EM 41. Getting Close

The single-occupancy dormitory bathroom was small. With two men standing inside, the space felt cramped. Any slight movement meant they would brush against each other. Xiao Mingxuan watched him intently. This was the first time he had seen Song Feng fully naked. The last time they had fooled around, the man had not been wearing much either, but at least he still had his underwear on. Back then, Xiao Mingxuan had been preoccupied with the consequences of revealing the truth and had no mind to take a good look. Now, he could finally admire him with no reservations.

The body was on the lean side, but its explosiveness was astonishing. Xiao Mingxuan had seen Song Feng in action many times. His speed and power were impeccable, his movements sleek like a panther. Captivating. He could not help trying to recall just how it had felt to be inside that body.

Song Feng rinsed the shampoo from his hair. He sensed Xiao Mingxuan’s gaze and looked over. Then his eyes dropped, sizing up the man’s chest through the misty haze. With a smirk, he praised, “Nice work with that whip. Did Fu Shanming spank you while asking if it felt good?”

Xiao Mingxuan snapped out of it. That moment came rushing back. He grimaced. “Don’t bring him up right now.”

“Why not? That little lover of yours was wild. Back then, I had half a mind to tear up my contract, pin him to the bed, fuck him senseless, then kill him and flee,” Song Feng said, then suddenly remembered the beautiful photo he had sent to his email. He paused for a beat before adding seriously, “Though to be fair, he did have his moments. Being his bodyguard wasn’t half bad…”

Xiao Mingxuan reminded him, “I recall you saying he even built a grave for you on his property.”

“Oh, the tombstone,” Song Feng blinked innocently. “I forgot to mention. It has your name on it.”

“…”

“Having a grave doesn’t matter. Look at me, still alive and kicking,” Song Feng mused. “Oh right, later he even said he was happy being with me. Hm…” He smiled dreamily. “Maybe I could be friends with him.”

Xiao Mingxuan raised an eyebrow. “Besties?”

“…”

Song Feng finally dropped the subject. With a hum, he began washing his face and then rinsed off the foam. “Clean now?”

Xiao Mingxuan glanced over. The eyeliner was still there. With his wig off, he looked particularly eerie. Xiao Mingxuan stepped forward and tilted his chin. “Not yet. Hold still.”

Song Feng tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting Xiao Mingxuan wash him. He looked remarkably obedient.

Xiao Mingxuan carefully cleaned him up. Up close, that delicate face was right within reach. His thumb slowly brushed along Song Feng’s skin as he murmured softly, “Song Feng.”

Song Feng sensed the way their breaths were starting to tangle. He froze for a second, opened his eyes, and gazed back, a faint sheen of moisture in his pupils making them even more striking.

Xiao Mingxuan didn’t pull back. “I remember you said tonight’s kiss didn’t feel bad.”

The moment he heard those words, Song Feng knew what was about to happen. A flicker of hesitation stirred inside him. He did not dislike this man. In fact, there was something about Xiao Mingxuan that he found difficult to push away. But he had no idea what would happen if they kept going like this, or whether it would lead somewhere neither of them could control.

Xiao Mingxuan had no intention of waiting. While Song Feng remained lost in thought, Xiao Mingxuan leaned in and kissed him. His arm slipped around his waist, drawing him in close. Their bodies pressed together, skin against skin, and the sudden contact sent heat rushing through him. That warmth spread instantly, wrapping around him like a current he could not escape. He felt every shift in the other man’s body. Xiao Mingxuan was already hard, the heat between them pulsing stronger with each passing breath. Song Feng did not need to look to know. He could feel everything. And he understood that struggling now would only make things worse. So he stayed exactly where he was.

Xiao Mingxuan’s movements were gentle, unoffensive. He did not force his way in, just teased his lips with light, slow licks, patiently waiting.

It did not take long for Song Feng to recall how it had felt earlier tonight. He was nearly powerless against this kind of soft seduction. He reached out and grabbed Xiao Mingxuan’s arm, parting his lips slightly.

Xiao Mingxuan leaned in, his tongue sliding into Song Feng’s mouth, deepening the kiss until it felt like it might swallow them both. Song Feng responded, meeting him with equal hunger, letting their mouths crash together, the heat rising so fast it blurred the edges of thought. Their bodies pressed harder, breath ragged. Then Xiao Mingxuan shifted, turning him around and pushing him back against the wall, one hand gripping the back of his head, holding him still as he kissed him deeper, like he wanted to pull him apart from the inside.

The cold tile against Song Feng’s back made him flinch, and he tried to twist away. But Xiao Mingxuan’s chest was searing against his, pressing him in place, leaving him no room to move. The contrast of heat and cold scrambled every nerve in his body. His breath grew ragged. He turned his head, trying to catch some air, and managed to say, “Stop.”

Xiao Mingxuan’s eyes darkened with a heavy, magnetic intensity. He loosened his grip just slightly, looked down, and gave a low, amused laugh.

“You’re already hard. And you want to stop?”

Song Feng’s beautiful eyes were tinged with lust, shadowed with a hint of danger. He licked his lips.

