CTL 41

“……”

Yeah, right… Looking at his state, that seems to be the case. He just grabbed whatever was at hand and wore it again. What’s more, the coat he had on top was ridiculously thin and not even appropriate for the season. It was a mystery why that guy, who has such a handsome face, doesn’t care about his appearance at all.

Unaware of Yoongeon’s troubled heart, it was just as Seohwi, who had simply answered and scurried away, was sitting down. When Yebin entered the office with an awkward smile, everyone was startled and surrounded him. The sound of Yebin apologizing could be heard among the people making a fuss, asking if he was okay and if he was not sick anymore.

“Oh my, but this gentleman is…?”

The people who were in the middle of exchanging greetings asked, seeing Jae-hong standing silently behind Yebin. Thanks to Yebin introducing him as the person who would be accompanying him from now on, Jae-hong also blended in with the people without any trouble. Yoongeon, who was watching the scene blankly, called Yebin and Chief Ha and gave a work directive that he would like to have a meeting with everyone today.

“Oh, but a full meeting probably won’t be possible, because Mr. Yoon Seohwi will be absent.”

“Why would Mr. Yoon Seohwi be absent?”

“Ah, you probably don’t know, Yebin. The design engineering team has been constantly calling for Mr. Yoon Seohwi. These days, as soon as he comes to work, he goes straight over there.”

“Ah, is it because of the parts unit price determination?”

Yebin, who had been handling her work from home until now, grasped the situation without difficulty.

“It’s probably because sales will decrease if the unit price goes up. But to make this car a premium line is a bit…”

Usually, cars designated as the premium line were based on a sophisticated design, so Seohwi’s design was said to be not suitable.

“Most of all, the concept of this car itself and the premium line don’t match.”

The design of this car, which strongly exuded a retro feel, was better suited to focus on mass appeal rather than the premium side. The three people gathered in the room all agreed on this point.

“Let’s have him not go today. Mr. Yoon Seohwi is strictly a member of our department, so it doesn’t make sense for him to prioritize their work.”

In truth, it was a weak logic. If he had accepted the work request, it was right for him to cooperate with their work until the promised date. However, Chief Ha also nodded his head without raising any objections.

“That’s right. In any case, if both their side and our side are having meetings about the same problem, there’s no need for Mr. Yoon Seohwi to go over there today.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Chief Ha went outside and caught Seohwi, who was just packing his things to go over to the design engineering team. While Chief Ha explained the situation to the cluelessly caught Seohwi, Yebin asked.

“How much is the unit price increasing by?”

“Look.”

He handed the report from Team Leader Oh Wan-su that was in front of him to Yebin. Yebin flipped through the documents and soon nodded her head with a serious face.

“This is certainly not an easy problem. To match the unit price, the steering wheel design has to change, but then the atmosphere of the interior design changes too much. We can’t let them produce a half-baked car just to meet the unit price. Besides, this is the winning design from a contest. People who are interested already know the design, so if we change it now…”

Design is something where the atmosphere changes in an instant with a single line. It was naturally a problem to be considered seriously. Yebin said she needed to prepare for the meeting right away and went out.

A short while later, after Secretary Lim, who had bought sandwiches and coffee, distributed them to everyone, the meeting officially began. As the matter was what it was, everyone read the report seriously, but Yoongeon’s mind was more on Seohwi than on the report.

‘He definitely came without eating anything.’

It was clear, since he was going on about that damn five-minute nonsense. He glanced over, and Seohwi was just silently looking at the documents. Even though it was content he already knew, he read it carefully, and when he raised his head, Yoongeon spoke without even looking at Seohwi.

“Please eat while we work.”

As Yoongeon encouraged everyone, they all began to pick up sandwiches one by one. They started eating cheerfully, saying they wanted to eat anyway, but Seohwi, the very person who should be eating, didn’t even touch his sandwich.

He stared intently, wondering what was wrong with him, but Seohwi showed no sign of eating and was just looking at the documents, seriously contemplating. He had needlessly bought sandwiches for all the team members just to feed Seohwi, but now that the person who was supposed to eat wasn’t eating, he was boiling with frustration.

