F Side Story 2

Usually, it was Siwoo who fell asleep later, and Yeonho who woke up first. This rhythm had naturally formed between them after living together. Siwoo would watch over Yeonho as he drifted off to sleep, and in the morning, Yeonho would quietly observe Siwoo as he lay asleep.

Every night without fail, Siwoo gently caressed every inch of Yeonho’s body to help him fall asleep. He did this whether they had sex or not. Only after confirming through Yeonho’s breathing and the sound of his breath that he was truly asleep did Siwoo allow himself to rest. He had made a promise to himself that he would protect Yeonho’s sleep until the day he died.

Thanks to that, Yeonho had been sleeping normally, without sleeping pills, for nearly half a year. Siwoo’s touch had erased the dreadful sensation of snakes and bugs crawling over his skin.

He hadn’t yet tested whether he could sleep without Siwoo, but honestly, Yeonho didn’t want to become that functional. Did he really have to go back to the time when he could sleep fine on his own?

“…I don’t want to be like that.”

He wished that he would always be bound to Siwoo, that Siwoo’s existence would dominate and sway his life forever, that life without Siwoo would be miserable and unbearable. He truly wished for that.

Yeonho gently combed his fingers through Siwoo’s hair, then carefully slipped out of his arms and crawled out of the blanket. Ever since they started living together, Yeonho had been writing little messages in Siwoo’s palm every morning. It was his way of saying good morning.

[Hi. I still like you today.]

Starting his day just a little later than Yeonho, Siwoo would rub his palm with a slightly disappointed look. It felt like such a waste for Yeonho’s confession to be washed away by soap and water. But erasing it meant he could receive a new confession the next day.

Those words, “I like you,” always made him happy and excited. There were many grand phrases to express love, but only “I like you” carried that unique kind of emotion.

Today too, Kim Siwoo was thankful that he could see, hear, smell, taste, and touch Joo Yeonho. But that didn’t mean they could spend every day exchanging only heavy emotions. The thrill and butterflies at the beginning of a relationship, he never wanted to lose that either.

After showering, Siwoo came out of the bathroom and, unlike when he was twenty, he now adeptly prepared breakfast. Yeonho was standing at the counter, and Siwoo pulled him into a tight hug from behind. Their roles had switched from the old days. Now it was Siwoo’s job to make dinner after work.

“Yeonho-ya. You were in my dream.”

“Did I do something bad? Did that bastard run away again? I should’ve just broken his legs right then and there.”

Yeonho raised his voice and scolded himself before Siwoo could answer. Siwoo chuckled at Yeonho beating him to it and nuzzled his nose against Yeonho’s.

“No. I just realized that even meeting you in a dream could make me love you more. And… you were too cute for me to break your legs.”

“Oh, I was cute? That’s fine then. If I’m cute, I get a pass.”

Yeonho had met Siwoo many times in his dreams before, so he understood well what Siwoo meant. The feelings experienced in dreams could seep into everyday life.

What kind of dream had Siwoo had last night? Whatever it was, he loved Yeonho more than he had at dawn. That intensified obsession was clear in every touch.

Yeonho slipped from Siwoo’s embrace, grabbed the knife he had been using to chop lettuce, and said in a cold tone,

“I hope no one else shows up in your dreams.”

Siwoo burst out laughing. Yeonho raised the knife as if he were serious. It might have sounded childish, but he meant it. He didn’t want to share even the time in Siwoo’s dreams with anyone else.

Siwoo left for work with Yeonho. The front door of the apartment next to theirs was wide open, it looked like someone was moving in. There were only two units per floor, but they had never interacted with their neighbor. Their elevator schedules never overlapped, so they didn’t even know what the other looked like.

Lately, Siwoo’s father hadn’t tried to contact him, not even through a lawyer. He was someone who cared deeply about appearances, so he probably wouldn’t resort to anything extreme against Yeonho. He would likely do everything to avoid sharing his wealth, but maybe, just maybe, he had finally given up hope that his son would return. If so, Yeonho was grateful.

Ever since his love with Yeonho had been rekindled, Siwoo had naturally quit smoking. Whenever he thought of Seong Junyoung, who had ruined himself in an instant with drugs, he felt pride that he had managed to survive Yeonho’s absence with nothing more than cigarettes.

Yeonho, who had started smoking to stay awake due to lack of sleep, also didn’t put a cigarette to his lips anymore. Quitting hadn’t been hard at all.

However, since starting work, he had begun to feel withdrawal symptoms from something else. Holding back from expressing affection toward the lover he ran into constantly throughout the day at work was far harder than expected. He now respected all couples who dated at the office.

Joo Yeonho of the PR team entered the company cafeteria for lunch with his coworkers and, as always, sat beside Kim Siwoo of the Management Support team, who was eating with his team.