“If you’re willing to pay back what you owe from Myanmar, then we don’t have to stop. But if not, forget it.”

“You think you can hold back?”

“What else am I supposed to do? I’m not into jerking off in the shower…” Song Feng paused, then grinned at him. “Young Master Xiao, can you hold back?”

Xiao Mingxuan gave a quiet laugh. He knew exactly what that meant. He kissed him again, and this time his hand slid slowly down from Song Feng’s shoulder, kneading along the way, inch by inch, until he wrapped his fingers around his cock and began stroking him.

Song Feng let out a low gasp. His own hand reached over, gripping Xiao Mingxuan’s swollen cock, warm and firm in his palm, and he started to move. Xiao Mingxuan’s breath caught. His lips left Song Feng’s mouth and pressed against his neck, trailing downward in open kisses. His hand never stopped, working him with the same slow rhythm, coaxing more out of him. Song Feng’s composure began to crack.

“Faster,” he breathed out.

Xiao Mingxuan kissed his earlobe and murmured against his skin. “Together.”

Song Feng’s breathing turned messy, but he still managed to ask, “Why?”

Xiao Mingxuan bit down lightly on his collarbone. “Because I want to.”

Song Feng had no idea what went through this man’s head. To him, as long as it felt good, there was no need to complicate it. But he had no time to think about any of that. The pleasure was crashing over him in waves, short-circuiting everything in his brain. That desperate, unresolved heat was driving him mad. His grip tightened as he moved faster, chasing release.

The sound of running water never stopped, but it couldn’t hide the heavy breathing that filled the space. The tension between their bodies climbed sharply. Their mouths found each other again in another deep, messy kiss. Time blurred. At some point, Song Feng’s hand clenched hard on Xiao Mingxuan’s shoulder. His whole body locked up. A violent shudder ran through him as he came, the release washing over him like a wave that emptied everything out. He leaned lazily against the wall, every inch of him relaxed. The sensation had rolled through his limbs and bones, leaving him completely satisfied.

Xiao Mingxuan came not long after, their foreheads pressed together as he caught his breath. He smiled and asked, “How was it?”

“Good,” Song Feng answered honestly. His eyes were heavy with satisfaction, languid and loose, and that look made him dangerously attractive.

Xiao Mingxuan kissed his lips. For a moment, the intimacy of it all struck him hard. He almost wanted to ask, Do you love me? But the thought barely surfaced before he shoved it back down. He already knew what kind of answer he would get. Probably something with a laugh and a wink. Love? This was Song Feng. A man with a string of lovers behind him, none of whom he likely remembered. Xiao Mingxuan doubted even he knew how many times he had tossed out those three words before. It was infuriating.

Song Feng, completely unaware of his thoughts, hummed a cheerful tune as he rinsed off under the shower. Then he gave a lazy little wave, turned around, and walked out. He left without looking back, not even pretending to linger. His posture was loose, satisfied, completely unconcerned. The moment he walked out, the heat seemed to drain from the room.

Xiao Mingxuan stood still for a long moment. Then he let out a slow breath and ran a hand through his damp hair. He had no idea what he was going to do with this man. But one thing was certain. This wasn’t the end.

By the time he came out, Song Feng was already lounging against the headboard, smoking a cigarette. His eyes were half-lidded, the kind of lazy gaze that said he was perfectly at ease. His hair had grown longer, bangs falling in front of his eyes, making him look even more unruly. The length was definitely out of regulation for military standards, but someone had insisted that, since the team would eventually take on mercenary assignments, appearance restrictions were unnecessary. Song Feng had thought about it and eventually agreed. Wei Xiaoyan stopped cutting his hair too. The others, however, continued to follow military discipline and kept their styles uniform.

Xiao Mingxuan stepped closer, took the cigarette from his lips, and took a drag himself. The smoke drifted out slowly as he handed it back.

“You really know how to enjoy yourself.”

“Obviously,” Song Feng said with a grin as he took it back.

Xiao Mingxuan sat beside him and looked him over. His skin was flawless under the bright light. Smooth, pale, and without a single scar. That caught him off guard.

“The doctor under Song Zhe,” he asked, “does he dabble in cosmetics too?”

Song Feng paused for a second, then touched his chest. “You mean the bullet scars? I thought they were ugly, so I had him remove them.”

“No,” Xiao Mingxuan said as he pinched his arm lightly. “Your skin in general is pretty damn good.”

“Oh, that.” Song Feng took another drag, voice unreadable. “I’ve had large-area skin grafts. Twice.”

Xiao Mingxuan froze. “What happened?”

“Burns.”

“I figured it was burns. What kind? Explosion?”

Song Feng made a vague sound of agreement, glanced at the time, and stubbed out the cigarette. “Going to sleep?”

Xiao Mingxuan raised a brow. He knew that tone. Song Feng had no intention of talking more. Just like last time. He got up, brought over two bottles of beer, opened one, and handed the other to him.

“Drink first. Then sleep.”

Song Feng didn’t refuse. He was relaxed now, easier to talk to than usual.

