DPGR 43

“It’s cold—come inside first.”

Without warning, Dojin stepped forward and gently lifted Jiho into his arms.

Before Jiho could even process what was happening, he found himself already laid down on Dojin’s bed. Dojin switched on the bedside lamp.

“How long were you out there?”

“……”

“Your cheeks are freezing. Aren’t you cold?”

“…Sniff.”

The chill he’d forgotten crept back in all at once. Jiho sniffled.

“Oh dear.”

Concerned, Dojin pulled back the covers.

“Come on, get under.”

“……”

“Go on.”

Urged on, Jiho hesitantly crawled under the blanket. It smelled like Dojin—familiar, comforting.

Dojin tucked the blanket up to Jiho’s neck and spoke in a low voice.

“Why were you out there instead of sleeping?”

“……”

“Did you really have a nightmare or something…?”

There wasn’t a proper excuse Jiho could give. After a pause, he had no choice but to lie.

He nodded.

At his answer, Dojin’s expression softened with concern. He brushed Jiho’s hair back and told him to sleep—he’d stay with him.

—Stay with me.

Jiho mouthed the words and gave the space beside him a gentle pat. When his pleading gaze locked with Dojin’s, the latter let out a strained sigh.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep, so don’t worry.”

His voice was firm, despite looking conflicted. Another refusal, stacked on top of so many already.

And this one—laid atop the growing pile of sadness and doubt—was enough to push Jiho over the edge.

“…Sniff.”

He turned away, burying his face in the pillow.

As his back curled up and he began to sniffle intermittently, Dojin—now flustered—reached out to rest a hand on Jiho’s shoulder.

“W–Wait, why are you crying? Jiho, are you… crying?”

How is that even a fair question—to ask someone who’s clearly crying why they’re crying?

The injustice of it made the sorrow swell.

He didn’t even get a proper explanation. If Dojin disliked guiding so much, he could at least say why. Where was Jiho supposed to go from here, when he didn’t even know what was wrong?

The self-loathing that had taken root now grew thorns—resentment toward Dojin.

How dare he feel that. The thought horrified Jiho, and fresh tears began to stream down his face.

“Huwaaaah…”

“Wait—Jiho? Guide Jiho? Why are you—”

Even muffled by the pillow, Jiho’s crying grew louder.

Panicked, Dojin gently scooped him up from the bed.

Sitting where Jiho had just been lying, Dojin settled Jiho in his lap, trying to calm the crying Guide.

“Shhh… What’s wrong, huh?”

“Hic… Hic!”

“Is it because of a bad dream?”

Shake shake!

“Then why are you crying?”

Jiho wriggled, trying to escape from Dojin’s hold, but his strength gave out quickly, and his arms and legs just drooped in frustration.

Dojin adjusted his hold to make it easier for Jiho to rest against him.

“There, there. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

He still thought Jiho was crying because of a nightmare.

That misunderstanding made Jiho feel even more frustrated and helpless. More tears spilled from his eyes.

Time passed in that quiet room.

Sniff…

When Jiho’s sobs had finally slowed, Dojin tried again.

“You done crying?”

…Nod.

“What kind of dream made you cry like that?”

“……”

I’ve told you… it wasn’t a dream.

Jiho glared up at him through tear-drenched lashes. This man—so sharp at times—could be utterly dense when it mattered.

Unaware of why he was being glared at, Dojin tilted his head, gently pressing, “Hm?”

Eventually, between soft sniffs, Jiho opened his mouth.

—Why do you keep avoiding me?”

A blunt question.

Dojin froze. He hadn’t expected this conversation—had never even thought they’d talk about it.

“I don’t—”

—You do. We’re sleeping apart now. And guiding… You keep—”

The tears that had stopped threatened to return, and Dojin scrambled to wipe at the corners of his eyes.

“No, I wasn’t avoiding you, it’s just—”

“Hic!”

“Shh… don’t cry, okay? You’ll get a headache.”

Dojin tried to change the subject, but Jiho wouldn’t let him.

Now that the words had come out, he needed an answer—a real one.

Eventually, Dojin caved.

In a low, sheepish voice, he finally began to explain.

