CTL 48

Although Seohwi clutched his head and begged, the force of Yoongeon’s deliberate thrusts did not weaken. His penis, seeming to tear at Yoongeon’s mouth, filled it completely, rapidly entering and pulling out in repetition.

“Euk, euh, haah, ah, ah…!”

Even though his penis must have been too large for him to accept, Yoongeon’s hands only tightened their grip. While making gagging sounds, Yoongeon opened his eyes and looked up at Seohwi. The moment their eyes met, Seohwi’s lower body tensed up.

Forcing a man who was intimidating to others to his knees and shoving his penis into his mouth filled Seohwi with a strange sense of depravity. Seohwi trembled violently, gasping for breath. To be honest, the feeling of Yoongeon’s throat was so damn good that he couldn’t think of anything else.

“Mm, euk, ah, heu… Yoongeon, haah… ah, too fast, ah…”

He was asking him to slow down a little, but Yoongeon did not listen. The more he heard the choking sounds and the wet sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, the more Seohwi recoiled. The pressure he felt from his narrow throat was driving him crazy.

“Wait, just a moment.”

Then, in an instant, Seohwi urgently grabbed Yoongeon.

“I think I’m going to cum, euk, wait.”

Thinking he would really cum in his mouth if this continued, he told him to stop, but far from listening, Yoongeon only opened his throat to accept him even deeper.

“Yoongeon, I said no, haah, euk, uht…!”

He tried to hold back, but it was no use. Yoongeon seemed to have no intention of letting him go. In the end, it was Seohwi who surrendered to the pleasure. He grabbed Yoongeon’s head and began to thrust his own hips.

When he heard gagging sounds from below, Seohwi ejaculated into his mouth. As he gripped his head tightly, Yoongeon, strangely, let out a moan that sounded like satisfaction.

“Haah……”

Yoongeon, who had sucked his penis a few more times until he finished his last spurts, finally raised his head. Tears had formed at the corners of his eyes, as if he had been suffering from the lack of air.

“Next time you don’t want to hear me nag, just shove it down my throat or something.”

“……”

“You can use me like that.”

“…What the hell are you talking about, really……”

Even though the fellatio was over, Yoongeon was still kneeling below him. Feeling extremely uncomfortable with that, Seohwi helped him up. He rose obediently and, still with a blank expression, said strange things. Seohwi’s face crumpled violently, but Yoongeon seemed not to even know why he was reacting this way.

“If I get on your nerves, get angry. Don’t hold back.”

“When did I ever get angry?”

“You just did.”

“I wasn’t angry.”

Angry? It wasn’t anger, not even irritation. It was just… a light complaint, a joke. It’s not like he was a madman; why would he act like that when he knew perfectly well that Yoongeon nagged because he was worried about him?

“Or just hit me.”

“Why on earth do you talk like that?”

Seohwi was flustered. Because Yoongeon was once again showing an unexpected reaction to something he had done without thinking.

“I am in front of you to be used like that.”

“……”

The pleasant languor he had felt vanished, and his mind turned ice-cold. Whether he knew this or not, Yoongeon went to the bathroom, cleaned his sullied mouth, and came back out, insisting on giving him the card. Then, without giving him a chance to say anything, he told him to get ready quickly and come out, and then left the room.

“Hah…”

He wanted to run to him right away and say that wasn’t it, but he looked genuinely busy, so there was no time to hold him back and argue. Seohwi took a light shower and came out. Seeing Seohwi, who had come out wearing the clothes he had picked for him, Yoongeon nodded his head as if to say that was good enough.

Even then, he couldn’t relax his stiff expression, but Yoongeon seemed to think it was no big deal. Their silence continued until they got in the car and started for the company.

“What is wrong with you?”

In the end, it was Seohwi who couldn’t hold back. Yoongeon, who was driving while looking ahead, glanced at him as if to ask what he was talking about.

“You’re in front of me to be used like that?”

“I was wondering what you were on about. What is it now?”

He acted as if he were dealing with a bothersome person, but Seohwi had no intention of backing down.

“Used for what? Are you an object?”

“You can think of it that way.”

