DPGR 173

–Huh! Captain! Who in a relationship doesn’t get jealous?

“No, Jiho never showed jealousy before….”

–The fact he asked what you two are, that itself is jealousy. Do you really not get it?

Kijoon sighed heavily like he was frustrated and started scolding him. He even pointed out one by one the mistakes that weren’t exactly mistakes but still were.

When Dojin thought alone, he hadn’t realized it. But hearing it from Kijoon, he understood. It really was his fault. He had never once considered that Jiho could feel jealous, and that was why he had been lost.

“…Alright. It’s my fault….”

–That’s right! So hurry up and go talk to him. If you don’t even know this whole mess came from jealousy, that means you’ve never had any real deep talks with him. Keep this up and something really bad will happen.

“…Yeah….”

–And when you make up, buy Kijoonie some chicken.

“…What?”

–Fried, with sauce, lots of pickled radish please. Hehe, I’ll be waiting!

The call ended as the phone grew warm. Kijoon had said everything he wanted to say and then hung up.

It was a bit sudden, but Dojin’s heart grew restless at the thought of talking to Jiho right away. He dropped his phone carelessly and hurried to Jiho’s room, knocking on the door.

Tok tok tok

“Jiho-ya.”

“……”

“Jiho-ya, can you open the door for a moment? Let’s talk. Yeah?”

He could hear the rustle of blankets, maybe Jiho was lying on the bed. But that was all. Jiho gave no answer and did not open the door.

“Jiho-ya….”

“……”

“You don’t want to talk to me?”

“…I hate you.”

This time a very small voice followed. The words were not good, but at least it was a response.

Relieved, Dojin smiled and asked in a gentler voice.

“So, you don’t want to see my face?”

“…Yes.”

The yes came from closer than before. Jiho must have gotten out of bed and walked up to the door.

Dojin leaned his back on the door and sat down on the floor.

“Alright then.”

“……”

“Let’s talk like this.”

“……”

Dojin spoke quietly, offering his apology.

“Sorry. I was wrong.”

“……”

“I don’t mean an empty apology. I realized I misunderstood why you were upset. Since it was a date with you, I should have only cared about you and focused on you. But I was distracted by dealing with other people. I’m sorry. And sending you out first too… I only did that because I was worried you’d get caught up and it would hurt you. But that was wrong. I should have just said sorry to the crowd and left with you.”

“……”

“And in the car, when I said we shouldn’t care about each other’s relationships. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Actually….”

He told him about the book he had read, what it said. Jiho still didn’t answer, but Dojin could feel his presence closer.

Jiho, like him, had sat on the floor with his back against the door.

“Truth is, I did care. That day, when you went to buy popcorn…. I saw it all. That girl looked really interested in you. She even asked for your number, right? Of course I cared. How could I not.”

The reason he pretended not to care was pride and saving face.

“I thought, at my age, interfering and getting jealous over my younger lover would look pathetic. I thought it would make you uncomfortable too. So I pretended it didn’t bother me. I’m sorry about that too.”

He murmured more, admitting he was actually very jealous, that he realized it only after starting to date Jiho. He even said he felt jealous of Jiho’s recent grown-up sides.

“I kept worrying you might not need me anymore.”

“…That’s not true.”

Jiho’s voice came muffled from the other side. It was so quiet Dojin had to strain his ears.

“I don’t mean I don’t need you…. I can’t live without you….”

“…Really?”

“Yes. And I… was jealous too. I’m sorry….”

Jiho’s voice trembled. Dojin wanted to open the door and hug him right away.

“I don’t like it when you shake hands with other people…. And, the popcorn too….”

Popcorn? Why that all of a sudden?

While Dojin frowned, Jiho hesitated and confessed in embarrassment.

“I, in dramas or movies… when they eat popcorn, they… hold hands too, you know….”

“……?”

“But you, you just handed me the tub…. Did you think I went there to eat popcorn?”

“……!”

Jiho sniffled, then his tone turned sulky. The little sounds of his frustration were both bewildering and endearing to Dojin, even funny.

Dojin held back a laugh and recalled the moment. No wonder Jiho’s face fell when he handed him the whole tub.

Jiho seemed to take the chance to spill what he had held inside.

“And, you spoke too harshly! You didn’t even get jealous, you said you didn’t care…. We’re not just roommates, how could you say you wouldn’t care even if I met someone else?”

“No, that’s….”

“Were you pretending? How was I supposed to know if you were pretending or if you really didn’t care? You always hide your expression, I can never tell what you’re thinking. You don’t show me, so how could I know?”

Jiho sniffled again, overcome with hurt. Dojin gave a small smile and stood up. He turned around and put his hand on the knob.

“Hyung, don’t…”

The words cut off as the door opened wide. Jiho had been leaning against it, so he lost his balance and toppled backward.