“……”

However, apart from his boiling insides, Yoongeon couldn’t say anything. It was because if he brought up in front of everyone why Mr. Yoon Seohwi wasn’t eating, it would seem like he was giving him special attention. To be honest, he wouldn’t care what kind of looks he received, but Seohwi was different. He didn’t want even the smallest scratch on him.

While he was just seething internally and watching Seohwi, there was someone who was watching his superior blankly. It was, of course, Lim Seon-woong. Seon-woong, who had made a habit of observing Yoongeon, happened to look at him and saw Yoongeon’s expression harden as he watched Seohwi. Lim Seon-woong, whose mind always worked unusually fast, roughly grasped the situation after seeing that brief moment.

“Mr. Seohwi, why aren’t you eating? The sandwiches from this café are really delicious. Hurry up and eat, let’s eat and work.”

“Ah… yes.”

At Seon-woong’s words, Seohwi finally picked up a sandwich. Seon-woong glanced at his superior. His gaze was still on the documents, but his stiffly hardened face had finally relaxed a bit.

“But Executive Director, aren’t you having a sandwich?”

“I ate before I came. I’m fine.”

Now that the guy who was giving him trouble started eating, he finally felt at ease. As Yoongeon answered the question gently, the atmosphere, which had been somewhat tense in the face of a serious issue, loosened up a little.

✧ ✧ ✧

After putting their heads together and deliberating, a not-so-bad alternative came up. This was Manager Kim Ji-ah’s idea, and although the stability issue needed to be examined further, if this alternative was possible, they could meet the unit price without having to change the steering wheel design.

“Still, we’ll have to change the internal design of the steering wheel, not the exterior. Mr. Yoon Seohwi, can you do it?”

“Yes.”

As Seohwi nodded without thinking long, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“Wow, I really don’t know why something gives us such a hard time every time.”

If we solve this one thing, that thing explodes, and if we handle that, this thing explodes! Assistant Manager Jeong clutched his head, yelling, “Argh!”

“Deliver the results of today’s meeting to the design engineering team.”

“Ah, I’ll go for that.”

“…Mr. Yoon Seohwi?”

He had thought there would be no more reason to send Seohwi, but he unexpectedly volunteered to go. When he asked dubiously, he looked at Yoongeon and smiled slightly.

“I’m supposed to work over there until next Thursday, so it’s right for me to go to deliver the report… and I also have work to handle over there. I received some work.”

“I just finished organizing everything, should I pass it on to Mr. Yoon Seohwi then?”

When Secretary Lim, who had been organizing the contents throughout the meeting, looked back at Yoongeon, all the team members waited for his answer.

“…Do that.”

He had held a meeting just to keep him here, but it seemed things were not going his way. While he was cursing inwardly, he didn’t show it on the outside, and Seohwi left the meeting room without a backward glance.

“It will take at least a day or two to process the work he received, so we can’t help that, but I think we can request that he finish up the work there by Tuesday instead of Thursday. What should we do, Executive Director?”

After all the team members who had finished the meeting left, Secretary Lim asked quietly.

“Should I make the request?”

“……”

“Yes, I will make the request.”

He answered on his own even though Yoongeon hadn’t said anything, and went outside.

“Hah…”

He didn’t like Lim Seon-woong acting as if he knew everything about his inner thoughts, but still, he couldn’t help it. Resigning himself as always, Yoongeon stood up from his seat, looked at the empty spot he had left, and then he too left the meeting room and headed for the rooftop.

“Oppa, where are you going?”

To Yebin’s anxious question, Yoongeon made a smoking gesture.

“You’ll be back soon, right? Can’t we eat together?”

He’d be back soon anyway since he was just having a cigarette. When Yoongeon nodded, Yebin’s expression finally relaxed.

“Come back quickly.”

He was nagging, which was unlike him, but Yoongeon only nodded his head and did not chide his younger sibling.

