F28

If they were just going to leave the past buried and never bring it up again, and if he still couldn’t let go of Yeonho, then becoming his sex partner was the only thing that made sense. Rather than being nothing to him, it was better to create at least some kind of connection, something to keep their bond from fading completely.

Siwoo had been chosen by Yeonho in this place, and he had been discarded by Yeonho in this same place. He had come here with the hope that maybe they could start over. But this wasn’t the kind of sex with Yeonho he had imagined.

He had no confidence in treating Yeonho’s body gently or tenderly. He never intended to keep it from hurting, and honestly, it would be a relief if he could just keep himself from losing control and hurting Yeonho in the process. He wasn’t someone who should be expected to be considerate. Joo Yeonho wasn’t the kind of person who deserved that kind of kindness.

The condoms he had brought to use with Yeonho were no longer necessary. The Joo Yeonho who’d been so desperate for sex that he’d practically staged a suicide attempt in front of him might actually prefer getting fucked raw.

“I’m going to come inside. So just keep that in mind.”

He warned him. Even now, if Yeonho took back the filthy words he’d said and pushed him away, Siwoo had no intention of forcing him. But if he didn’t push him away, then Siwoo would do exactly what Yeonho had told him to, do whatever he wanted. He’d show him just how far that could go.

He pushed the curled-up Yeonho off his arm, forcing him to lie on his back, facing the ceiling. Even as he climbed on top of him in the dark, Siwoo prayed silently.

Please, push me away. Say it was a mistake, an impulse. Just push me away.

But Yeonho, weakly rolled by Siwoo’s hand, didn’t respond. He just breathed shallowly, not even opening his eyes.

“……”

“…Don’t tell me you’re already asleep?”

Wondering if he was just seeing things wrong because of the darkness, Siwoo reached for Yeonho’s face. He traced his cheek with his fingers and carefully brushed his eyelid. He felt long, thick lashes beneath his fingertip.

His eyes were definitely closed, and his body, now warm and relaxed, didn’t move at all. Despite everything, despite how badly he had seemed to want this… Yeonho had fallen fast asleep.

Siwoo, who had been tense and on edge, let out a breath and laughed hollowly.

“You still sleep so much.”

That was right. Yeonho had always been like this. Siwoo still couldn’t believe that Yeonho had been prescribed sleeping pills for insomnia. He’d always been someone who slept in late and dozed off easily in Siwoo’s arms.

As the seasons changed, he’d started sleeping more and more. Once, when the weather had turned cold, he’d napped for eight hours straight like a little animal in hibernation. He had looked so beautiful then that Siwoo hadn’t been able to take his eyes off him the entire time. He’d kissed every part of his face.

Sure, it was true that something major had happened in Yeonho’s life, enough to cause insomnia. Siwoo understood that his health had deteriorated after his eldest brother’s death. But when he saw Yeonho sleeping like this, so soundly, it was hard to believe the insomnia was real. He couldn’t help but think the sleeping pills had been prescribed for something else.

Could it be that his body had weakened and his mind had become unstable because he’d been overdosing on them for the hallucinations, as someone with a messy sex life? Siwoo had seen him fall asleep without taking anything, more than once. How was he supposed to believe Yeonho couldn’t sleep without medication?

He turned on the mood light, illuminating the area around the bed. With empty eyes, he pulled down Yeonho’s pants and boxer briefs, stripping him fully from the waist down. Just like Yeonho had said, he didn’t care if he was asleep, he’d given Siwoo permission to do whatever he wanted.

Starting from Yeonho’s dry feet, Siwoo grasped and massaged them, then slowly moved up to his ankles. He opened his fingers and held each ankle in his palm. His ankles were thinner than they had been five years ago.

He trailed up the calf and cupped behind the knee. As he lifted, the thigh rose and the calf followed. Yeonho had been slim back then too, but now his ankles, calves, and thighs looked even more slender.

Siwoo gripped behind the knee tightly and spread Yeonho’s legs without hesitation. Between the firm muscles and soft flesh of his buttocks, a delicate pink hole was revealed.

Ridiculously, Siwoo’s first thought upon seeing that shameless little hole was I want to suck it. He abandoned rational thought and let his instincts take over like a beast. He wanted to kiss it, dig into it with his tongue like he was making love to it.

He placed both thumbs on either side of the wrinkled rim and spread the hole open wide.

“Why’s it so tight, like it’s never been used?”

He’d planned to roughly shove it in without lube and ruin Yeonho’s body, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen. Even when he tried pressing his fingers against it, the tightly closed entrance didn’t give at all, not even enough to fit one finger.

Why was this hole, which he assumed Yeonho had shown off and let others use over and over again, look untouched? It didn’t even seem like oil would help open it easily.