“T-The reason I said we should sleep separately is… you’re an adult too, so I thought it would be more appropriate. I wasn’t trying to avoid you.”

“……”

“And the guiding…”

He couldn’t speak right away. But jiho kept his eyes fixed on Dojin’s lips, waiting patiently for him to continue.

Realizing there was no way to dodge the issue anymore, Dojin sighed, covering his eyes with one hand.

“Ha… Guiding, the problem is… it’s entirely me. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

—A problem? What kind of problem?

Jiho asked. Avoiding his gaze, dojin stammered through his explanation, his face turning bright red.

“Well, ahem. If you’ve studied Guiding theory, you’d know… some espers, the more sensitive ones, when they receive intense Guiding, their, um, b-bodies might… react…”

It felt like giving the talk to a teenager.

Even when his nephew once asked him, “Uncle, where do babies come from?” he hadn’t broken this much of a sweat.

Dojin forced himself to go slower, trying to explain it in a way jiho could understand.

The problem was that jiho already understood that kind of thing all too well.

—An erection?

Jiho asked, mouthing the words. Dojin blinked like he hadn’t heard him right.

“E–excuse me?”

But that only made things worse.

—An erection. Your thing getting hard.

Mouthing the words plainly, jiho motioned with his eyes toward dojin’s lower half, which was still pinned under him.

Dojin’s face went crimson—he looked like he might explode.

“W–where did you even learn to say things like—?”

“……?”

Jiho tilted his head at dojin’s malfunctioning expression, looking so innocently confused that dojin briefly wondered if he had misread his lips.

But then came the killing blow—jiho’s third follow-up:

—Did it get hard? It’s okay. I can take care of it for you.

Is this kid actually insane?

Dojin scrubbed his face with both hands. Then he gently lifted jiho off his lap and set him beside him.

He took a long, steadying breath.

“Haa…”

Jiho, not understanding, kept moving his lips.

—I’m good at it. Is this your first time?

“……”

—Then I’ll go on top—

Dojin finally lost it and clapped a hand over jiho’s mouth.

“Mm!”

“Please. Stop.”

“Mmng.”

“Haah… Guide Jiho. You can’t just go around saying things like that.”

“……?”

“And I don’t… I don’t want to do those kinds of things.”

Those kinds of things? Like sex? Jiho asked with his eyes. Dojin opened and closed his mouth, unsure where to even start.

“Y–yeah. Sex.”

He paused to find the right words, his voice noticeably calmer than before.

“Hand Guiding is more than enough for me. I don’t want anything beyond that.”

Jiho lightly tapped the back of dojin’s hand. After a moment of thought, dojin moved his hand away from jiho’s mouth.

—Why not? You don’t trust me? Or is my Guiding not good enough?

“That’s not it. There’s nothing wrong with your Guiding.”

—Then why…

“Guide Jiho, you’re twenty years old, aren’t you?”

Jiho nodded. Dojin looked at his innocent face, then spoke again.

“Do you know how old I am?”

—Thirty-four.

“Exactly. That’s a fourteen-year age gap. You’re still young, and compared to you, I’m just an old man.”

Old man? Dojin?

Jiho narrowed his eyes. His image of an old man included a potbelly, thinning hair, a terrible sense of humor that ruined the mood, and a loud voice full of condescending opinions.

Dojin fit none of those.

—You’re not an old man.

“With an age gap like this, how could I not be—?”

—Just by age, you’re not. Some of the clients who come to me are older than you.

“I mean, that’s…”

The words caught in Dojin’s throat.

Did jiho really see him as no different from those other ‘clients’?

But if he started unpacking that right now, the conversation would never end, so he pushed it aside for now.

“In my eyes, I’m an old man, and you’re a baby bird who’s just hatched. You only just became an adult, and my conscience won’t let me lay a hand on you.”

“……”

“So I’ll only do Hand Guiding. Nothing beyond that.”

Jiho half understood, half didn’t.

Still, he felt like he was beginning to get a sense of why Dojin was avoiding deeper Guiding with him.

The problem was… he understood it a little differently.

‘He’s saying his conscience won’t let him because I feel too young.’

Then shouldn’t he just show him how much of an adult he really was?