CTL 21

Because he truly did not want to come, Yoongeon did not go inside immediately even after arriving at his family home. He stood in front of the main gate, took out a cigarette, and put it to his lips. His mind was in turmoil, causing his brow to furrow on its own.

“Haaa….”

Yes, let’s think positively. Seohwi would also get to see his family for the first time in a while only if he came to the family home. He had people who loved him. Yoongeon could not have him all to himself, nor could he take him away for a long time.

So, let’s endure it. That is what he thought.

In fact, because he did not want to come, Yoongeon had dragged his feet as much as possible at home. Even after Seohwi left, he did not get ready right away and just lay sprawled on the sofa with his eyes closed. His body was tired, but he could not fall asleep, and soon he received a call from his mother. She had urged him, asking where he was in a careful voice, so in the end, he could not win and had no choice but to get up.

Next to Yoongeon, who had finished his cigarette, stood the mansion’s management staff, looking at him with anxious faces. Even when they told him that the madam was waiting with bated breath, he stood his ground without going in right away, making the staff anxious as well. They watched him, their eyes nearly bloodshot, as if worried he might pull out another cigarette.

“Executive Director, the madam is….”

“Yes, I know.”

“……”

As if he was doing this because he did not know. Forcibly taming his flaring temper, Yoongeon finally gave in to the pressure and opened the main gate to enter. Only then could a sound of relief be heard from behind him.

“My son!”

Just as they had said she was waiting with bated breath, his mother had come out to the yard and was waiting for him. She tightly grasped her son’s hand.

“Was it hard coming here?”

“What’s there to be hard about.”

What could possibly be hard about driving a car, not even walking. Despite Yoongeon’s indifferent reply, his mother smiled brightly. It seemed she was simply happy to be talking with her son.

“Let’s go in quickly, it’s cold. You might catch a cold.”

Minjung linked her arm with her son’s, and even in that short time it took to go inside, she burst into laughter several times at Yoongeon’s trivial words.

“Honey, Geon is here.”

“Oh, you’re… ahem… you’re here.”

“Yes.”

Chairman Ko was about to greet him casually, but upon seeing the bruise on Yoongeon’s face, he stuttered without realizing it. Only then did his mother also caress his cheek and look at him with worried eyes.

“Yesterday, I was in a state of shock, and it felt a bit awkward to ask Mr. Seohwi, so I didn’t say anything, but… what happened to your face?”

At those words, Chairman Ko, who flinched, let out a loud cough.

“I fell.”

“Don’t lie.”

Even though he knew his mother was a former nurse, Yoongeon told a lie that would not even work. However, he did not correct his words.

“It’s not something you need to worry about.”

“……”

Knowing all too well that speaking of it would only upset his mother, Yoongeon drew a line this time instead of answering.

“Did you have breakfast?”

“I ate. I’m busy, so I’m going to look at some work first.”

He had not even had a proper sip of water, let alone breakfast, but Yoongeon gave a rough answer and went up to the second floor. Yebin seemed to be still asleep, as there was no sign of anyone.

Upon entering his room, Yoongeon stared blankly at the room that had not changed at all. The room he had used since he was young retained his mother’s touch in every corner. He looked at the pictures of his childhood self with a bright smile, the award certificates from his school days, and the old books neatly arranged on the shelf, then let out a deep sigh of frustration and placed the documents and laptop he had brought onto the desk.

This was Ko Yoongeon’s room, but it was not his room. The real owner of this room had died at the age of seven, and the one who had occupied that body was a monster thousands of years old. That was why this room made him uncomfortable. The warm things from the past that a person named Choi Minjung tried to bring out by any means necessary were not his. That was why Yoongeon would be crushed by guilt whenever he entered this room.

“My son.”

As he connected the power cord to his laptop and sat down, there was a knock, and his mother came in. On the tray she was holding were rice balls, fruit, juice, and even warm tea. It meant she knew that his claim of having eaten breakfast was a lie.

She placed the tray on one side of the desk, then pulled up a small chair and sat down. When Yoongeon, realizing his mother had no intention of leaving right away, turned his body to the side, she stroked his cheek again.

“Your father did this, didn’t he?”