Even if he forced his fingers in, the inside would be too tight and dry to take his cock. Just loosening it up with his hands and mouth would probably take at least an hour.

Even after all this time, it was no different from the first time Yeonho had ever shown him his hole. Was this why he’d acted so confident, saying things could change even if you liked someone, because the reality might be different?

Siwoo stared down at Yeonho, who was still sleeping soundly with an innocent face, like a newborn, as if completely unaware of the world. Even while his body was in Siwoo’s hands.

He said he had insomnia, said he had sleep disorders, but how often must he have done things like this to be so dead asleep while someone was pulling his pants down and touching his most private parts?

Could it be that he was addicted to sleeping pills because he actually enjoyed this kind of play? Hadn’t he, in the past, also asked Siwoo to do whatever he wanted to him while he slept? Maybe he was finally carrying out a sexual fantasy he’d only imagined before.

But Siwoo wasn’t into anything like that, riding on top of a sleeping body like a mannequin, moving his hips alone.

Instead, he let his whole body fall onto Yeonho’s, pressing their bodies together, and used his chest to firmly crush down on Yeonho’s.

He hoped the weight of it would be enough to wake him. If he woke up, Siwoo wouldn’t be cruel anymore. He would go along with whatever Yeonho wanted, follow wherever he led.

“Joo Yeonho, wake up.”

But Yeonho gave no sign of waking.

Siwoo sat up sluggishly, raised one hand high into the air. After all, Yeonho had been the one to ask for sex first. So it was only natural he should accept Siwoo’s preferences.

Yeonho had clearly said he didn’t care if Siwoo hit him or choked him. So if Siwoo just slapped him hard across the face to wake him, that should be fine, right?

Siwoo’s right hand hovered in the air for a moment, then dropped quickly. But instead of slapping him, the large hand slid gently beneath Yeonho’s head.

Then, lying back down beside him, Siwoo pulled Yeonho’s small head into his chest and held it tightly.

He pressed kiss after kiss onto Yeonho’s soft cheek and hair, tangling their legs together.

At that, Yeonho instinctively wrapped both arms around Siwoo’s torso and buried himself in his chest.

As Siwoo began grinding against him, rubbing their cocks together, Yeonho’s smooth body stirred in his sleep and instinctively responded, rubbing himself against Siwoo.

“Mmh… that feels good…”

Yeonho’s moan escaped in his sleep, and Siwoo’s movements grew harder, faster.

He hadn’t completely woken up yet, but he was conscious enough to remember what was happening in the morning.

In his foggy state, Yeonho thought that if he opened his eyes, the dream might end and Siwoo would be gone.

Terrified of that, he kept his eyes shut tight and only clung harder with both arms around Siwoo’s body.

As he received Siwoo’s intense rhythm and speed, it didn’t take long for him to burst into tears. At the same time, he jerked his hips and let out a stream of clear, transparent fluid from his cock.

“You haven’t even taken it inside, and you’re already dripping this much.”

Siwoo whispered into Yeonho’s ear as he sobbed from both ends. Then he spilled thick semen onto Yeonho’s stomach.

With Yeonho now limp and fast asleep again, Siwoo laid him flat and calmly cleaned up the mess.

Their fluids were mixed and tangled into a complete mess.

The pleasure was no more than what he felt during masturbation. Even though he had just come while holding the person he’d wanted so badly, it left him completely empty.

He wiped Yeonho’s soiled body clean with a towel, then took a cigarette.

He wanted to get up, grab his lighter, and step outside. But he couldn’t.

Yeonho had laced his fingers tightly with his, as if asking him not to go.

***

In the morning, Yeonho woke up first. It was the most refreshing morning he’d had since summer vacations in elementary school.

He blinked sleepily, sat up, and looked at Siwoo, who was sleeping soundly beside him, looking neat and peaceful.

Yeonho’s ears turned red in an instant. As memories from the night before began trickling back, he rubbed his eyes with one hand.

Then he caught sight of something strange, some dark scribble. He spread his fingers wide in surprise.

“…Huh?”

He had no idea who could have done it, but someone had signed his palm with black marker.

It looked like a casual signature you might scrawl during a card payment, just a lazy scribble of the letters Siwoo.

Tilting his head, he took a picture of his palm with his phone, then slipped out of bed to take a shower.

Standing in front of the sink, he glanced absentmindedly at the mirror. There was no writing on his face, but a red handprint remained on his cheek.

“…Huh?”

Whoever had left that mysterious signature had apparently also pinched his cheek hard while he was asleep.

His skin was pale and soft, so marks like that stuck around for a while. He rubbed his cheek a few times with his palm and put a toothbrush in his mouth.

While brushing his teeth, a sudden uneasy thought hit him and he bent down to check the soles of his feet.

On the sole of his left foot, a round little smiley face was crying a single tear.