F37

As expected, after spending half a day eagerly swallowing Siwoo over and over, Yeonho came down with a fever. Their first time had taken place under Siwoo’s careful planning – right after Yeonho’s semester ended – so he had time to rest. The problem was, Siwoo still had one final exam left.

Siwoo changed the sheets and comforter, fed Yeonho porridge and medicine, and headed to school. Sitting across from a classmate in the cafeteria, he boldly dipped his spoon into a spicy red soup, but the moment it touched his lips, he grimaced and set the spoon down. He closed his eyes and endured the pain in silence. His classmate asked from across the table,

“Why? Does it taste weird?”

“No. My mouth’s just sore. Guess I’ve been stressed from exams. I can’t eat. I’m heading out first.”

Skipping both breakfast and lunch, he got up and left. Thinking Yeonho needed a proper meal, he picked up sushi and headed back to his place.

Yeonho’s stomach growled right on cue. Siwoo, seeing that he couldn’t take a single step on his own, held him in his arms and fed him piece by piece. As Yeonho pursed his lips and chewed slowly, Siwoo couldn’t stop kissing his cheeks. With a look of pity, he said,

“Poor thing. Sick all alone.”

“I’m not pitiful.”

Yeonho swallowed the rice and opened his mouth again like a baby bird. Siwoo placed another piece of sushi in his mouth, then picked up a bubble tea. His own mouth was sore from sucking Yeonho, so he shoved the straw deep and drank directly into his throat.

After the meal, he carefully applied ointment to the corner of Yeonho’s mouth, which had torn slightly from being forced open despite its small size.

With a voice full of mock outrage, Siwoo said,

“What kind of bastard would hurt his boyfriend’s lips like this?”

“There is someone. But I won’t say who.”

Cheeks flushing, Yeonho let out a playful sigh and shook his head. The “bastard” who had torn his lip sealed the treatment with two soft kisses on the injured spot.

After moving the washed sheets and comforter into the dryer, Siwoo gave Yeonho medicine and helped him brush his teeth while holding him. He carefully laid Yeonho back in bed. As he was about to leave, Yeonho weakly waved a hand.

“Good luck on your exam.”

“You’re driving me crazy.”

Siwoo turned to leave, but paused to touch Yeonho’s forehead again. He was burning up.

“This isn’t good. Let’s go to the hospital.”

“And tell them what? That I had sex with a guy for the first time and his body was so strong and big I came down with a fever?”

Yeonho burst out laughing. Siwoo let out a tormented groan, his face full of regret. He was finally starting to feel remorse for not controlling his desire.

“I’m insane. What was I thinking? Do people’s IQs drop when they’re ruled by lust?”

Waving him off like it was a bother, Yeonho gestured for him to go.

“Don’t worry and just go take your exam.”

“If only one person in the relationship ends up this wrecked, should we even be doing this? The places you scratched me with your nails don’t hurt at all. This is way too unfair.”

“I mean, yeah. Paper cuts are the most painful thing in the world, right?”

Exhausted, Yeonho gave a half-lidded look and weakly pushed him away. Siwoo dropped his bag to the floor and gave up on leaving. He just couldn’t make himself go.

“Screw it. I’m not going. How can I leave you like this? I’d probably bomb the test anyway.”

“Kim Yeonho sunbae, I thought you were cool, but you’re throwing away your grades over some guy.”

“It’s fine. It’s a pass/fail course. I can retake it next semester.”

This was something Siwoo had never done before in his life. Even if it had been a critical exam, he would have willingly stayed behind to take care of Yeonho.

“When you feel better, hit me as hard as you want. Kick me if you need to. Okay?”

And so, Siwoo skipped his exam and stayed the night without permission, because of Yeonho.

Breaking the rules. Doing things he’d never done before. Doing things he used to think were someone else’s business. Becoming unpredictable. Taking on burdens and trouble voluntarily.

Siwoo defined that as love.

***

Each day brought something new. Now entering July with Yeonho, Siwoo wished this peace would never break.