Arriving on the rooftop, Yoongeon now realized why the past Seohwi could not let go of his pipe. This small, insignificant cigarette was strangely addictive, making him think of it constantly.

It was a different feeling from opium. When smoking opium, he felt like he was gnawing away at himself, a feeling of being eaten away, but cigarettes were not like that, so his hand went to them more easily. At first, he had started because he didn’t want to miss even the smallest thing related to Seohwi, but now he felt that it would not be easy to quit even if he told him to.

“Hello, Executive Director. Aren’t you going for lunch?”

“Yes, I’m going.”

He casually greeted the people who greeted him and was about to go to the corner where the railing was, but he stopped for a moment. It was because he remembered the promise he had made with Seohwi before.

“……”

Why did it have to come to mind right now. If he had remembered after going up, he could have just pretended not to know, saying it couldn’t be helped… Yoongeon glanced at the railing with lingering attachment, then inevitably let out a deep sigh and just leaned his arms on the railing. Not doing what he always did, smoking a cigarette felt rather awkward.

Drawing deeply on the cigarette until his cheeks hollowed, Yoongeon looked at the ground. Looking from a high place, the people, cars, trees, and such all looked like they were made of small miniatures. And at times like that, Yoongeon felt this world was particularly unfamiliar.

With each rebirth, the world changed noticeably. No, to be precise, the world started changing too quickly upon entering the modern era. Still, it wasn’t that unfamiliar in the past, but after the monarchical society collapsed and the class system disappeared, this sense of unfamiliarity has never faded.

Yoongeon was a person who had lived in the past, so he much preferred the freedom of the past to the convenience of the modern age. What people these days commonly call the age of barbarism suited him.

He always felt uncomfortable as if wearing clothes that didn’t fit, and he couldn’t breathe as if he was barely keeping his nose above water. The world, packed tightly on all sides, made Yoongeon feel excessively suffocated, so much so that he sometimes thought he might be crushed to death. At least when Seohwi was by his side, he could breathe a little easier, but this was an undeserved feeling he shouldn’t get used to, so Yoongeon made an effort to remind himself of his place.

He suddenly thought of that silly doll he had put in his drawer. At the time, he had gotten annoyed, thinking he was trying to insult him, but looking back, he was glad that he had given it to him out of consideration.

‘I didn’t think I would be able to make something like that anymore.’

He had lived a life without precious objects for so long that it was awkward to accept such emotions. Well, it was natural, since no one other than Seohwi had any meaning to him. Power, honor, money… It had been a long time since he realized that things he once considered valuable were actually meaningless without Seohwi.

‘Still, I’ll have to leave it behind and go.’

He wouldn’t be able to throw it away with his own hands, but it would end up that way eventually.

“Hah…”

He forcefully suppressed the words ‘I don’t want to leave’ that were about to pop out. Yoongeon bit his lips until they could tear. He was so damn greedy that, even knowing it would ruin Seohwi, he was once again wishing for something he shouldn’t.

“Get a grip, please…”

Yoongeon reminded himself of his place like a habit. As he thought about who he was and what he had done, he was thankfully able to quickly find his composure. His heart, which had been leaping with hope, quickly became dispirited.

It was then. An alarm went off, and when he took out his phone to check, the sender was Seohwi. As if caught doing something wrong over such a small thing, Yoongeon flinched in surprise.

Yoon Seohwi: They told me to stay here until I finish all the work I received

Yoon Seohwi: I drove my own car this morning

Yoon Seohwi: No need to wait

“……”

He was wondering why this guy, who usually wouldn’t even bother to report such trivial things, was suddenly acting this way, when another message arrived.

Yoon Seohwi: Because it seemed like you were concerned

Yoongeon froze for a moment as he looked at the last message. Had his actions been too obvious? He hesitated before sending a reply.

Me: Do that

As soon as he sent the reply, the read receipt appeared. He waited in case he might say more, but no reply came from Seohwi. Right, he’s not one to talk at length. Yoongeon, with slightly downcast eyes, turned off his phone screen, threw away the cigarette butt that had burned down, and turned around. He had to go back before it got too late.