“No.”

“Geon-ah, you don’t need to endure anything because of me.”

“……”

This was why he had tried to avoid seeing his mother. His heart felt heavy.

“You can tell me, okay? A mother should protect her own child. Does it make sense for the child to endure things, saying he’ll protect his mother?”

“……I’m all grown up, mom.”

“I know.”

“You don’t need to suffer like this either. Mom, you should live your own life. Don’t worry about me.”

“Geon-ah.”

His mother said.

“A mother can’t help but worry, no matter how old her child gets. Love isn’t something that fades just because the other person gets older.”

“……”

The words that love is not something that fades just because the other person gets older was a fact Yoongeon knew all too painfully. His eyes sank with a troubled expression.

“What can I do when a mother does this because she loves her son. There’s no other way.”

She said. That is what a child is to a mother. But Yoongeon already knew of one person who was not like that.

“There are people who aren’t like that.”

“I’m sure there are. With so many people in the world, how could there not be someone like that. But there aren’t many. In this world, Geon-ah, there are far more normal people than abnormal ones.”

“……”

“So don’t endure it, my son. Okay? It’s hard for me when my son endures things.”

“There’s nothing… I’m enduring.”

Yoongeon looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

“…I’m sorry.”

Ah, I am not the one who should be receiving this kind of love. Guilt crushed him.

“Why do you only say you’re sorry whenever you see me… it breaks my heart….”

“……”

“Never mind, just eat while you work. Let’s make sure to have lunch together, alright?”

“…Yes.”

Whenever Yoongeon said he was sorry, his mother would hold back her tears and either change the subject or try to leave. This time, too, she left the room. Yoongeon watched his mother’s retreating back and then closed his eyes. He was tired, despite not having done anything.

✧ ✧ ✧

When it was lunchtime, Yebin knocked, told him it was time to eat, and yawned longly. It seemed she had slept in for the first time in a while since it was a weekend with no plans.

“Why did you come?”

“Because of a debt.”

“Ah….”

The only reason he would come to the family home because of a debt was his mother. Yebin nodded her head.

“Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

As they were going down the stairs, Yebin yawned, missed a step, and almost slipped, but he caught her. He held her by the scruff of her neck to keep her from falling as they went down, and Yebin walked with her eyes closed, swaying limply like a paper doll. It was such a familiar sight that neither of them thought anything of it.

“Oh my, how can you hold Yebin like that!”

“Let go of the child! You rascal!”

However, their parents were not the same. Not only his mother, but Chairman Ko also shot up from his seat and even pointed his finger when he saw his daughter being held by the scruff of her neck by his son, swaying as she walked. Yoongeon let go of his grip only after seating Yebin in her chair and then sat in his own spot.

“You shouldn’t grab a grown child like that, you rascal.”

“Yes.”

Yoongeon answered perfunctorily.

“It would be a big problem if Yebin slipped again while you were holding her like that, Geon-ah. You have to be careful.”

“Yes, mom. I’m sorry. I’ll be careful from now on.”

Yoongeon nodded and replied to his mother’s words.

“The sun is high in the sky, and Yebin’s eyes are still glued shut. Hurry up and open your eyes and eat.”

“Ehhh….”

The meal began only after Chairman Ko picked up his spoon.

Chairman Ko, who would normally talk about useless things or flirt with his wife, was talking to Yoongeon with unusual frequency. The questions, which started with how he had been lately and whether he was eating well, soon drifted to a sensitive and uncomfortable topic. It was about his half-brother, Ko Yoonchul.

At first, it was a complaint about him. He said that for someone old enough to know better, all he did was do drugs, drink, and now, of all things, even engage in prostitution. Of course, since Yebin and his mother were there, he could not outright say prostitution and instead described them as ‘friends who play in an overly intimate way.’

When asked if he knew anything about him, he answered, “I know as much as I need to,” and then was asked if Ko Yoonchul had not been absent from home quite often lately. He kept his mouth shut at those words. It was because he knew what Chairman Ko was talking about. He was trying to figure out whether he knew about the excessively frequent visits to the Gangwon Casino, and if he did, exactly how much he knew.