He ended up flat on the floor, staring up at Dojin in a daze. The tears gathered in his wide eyes rolled down.

Dojin felt complicated emotions at seeing Jiho like that, something he hadn’t seen in a long time. He knelt on one knee beside him, lifted him up, and pulled him into his arms.

“Sorry.”

“……”

“Don’t hate me. Yeah?”

In his arms, Jiho started crying again, maybe because the shock had settled.

“From now on I’ll show it more. I’ll try harder. I’ll speak more kindly. I’ll only care about you. So don’t cry.”

“…Hng.”

“Huh? Sorry, Jiho-ya. Don’t cry.”

“Hyung, I h-hate you….”

Even as he said he hated him, Jiho burrowed into Dojin’s chest like a kitten into its mother. His T-shirt grew wet with tears, snot, and drool, but Dojin didn’t care and pressed his lips to Jiho’s hair.

“Come on. Don’t hate me. Yeah?”

“I don’t knooow… I hate you….”

“What should I do then? Hm? What do you want me to do?”

“Hic! A k-kiss….”

Clinging to him like a koala, Jiho whined. His ear rims and the nape of his neck flushed bright red.

Dojin found him so lovely that he kissed his hair, his ear, his nape. Jiho’s shoulders shrank from the tickle.

“Lift your head.”

“……”

“Jiho-ya, let me see your face.”

At his earnest plea, Jiho finally lifted his head from his arms. His face was a mess of tears and snot. Dojin chuckled.

“D-don’t laugh….”

Jiho guessed what he looked like and blushed, thinking Dojin was making fun of him.

“Alright. I won’t.”

When Jiho’s lips jutted out again, Dojin quickly answered and kissed them with a pop.

“Pretty.”

“……!”

“Why are you so pretty, huh?”

“D-don’t say that….”

“Why not. You’re pretty, so I’ll say it.”

“…Hyung, you’re teasing me.”

“No. I promised to express more from now on. Actually, I’ve always thought you were pretty, but I held back so you wouldn’t feel shy. But now I won’t hold back.”

“No, just keep holding back.”

“Why? I don’t want to anymore.”

When Dojin’s eyes folded as he smiled, Jiho’s face turned crimson. Jiho groaned and reached out to cover Dojin’s mouth.

“You are teasing me…!”

“No, pretty one.”

Smooch smooch smooch!

Dojin grabbed Jiho’s wrist and kissed each finger, each knuckle, even nipped lightly. Jiho squirmed in his arms, whining as he tried to pull his hand back.

That small, cute rebellion tickled Dojin’s heart. He pulled Jiho closer and whispered.

“I want to kiss you. Can I?”

“R-right now?”

“You’re too pretty. I want to now.”

“Stop saying pretty….”

“You don’t want to?”

“……”

Jiho’s lips trembled. Dojin waited. Instead of answering, Jiho wrapped his arms around Dojin’s neck.

Dojin’s eyes widened for a second, then he smiled and kissed Jiho deeply.

Tongue against tongue, breath against breath. Dojin tilted his head and pushed in deeper into his mouth.

The long-missed taste of his lover’s saliva was so sweet that he couldn’t pull away for a long time.

***

The early summer sunlight stabbed through his eyelids. Dojin frowned a few times, then reached beside him as he tossed.

“Mmm….”

His fingertips touched something warm and soft. Without opening his eyes, Dojin’s lips curled up.

“Hyung.”

The warm and soft thing called him. Dojin answered yes and pulled it into his arms. From within came a whiny, “Hyung.”

“Wake up now. I’m hungry.”

The thing in his arms poked his side. At the word hungry, Dojin’s eyes snapped open.

“You’re hungry?”

He sat up. Jiho’s cheeks turned pink at the sight of his muscles revealed under the falling blanket.

Dojin kissed Jiho’s flushed cheek and spoke.

“I’ll make food right away. What do you want to eat?”

“I like anything you make.”

“Alright, pretty one.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Why not, I want to call you that because you’re pretty.”

Dojin’s soft laugh made Jiho pout, but soon Jiho’s lips also curved into a smile.

“I want rolled omelet. Can you make it?”

“Of course. Should we cook together and then go out?”

“Okay.”

Now Dojin never woke alone in an empty bed. Every morning they greeted each other face to face. They always cooked together, and they were honest with each other.

Sometimes they bickered over childish things, sometimes they sulked after light arguments, but it was fine.

Because between them there was trust and belief.

“Hyung, take out the eggs.”

“How many?”

“Hmm… as many as I like?”

“Wait. I’ll go buy more eggs.”

“Hyung! I’m joking!”

Between them, conversation and play, laughter never ended. Today, tomorrow, and onward.

Maybe forever.