CEL 60

“It has become quite hard to see your face.”

“From now on it will become even harder to see me.”

Jaeha’s biting reply, which he had never heard before, made Heo Jaehyeon’s raise his eyebrows slightly. Even though Jaeha had grown under a lacking mother, he had been a child who knew how to act in a way Jaehyeon liked, but recently Jaehyeon felt that Jaeha had begun to go crooked, and now it looked like he had gone as far as rebellion.

Was it belated puberty?

Jaehyeon clicked his tongue softly, but he did not feel a strong urge to scold him. After all, Jaeha was his child too, and when it came to his family, Jaehyeon was endlessly generous.

“I have something I am curious about.”

When Jaehyeon was about to raise his spoon, Jaeha opened his mouth. Jaehyeon set down what he was holding and waited for what would follow.

“Why did you not come to my mother’s funeral?”

“Do you call that a question?”

The child resembled him, he was bright, but since she had been his mother no matter what, her death must have been quite a shock to him. That must have been why he was throwing something like this, which could hardly be called a question, as a question.

Jaehyeon clicked his tongue inwardly.

Why had he not gone to the funeral?

It was because he had no intention of going.

From the beginning, the only one Jaehyeon had accepted inside the fence called family was Jaeha.

A mere bar woman could never become his family.

Cheap affection bought with a bouquet of flowers was not even a trophy for him. That was why he had tried to erase her completely, even by attaching a man to do it. In any case, since she had died together with him, it turned out well for him.

Jaeha read the answer in his face and let out a laugh.

“I don’t want to be dragged around anymore.”

“Is it so difficult to accept a company?”

Jaehyeon tugged at his tie with a somewhat stifled feeling. From the beginning, it was a company that others were desperate to have, and he was told it would be given for free, instead of being grateful he acted in that way, and Jaehyeon could not understand it.

Even if Jaehyeon made a hundred concessions and thought it was because of his wife or Juyeop, it was the same. They had not treated Jaeha warmly, but they had not tormented him either. There was no reason for him to tremble with disgust.

“After Father passes away….” Jaeha blinked slowly.

“Do you really think I could get along well with Heo Juyeop? Are you not just saying it because it makes you feel at ease?”

Jaehyeon’s lips, which had been smiling the whole time, stiffened. Jaeha’s brow furrowed too, it look like he hit in the mark.

“Do you still not know your son that much? Even if not with me, you lived rubbing shoulders with Heo Juyeop. Do you really not know that man?”

“You, what kind of speech habit is that….”

“If I receive even a fingernail’s worth from you, Heo Juyeop will be the kind of man who will rip out all of my nails and toenails.”

“…..”

“Because he takes after you.” Jaeha smiled coldy and lashed out.

His biological father, Heo Jaehyeon, had an irrational obsession with family because of the memories of his childhood.

Unlike the harmonious household, as the youngest among three brothers, he had known since he was a child that his share of inheritance would be small, and he had always harbored discontent about it.

His parents, who loved all of their children equally, promised to divide the inheritance fairly among everyone, but from the beginning he had been a man who could not be satisfied with only that.

Heo Jaehyeon, born with greed clamped in his jaws like a dragon ball, easily removed his brothers and became the only heir. His parents realized this too late, but by then most of the wealth had already passed into his hands.

It would have been good if he had been satisfied with that, but unfortunately he could not give up the overflowing love and the harmonious family affection he had received in his childhood.

Shielding his child’s cheek from the prickling sunlight with the palm of his hand, going on picnics all together when the weather was good, embracing tightly at night and greeting with a good night.

He dreamed of such a warm family.

So when his wife gave birth only to a child like Heo Juyeop and then became infertile, he had been heartbroken.

It was not something impossible to understand that he strayed outside.

He had not expected that words he had once said to his mother long ago would come out through his son’s mouth, and his face turned rigid.

“I looked into it, and I learned that both the inheritance renunciation memorandum and the compulsory portion renunciation memorandum have no real effect.”

“…….”

“So if you truly think about me, then you should stop caring about me from this point on.”