“Why that face again.”

“……”

Yoongeon’s eyes widened in surprise. Unexpectedly, Seohwi was looking at him.

“You kept your promise.”

He glanced at the railing as if to say ‘good job.’

“…When did you get here.”

“Since you started smoking.”

“Then you could have just said something, why go to the trouble of…”

As he asked back, Seohwi came closer to him.

“You weren’t in the mood to be talked to.”

“……”

“You have that ‘I’m feeling guilty again’ face.”

He saw through Yoongeon’s heart with a strange accuracy. Even though his expressions were no longer as revealing as they used to be.

“If you’re so sorry, then pay me back. Don’t just worry about it by yourself.”

“…What?”

It was just as he was avoiding his gaze, thinking what if he asks what he did wrong.

“Pay me back.”

“…What the hell am I supposed to pay back when you’re the one who won’t even take money.”

Seohwi spoke confidently, as if he had come to collect a debt.

“I won’t take it because you’re so confidently offering to give me money.”

“…Are you telling me to slip it to you secretly?”

Not understanding his intention, he asked back, and Seohwi, hearing that, gave him a reproachful look with a very dubious face.

“Would it be that?”

“……”

He didn’t say it because he really thought that was it, but being chided made him feel inexplicably crappy. But then Seohwi, seeing Yoongeon’s face instantly sour, burst out laughing.

“I was looking for you to eat together.”

“…What, were you joking?”

“What else would it be.”

“This is ridiculous.”

Only then did he feel at ease. Yoongeon followed him obediently, despite his grumbling.

“But today…”

“Ms. Yebin found me first. She said the four of us should eat together.”

Hearing that it was Yebin who told him he was on the rooftop, Yoongeon finally understood how Seohwi had found this place.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Something warm.”

“Something with broth?”

“Yeah.”

To Yoongeon’s question, Seohwi, who usually ate whatever was given to him without much preference, answered quite proactively today.

“I’m cold.”

“What?”

Yoongeon, who had been nodding agreeably because he liked that, frowned.

“No, I mean, why are you dressed like that.”

“This was right in front of me.”

“……”

From now on, I shouldn’t believe him when he says it’s okay to wake up at 8:30. Yoongeon started nagging as he pressed the elevator button.

“So if you had just woken up early—”

“You look cold too.”

But Yoongeon couldn’t continue his intended nagging. It was because Seohwi hugged him from behind.

“……”

“Wear something warmer.”

“…I’m not cold.”

In that moment, Seohwi’s scent wafted over him. It felt so good that he didn’t even think of saying ‘what if someone sees,’ so instead of telling him to stop, Yoongeon ended up giving only an awkward reply.

“True. You hardly ever feel the cold.”

“…Let go. Other people will see.”

“There’s no one here.”

As if to say, what’s the problem then, Seohwi held him tightly and then let go without any lingering attachment the moment the elevator doors opened. The two of them got on nonchalantly, as if nothing had happened. After the people who had come up to the rooftop to smoke like him greeted Yoongeon and disappeared, the doors of the now-empty elevator closed.

“Do you come up to the rooftop often…”

It was while he was staring blankly at the numbers rapidly decreasing. Seohwi, who was watching from the side as well, asked.

“I was wondering if you always stood on the railing like that every time you came up.”

“Well…”

Yoongeon answered nonchalantly, without looking at him.

“When it gets suffocating.”

“……”

Yoongeon’s days were suffocating, and most of them were spent resisting the impulse to die. So, placing himself in such a dizzying situation, even if only occasionally, would make him feel a little better.

“Hmm…”

At his half-hearted answer, Seohwi let out a sigh-like groan as if thinking for a moment, then continued.

“Me too.”

“……”

“Sometimes. It gets suffocating.”

When Yoongeon looked at him at his words ‘me too,’ Seohwi met his gaze and opened his mouth.

“It’s been like that my whole life.”

“Why?”

“Mm…”

Seohwi looked at him for a moment. For some reason, that gaze was sharp, and Yoongeon couldn’t look away.