At first, his mother, who had been listening blankly without knowing what was going on, frowned as the conversation grew stranger and stranger, and then stopped Chairman Ko, telling him to just let the boy eat his meal. Then, Chairman Ko, feeling a prick of guilt, acted nonchalantly, saying he had been talking a lot out of happiness at seeing his son for the first time in a while.

Only when Yoongeon ate his meal in silence did a quiet settle over the dining table. The silence must have been awkward, as Chairman Ko occasionally spouted nonsense, but it was more or less bearable.

“I’ve eaten well.”

His meal finished quickly. His mother seemed bothered that Yoongeon had left food on his plate.

“Son, why are you eating so little? Was the food not good?”

“No. I ate as much as I needed.”

“But you left some rice.”

“You gave me a lot, mom.”

“Hmm….”

Even though she knew how much he usually ate, his mother had a very worried expression on her face.

“But I really only added just a little bit more. Geon-ah, I’m a little worried.”

“About what.”

“They say other families’ sons have huge appetites. They eat two or three chickens by themselves, and five packets of instant noodles at once. They say they eat three bowls of rice when they go to a restaurant, but my son always eats like a bird like this….”

“……Mom, what kind of bird eats this much.”

Just hearing her words, one would think he counted every single grain of rice he ate. Yoongeon replied, feeling bewildered.

“I eat as much as I need to.”

No matter how tired he was of eating, as long as he was born a living creature, he had to supply calories to survive. So Yoongeon also ate as much as his body needed. Although he often skipped meals out of laziness, it meant he did not just starve himself indiscriminately.

“You should have eaten just a little more.”

“I did eat a little more. I can’t eat any more.”

When his mother looked disappointed even after he said he was truly full to the brim, Yebin, who was picking at a pan-fried pollack patty beside him, chimed in.

“Mom, just leave oppa alone. The people you’re talking about are the ones who do food videos on YouTube. How can oppa eat as much as them. Ordinary men don’t eat that much either.”

“Really? I thought everyone was like that these days because they all eat so heartily and so much.”

“Not everyone. Just leave oppa alone. What if he eats a lot and becomes a pig? I don’t like a pig oppa. He’d be ugly and fat.”

She said she preferred the one who was rude but had a good body over a pig oppa.

“Oh my, this child. What’s wrong with oppa being a little chubby? With our Geon-ie’s looks, it’s okay for him to be a little chubby.”

“Mom, no matter how handsome a man is, he becomes ugly if he gains weight. That’s a truth of the world. And having a fat Ko Yoongeon next to me? It would be too embarrassing, no way.”

“You child, to your oppa!”

His mother flared up at Yebin’s words. It seemed she did not like her son being insulted, one way or another. At that moment, Chairman Ko, who had been listening quietly, glared at Yebin and said.

“Yebin-ah, for a man, you see. This face is useless. The ability to make a living is important, you understand? And a man needs to have some flesh on him to have a good physique, that’s how it is. How dare a little girl carelessly judge a man’s appearance.”

“……”

He had wondered why he was glaring like that, and it seemed he thought it was impertinent for a woman to criticize a man. Yebin pouted her lips but could not say anything back since she was facing Chairman Ko.

“A woman, by nature. She has to be modest and gentle. Her face should also be as pretty as a flower like our Yebin-ie, you see? She also has to manage her figure well for men to like her. If you go around judging men’s faces and bodies like that, you won’t be loved by a man!”

“What’s the need for her to be loved by a man anyway.”

Yoongeon, who had not been paying any attention to whether Yebin was badmouthing him or not, said as he took a sip of water.

“Just leave her be.”

“Ah, how dare a woman critique a man!”

“Haaa….”

Yoongeon furrowed his brow in annoyance and said.

“Why are you getting so worked up over Yebin’s words. Just like an ugly man.”

“……”

At his words, Chairman Ko flinched for a moment.

“You don’t have something like an inferiority complex, do you. You said you love your daughter. Then don’t scold her on a weekend morning and just let it go nicely.”

Chairman Ko mumbled, “No, I was….” It seemed that even he was embarrassed for getting worked up over his young daughter’s words.

“I’ve eaten well. I’m going up.”