He already knew it. He had seen the anxious look whenever he noticed the affection had disappeared from his son’s eyes.

The way he fretted and grew restless, terrified that Jaeha might steal something from Heo Juyeop, looked funnier than most comedies.

He himself had lived like that, and yet he feared his child might repeat that act.

“…I heard from Professor Tak that you cannot use colors.” He revealed his displeasure without hiding it and sneered in a low tone.

“Then what exactly do you think you can do? With those skills. You cannot even use colors. Are you telling me you will become a painter?”

Even though he knew why Jaeha had ended up this way, the way he wielded it bluntly as a weapon made him furious.

Does he even think of me as his child?

He closed his eyes and breathed out an exhale. He recalled Hamin’s eyes sparkling as he stared straight at his drawings.

Recently Hamin’s hobby was appreciating his past drawings. Whether he was next to him or not, he did not care, and he traced each line with his gaze as if he might enter into the canvas.

Each time, Jaeha felt as if something empty inside him was little by little being filled. Watching Hamin look again at drawings he had already seen several times, he thought that he wanted to hold a pencil again.

It had been so dreadful. Yet for the single reason that Hamin liked it, he wanted to draw again.

Even if there was just one person who looked at his drawings in that way, it was enough.

“I will keep drawing.”

“With your skill, even making a living will be difficult.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

As his father said, he probably would not succeed as a painter. Amid countless geniuses, with only monochrome drawings, a mediocre talent like his would never stand out, and it was certain he would remain an ordinary artist.

But then, so what?

“But that will make me happier.” As long as Hamin stayed by his side, it reo did not matter.

•••

Sitting in a cafe while drinking coffee, Hamin let out a small sigh.

When he sometimes saw stories of overbearing parents in the media, he always wondered why those people acted like that, but now he himself was in that very state.

There was no real help he could give by being nearby, yet without realizing it he had come close to Han Jaeha’s meeting place. It could not be anything but an inefficient act.

Separate from thought, as time passed his insides burned dry, and the bottom of the coffee cup came into view in an instant. He clicked his tongue and got up from his seat. He did not know how much longer he would have to stay, and it felt awkward to occupy a seat with only an empty cup left.

While he stood before the counter, staring at the menu board in hesitation, someone brushed his shoulder roughly and passed.

He turned his head. A man of similar height to him smiled with an awkward face.

“Sorry.”

The kindly smile looked familiar. Without thinking, Hamin let out a small “ah” and acted as though he knew him. At that, the man tilted his head with a puzzled look.

Pressed by the other’s expectant eyes, Hamin thought for a moment, then he put on a drawn smile and spoke.

“I saw you in a news article recently, so since you are a senior from my school I ended up acting like I knew you.”

“..Do you attend Korea University?”

“Yes, Korea University, Law Faculty.”

A person with a void at his base is easy to handle. With only a few compliments that could apply to anyone, he revealed favor easily, and that made it just as easy to gain what one wanted.

As expected, when Hamin repeated chatty compliments, the man responded quickly with positive reactions.

“If you have not ordered yet, shall I buy you something?”

Even though the man used casual speech naturally, Hamin nodded. Meeting a man in a place like this was an unexpected stroke of luck.

Hamin coldly looked at the back of the man ordering from the menu board.

“Since meeting like this is also fate, shall we talk for a bit before going?”

“I would like that.”

Watching him seize the seat that would show him most clearly to everyone, Hamin sneered inwardly.

Heo Juyeop, in other words Han Jaeha’s half brother, was exactly the kind of man Hamin had heard about.

What kind of hollow fool like this exists?

After only fifteen minutes of talking with Heo Juyeop, Hamin grasped roughly what his nature was.

He was soaked in ostentation, yet filled with inferiority, and he belonged to the most despicable type. That meant he was a man one did not wish to encounter for any reason.

Because of a man like this….

Hamin curled his hand into a fist while hiding his stiff fingertips. Heat kept rising inside him, and controlling his face became difficult. He thought he had seen plenty of filth during trials in court, yet this was another kind of fury.

