CTL 28

“Ha, what did you say?”

Ko Yoonchul looked at him with ferocious eyes.

“I’m not going to a place like prison. A person of my stature can’t go there.”

Even as Yoongeon stared at him with an indifferent gaze, he did his best to rattle on about the reasons he wouldn’t be going in.

“You think my mom will just stand by if they arrest me?”

“How old are you that you’re still crying for your mommy. You’re a guy who’ll be forty in a couple of years.”

At the taunt, Ko Yoonchul’s face flushed bright red. Thinking about it, it seemed he knew it was embarrassing himself. Then again, all the guys around him were the same, so he probably never even realized it was shameful before.

“Yeah, well… eldest aunt does cherish a bastard like you because you’re her son.”

“If you know that, how dare you…!”

Without waiting for his answer, Yoongeon stood up from his seat. Then, he took out bundles of bills from the bag one by one, gave them to the manager and the two guards, and said.

“Payment to shut your mouths. Got it?”

“Yes, yes! Thank you!”

“Then again… even if I didn’t give you money, you would have no choice but to shut up. If you don’t want to get arrested and thrown in jail.”

After saying that much, Yoongeon turned and left without any lingering attachment.

✧ ✧ ✧

Yoongeon went outside and brushed off his clothes. It seemed the homeless people had already squandered all the money he gave them, as they were sleeping curled up in balls just like before. One of them stirred at the sight of Yoongeon, but couldn’t approach, as if he couldn’t muster the courage. It appeared they knew they were of no use to him anymore.

He looked at the money bag in his hand. He had already thought about what to do with this money. He would give it to his mother, Park Dongju. She probably knew he was secretly siphoning off company funds as a slush fund, but there was one reason for bringing the money he procured that way directly to her. It meant that she should stop holding onto futile expectations and properly keep her promise.

The way she cherished and loved her son was wrong. Wasn’t it because a person who was cold and discerning with others couldn’t do the same with her own child that a problem ultimately arose? Missing the numerous opportunities to correct his mistakes was definitely Park Dongju’s own fault.

“Ko Yoongeon—!”

It was then. From behind him, Ko Yoonchul called his name and, for what it was worth, charged at him fiercely. When Yoongeon turned around, he was running at him holding a knife in a truly pathetic manner.

“So damn slow…”

To him, who trained his body whenever he had a spare moment, it was a pitiful sight that posed no threat whatsoever. Still, he was waiting patiently for him to reach him, but suddenly, there was someone blocking his path. He could tell by the familiar scent. It was Seohwi.

Yoongeon, who hadn’t been surprised even seeing a man running at him with a knife, felt his heart drop the moment he saw Seohwi standing in front of him. Surprised, he spun around while pulling Seohwi into an embrace. Because of that, the money bag he was holding fell to the ground with a loud noise.

“Executive Director!”

Yoongeon held Seohwi tightly, worried he might jump out in front of him again. At that moment, Ko Yoonchul’s knife grazed past his side. Fortunately, thanks to the thick coat he was wearing, he wasn’t stabbed.

He might attack again now that he knows he failed. It was as Yoongeon was turning around with a coldly hardened face. Ko Yoonchul clutched the money bag that had fallen on the ground and hastily backed away.

“My money, gasp, it’s my money. Stop that bastard from coming near me!”

As he shouted, the thugs who had been watching them from a short distance away rushed in. He could have just given them the damned money bag, but Seohwi getting hurt was not an option. Yoongeon gritted his teeth and started throwing punches.

The faces of the thugs who rushed him turned from his fists. One of them, holding a steel pipe, charged at Yoongeon, but at that moment, Seohwi intervened, kicked the menacing-looking man’s leg to trip him, and picked up the fallen steel pipe. Seeing him step forward and hit the thug surprised Yoongeon, but now was not the time to drag things out.