“Hello.”

“Yes, hello.”

They weren’t hiding their relationship on purpose, but there was no reason to flaunt it either. After exchanging a normal greeting, they ate together naturally. They occasionally shared light, polite small talk, the kind coworkers might exchange.

Even though Yeonho unconsciously drank from the cup Siwoo had been using, and even though Siwoo picked up Yeonho’s used napkin with his bare hand to throw it away for him, no one seemed to notice. They worked hard not to show their closeness in front of others.

The silver lining was that, after work, all the passion they had held back exploded several times over.

After sex, Siwoo lay Yeonho down on his side and hugged him tightly so Yeonho’s back pressed against his chest. But despite his desire to help Yeonho fall asleep peacefully, he didn’t pull out. Even after climaxing, his arousal remained buried inside Yeonho.

He hoped Yeonho could sleep well, but he didn’t want to be separated from him.

His upper body held Yeonho gently, kissing behind his ears and at his temple to lull him to sleep. But his lower body kept Yeonho from resting comfortably. He tried to make up for all the moments during the workday when he hadn’t been able to touch Yeonho by clinging to him through the night.

About once a week, Siwoo let this desire take over. Even though he knew Yeonho would feel sore the next day, he still did it. Why was Kim Siwoo such a contradictory person? Why did his body and heart behave so differently?

“…Yeonho-ya, how much of this can you endure?”

Of course, Yeonho couldn’t fall asleep easily like that. With Siwoo buried so deep inside him, writhing, there was no way he could sleep peacefully. But Yeonho also longed for the days when Siwoo wouldn’t pull out. He was happy, just not numb enough to fall asleep with the person he loved still inside him.

Yeonho pulled Siwoo’s hand from where it rested on his stomach and kissed it.

“Why do you think I’m enduring it? I’m not. This is what we both want.”

Lately, Siwoo had begun to express his desires first. Yeonho, who had openly voiced his warped cravings to Siwoo before, now felt proud every time he drew one of Siwoo’s hidden urges into the open.

He was glad to know that all those twisted, childish declarations of possessiveness – “I’m happy you’re a mess,” “I want to break you so you can’t leave,” “I want to trap you in a capsule like a toy,” “I wish you were my Tamagotchi,” “I wish you couldn’t use your hands” – weren’t his alone.

“Yeonho-ya, I…”

Siwoo suddenly began pressing slow kisses to the nape of Yeonho’s neck, his voice hesitant as if he were about to say something terrible. Yeonho perked up his ears.

And then Siwoo finally spoke the words he hadn’t intended to say out loud.

“I want to see you die. Not now, but far, far in the future. And when that day comes, I want to wait until you’re asleep, then follow you.”

But it wasn’t such a scary thing to hear. Yeonho rubbed his face against Siwoo’s hand and laughed. How terrifying could words like that sound coming from someone so gentle and well-mannered? They were just… lovely.

“I want to do everything you wish for, but I guess I’ll have to give this one up. Because I want to see you die too.”

Still, Yeonho gave up his own wish and decided he’d fulfill everything Siwoo desired.

Falling in love happens in an instant. What matters is turning that moment into forever. Yeonho believed love meant continuing to treat someone as the most special person in the world, all the way to the end.

Siwoo, who had been misunderstood and suffered for so long, deserved to be happy. Yeonho wanted to give everything he had to show him that the man who had once fallen in love in a single moment truly dreamed of being his partner for life.

***

Yeonho was still receiving outpatient treatment for PTSD. He had jokingly nicknamed their home “the psych ward,” and whenever Yeonho had an appointment at the hospital, Siwoo would return home early to prepare an even more extravagant meal than usual. He became obsessed with the idea of feeding something delicious to Yeonho, who was dulled by psychiatric meds, and would spend entire days researching recipes.

It was on one such day, after sending Yeonho off and returning home alone with a bag of groceries, that Siwoo was entering their anniversary code into the door lock when the apartment next door opened and a young man around his age stepped out.

“Hello. I just moved in yesterday.”

Siwoo was wary toward this stranger who greeted him so cheerfully. He hated it when anyone besides Yeonho knocked on the doors of his world.

“Yes, hello.”

He bowed slightly and replied without emotion. The man continued,

“When someone uses water in the apartment next door, the sound is really loud in ours. Would you like to come in and listen for yourself?”

“Oh, really? The previous tenant never mentioned it, so I didn’t know.”

Since the complaint had a clear reason, Siwoo lowered his guard. He answered with a polite voice and friendly expression.

“I’ll speak to the landlord and come over in a bit. I’m just living here as a guest.”

Siwoo, growing steadily in the cozy arms of his owner, had no intention of entering someone else’s home alone. That wasn’t something he was allowed to do. Of course, he had no intention of letting his owner go over there alone either.