“Why did I never know such a pretty junior existed? Ah, if only I had not graduated early, we would have attended school together this year. What a pity, right?”

The words “early graduation” repeated already three times in such a short span, Hamin sneered to himself. That seemed to be the only thing he could brag about.

“That is true, it would have been nice if it had happened that way.”

“After graduation, have you decided what you will do? If you are thinking about employment, then don’t go to law school, just come to Seoil Electric. I will place you there.”

Perhaps because he liked the junior who pandered to him, Heo Juyeop suddenly threw out a proposal close to corruption. Hamin fell into thought. It was not that he seriously considered Juyeop’s offer, but he considered his own approaching future.

If he entered an ordinary company… gathering information that could become someone’s weakness would not be easy.

He furrowed his brow and bit down on his lip. He did not want Han Jaeha to be swayed by such a man. He trusted him, yet he still wanted to help him.

To do that, he had to decide.

When he stayed silent for a long time, Juyeop tapped on the table, perhaps wondering what he was thinking.

“It is because hyung likes you. What kind of boy looks more like an entertainer than an actual celebrity?”

Seeing the sinister glint flashing in Juyeop’s eyes, Hamin gave a hollow laugh. So his appearance is convenient enough for him to walk around with him. Since he already had more than enough famous lawyers gathered, he must have thought it would not be bad to take him along as a face to show. That absurd train of thought, made him unconsciously say his true feelings.

“Nothing but… a face like a grasshopper.”

“…What?” Did he hear wrong?

Juyeop looked at Hamin’s face, softened with a smile and blinked vacantly. For words spoken with such a gentle face, the mismatch was so strong that even though he heard them clearly, he doubted his hearing.

Hamin whispered quietly.

“I have decided.”

“Ah, you will come to Seoil, right? You chose well. I will tell the HR team….”

“It is thanks to you, sunbae-nim, I appreciate it.”

Through the talk with Heo Juyeop, the vague future now approached in definite colors. From the start, only one thing mattered to him, so in this life he planned to stake everything to protect that one thing.

So….

“I will see you again.” He will go to ENHA.

Hr will become a man whom this kind of fool cannot dismiss.

And he will make it so that Han Jaeha cannot dismiss him either.

Looking at Juyeop’s bewildered face, Hamin laughed brightly with teeth bared. The fog that had clouded his head over his goals finally cleared.

“I mean it.”

At that moment, he thought that perhaps, just as Han Jaeha said, he might like to trample on people.

•••

As Hamin continued pressing his lips to his neck in a tickling manner, Jaeha laughed.

“Sunbae, you really can’t drink, so do not go around saying you can drink well.”

“I can drink well.”

“You can’t drink.”

The long second semester ended with the end of the presentation.

Ji Eunah’s suggestion of making the PPT like a game succeeded, and the professor clapped his hands and praised the result. The enthusiasm of his response was strong enough that they could expect good marks.

“I enjoyed Group 5’s presentation. I could feel that every group member was sincere about the assignment.”

Because of that, after the class ended, they had the drinking gathering they had talked about before with a lighthearted mood. This time Hamin did not exclude himself and he accepted the drinks people offered him. They knew that Hamin’s tolerance was not strong, so they tried to stop him, but it was no use. Instead, when Ji Eunah told him to stop fussing over his boyfriend, he only jumped in surprise.

He looked at Jaeha, wondering if he had said something first, but Jaeha only began to hiccup, it was something he did not know about either. Even as he poured water and lifted it to his lips, his heart felt unsettled.

Was the irregular contraction of the diaphragm… something this cute?

As she saw his serious face, Kim Seoryeong confessed the truth.

They had noticed it when they had gone to the beach before. Jaeha thought it was because of himself, but unexpectedly it was because Hamin’s gaze had dripped honey, that was how they knew… even hearing it made his molars itch.

Perhaps because they opened their hearts, the drinking that began at four stretched until eleven. After turning away Ji Eunah and Koo Chaewook, who kept calling for a fourth and fifth round, and sending Kim Seoryeong home by taxi, Hamin was nodding off behind Jaeha.