“……”

Everything he said was so dumbfounding that for a moment, Seohwi was at a loss for words. But it didn’t last long.

“Is this why you came to my house and held on to me?”

“……”

This time, Yoongeon pressed his lips tightly together. For some reason, seeing that look made anger well up inside him.

“What the hell is your problem, Ko Yoongeon.”

He thought they had crossed a line because Yoongeon had come to him first, holding on to him in such a broken state. Thinking that, he had willingly returned to Yoongeon, only for him to now say things like use him like an object and hit him if he wanted to.

“If not for that, what right do I have to be by your side?”

“Ah, right.”

He himself wasn’t such a great person as to require a right, yet Yoongeon kept acting as if the person named ‘Seohwi’ was some kind of sacred ground. Every time he saw this incomprehensibly large affection, Seohwi would often wonder if it was really okay for him to accept it.

“Why on earth is that necessary?”

“……”

Why does a person need a right to be next to another person? Of course, he knew that the feelings Yoongeon held for him were unusually heavy and immense compared to those of others. But was it really to the extent that they had to talk about rights?

“Then shouldn’t I need a right as well?”

“What?”

“I’m right next to the son of a chaebol family, no less. If it’s about rights, of course you should be questioning me…”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You’re the one being ridiculous.”

“……”

He was no sacred ground. Nor did he want to be. He just wanted Yoongeon to come and stay comfortably by his side.

By now, Seohwi knew all too well that this man was sensitive and delicate. Yoongeon wasn’t just the cold and fierce person he appeared to be, and he had more self-loathing than one would think. And from what he could guess, it didn’t seem like this had happened in just a day or two.

As long as Yoongeon didn’t engage in self-destructive behavior when he was by his side, Seohwi was willing to stay in this position. Of course, this was not some kind of benevolent attitude he was bestowing upon him. He himself didn’t mind being by Yoongeon’s side, which is why he had made this decision.

“……”

“……”

At Seohwi’s sharp reaction, Yoongeon paused for a moment. He seemed to glance at Seohwi before turning his gaze forward again and driving silently. Then, he suddenly opened his mouth.

“I’m more awful than you think.”

“……”

“And I have no shame. So just keep it moderate. Before I really cross the line.”

Even though it was plain to see he had no intention of doing so, Yoongeon said it anyway.

“Do you even intend to cross it?”

In response, Seohwi looked at him and retorted with uncharacteristic sarcasm, but that was all. Yoongeon said nothing more.

✧ ✧ ✧

Working in an empty office, his concentration was surprisingly good, contrary to his unsettled mind. The only sound in the silent atmosphere was the clicking of the mouse.

“……”

Seohwi was staring at the screen with his brows furrowed in concentration. He had guessed that changing the design wouldn’t go as he wished, but it was far more difficult than he had thought, and he had been stuck in the same place for a while. When Yoongeon had said he wouldn’t be able to do it properly on his own, he hadn’t thought much of it, but now he understood why he’d said that. It wasn’t because Yoongeon was looking down on him, but because this task was impossible to do alone from the start.

“Haah…”

Still, Seohwi, who had been trying to do as much as he could, eventually gave up. A headache started, perhaps from staring at the monitor for too long. He took off the glasses he was wearing and pressed firmly on his tense brow.

“Nothing is going my way…”

He let out a complaint, which was unlike him. It must be because his mind was that cluttered. Since he didn’t know much, he couldn’t even draw a single line as he wanted, and since he didn’t know Yoongeon’s heart, there were no words he could properly utter even if he wanted to speak.

Seohwi was the type of person who would rather just shut his mouth than see Yoongeon get hurt and blame himself again, so there were many things he was holding back in his own way. It had always been like that after he saw Yoongeon crumble, unable to even breathe properly, at a single question he had asked lightly before.

Didn’t it happen just this morning? There were tens, hundreds of things he wanted to say, but in the end, he couldn’t even properly argue and just threw a noisy fit. Seeing him like that, Yoongeon had responded in a way that said, ‘Why are you reacting like that over something like this?’ It was infuriating. Yoongeon had no idea that his actions and words were fundamentally wrong.

“Hah, damn it.”