As always, following the routine he’d kept since meeting Yeonho, Siwoo visited his apartment at the usual hour. He lived nearby, so he walked. At the first floor, he stepped into the elevator, and found a man already inside, having come up from the basement garage.

The floor button for Yeonho’s apartment was already lit. That meant this man was going to the same place. This time of day, most people went down, not up. Siwoo’s instincts immediately went on alert.

He looked directly at the man. As expected, the scent wafting off him was one Siwoo couldn’t stand. One he had smelled before, clinging to Yeonho’s home and Yeonho’s body. A grown man’s scent. That man.

He remembered the face. He’d seen it in the Polaroid photo of Yeonho being held in someone’s arms. Ju Yeonho’s eldest stepbrother, Seong Junhee. He was supposed to be thirty-two now. He looked just about that age, with a sharp, sensitive aura. His hairstyle and clothes were neatly maintained, like a proper older brother.

Siwoo wasn’t the only one looking. Seong Junhee was openly staring back. Siwoo noticed something odd in the way he looked him over through his glasses. He’d seen plenty of adults gauge his background by his clothes and hygiene, but this was different.

The man spoke to him.

“Are you going to unit 1502 by any chance?”

Siwoo instantly understood the unspoken message.

So you’re the one. The one who left that unfamiliar scent on Yeonho’s body and in our home over the last half year.

Keeping a blank expression, Siwoo smiled shamelessly and replied,

“Yes.”

“What’s your relationship with the student who lives there? Why are you going at this hour?”

Junhee interrogated him sharply. Siwoo answered calmly.

“I work part-time at that home.”

“Part-time?”

“Yes. As a housekeeper.”

“Don’t joke.”

“I’m serious.”

Junhee tilted his head, baffled, then held out a hand for a handshake.

“I’m the older brother of the student who lives there.”

Siwoo shook his hand and bowed politely.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kim Yeonho. I happen to share the same name as your brother.”

I must be out of my mind. I should check myself back into the psych ward.

Siwoo blamed himself for the strange feeling he got in front of Seong Junhee. No matter how affection-starved he was, being jealous of Yeonho’s sibling was clearly not normal. He’d never been mentally stable to begin with, but this felt like a new addition to his list of issues.

Even if there was no blood relation, it didn’t change the fact that Seong Junhee and Ju Yeonho were brothers. He kept repeating that to himself.

The hardest part of loving Yeonho was knowing he could never be Yeonho’s number one. Lately, it was clear that Yeonho cared most about him. But in the grand scheme of Yeonho’s life, Siwoo wasn’t at the top.

And that was fair. He was constantly striving to become someone who deserved that place. But overtaking Yeonho’s precious family and friends would take time.

As for Siwoo, if he had Yeonho, he could throw away everything else. There was nothing more precious than Yeonho. Even the things he clung to – his family’s wealth and social standing, his academic background, and his inheritance – were only preserved because they helped him stay close to Yeonho. He didn’t believe any of it would hurt his love for him.

They stepped off the elevator and stood in front of Yeonho’s apartment. Siwoo, who usually entered on his own with the code, didn’t touch anything and let Junhee take the lead.

Since changing the code to their anniversary date, Siwoo had never once seen a trace of Junhee inside the apartment. He wondered how Junhee would enter now. Had Yeonho given him the front gate code? Did he ring the bell and wait for permission?

That’s when Junhee pulled a keycard from his pocket.

Of course. As the legal owner of the apartment, Junhee had a key. Whether or not the door code had changed didn’t matter to him. Siwoo had foolishly believed that changing the code had turned the apartment into their space alone.

His thoughts spiraled.

Was it really okay to keep loving Yeonho here, to keep having sex in this space, when someone could walk in at any time?

“Shall we go in?”

“Yes.”

He entered the apartment with Junhee. Though he was half-living with Yeonho, Siwoo had left no obvious signs. He carried his toothbrush separately. At most, he had some home clothes in the wardrobe.