F11

However, Yeonho crushed Siwoo’s earnest plea.

“…If I planned to leave, I wouldn’t have come at this hour.”

From Yeonho’s words and actions, Siwoo couldn’t help but sense a sexual implication. Joo Yeonho wanted to sleep with someone he hadn’t even known for a full twenty-four hours. Siwoo’s body went slack.

“So please, let me in.”

Yeonho added that with determination and swallowed hard. Siwoo’s warning, that if he came in he wouldn’t be able to leave, sounded to him like, “I might hurt you tonight.” He hadn’t ruled out the sexual undertone entirely, but that wasn’t the point.

His heart pounded with the fear of rejection. Worried that Siwoo might lash out, he breathed in short, uneasy bursts.

Siwoo, calm yet intense, stepped in with a threatening air. He grabbed Yeonho by the collar and said,

“You’re awfully good at handling men, aren’t you, Joo Yeonho?”

Yeonho couldn’t hide his bewilderment. Handling men? No one had ever said anything like that to him. You’d have to be confident to pull that off, wouldn’t you? He’d always been told that people found it hard to get close to him, regardless of gender, that there was a wall.

The one who’d been handling a man all day with ease to achieve his goal hadn’t been him, but Siwoo. Yeonho knew very well that Siwoo didn’t show kindness or interest without a purpose. He tried to refute him, but Siwoo spoke first, his reddened eyes blinking.

“Do you often have one-night stands with strangers?”

Yeonho hadn’t expected that phrase to come out of Siwoo’s mouth. The sharp look in his eyes felt like it was saying, “Know your place,” so he hurried to explain.

“No. That’s not why I came here.”

“Then why?”

“I wanted to ask if I could sleep in this room. I sleep better when I’m with you.”

But even after that explanation, Siwoo’s expression didn’t soften. His voice became more threatening.

“Joo Yeonho. We met for the first time this morning. Who asks something like that from someone they just met?”

If Siwoo was going to put it that way, Yeonho had something to say too.

“No, we slept together last night too. You’re pretending otherwise, but I know I’m not imagining things.”

His tone was firm, certain, not a guess. At that, a flicker of hesitation crossed Siwoo’s face. Like always, he casually explained his actions.

“Fine. That was because I saw someone collapsed on the stairs crying. I just wanted to help you stop crying. I pretended it didn’t happen because I didn’t want you to misunderstand and make things complicated.”

“I know.”

Yeonho lowered his head and gave a bitter laugh, feeling foolish for thinking he was being loved while sleeping in Siwoo’s arms. Then he begged, pitifully.

“Please, just one more night. Let me sleep beside you like yesterday.”

Yeonho didn’t back down, so Siwoo offered a sincere warning.

“I’m not a cradle here to put you to sleep, I’m a person.”

“I’m not treating you like a cradle.”

“No, if I were a cradle, I’d be safe. But I’m a person. I’m not safe. Just because nothing happened yesterday doesn’t mean nothing will happen today. You don’t know what I might do to you.”

Siwoo let out a long breath of frustration. Joo Yeonho was doing this again. Acting like someone who hunts and captures the men he’s drawn to at first sight, light and thoughtless. The situation was so agonizing it felt like his brain would melt.

But Yeonho, unaware of what Siwoo was truly thinking, looked him straight in the eye and said,

“What if I don’t care?”

“What if I hit you or curse at you? What if I snap and strangle you to death?”

“I already had a bad dream where Kim Siwoo did something awful to me. So I’m not scared anymore.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say, “You desired my body so fiercely in that dream.” Fortunately, Siwoo didn’t ask about the dream’s details.

“Having that kind of dream means you already think I’m dangerous.”

With no rebuttal left, Yeonho let out a weary sigh. Siwoo, who had been blocking the entrance with his whole body, looked at Yeonho’s pale face. He finally stepped aside and let him in. If he kept pushing him like that, Yeonho looked like he might collapse. He was visibly pale.

“One last warning. I might break my promise not to hurt you.”

Yeonho brushed off the warning and stepped through the space Siwoo had opened. Then, standing beside him, he grabbed the collar of Siwoo’s shirt and whispered softly, slowly.

“Kim Siwoo. I really want to know why you suddenly showed up in my life and keep making me feel so unsettled. But I won’t ask.”

“…”

“My life has been so boring and dull… I want to find out for myself. Slowly.”

“…”

“…Even if it’s dangerous, that’s what makes it exciting.”

Siwoo stood in front of Yeonho, who was perched on the edge of the bed, and applied ointment to his chin.

He could feel Yeonho’s gaze drift toward his lower body. Looking up at him from below, then lowering his gaze, then raising it again, all while breathing unevenly. Because of that, Siwoo couldn’t help but become aroused.

The outline of his erection showed clearly through his gray sweatpants. Yeonho’s eyes began darting around restlessly.