He was drunk enough, so when he playfully asked, do you want me to carry you if you are sleepy, Hamin immediately spread both arms. He could already picture how embarrassed Hamin would be when he woke up the next day.

“What time is it now?”

He rolled his eyes and recited the time engraved on the big electronic board.

“Twelve oh two.”

Hamin had already asked what time it was five times, so he replied in confusion.

Was he looking forward to his birthday that much?

Jaeha blinked, since he had secretly prepared gifts and a party for Hamin’s birthday.

Showing it in such a way was not like Hamin, so maybe because he was drunk, his true feelings were coming out.

Hamin awkwardly slipped off his bag and rummaged inside. As he watched his body sway dangerously again and again, Jaeha whispered, “Be careful,” but Hamin did not seem to listen.

After fumbling inside the small bag like he was exploring a cave for quite a while, Hamin finally pulled out a pair of leather gloves with the tags still attached.

“What is this?”

“Your gift.”

“All of a sudden?”

“Gloves… I wanted to give them. New ones.” His own hands were colder.

Jaeha thought but still looked at the jet-black leather gloves with a happy face. His both hands supported Hamin’s thighs, so he could not try them on immediately, but even at a glance they suited him very well.

Thumps. As he saw Hamin’s hand drop down, he resumed walking.

“Thank you. Today feels exactly like my birthday.”

“It is my birthday….”

“I know.”

“Because it is my birthday… I wanted to give you a gift.”

“Why do you give me a gift on your birthday? You should ask me for one?”

“If I give you one, you will like it.”

His heart dropped to his toes. As he watched Hamin start again to press lips to his neck, he asked softly.

“…Sunbae, since when have you liked me?”

Hamin stopped, he mumbled broken words as he searched for scraps of memory and finally whispered.

“Since thirty-seven years old.”

“…Do you still not like me now?”

He thought he had gotten used to Seo Hamin’s outlandish answers, but the unexpected answer left him dumbfounded. The number was needlessly specific.

He shook his body up and down in disbelief and urged for an answer, but at the one phrase “I feel nauseous,” he stopped resisting quietly.

But it was too much to say thirteen years?

“Since then, I think I liked you.”

“Elder, you are still twenty-four.”

“When I am forty, let’s go see the sunrise.”

“Before then you won’t see it?”

“I won’t. I will see it at forty.”

So this is why they say one should not take the words of a drunk person seriously.

He nodded, thinking, I guess that is so, and then Hamin hugged his neck tightly and added.

“At fifty, we will go play golf together. At sixty, we will learn calligraphy. At seventy, we will go on a world trip. At eighty….”

“Are we going to live a hundred years together as a married couple?”

“Yes, let’s live a hundred years together.”

The voice murmuring “a hundred years together…” was unbearably sweet. Jaeha unconsciously glanced around. Since it was dawn, there were almost no people passing by, but he still worried that someone might see Seo Hamin like this.

Not knowing his feelings, Hamin simply grinned foolishly and rubbed his cheek against him.

“Live a long life with me.”

“If we want that, then both of us must work out hard.”

Whether because he disliked the words or because he was simply sleepy, Hamin dropped his head, and soon soft breathing sounds came from him.

His heart felt calm. The sound of the wind was gentle, and when he exhaled, the white air that scattered between his lips tasted sweet.

He raised his head. The sky without a single cloud held a round full moon shining bright.

“Sunbae, the sky looks so beautiful today.”

“Mm….”

The that could be an answer or could be annoyance made him smile.

What kind of face Hamin would show tomorrow morning, and with what kind of words he would flip a person’s heart inside out, and… with what kind of acts he would make him want to live on?

That night he wondered about such trivial things.

He had never thought a day like this would ever come.

“When you wake, let’s have the birthday party. I prepared many things.”

He murmured quietly and moved his steps. The way home was far, yet with the warmth pressed against his back he didn’t feel cold.

The whole world was a warm winter.