F22

He took a long, slow, deep breath, carefully taking in Yeonho’s scent. As Yeonho trembled faintly in his arms, his soft body like it might slip away, Siwoo gently laid him down on the sofa. When he grasped Yeonho’s left ankle and lifted his leg, Yeonho’s toes curled inward.

Siwoo kissed his round, cute big toe lightly, then pressed soft kisses across the top of his foot, shifting positions little by little. Like savoring a sweet piece of fruit, he gave a light lick to his ankle bone. At last, Yeonho had claimed even Siwoo’s sense of taste.

Feeling competitive toward Yeonho’s stepbrothers, Siwoo muttered

“Family doesn’t do this kind of thing.”

No matter how many years they’d spent together or how much they loved Joo Yeonho, the kind of love Siwoo was showing was something entirely different. He wanted Yeonho to feel that difference clearly.

Even as he panted under Siwoo’s attention, Yeonho didn’t immediately give the answer Siwoo wanted. Instead, he tried to provoke him further.

“Our eldest brother does.”

“What?”

Siwoo’s eyes snapped open as he grabbed the back of Yeonho’s knee. Siwoo had always yearned for affection from his own father, but the thought of his father kissing his foot or licking his ankle bone made him feel sick to his stomach.

Of course, different families express affection differently. But wasn’t this just objectively a problem? Just like Siwoo’s father had issues of his own for never once embracing him, Yeonho’s stepbrothers also seemed to have problems, though of a different kind.

He was about to bring this up seriously when Yeonho, cheeks flushed from arousal, laced their fingers together and said,

“There’s a picture of my eldest brother biting my toe when I was seven. He kissed the top of my head too. Every morning before I went to kindergarten, he’d hug me and say I smelled like a baby. He was nineteen back then.”

Siwoo stared at Yeonho with a serious expression, then slowly nodded. If it was something from their childhood, it was understandable. Even now, Yeonho, who was only a year younger, still seemed like a baby to Siwoo sometimes. To a much older brother, that gap must have been even bigger.

“By that logic, I’m at a huge disadvantage, aren’t I? He probably helped you change clothes and bathe too.”

“Then you just have to try harder from now on. You can help me change and bathe with me.”

As if to encourage Siwoo to increase the intensity of their skinship, Yeonho huffed and turned his head away, clearly unsatisfied with the current level.

Now feeling like he had to outdo Yeonho’s older brother, Siwoo lifted Yeonho’s left arm and slipped his hand into the dip under his shoulder. Yeonho squirmed and tried to push him away.

“Ah, wait. That tickles…”

“…Did your brother do this too?”

Siwoo’s voice was low and cold. Unlike earlier, his tone made it clear that if Yeonho said yes, he would not tolerate it. Yeonho, face flushed and ears red, fanned himself with his hand as he stammered,

“N-no… He didn’t.”

His voice faded, and his pulse quickened. Siwoo placed a hand on Yeonho’s chest to feel his racing heartbeat, then brought his face close between Yeonho’s thighs, where the hem of his shorts had ridden up to his groin, and whispered,

“What about here? Am I your first?”

Even though Siwoo hadn’t touched him directly, Yeonho twitched, unsure how to react. It was the first time anyone had ever brought their face that close to his inner thighs, and just feeling the breath made it feel like he was being touched there.

“Haah… It feels weird…”

“Have your brothers ever done this?”

“No… This is the first time…”

Remaining in that position, Siwoo took a deep breath and slowly inhaled Yeonho’s scent. It was a mix of his natural body smell, soap, and fabric softener. He felt the urge to sink his teeth into the soft flesh of Yeonho’s inner thighs, but decided to pull back for now.

He pressed a light kiss to Yeonho’s flushed knee, then pulled the breathless young man into his arms. As Yeonho panted like someone who had just finished running, Siwoo made sure there was no misunderstanding in his words.

“See? I don’t love you like a little brother. Don’t be sad. I don’t even have siblings. I don’t know what that’s like.”

Yeonho, still breathing heavily, smiled. Siwoo slowly let go of him and rose from the sofa.

Afraid that Siwoo might pull away now that he had finally bared his heart, Yeonho stood up quickly and clung to his waist, looking up at him.

“What you just did to me… can I do it to you too?”

“If you want to, go ahead.”

Siwoo wasn’t surprised. Yeonho had always returned affection exactly as it was given. He spread his arms open as Yeonho wanted.

Yeonho rubbed his nose and lips against Siwoo’s neck, breathing him in, then buried his face in Siwoo’s broad chest and murmured,

“I like how you smell.”

“I’m glad. Since you like it.”