Xiao Mingxuan sat beside him and chatted casually for a while. Seeing that his mood was decent, he asked, “That time you went to the command unit. What was it for?”

Song Feng raised a brow. “Why ask?”

“Just curious. You don’t have to tell me.” Xiao Mingxuan paused, then added, “But I think sometimes it helps to talk about things. Especially with me. If there’s one person in this world who would never harm you, it’s me.”

Song Feng was quiet for a while, then took a sip of beer. “Say you did something wrong. Something that led to a mistake you could never take back. Would you want someone to beat the shit out of you with a stick, or just shoot you in the head and get it over with? And then everyone turns around and says it wasn’t your fault. What the hell are you supposed to do with that?”

Xiao Mingxuan thought for a moment. “That’s the same as what happened back in Malaysia. I wanted you to hit me, too. But you told me to let it go. You told me to keep living and not let it happen again.”

Song Feng paused. “But I was fine.”

“You were lucky to be resuscitated. What if you hadn’t been?” Xiao Mingxuan remembered the chaos of that day, and a chill passed through him. “If the police hadn’t arrived when they did, you would’ve died. And when I went back to Beijing, what do you think Commander Song or your parents would have said to me?”

“They’d say it wasn’t your fault. But my brother would probably tear you apart.”

Xiao Mingxuan exhaled. “Let’s ignore him.”

Song Feng twitched the corner of his mouth. “Sure…”

“With your grandfather and parents watching, Song Zhe couldn’t really kill me. In the end, they had to sweep it under the rug. I came out of it just fine. But let’s flip the question,” Xiao Mingxuan said as he looked at him. “Say it was you. Say you still had a hundred things left to do, and you weren’t ready to die at all. And then you died because of me. After it was over, would you blame me for it?”

“Of course not…” Song Feng froze. His fingers went slack around the bottle, and for a second, he nearly dropped it.

Xiao Mingxuan raised an eyebrow. Song Feng could act like an idiot sometimes, but his self-control was solid. He never reacted like this. That look on his face wasn’t something he could hide. He hadn’t even had time to pull himself together.

“…Song Feng?”

Song Feng blinked and pulled himself out of it. “It’s nothing. I just never thought about it like that before.”

The stiffness in his expression hadn’t faded. Xiao Mingxuan could guess, at least a little, what might be going through his mind. He understood that kind of feeling. If Song Feng really had died because of him back then, it wouldn’t have mattered how many people said it wasn’t his fault. He would never be able to live with it. That kind of guilt didn’t loosen over time. It dug in deeper, breath after breath, until it became part of your bones.

He didn’t ask anything else. He wanted to know more about Song Feng, but not if it meant making him feel like this. He took the bottle out of his hand and ruffled his hair.

“Time to sleep?”

Song Feng had already pulled himself back together. He answered lightly and rolled over to lie down. Xiao Mingxuan turned off the light and watched his silhouette in the dark. After a pause, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

Song Feng stiffened. “If you try to fuck me, I’ll castrate you.”

“…” Xiao Mingxuan let out a long-suffering sigh. “Just go to sleep.”

Song Feng stayed quiet for a moment but didn’t push him away.

Xiao Mingxuan tightened his arms around him and closed his eyes. He still didn’t know everything this man had been through. But right now, he felt closer to him than he ever had before. It no longer felt like chasing after wind, always just out of reach. Right now, this man was in his arms, warm and solid, resting quietly against him.

They woke up early the next morning. Song Feng, having thoroughly relieved himself the night before, felt completely refreshed. He stood grinning in the hallway, waiting for the others to arrive with their things.

“Xiaoyan, I’m rooming with you.”

Wei Xiaoyan slung his pack over his shoulder. He was about to nod when he looked up and saw Xiao Mingxuan standing behind his boss, holding a pack of cigarettes and staring at him with meaningful intent. He froze for a second.

“Boss, I’ve been sparring a lot with Duan Qing lately, so I already promised I’d room with him.”

He turned quickly and saw Duan Qing just coming up the stairs. He rushed over and grabbed his arm.

“You’re here. Perfect. Let’s go.”

And then he bolted, disappearing from sight in an instant.

Song Feng blinked. His gaze shifted to Bai Xuyao, who had followed quietly behind.

“All right then. I’ll room with you.”

Bai Xuyao had heard the same sentence countless times. “Go learn from your senior,” and now Wei Xiaoyan had clearly set the standard. He also knew exactly what kind of relationship this man had with the chief instructor. No one needed to tell him what to do. He shook his head. “I already promised someone else too.”

He grabbed someone nearby that he got along with and turned to flee.

Song Feng blinked again. He looked at the rest of the group. The others didn’t know the full story, but everyone understood this man was a little devil. There was no reason to throw themselves onto a live wire. One after another, they paired off and vanished.

When it was over, there was only one room left. And that room was next to Xiao Mingxuan’s.

Song Feng froze.

“Why me…”

Xiao Mingxuan tossed the cigarettes, walked over, and offered a comforting pat.

“It’s fine. As team captain, it’s your duty to keep a close eye on your subordinates. I’ll room with you.”

“…”