In the end, even the easygoing him couldn’t hold back his boiling anger and let out a small curse.

“What the hell is the problem, what on earth is so hard for you?”

He knows. He knows it. That Yoongeon would never tell him, even if he died and came back to life. And Seohwi himself had no intention of asking. He had no thought of making him speak of what was obviously a painful wound with his own mouth and picking it apart. Yoongeon’s self-loathing was so excessively destructive that he didn’t want to open up any possibilities whatsoever.

However, there was one thing he wished for.

“……”

Though he hadn’t said it out loud, Seohwi wanted Yoongeon to look squarely at the present.

Of course, he also disliked seeing him suffer, bound by the past. That probably accounted for about half the reason. But Seohwi’s reason for wanting that was slightly different.

It was because Seohwi knew that if you look at the present, you can see the future. The comfort he offered would not get through to Yoongeon, who was suffering, bound by the past, so this was a truth that could not be spoken right now.

Seohwi was silent now because he hoped Yoongeon would realize that if you look at the present, you can see the future, and if you see the future, you’ll know that life is not so unhappy.

‘A person has not only a past, but also a future.’

A very long time ago, when Seohwi was suffering, bound by the dreams of his past, his father had stroked his head and told him that.

‘Seojoon, don’t be bound by the past, look at the present. If you look at the things right before your eyes, you can see the future.’

‘My boy, the past has no power. If you look toward the future, it’s not all just suffering…. That’s how life works for everyone…. It’s like that no matter how difficult the past was. Everyone lives like that, Seojoon.’

Of course, even after his father told him that, Seohwi still cried and hurt every time he had a dream of the past. But he did not remain captive to that dream for long. Just as his father said, the past had no power, so Seohwi looked to the present, and thanks to that, he was able to see the future, and thanks to that future, he was even able to resolve himself to find the man in his dreams.

So, if Yoongeon could also look at the present instead of the past, he could change, but he stubbornly looked only at the past.

Even while looking at him, Yoongeon was sometimes picking through some part of the past. He suffered and hurt without looking at the present Seohwi. So he thought. Perhaps he himself had existed on some day in the past that Yoongeon remembered…. Because otherwise, there were too many things he just couldn’t understand.

“…It’s a strange thing.”

But if this thought was correct, isn’t that a bit strange….

—Rrrrr.

It was when his thoughts were getting deeper. The phone he had placed on his desk began to ring. It was Taekyung. Thinking it had been a while, Seohwi swiped the screen.

“Yeah.”

[What are you doing?]

“Work.”

[Isn’t it Saturday today?]

“Yeah.”

Even though he answered his questions with single words, Taekyung, as if used to it, didn’t get annoyed once. Well, Taekyung had been by Seohwi’s side for too long to get annoyed over something like this.

[I’ll be heading up in a little bit. Let’s get pork belly when I’m up there. No… I’m sick of pork belly from eating it here. Instead of pork belly, I want to eat tteokbokki.]

He said that throughout his training, he had to force himself to eat meat every meal because he was on a protein-focused diet. For Taekyung, who normally couldn’t get enough of meat, to say he was sick of it, it must have been quite something. Seohwi listened to him talk about tteokbokki and cake and replied that he understood.

[Aww, I had to eat even more than the other guys.]

“Why? Did they tell you to bulk up?”

[It’s because of you, you!]

“……?”

But, Taekyung poured out his resentment, saying that the reason he had to stick to a diet he didn’t even want was all because of you, Yoon Seohwi. Wondering what he was talking about, he listened quietly as Taekyung huffed and puffed.

[Because you left the window open and went out that time, I caught a cold and was all weak and couldn’t take care of my body properly, so I was tortured with meat this whole time here. You know that?]

“I did?”

He thought for a moment, wondering when that happened, then he remembered. The day Yoongeon came to see him, he must have opened the window and left in a hurry, forgetting about it and just leaving.

[Thanks to you, I had a really great time, huh?]

“Sure.”

[…]

“Just kidding. I’m sorry.”

Seohwi, who had retorted to his silly friend’s resentment with a joke, let out a chuckle. He was usually far from being a jokester, but he would sometimes show this side of himself to Taekyung.