There were a total of six who rushed them. The two of them were not pushed back even while facing six men. Yoongeon drove inward and struck solar plexuses, and when the fallen men tried to get back up, he mercilessly stomped on their heads. While they were clinging to Yoongeon and buying time, Ko Yoonchul got in a car and fled.

By the time he had knocked down all six grown men, Yoongeon watched Ko Yoonchul’s car rapidly disappear, then gritted his teeth and looked back at Seohwi.

“What on earth are you doing here!”

Anger erupted before he could even hold it back.

“Look.”

But Seohwi ignored the angry Yoongeon, came closer, and only lifted the coat he was wearing to look. He should know that there’s no way he’d be wounded since he was wearing thick clothes, but he was doing such a foolish thing. Yoongeon grabbed him by the collar and panted heavily.

“A guy who can’t even fight, what are you doing here.”

“I know how to fight.”

“Are you crazy? Why would you block the way of someone running at you with a knife, why would you block it!”

Yoongeon, who had been shouting at him asking what on earth he could do, yelled about why a guy whose only known exercise was running would step forward.

“I’ve learned everything I need to learn, too.”

“What?”

“You saw me fighting.”

“Haa…”

Yoongeon creased his brow in annoyance and put a hand to his forehead.

“What I’m saying is, you don’t need to see such a dirty sight. Do you understand?”

The guys who had been beaten by the two of them and were rolling on the ground seemed to have run away, as they were nowhere to be seen. But the blood they had shed was splattered on the ground here and there. Yoongeon pointed at the ground.

“I mean you shouldn’t see things like this.”

“What am I supposed to do when a sick person is running wild.”

Somehow, Seohwi’s retorting voice also grew increasingly chilly. But Yoongeon didn’t even care.

“Sick? Who’s sick? Me?”

“Yes. You.”

“…You? Did you just call me ‘you’?”

Yoongeon’s brow furrowed mercilessly.

“This bastard, really.”

“The person I know as Ko Yoongeon is too sick to be left alone, but the person running wild here seems to be different, so it seems like it’s you.”

“Ha…”

Well, I’ll be. Really.

Looking at Seohwi, who retorted without losing a single word, Yoongeon couldn’t overcome his frustration and put a hand to his forehead.

“I’m not sick.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“If I was fine, then what, you wouldn’t have followed me back then?”

“That’s probably right.”

Is that really so? For a moment, Yoongeon flared up and was about to ask what on earth the things he had been doing until now were, but he paused.

“……”

“……”

Thinking about it, the times Seohwi had followed him until now… he hated to admit it, but it was only when he was sick and Seohwi was worried about him.

“Do you get it now?”

“……”

“I don’t get obsessed with people, but.”

Seohwi glared at him and came closer.

“Just because I don’t get obsessed doesn’t mean I ignore someone I’m worried about.”

“……No, I.”

Yoongeon was about to make some excuse when he suddenly came to his senses and looked around. Because of the commotion they had made while fighting, the gazes of the people around them were all directed at them.

“…Follow me.”

Thinking he had to get out of this spot first, Yoongeon grabbed Seohwi’s hand and pulled. “Let go,” Seohwi said angrily, but when Yoongeon didn’t let go, he eventually followed behind him reluctantly.

“Haa…”

A moment later, Yoongeon, who had forced Seohwi into the passenger seat, turned his back and took a deep breath to calm his mind for a moment. Whether he saw his panting back, or whether he didn’t care, Seohwi did not rush him.

“Damn it!”

But he failed splendidly. He couldn’t hold back and kicked a can on the ground.

“Why on earth did you do that!”

Even as Yoongeon couldn’t contain his anger and flung open the passenger door, yelling, Seohwi didn’t move an inch and just glared at him.

“Don’t you get it? If that bastard had been just a little bit faster—”

“Why are you acting so recklessly?”

“…What?”

“Why did you just stand there and watch a person charging at you with a knife.”

“You, right now.”

