CTL 55

Yoongeon looked back with hollow eyes. Seeing Seohwi’s face, asleep without a single care or worry, he smiled faintly. He carefully opened the nightstand drawer and took out the broken mirror shard he had hidden out of sight all this time. It was a piece that had become a little dull from being handled and used numerous times.

“…”

He had kept the gun just in case, but couldn’t he throw this away now? Something like this could not end a life in the first place. Come to think of it, the times he had torn open his upper arm felt distant since Seohwi came to this house.

‘Yes, this much…’

This much should be fine. Mustering his courage, Yoongeon carefully went outside so as not to wake him and threw it deep into the trash can. When he felt it wouldn’t be found, Yoongeon called Secretary Lim.

[…Yes.]

“Bring a cell phone when you come.”

Yoongeon paid no mind to the sleep-laced reply and gave the errand. It was this guy’s job to answer his calls no matter the time, so there was no need to feel sorry. After all, he received the highest salary among the secretaries working at this company on that condition.

[I will have a new one activated with the latest model and bring it with me. Are you coming to the office?]

“Yes.”

[I will be there on time. You should get some more sleep. When I checked the time you sent me the files, it was past 4 o’clock. It’s 6 o’clock now, Executive Director.]

“I’m already awake.”

[Should I bring you a meal?]

“Don’t bother. Just get here on time. Didn’t you say you have to eat breakfast with your family on Sundays?”

[I have to at least do that so my family doesn’t curse me out. Besides, you’re the only one who needs to eat, Executive Director.]

“…Hang up.”

[Yes, sir.]

It was nothing new for Secretary Lim to brazenly state that his family cursed at him, their evil boss. And it was familiar for Secretary Lim to hang up promptly at the command. He looked at the disconnected call and pressed his temples firmly. He hadn’t slept a wink, so he had a severe headache from the morning. Secretary Lim’s contribution to this headache must be at least 20 percent.

Though his stomach was empty, the throbbing in his head was too much, and unable to bear it, he roughly poured some pills into his palm and swallowed them. Then he sat down and closed his eyes until he calmed down for a moment. Unsurprisingly, sleep did not come, but that was fine. It wasn’t as if he had slept soundly every day.

‘…It’s okay to live.’

He had received forgiveness he hadn’t dared to hope for or even ask for. Leaning against the sofa with his eyes closed, Yoongeon listlessly opened them. He was looking at the ceiling, but in reality, his eyes saw nothing.

The moment Seohwi said they should live together, that he would give him his all, Yoongeon had lost his mind. Yes, this was why he had tried not to get close to him. He had been doing this for so long that his heart had grown weak. Because the space Seohwi had allowed him by his side was so warm and good it was maddening.

To be honest, he had never once thought that the Seohwi without memories would be kind to him. Their start hadn’t been good, but wasn’t that his true nature? He was an excessively indifferent person and the type of human who took a long time to open his heart. So, Yoongeon had calculated that if he just didn’t get close, Seohwi would have no reason to care about him, and indeed, in most lives, Seohwi had not paid him much attention.

In this life, their first meeting must have gone wrong. He had drawn his attention by foolishly letting his precarious state be seen. Yes, he admitted it. It was a clear misstep.

But at that moment when Seohwi said he would stay by his side, Yoongeon had been thoughtlessly happy. Staring at the ceiling with hollow eyes, Yoongeon muttered.

“Am I happy…?”

He was happy, and he was certainly relieved… but that wasn’t all.

“…This is strange.”

What is it? Why am I not just purely happy or blissful?

He felt he should be, but he couldn’t.

“…”

If asked whether he disliked it, then, that wasn’t it either. Why would it not be? Seohwi was saying he would choose him once again. There was no reason to refuse, and he no longer had the strength to do so. Would a tree, drying up and dying, dare to refuse water?

He briefly thought it might be because of guilt. He wasn’t sure, but it might be the closest thing to the truth. Unable to understand his own heart, Yoongeon just lay there listlessly, in endless silence. He, who had always been restlessly and busily moving, doing something, had suddenly stopped as if broken. An unacknowledged emotion had robbed him of some driving force.

Very rarely—no, for the first time in all his lifetimes—Yoongeon lay there powerlessly, doing nothing, before finally pushing himself up. He looked at the clock; it was 8 in the morning. A weekend morning. Although he was much more diligent than others, considering his usual routine, he had wasted an unbelievable amount of time.

Still, once he got up again, his body moved. After showering and getting ready for work, Yoongeon hesitated slightly before sitting next to the sleeping Seohwi and stroking his hair. As he touched him, a corner of his heart felt strangely cold, but when Seohwi showed signs of waking, he quickly composed his expression.

“Seohwi.”

“…”

But Yoongeon, unable to hide the tenderness in his gaze, looked down at him and said.

“Stay at home.”

“…Where are you going?”

At his words while stroking his hair, Seohwi furrowed his brow and blinked a few times. His long eyelashes fluttered like a butterfly.