Fortunately, because he apologized before Taekyung could get completely sulky, he was able to hear an update on Taekyung’s love life. His girlfriend, contrary to his worries, was waiting for him, and he said their relationship was not bad, better than he thought.

[My girlfriend is a total angel. Isn’t she?]

“……”

He started bragging about his girlfriend like a fool in love. Seohwi smiled faintly and listened silently to his friend’s boasting.

“Glad to hear you’re doing well.”

When Taekyung’s bragging came to an end, Seohwi answered concisely. The reply was light, but the sentiment behind it was anything but. It was because he always hoped that Taekyung would live happily and joyfully. Because Taekyung was a good person.

[Hey, anyway, I’ll head to your house when I get there, so I should see your parents then. Does your mother still like grapes? She was eating grapes well when I went last time.]

“Grapes?”

[Yeah. She was eating them every time I went. You know, the green ones… what mask-something, the name.]

“I don’t really know.”

[What on earth do you know?]

Taekyung grumbled that he was tired and said he would just buy them himself. Seohwi thought about whether his mom ate grapes often, but no particular memory came to mind. Taekyung was the one who was more diligent about these things than he was, so he just figured it must be so.

[Hey, are you doing okay at the company? Didn’t you say there was some executive director or president or something? The son of a chaebol family.]

The conversation now moved on to Seohwi’s company life. Taekyung, who had been chattering away, seemed to remember Yoongeon and asked if he was treating him well.

“Yeah.”

Of course, he was treating him well. Albeit in a very strange and peculiar way. Taekyung’s question brought Yoongeon’s words about using him like an object to mind, and Seohwi unknowingly furrowed his brow and let out a sigh.

[What’s that? Why are you suddenly sighing. What’s wrong? Is that person bullying you?]

Taekyung, who had caught that small sound, asked with a worried tone.

[I told you not to just take it without a fight.]

“No, it’s not like that.”

[It’s not?]

“Yeah, …we’re close.”

He swallowed the words “I think.”

[You got close with the Mister?]

“I told you he’s not a Mister.”

Far from being a Mister, there wasn’t even much of an age difference. Just as he was thinking “only a…” Seohwi’s thoughts reached the fact that he didn’t know Yoongeon’s age.

‘…How old is he?’

He acted as if he had seen everything in the world, so it was impossible to guess his age. He looked young on the outside, but what can I say, he quite often showed a kind of transcendence over time, characteristic of an older person. That made it even harder to guess.

[You can’t be acting like you’re on the same level as a Mister.]

“……”

This time, he couldn’t answer at all, and Taekyung hung up the phone, saying his coach was calling him.

At the sudden end of the call, Seohwi stared blankly at the black screen for a moment before turning his phone face down. With a sullen expression, he sank deep into the back of his chair. After thinking for a long while, he blurted out a single sentence.

“…I don’t know anything.”

Come to think of it, that was true. He had somehow become deeply entangled with Yoongeon, but he didn’t know much about him. What he knew was probably just his name and where he lived. Of course, he didn’t know what everyone else knew, but he did know things others didn’t.

Even after the call with Taekyung, Seohwi sat idly in his chair. For some reason, he didn’t feel like going back home. But if he went to his family home, it would be predictably noisy, so that was uncomfortable too.

Although he cared deeply for his younger brother, that didn’t mean he could also like the clamor of his brother and the people around him. He tolerated it without showing it, but that was all. Seohwi was a person who preferred tranquility over commotion. That’s why. He sat in the empty office and closed his eyes.

✧ ✧ ✧

How long had he been like that? He suddenly opened his eyes because it was noisy outside. It was strange for such a sound to be coming from an empty company on a weekend, so he looked around and, seeing familiar faces, stood up from his seat.

“Oh? Mr. Seohwi, what are you doing here?”

It was Manager Kim Jia who opened the office door and, looking surprised, widened her eyes.

“I came to get some work done.”

“Ah, the design change?”

“Yes.”

“You probably couldn’t have done it alone…”

Just as he thought, Kim Jia said the same thing as Yoongeon.

“Mr. Yoon Seohwi? The Executive Director called you too, Mr. Yoon Seohwi?”