It was when he was about to say what on earth he was talking about. He thought Seohwi was grabbing him by the collar, but then he yanked him forward. Yoongeon tried to resist so he wouldn’t lose, but there was no way he could win.

“Ugh!”

“You’re human, too.”

It was instantaneous. Seohwi pulled him close and spat out the words as if chewing them.

“If you get stabbed by a knife, you get hurt too, it’s the same for you.”

“Let go of this.”

“Why do you act like you don’t care about anything?”

“I said let go!”

“Why on earth!”

He couldn’t just stand there and take it anymore. Yoongeon also grabbed his collar and glared at him fiercely, but Seohwi shouted.

“You, originally, …Ugh.”

“…Seohwi.”

“Originally….”

It was then. While they were shouting, unable to control their emotions, Seohwi’s condition suddenly became strange.

“Ah….”

“Seohwi, ……Seohwi. What’s wrong.”

“Ugh, …ah, it hurts.”

Just as Seohwi, who had been holding his collar, seemed to lose his grip for a moment, his face contorted.

“Seohwi, just a moment. You’re in pain?”

He was so surprised that he grabbed his shoulders, but Seohwi just went limp without any reaction. Thinking he might have fainted, he was startled and quickly pulled him into an embrace, but Seohwi’s eyes slowly opened again.

“Get a grip. Please….”

Yoongeon pleaded as he stroked his cheek. But Seohwi just kept looking around with dazed eyes, as if he couldn’t hear his words.

“I was wrong about everything, so.”

“You weren’t like that originally, Yoongeon.”

It was then.

“You wanted to live….”

Hazy eyes, a dazed expression….

“……Seohwi?”

“You wanted to live with me. So why are you like this.”

“……”

When a person is too surprised, they are unable to say anything for a moment.

There was no time to think. Tears started to fall, drop drop, from Yoongeon’s eyes. And, a single tear also flowed from the eyes of Seohwi, who was looking at the lover who had been broken by the repeating reincarnation.

In that way, the two people crossed a long period of time and faced each other again.

But that too was only for a moment. With those words as his last, Seohwi’s dazed eyes began to flutter again.

“…Seohwi.”

“……”

As if that was all he had to say, Seohwi slowly closed his eyes like someone with no lingering attachments left.

“……”

Yoongeon held his lover in his arms and watched him, who was about to fall into a long sleep again, without saying a word. In his heart, he wanted to grab him right away and ask if he remembered him, and if so, if he still thought of him, just a little, even a very little bit…

His head fell powerlessly.

“Ugh, …Ugh….”

Holding Seohwi, who couldn’t regain consciousness, Yoongeon cried for a long time. Because he had thought that the day his lover would remember him would never come again, his tears could not be easily stopped.

“……Did I ever say those words.”

Embracing his lover who had fallen asleep at the boundary between the past and present, Yoongeon sobbed. He whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible.

“I’m sorry for foolishly still loving you…”

✧ ✧ ✧

‘Then that’s a good thing for you.’

The man said.

‘Isn’t it a good thing that you will no longer be held captive by my relentless self.’

Seohwi just stood there blankly and listened.

‘Let your suffering because of me end with this life. It must have been enough of a hell for you.’

He tried to open his mouth. He tried to say that it wasn’t true, that he had never thought that way, but the man smiled faintly and said this.

‘I’m sorry. For loving you.’

Listening to the voice that was apologizing to him, Seohwi realized that the voice was somehow very familiar.

With a headache that felt as if someone was mercilessly stabbing his head with an awl, Seohwi woke up from his sleep with a groan.

“Ugh…”

“You’re awake?”

He could tell whose voice it was without even needing to see the face. It was Yoongeon. But his voice was very similar to the voice of the man in his dream. Surprised, he looked over and saw that he was driving.

“Still, I’m proud you didn’t bring that damn piece of junk.”

“…What is this, no, when did I.”