When they first met, Siwoo had gone through multiple colognes, hoping to find one Yeonho liked. He’d settled on one with a soft vanilla scent because Yeonho had once casually said, “You smell nice.”

Not just his scent, but even his clothes and appearance. Siwoo had paid attention to every little detail. Embarrassing as it was, the time he spent in front of the mirror had doubled.

Yeonho, sniffing like a puppy, slowly knelt in front of Siwoo and looked up at him mischievously. Siwoo quickly reached under his arms and pulled him upright so his face wouldn’t go lower than Siwoo’s waist.

“What do you think you’re doing? Where’d you learn such bad behavior?”

“You got to do everything. Just because you’re one year older, acting like you’re so grown-up. Why can’t I?”

“Do you think your parents raised you so you could kneel in front of other men?”

“My knees, my choice. I’ll do what I want with them.”

With his legs wrapped around Siwoo’s waist and face resting on his shoulder, Yeonho rocked back and forth as he spoke. Siwoo pinched his butt and scolded him gently.

“Not today. When I say you can kneel, then you can.”

“Oh, so you do plan on making me kneel in front of you?”

“Yeah. I think about it a lot, so for now, be patient. Let’s not rush things. Let’s take it slow.”

The word “think” set off a suggestive chain of thoughts in Yeonho’s head. He gave Siwoo a light punch on the back.

“When, then? When are you gonna let me kneel? Huh?”

“I’ll go first. You’re next. Take turns.”

Yeonho burst out laughing and threw his arms more tightly around Siwoo’s neck. Now that he’d confirmed Siwoo’s feelings, this moment was the happiest he’d been all year.

As Siwoo led Yeonho to the bedroom, he spoke.

“Let’s talk properly on Saturday, when we don’t have class. I’ve got a lot to say to you.”

“Okay. I won’t sulk anymore. I’ll wait patiently.”

Then he smacked Yeonho’s butt with his palm and gave a warning.

“Don’t go sneaking some other guy into your place while I’m gone.”

“Hyung, that’s my line. After doing all this with me, if you go see someone else, I really won’t let it slide.”

I’ll hit you with a frying pan. Yeonho bit down hard on the broad shoulder right in front of him.

***

Yeonho kept checking the scent on his clothes and body, remembering how Siwoo’s breath had brushed over every inch of him. He couldn’t stop being conscious of his own scent.

Wanting to smell good like Siwoo, he sprayed on the cologne his eldest brother had sent him as a birthday gift. He raised his arms and sniffed around carefully. It was the same scent his eldest brother usually wore, something you’d expect from a grown man, but Yeonho was satisfied.

“Mm… feels kind of mature now.”

Compared to the always-serious Siwoo, Yeonho couldn’t shake the feeling that he was still too childish and carefree.

On Saturday, which Siwoo had said was an important day, Yeonho woke up early and got himself ready. He put on the nice new clothes he’d bought, sprayed on the cologne, and waited for Siwoo to arrive. But waiting alone only made his thoughts more tangled.

Siwoo would probably confess to him today and ask to date. Just yesterday, Yeonho believed that becoming something special to him would make all his inner turmoil disappear. But now that the moment was near, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

He was sorry, but sometimes he’d feel a wave of anger whenever Siwoo seemed too flawless. And whenever Siwoo made him so happy he thought he might burst, he’d also feel overwhelmed with despair and want to break down crying. The extremes of conflicting emotions surged at once.

It was a feeling he’d never experienced before, and he didn’t know how to define it. It wasn’t inferiority. He didn’t think he lacked anything compared to Siwoo. He genuinely believed they were a good match, but still, pain always followed even the happiest days.

Sometimes, he felt unhappy simply because he loved him so much. Because in the end, Siwoo wasn’t really his. Because even though he was Yeonho, he wasn’t Joo Yeonho, but Kim Yeonho. Even if they became lovers, Siwoo could never truly belong to him.

He had a feeling that becoming a couple might make that anxiety even worse. Maybe he needed to be honest about this warped part of his heart. He couldn’t keep carrying it alone.

Siwoo arrived a little earlier than usual. He had clearly dressed more carefully than normal, and he was holding a small shopping bag that looked like a gift. He seemed surprised to find Yeonho awake and waiting to greet him at the door.

But the moment Siwoo stepped inside, his expression darkened. He grabbed Yeonho’s wrist from behind and turned him around. Yeonho looked at him with eyes full of love, but Siwoo didn’t return the same gaze. He silently pulled Yeonho into his arms, closed his eyes for a moment, and then asked in a cold voice.

“Did someone else hold you?”

A familiar scent was clinging to Yeonho’s body. The smell that lingered on the sofa cushions every time the bathroom was still damp and black strands of hair were left behind. The scent of the man who regularly left traces in this house.