“…To the office.”

In the first life after Seohwi was reborn, he had been born as a butterfly that could fly freely. Had he been born as a butterfly because his life trapped by Yoongeon had been stifling? That question, which he had pondered throughout his many lives but never found an answer to, surfaced in his mind once again.

“I’m going to the office.”

“…There are people who go to the office on a Sunday.”

“I know, right.”

He wanted to ask if the countless seasons spent with him had been so suffocating, if that was why he had been reborn as a butterfly of a particularly beautiful color, but the Seohwi who could answer that sorrowful question did not have the memories of that time. In the end, it would only break his heart.

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, don’t.”

Yoongeon cut off his train of thought. If he became lost in thought, he would show an unsightly side of himself in front of him, and he didn’t want to do that right now. Wasn’t it the day after Seohwi said he would be with him? It was a day to be happy.

…He was happy. Why wouldn’t he be happy?

“Stay at home. A new employee can’t do anything anyway.”

“That again…”

“It’s the truth. You’ll just get in the way.”

No matter how well a new employee works, it’s not to the level where they can take on and handle the work of an Executive Director. He was in a position where he needed help from Section Chief Kim Jia and Chief Ha, so there was no need for him to come along.

“…”

But suddenly, Yoongeon felt anxious and paused for a moment.

“…Are you going somewhere?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t go.”

Right now, Seohwi had people who loved him by his side. Despite knowing this, a desperate plea escaped Yoongeon’s lips.

“You said you’d give yourself to me.”

“…”

“You’re mine, so wait for me at home. Don’t go anywhere.”

“If you’re going to be like this, you might as well just take me with you.”

“…Because I’m tired.”

Honestly, in his heart, he wanted to take him to the office, but Seohwi’s safety and comfort came before his own desires.

“Alright.”

Seohwi, who would normally have been more stubborn, seemed to dislike the idea of going to the office on a day like today and answered obediently, getting out of bed.

“Why are you getting up?”

“To get some water.”

Yoongeon was about to say he would get it for him but clamped his mouth shut. He was afraid it would feel like excessive interference. Seohwi got up, yawned widely, and stood with his hair a messy bird’s nest. Seen from behind, his hair, which was sticking up spikily as if in a fit of anger, was so funny that Yoongeon secretly smiled.

“Yaaawn…”

Standing in front of the water purifier, Seohwi, who yawned widely once more while holding a cup, was a complete mess all over, to the point that one couldn’t even say he was fine as an empty compliment. Seeing him drink water, his body covered in the marks he had made, Yoongeon thought that he had been quite rough last night, but he was rather pleased.

‘…Well, why did you have to go and make a person lose their mind.’

It was when Yoongeon was senselessly blaming someone else while restlessly scanning Seohwi’s body. Secretary Lim’s cheerful voice was heard abruptly from behind without any hint of his presence.

“Executive Director! A refreshing start to a Sunday at work—. …Huh?”

“…”

“…”

Seohwi, who had been defenselessly drinking water with his disheveled body exposed, froze, and Yoongeon hurriedly turned around.

“You crazy…”

“…Hello.”

“Cra-crazy. Crazy!”

Why are you greeting him in a situation like this, Yoon Seohwi? Secretary Lim, who had frozen for a moment in surprise, saw Seohwi give up and start drinking water again. He slapped a hand over his mouth in shock and began to point wildly at Yoongeon.

“Ughhh! Hey, hey, you!”

“Shut up!”

So startled that he let out a roar, Yoongeon forcefully struck Secretary Lim’s shoulder.

“Keuaaahhh…!”

At the sudden violence, Secretary Lim turned around as limply as a paper doll. Grabbing the back of his neck, Yoongeon ground his teeth fiercely.

“Let’s go, Secretary Lim.”

“Aack! Aaaack! Help! Somebody help! There are two people dying here…!”

He was so flustered that Yoongeon, without even a goodbye to Seohwi, grabbed Secretary Lim by the neck and got on the elevator.

“…”

“…”

Even after getting on the elevator, he did not release his neck, so Secretary Lim remained silent, pressed flat against the wall, while Yoongeon also covered his eyes with his free hand and scowled deeply. He couldn’t crush the other party with his status like in the old days, so this had become very troublesome.

As Yoongeon got off the elevator still holding Secretary Lim by the neck, the security guard who had been about to offer a morning greeting stared with wide eyes in surprise, but Yoongeon ignored him too and shoved Secretary Lim into the driver’s seat. Then, he placed both hands on his hips and tried to calm down for a moment before getting into the back seat.

“Wow…”

However, belying his efforts to calm down, Secretary Lim, who had started the engine and begun to drive, started chattering away.

“Wow, Executive Director, isn’t this really going too far?”

“…”

This bastard definitely opened his mouth on purpose while driving. Having chosen a moment when his boss could not resort to violence, Secretary Lim opened his mouth despicably and glared at Yoongeon through the rearview mirror.