddenly made a loud slurping sound and jumped up.

“I’ll buy more!”

He shoved his chair noisily and ran off, and Hamin didn’t feel like stopping him. He rubbed the back of his neck and checked the time. It seemed about 50 minutes had passed.

I’ll do just 40 more minutes and then leave.

One and a half hours was more than enough AS.

His hand felt sticky from something on the cup. He stood up to find a place to wash his hands. On one wall there was a notice that the restroom was outside the building along with a passcode. He thought briefly about waiting for Kwon Doyoung to come back from the counter, but without much thought he stepped away.

He wasn’t a little kid. Nothing would happen in that short time.