“I called a designated driver to bring that car, so don’t worry about it.”

Without even properly listening to Seohwi’s words, Yoongeon only said what he had to say.

‘…What is going on.’

It wasn’t the time to suddenly wake up. Confused by the mismatched situation, Seohwi, wondering if he was mistaken about something, slowly began to retrace the events of the morning.

In the morning, Seohwi, who had woken up, shot up from his bed in the house where he felt no presence. Usually, he would have thought he had gone to work, but the person in question had been frail just until yesterday.

It goes without saying, but Yoongeon hated being treated like a patient, so he tried not to show that he was sick, but in Seohwi’s eyes, he still looked unstable. It’s not that his body looked sick. Having spent a long time together, Seohwi realized that Yoongeon was not sick in his body, but in his heart.

He was fine when he was working or busy, perhaps because his attention was focused there, but if left alone, Yoongeon would often appear before him with lifeless eyes. Who knows what he was thinking so much about on his own, but the longer such times stretched, the more he would become a wreck, looking like a person about to die.

So he didn’t leave him alone. Seohwi did his best to stick by his side. Perhaps because of the feeling of having a sudden监视者 next to him, Yoongeon would sometimes burst into anger, but he still didn’t back down. He was worried that if he left him alone, he might collapse and die helplessly somewhere he couldn’t see.

After searching for him all over the house, he belatedly found a note and car keys left by Yoongeon. The note, which simply stated that he had an outside engagement and would be back, did not mention where he was going.

So Seohwi called Lim Sunwoong, and after half-threatening him as he was unwilling to disclose the Executive Director’s schedule without permission, he found out the location and drove his car all the way here, to Gangwon Province. And what he saw was that. The sight of a ruffian charging at Yoongeon with a knife.

He felt like his head was suddenly spinning. Seohwi didn’t hesitate and ran towards him, and snatched the steel pipe that almost reached him and swung it. He hadn’t fought much, but for some reason, it felt excessively familiar.

Throughout the fight, Seohwi was angry. It was because Yoongeon was overly calm even while watching the man charging at him with a knife. It wasn’t because he was confident in his own skills, but rather because he looked as if he wouldn’t mind dying at any moment. Even though it was a look he had seen all this time, he was angry anew.

“……”

Then Seohwi realized. He was afraid of Yoongeon dying. Watching Yoongeon who was focused on driving, Seohwi let out another groan at the continuing headache.

“Why.”

“My head hurts…”

“Your head?”

As soon as he heard him say his head hurt, Yoongeon stopped the car. Because of that, the cars following behind honked their horns, but Yoongeon only turned on the hazard lights and even changed gears. As he was looking at him, Yoongeon’s gaze was looking out the window.

“There’s a hospital here, let’s stop by.”

Even as Seohwi shook his head, he kept frowning at the stabbing pain, so Yoongeon, thinking it wouldn’t do, started the engine again and entered the building’s parking lot. In the end, unable to win against his persistence, Seohwi had to receive treatment at the hospital.

A moment later, Yoongeon, who had gotten medicine from the pharmacy, knocked on the window. When he rolled down the window, Yoongeon handed him a bottle of water and the medicine, telling him to take the medicine first. Staring blankly at Yoongeon, who was frantic to make him take the medicine, Seohwi let out a small sigh.

“If you feel tired on the way, you can rest for a bit.”

“……”

At the words spoken as they were leaving the building, Seohwi did not answer. Why was a person who acted as if it was fine whatever happened to his own body so frantic about him?

“And the Executive Director.”

“Me? What about me.”

“I’m asking if you’re okay.”

“Is there any reason for me not to be okay.”

He even glanced at Seohwi as if he truly couldn’t understand. Somehow, in that gaze, he could see the inner thought, ‘Then why did you follow me all the way here, so out of character, and end up like this.’

“The one who suddenly collapsed was you. Not me.”

“…I collapsed?”