He glanced at Yebin, who was staring sullenly at the table, patted her shoulder once, and then headed for the stairs. But Yebin, who had not even finished her meal, trotted after him.

“You haven’t finished your food yet.”

“Yeah. But I’m not eating. It’s annoying to eat with dad. Why do I have to listen to stuff about how women should be modest and all that on a weekend morning?”

“Don’t throw a fit for no reason and go finish your food. What will mother think if you leave food behind too.”

“I don’t know. I’m not eating. I’m going to eat instant noodles.”

He passed Yoongeon, went up the stairs, popped into his room, and came out holding a packet of instant noodles, which he offered to Yoongeon. When Yoongeon tore open the bag for her, she sprinkled the soup powder, mixed it, and then gave him a piece.

“I told you I’m not eating.”

“Eat it. I’ll make an exception for you even if you become a pig.”

Just a moment ago she was saying it would be embarrassing to have him next to her, and now her tune had changed. He could not, for the life of him, understand his little sister’s whims.

“I’m full.”

“Eating just this little bit won’t do anything.”

“……”

To be honest, Yoongeon was not particularly fond of instant noodles either. Most of them were overly salty and spicy. He looked at the piece of noodle that was obviously going to be spicy and salty from the seasoning powder, then reluctantly accepted it and put it in his mouth. Just as expected, a stimulating flavor that made him wonder why people even eat this stuff spread through his mouth.

“It’s delicious, right.”

“Yeah.”

It was obvious to anyone that he was eating it without enjoyment, but Yebin asked if it was delicious. Yoongeon answered vaguely that it was. Having achieved her goal when Yoongeon gave her a satisfactory answer, Yebin smiled and returned to her room.

“Ahem. Son.”

A little while later, Yoongeon had returned to his room and was staring blankly outside. The door opened without even a knock, and Chairman Ko came in. He entered with an awkward expression, looked around the room for no reason, and then came out to the terrace where Yoongeon was. Yoongeon, with a cigarette in his hand, turned around.

“What brings you here.”

“Ah, does a father need a reason to come see his son!”

He got angry for no reason. It was probably because he himself knew how he was acting.

“Well, since you’re staying overnight for the first time in a while, Yebin’s mother is happy, and, ahem, and on a day like this, it’s nice for men to have a deep conversation together for the first time in a while. You, as a son, should know to have a drink with your father when you come home.”

Chairman Ko rambled on with some nonsense, and when Yoongeon showed no reaction, he pulled up a terrace chair and sat down.

“If you had something to say, you could have just called me to the study.”

“Ahem… well, does it hurt a lot?”

“……”

He was giving some perfunctory replies when Chairman Ko expressed some absurd concern. Is this what they call giving the disease and then the medicine? Well, it was nothing new.

“Ah….”

In any case, Yoongeon knew this behavior of Chairman Ko’s very well. He turned his head and took a drag from his cigarette. As he inhaled deeply and exhaled the smoke, the acrid smoke filled his lungs satisfyingly.

“Your father, back then, ahem… I was a little worked up back then. Still, boy, sons are supposed to get hit sometimes. It’s different from daughters.”

He acted as if his anger had subsided in front of Yoongeon with a purpose. No, maybe his anger really had subsided. Considering his personality of flaring up in anger so easily.

“……”

“Surely you’re not, uh, holding a grudge or anything, are you? A man, ahem, shouldn’t be like that. Well, that aside… about your hyung.”

So he finally reveals his true colors. That was the reason he had been bothering him throughout the meal.

“Shouldn’t we take some sort of action? Huh?”

“What kind of action.”

“No matter what, he is the only eldest son of our family. The boy is able-bodied, so we can’t just tie his hands and feet already, can we!”

“……”

As he spoke, he glanced at Yoongeon and muttered.

“Sigh… it would have been so much better if you had come from Park Dongju’s womb. It’s truly the greatest regret of my life, a regret. You brat, if you were going to be born as this father’s son, you should have chosen your mother well.”

He clicked his tongue, saying that Yoongeon should have been born from Park Dongju’s womb, who was not only from a good family and had a good education, but was also smart.

“Right, she is smarter than Yebin’s mother… and she is the first wife too.”