F25

He licked the wound on Siwoo’s lips with his tongue, then gently bit his lower lip. After mouthing it for a while, once the bleeding stopped, he aligned his lips perfectly with Siwoo’s. Their tongues brushed as their lips parted, but before they could fully mingle, Siwoo grabbed Yeonho’s shoulders and pulled away.

Yeonho understood why Siwoo pushed him away. If they kissed now, they wouldn’t be able to stop. Siwoo wasn’t someone who would have their first time in a moment of emotional intensity. He would only love Yeonho when they were both calm, rational, and fully prepared.

Accepting Siwoo’s feelings, Yeonho buttoned his shirt for him one by one. Holding his scarred lover in his arms, he muttered to himself in frustration.

“You’re so small and pretty, how could anyone hit you… there’s nowhere to even hit.”

Even though Siwoo had already passed 180 cm in height by the second year of middle school and was capable of subduing his father with one hand, he gasped for breath in Yeonho’s embrace, pretending to be fragile under the spell of love. The truth was, he had indeed been beaten even when there was nowhere to hit. It felt as though Yeonho was healing the small body from those days.

Right now, Yeonho decided to make Siwoo part of his life. He wanted to change Siwoo’s legal status to ‘Ju Yeonho’s family.’

“I want to put you in my family register. As my son.”

“I wish that were possible.”

If only I had been the one to give birth to you, none of this would have happened. I would’ve cherished you every moment of every day.

Siwoo probably couldn’t fathom just how monumental it was for Yeonho to have someone appear in his life who asked to be protected. People become adults when they have someone they must take responsibility for. Yeonho’s life reached a turning point the moment he felt responsible for Siwoo.

Siwoo kissed the swollen lids of Yeonho’s eyes and sat up. At the moment Yeonho chose him, the greatest sense of security and anxiety coexisted. Facing Yeonho, who had risen from bed with him, Siwoo spoke about his final lingering worry.

“Yeonho.”

“Yeah?”

“I showed you all my weaknesses. So please, don’t make me feel insecure anymore.”

“I made you insecure? Me?”

Yeonho blinked in disbelief. He couldn’t understand. From the very first moment they met, he had never stopped expressing his affection. Even now, he believed he loved Siwoo far more than Siwoo loved him.

There were times he tried to provoke jealousy by flaunting gifts from others, but he hadn’t thought it was something to be anxious over. What he really wanted to say back then was, “I’ve thrown away everyone who loves me. I only love you.”

Siwoo hesitated over how much to say, then spoke indirectly.

“I only have you, but you don’t. We’re fundamentally different.”

“I didn’t know you thought that way.”

Even though he had always expressed his love so openly, Yeonho realized something must be wrong if Siwoo still felt anxious. Maybe their different upbringings and personalities played a role. Maybe he had approached too boldly from the start, which only deepened Siwoo’s distrust.

Soon, Siwoo continued. Though he didn’t name anyone specifically, the subject was clear.

“From now on, if someone visits this house, whoever it is, just tell me. It’s your place, so I won’t say anything. I won’t get mad. Just be honest. It’s not about someone coming over, I just hate being kept in the dark.”

He hated the idea of someone else coming in and out of Yeonho’s home more than death, but if that person was his older brother, there was nothing he could do. This apartment was paid for by that man, and he and Yeonho were family.

“Ah, okay. I’m sorry.”

Yeonho couldn’t hide his nervousness. He hadn’t mentioned letting a classmate crash at his place because he didn’t want to cause unnecessary misunderstandings. Could Siwoo already know? Other than that night, no one had ever stayed over.

Family gatherings were always held at the main house. His second brother was studying abroad for a year, so he wouldn’t be around, but his eldest brother came to Seoul on his days off. On those days, Yeonho went to the main house too. His family didn’t visit this apartment.

He was about to ask, “Did you find out about that one night a senior stayed over?” but Siwoo didn’t bring it up again and moved on.

“And get rid of any gifts you haven’t thrown away yet. Today.”

His tone was firm, so Yeonho immediately nodded.

Siwoo had always discarded letters and gifts from people he had no interest in. Some might say it was cold, but he believed it was right. He didn’t even use social media and only kept essential conversations in his messenger. He didn’t reply to pointless messages.

His entire circle was limited to people who didn’t love him, relatives who only used him for comparison or attention, superficial friends, and the person he truly loved: Joo Yeonho. That was Kim Siwoo’s whole world.

He had never deliberately snooped on Yeonho’s phone, but spending so much time together, he couldn’t help but notice how often new messages came in. So many people loved Yeonho. And Yeonho, being sweet and kind, always replied sincerely.

It wasn’t Yeonho’s fault. If he had any fault at all, it was that he had been born too lovable. Siwoo didn’t want to ruin his relationships or isolate him. But now that they were lovers, he hoped Yeonho would consider his feelings.

“Don’t sit on other people’s laps. Only sit on mine. I’ll work out my thighs more so you can sit comfortably.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not saying you never sat on anyone else’s before.”

“Before I met you, I did a few times. But not since I met you. I won’t anymore. Promise.”

Imagining Siwoo sitting on someone else’s lap made Yeonho furious. He quickly hooked his pinky. Siwoo added one more request.

“Don’t just hug anyone. Only hug me. I’ve been doing extra shoulder and chest workouts lately.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t live like that again. Thinking back, yeah… I had a lot of problems.”

He hadn’t asked for hugs, but people always came to him. They’d find him cute and pull him into their arms. He was so used to being loved and adored that he didn’t push them away.

Siwoo may have never seen it, but he had probably sensed it. Seeing things from Siwoo’s perspective, Yeonho realized it really wasn’t okay.

Siwoo believed him and loosened the rules a little.

“I trust you. Quick hugs are fine. Professional ones.”

Grateful for Siwoo’s leniency, Yeonho threw away all the unopened gifts he’d been meaning to sort. As a rookie at dating, Joo Yeonho was working hard to change and grow.

Thinking of how to completely ease Siwoo’s worries, he flipped the perspective. He remembered one thing that had driven him crazy with insecurity and temptation while liking Siwoo.

It was sneaking a look at Siwoo’s phone. He had tried a few times when Siwoo left the room but failed.

So Yeonho immediately changed his phone’s passcode. He told Siwoo the six digits.

Their anniversary, today: June 16. 180616.

“I’ll give you my passcode. You can look through my phone whenever you want.”

“Really?”

Siwoo’s eyes widened in disbelief. Yeonho nodded confidently and started organizing his contacts right in front of him.

“If anyone bothers you, just say so. I’ll block and delete them all.”

He deleted numbers, message threads, and even deleted his social media right before Siwoo’s eyes.

“Yeonho, you don’t have to go this far.”

“No, I do. I’ll never make you feel insecure again.”

Deeply moved by his sweet, surprisingly bold younger boyfriend, Siwoo changed his own phone passcode to 180616 and shared everything openly.

“You can check mine too. I really only have you. You’ll be surprised how much my life is just you.”

Yeonho struggled not to smile. Finally getting access to Siwoo’s phone, he dove under the covers and checked to see if Siwoo was telling the truth. And it turned out he really was innocent. A life dedicated solely to joo Yeonho.

He changed the door lock code to today’s date as well. Previously, all his family knew the code. Now, only Joo Yeonho and Kim Siwoo knew.

At Yeonho’s suggestion, they agreed to keep their relationship’s traces only on their personal phones. If they each hid just one device, no one would know.

Yeonho’s family might not be much better, but if Siwoo’s parents found out about their relationship, they would be completely forbidden from seeing each other again. A single careless word of love could lead to tragedy, and neither of them wanted that.