“When we get back, book an appointment at a large hospital first. We need to get a full check-up.”

“No. There’s no need for that.”

At Yoongeon’s words, Seohwi shook his head. He frowned, not liking the answer. A certain sense of injustice towards him, who looked excessively unconcerned, welled up.

“Haa… so stubborn…”

Perhaps sensing Seohwi’s unusual mood, Yoongeon let out a deep sigh and turned his head. He was about to confront him, but then, Yoongeon’s eyes suddenly came into view.

‘…Huh.’

Only now did he notice. The corners of his lifeless eyes were red. Like someone who couldn’t hold back and had cried for a long time.

“……”

There was only one time he had seen Yoongeon’s eyes like that.

That day Yoongeon had cried while kissing his sleeping lips…

That day he had heard Yoongeon’s wails all night long, deeply submerged in that darkness. Eyes just like that day… Yoongeon had them now, too.

“Why on earth. If there’s something wrong with your body, you should go get it checked.”

Did he cry all alone again this time?

“What if it’s a serious illness, what are you going to do—”

“The only times I suddenly get strangely weak are…”

Seohwi said quietly, looking at Yoongeon.

“When I have a dream. So it’s okay.”

“……”

Normally, Yoongeon would have said, what does any of that have to do with anything, and just go to the hospital already, but he was strangely quiet. As if he knew exactly what Seohwi was trying to say.

“Seohwi.”

Yoongeon was silent for a long while, as if deep in thought, then suddenly called his name.

“For making you worry, ……I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

‘I’m sorry. For loving you.’

The two voices overlapped.

“……”

“But I’m asking you a favor. If I… say I have an external engagement, don’t come. Even if you know it’s a dangerous situation, just leave it.”

“Why.”

Seohwi unknowingly clenched his fists tight.

It’s the same.

The two voices were perfectly identical.

“Because if you get hurt, I think I’ll go crazy.”

“……”

It’s not a delusion. Seohwi was certain.

And so, he was about to ask right away. If the man he was looking for was him.

Yoongeon was abnormally desperate only towards him, and said he couldn’t hate him. He pleads, clings, and even worries excessively when he is sick. He didn’t even want to accept his help while in a dangerous situation.

“Why are you looking at me like that.”

But Seohwi, who was about to open his mouth unconsciously, hesitated.

“……”

“Seohwi?”

Until now, if he had something to say, he tended to spit it out without much regard for the surrounding situation.

“…It’s nothing.”

But…. Seohwi swallowed dryly and forced himself to hold back his words.

Yoongeon was overly defensive, and also, his mind was so broken that he could collapse at any moment from a thoughtless word he might utter. …So Seohwi decided to save his words.

Yoongeon was cowering in fear that he might do something for him, and when asked about his feelings, he couldn’t bear it and collapsed…. It was strange. There was no reason for Yoongeon to be like that towards him.

In the first place, a person of Ko Yoongeon’s stature had no need to cling to others. He was a man who had the whole world. Wealth, honor, even natural good looks. He was truly perfect, yet Yoongeon acted as if Seohwi himself were bestowing a favor upon him at great personal cost.

Many people had come and gone in his life, but no one had ever acted so desperately towards him. They would show ordinary interest and then pass by as time went on. Weren’t feelings like friendship, affection, and fondness inherently like that? The mixing of desperation, earnestness, and guilt into those emotions was something Seohwi had never experienced.

“Let’s talk later. For now…”

Seohwi trailed off and turned his gaze out the window. Perhaps thinking he was sick, Yoongeon was quiet without even striking up a conversation.

He sometimes dreamed of a person he missed.

That person, whose face he couldn’t even see properly and whom he thought he would recognize if they just gave a vague smile, had the exact same voice as the Yoongeon beside him. A spark was suddenly lit to the faint suspicion he had held until now.

His clasped hands trembled slightly. Perhaps if he opened his mouth now, his voice might tremble shamefully.