Siwoo didn’t hide the fact that he was aroused. Without any sign of embarrassment, he said,

“Even if you came just to sleep, you walked into this room of your own will. So deal with it.”

He had warned him clearly that he didn’t know what might happen. He bore no responsibility.

Yeonho, not knowing where to look in the suffocating tension, started to feel the ache below his waist. His body flushed with heat.

As he struggled to breathe, he asked a question, a bit more direct this time.

“Were you like this last night too? When you held me while I slept?”

“Yes.”

“How did you deal with it?”

“Do you really have to ask that? Just imagine whatever you want.”

“Sorry. That was too personal.”

Realizing that Siwoo had been aroused while kissing him so gently, as if cherishing someone he loved, made that moment feel even more intense and dizzying in his memory.

Of course, he didn’t think it was because of him. It was probably just that Kim Siwoo was a very sexually driven man.

But still, the fact that Siwoo could get aroused while being near him made Yeonho feel emboldened.

For the first time in a life where he had no particular attachment to living, he met someone who made him want to have sex. Just once, he wanted to have what he desired. He knew it was a mad thing to do, like throwing himself into flames. But there was nothing he wanted to stop.

Even if the documentary crew really was broadcasting his pathetic display live, even if Siwoo mocked him and rejected him, even if after giving consent Siwoo suddenly turned on him and drove a knife into his body instead of his cock, it couldn’t be helped.

He couldn’t pretend to be indifferent. His heart rate climbed, his lips went dry, and unlike his feverish lower body, his hands were cold with tension.

“Just for tonight… would you… sleep with me…?”

Siwoo, surprised by Yeonho’s suggestion, began coughing. Seeing him coughing and flustered, Yeonho shrank back and hurried to explain in a tense voice.

“If you turn off the lights, you won’t have to look at my face…”

Siwoo gave a bitter laugh and looked down at Yeonho with cold, scornful eyes, as if he were something filthy.

“You said you just wanted to sleep.”

“I did. But Kim Siwoo, you were the one who got aroused first…”

“You’re seeing someone, aren’t you? Don’t you feel guilty doing this to them?”

“I’m not seeing anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship before.”

Siwoo knew that was a lie. Irritated by Yeonho’s shameless act, he lost control and lashed out.

“You let anyone stick it in like this? Like a whore?”

He didn’t regret saying it, but he did acknowledge it was harsh. Still, he didn’t want to apologize.

Yeonho looked at him with his lips slightly parted, stunned. It wasn’t so much that the word ‘whore’ offended him, but rather that he was shocked to hear himself called that after living such an absurdly clean life. He had never imagined someone would say that to him.

“…I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. I didn’t think I’d ever hear something like that.”

When Yeonho confessed he had never even kissed anyone, it was like someone poured ice water over Siwoo’s head. His mind went cold, and with it, his body also cooled down. He gently rubbed the new bandage on Yeonho’s chin with his thumb and asked, his voice calm but serious.

“Why would you lie about something like that?”

“Is it really that strange not to have kissed someone by twenty-five? I know someone like you probably has way more experience, so maybe I don’t make any sense to you…”

Siwoo couldn’t hold back his frustration and shouted.

“I’m not saying it’s strange. I’m saying you’re lying!”

But Yeonho only sat up straighter, looked him in the eye, and spoke softly and calmly, even more composed in the face of Siwoo’s anger.

“Please don’t yell at me or talk down to me. Just tell me why you’re angry. Is it because someone like me presumptuously suggested we have sex and it hurt your pride? If that’s it, then I’ll apologize. I’m really sorry.”

Yeonho lowered his head, tears glinting faintly in the corners of his eyes, hiding his crestfallen expression and pressing his lips together. Siwoo’s heart softened at the sight of him looking so small. Acknowledging his own rudeness, he lowered his voice.

“You know that’s not it, so don’t be sarcastic. I’m sorry I was rude. I’ll go smoke a cigarette for a bit.”

“I wasn’t being sarcastic. Why would you think that?”

“Forget it. We’ll talk later.”

Not wanting to say anything crueler to Yeonho while still wound up, he grabbed his cigarettes and left the room. It was better not to see Yeonho’s face until he calmed down. As he descended the stairs, the cigarette pack crumpled in his hand.

“Do you lie like that every time you sleep with a guy? Trying to seem innocent? You don’t even have to try. Guys are probably lining up to fuck you.”

He muttered to himself, then let out a short, bitter laugh.

“What the hell was I to you, really.”

The truth was, Yeonho had once claimed to love someone else and cruelly thrown him away. Now he came back, having forgotten everything, approaching him in the exact same way, repeating the same actions.

Something that sparks your competitiveness but loses its shine the moment you have it, like a toy capsule. Nothing more, nothing less.

That’s what Kim Siwoo had been to Joo Yeonho then. And still was now.

It was miserable.