CTL 31

“I’m going back, home.”

Seohwi said.

“…….”

He was so shocked that Yoongeon stared at him, not even realizing the traffic light had changed. He only came to his senses at the sharp sound of a horn blaring from behind.

“…When?”

A pathetic voice came out of Yoongeon, as he had to squeeze out the sound that would not come. Despite the pitiful question, Seohwi deliberately did not look back at him and only gazed out the window.

“Today.”

“…….”

Looking at Yoongeon’s reflection in the window, Seohwi swallowed a sigh inwardly. His face had turned excessively pale.

‘……Should I switch seats right now? If he drives in that state…’

He knew this would happen, but seeing Yoongeon’s face, which was worse than he had expected, Seohwi’s heart momentarily weakened.

“…….”

No, I can’t get weak like this. He could not mess things up.

“When I get back, I’ll pack my things and leave right away.”

“…….”

“Thank you for everything.”

“I—”

He tried to continue speaking with the thought that he had to endure, but Yoongeon spoke urgently.

“What did I do wrong?”

“…….”

“If you tell me, I’ll fix it…”

Yoongeon blamed himself as a matter of course. He did not even entertain the thought that it could have been Seohwi’s fault in the first place.

“If you tell me the reason, I’ll—”

“No.”

“…….”

“It’s not like that.”

It was not his fault. He had done nothing wrong. He said so with sincerity, but Yoongeon did not seem to believe him.

“It’s just…”

As Seohwi hesitated for a moment, the car arrived at the parking garage. Seeing the security guard come out and bow his head deeply to welcome Yoongeon, Seohwi continued.

“I feel like the more I’m by your side, the more the Executive Director is breaking down.”

“…….”

“I think it’s getting worse. Because of me.”

He had debated whether he should say this, but in the end, he let it out. Feeling worse than he had expected, Seohwi got out of the car.

Once he went up to the house, Seohwi ignored Yoongeon, who was pacing restlessly, and packed his things. Naturally, he did not pack any of the things Yoongeon had bought for him, only taking what he had brought with him when he first came here. It did not take long to pack his simple belongings.

Seohwi, who had been pretending not to notice the presence he felt from outside the entire time, packed his things and came out. Yoongeon, who had been waiting for him anxiously, grabbed his hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“That time, for speaking harshly… I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

“About what.”

“In Gangwon-do. You were upset because I told you not to follow me there. But that was because I was worried about you…”

“Executive Director.”

“It was because it was dangerous. I wasn’t angry, I was just worried.”

He took Seohwi’s hand.

“Don’t go.”

“…….”

“Let’s, ……let’s, then, let’s make a deal. I’ll give you money, so don’t go.”

“Wait, why are you being like this…. Just a moment. I said it’s not the Executive Director’s fault. I said it was because of me.”

Seohwi furrowed his brow and gripped Yoongeon’s hand firmly. Perhaps thinking he would pull away, Yoongeon tried to resist, then looked at him in surprise.

“I’m not saying I’m leaving for good. You don’t need to be scared.”

It was not a situation where one should be out of breath, but Yoongeon was panting.

“I’m just going back.”

Seohwi soothed him.

“And I have no intention of making deals with the Executive Director anymore.”

“I’ll do anything you want. I’ll do anything you ask, or if not…”

“Why are you so anxious. Calm down.”

His condition was worse than he had thought. When Yoongeon showed no signs of calming down, Seohwi pulled him into a hug. The heart beating against his was racing excessively fast.

“Yoongeon.”

Seohwi was flustered and called his name. Of course, he did not think leaving him would be easy, but this reaction was something Seohwi had not anticipated.

“Yoongeon, calm down.”

“…….”

So, instead of the unfamiliar title of Executive Director, he called his familiar name. As he called Yoongeon, he hugged Seohwi tightly and muttered.

“Sorry…”

“…….”

“I thought you were leaving for good. …I’m sorry.”

Yoongeon apologized again, saying he was sorry for misunderstanding. Seohwi deliberately spoke as if it were nothing.

“We work at the same company, how could I leave for good.”

Isn’t that right? At his lighthearted words, Yoongeon did not answer and just buried his face in his chest. Holding him, Seohwi let out a small sigh inwardly.

That day, in the car on the way back from Gangwon-do, Seohwi had organized his thoughts. There were still a great many things he could not understand, but there was one thing he had clearly realized.

“I’m going.”

“…….”

At the farewell that Seohwi uttered as he pulled away from him, Yoongeon’s mouth just opened and closed like a person being choked. Leaving him like that, Seohwi turned around.

As if to mock the pitiful way he had held on, Seohwi got outside easily. He loaded his luggage into the car that Yoongeon had said he wanted to scrap right away, and then he suddenly looked up.

“…….”

As he looked up, a black figure quickly disappeared. It seemed Yoongeon had been watching him.

Seohwi stood there for a moment, looking at the spot where Yoongeon had been.

“I’ll accept it, that you’re that kind of person.”

A person who, contrary to his appearance, was sensitive and delicate. So, Seohwi had made up his mind to approach him slowly over time, rather than recklessly pushing forward as his heart desired.

This was a bet. The current Yoongeon was someone who would never come closer, no matter how carefully Seohwi approached, and naturally, he would not open his heart either. So, if he wanted to hear something from him, if he wanted to draw out a more meaningful action, he had to make him open his heart first. It was clear that no matter what he asked now, he would not give any answer.

“I know if I had asked back then, you would have said no.”

If he had not been able to hold back that day and had asked if he was the person he was looking for, Yoongeon would have denied it without a second thought. He would have unhesitatingly cut the thin thread connecting them with an utterly clean denial and then suffered alone again.

“So…”

After opening Yoongeon’s heart, Seohwi wanted to look inside. Inside there, there was something he absolutely wanted to find.

“You come first, Yoongeon.”

The initiative in this relationship was held by Yoongeon, and if he wanted to look into his heart, he absolutely had to make him approach first. It was something that could not be hoped for in the current situation where everything was being forcibly tailored to Seohwi himself.

“I’ll be waiting.”

Seohwi realized it. The voice of the man in his dreams and Yoongeon’s voice were the same, and the desperate heart that had whispered of love was also the same. Yoongeon had also said that he had someone he loved in his dreams… that emotion was clearly present in the way Yoongeon looked at him.

“Someone told me. That I have to endure.”

He broke his gaze from looking up. Yoongeon, who had gone inside, did not come out again. But he knew that he was watching him leave from somewhere. Getting into the car, Seohwi started the engine. As he drove out without hesitation, his house quickly became smaller.

“But I don’t think enduring necessarily means I have to be by your side.”

He decided to part ways for a while, a very brief while, in order to willingly be in Yoongeon’s mire with him.