F40

Siwoo pushed forward with plans for a formal family meeting. His beautiful middle-aged parents, who looked just like him, confirmed that their son’s prospective spouse was Joo Yeonho, then struck Siwoo with a golden ladle and a traditional nine-section platter. Yeonho, trying to stop them, collapsed to the floor. A scalding hot dish spilled over his knee.

Soon, the setting shifted to Siwoo’s wedding hall. Yeonho wasn’t the groom’s partner, but his only friend, tearfully receiving congratulatory envelopes. Even after the ceremony started, he was too busy handing out parking passes to catch a glimpse of Siwoo in his tuxedo.

He woke from the horrific nightmare, his eyes damp, and stared at the man before him. He’d been moved from the sofa to the bed, and Siwoo was lying beside him, offering his arm as a pillow.

Siwoo kissed him lightly, wiped away his tears with his fingers, and whispered softly.

“Who made you cry?”

“Who else?”

“I hope it was me. I’d hate for someone else to be the reason.”

Yeonho let out a faint laugh and stroked Siwoo’s cheek, speaking in a sleepy voice.

“If I told you to throw away everything you have for me, could you do it?”

They were just twenty and twenty-one, still kids, and yet at this moment, they were consumed by their first love like a flame. Because it was their first, it burned fast and hot. But even if this love continued, they couldn’t be sure they’d be able to share the future they both dreamed of. Would he still be part of that future?

“Yes. I don’t need anything.”

Siwoo didn’t hesitate for even a tenth of a second. Yeonho thought this was the kind of answer only a twenty-one-year-old could give, and wrapped both arms tightly around his neck.

“That makes me feel good. Even if it’s just words.”

Siwoo then turned the question around.

“What about you?”

“I can’t throw it away. I have to take care of you.”

Siwoo looked a little hurt, but his smile returned quickly as he hugged Yeonho tightly.

“I hope it really turns out that way. I’ll do everything I can to help make it happen.”

***

Come whenever you want. That was another way of saying, come whenever you miss me. There was no set time for their meetings. They would just go to the new place whenever one of them wanted to see the other.

Siwoo woke early as usual, had breakfast with his parents, then left the house. Since it was still the break, there was no telling when Yeonho would wake up, as he often slept in.

He probably wouldn’t eat on time. Maybe he’d wake up around noon when the sun was high. If it was too hot outside, he might not come out at all. In that case, Siwoo planned to drive over, take him out to eat, do something fun together, then return home to hang out.

Siwoo was always the one who sought Yeonho out and brought him along. He had even gone so far as to get an apartment because of his competitive streak toward Seong Junhee, but truthfully, he didn’t expect Yeonho to visit often.

But when he entered the passcode and opened the door, he was startled by the sneakers at the entrance. They were Yeonho’s.

“Yeonho? Joo Yeonho? Are you here?”

Even as he called his name, Siwoo couldn’t believe it. But then, astonishingly, Yeonho ran out of the bedroom with half-closed eyes and dove into his arms. He mumbled in a sleepy voice.

“I came and fell asleep. I woke up earlier than usual, so I’m tired.”

“When did you get here?”

“About ten minutes ago.”

“Why’d you come so early? It’s still sleep time.”

Even looking right at him, Siwoo couldn’t believe it. Given Yeonho’s usual schedule, this was nearly impossible. But what Yeonho said next explained everything.

“I really wanted to see you.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late. You got here the same time you used to arrive at my place. I guess it’s the engineer in you.”

“But I still got here after you.”

“Well, I love you more than you love me. I’ll let it slide.”

His playful comment held sincerity. Siwoo wanted to argue but couldn’t bring himself to, not today. He had long known that love meant wanting to see someone even one minute sooner, to spend even one minute longer with them, no matter the cost.

Today, Siwoo felt it again, just how deeply Yeonho loved him. He was someone who filled the holes in Siwoo’s heart with more affection than he ever thought possible.

They lived like that until the end of summer, all the way into fall. Every morning felt like a competition to see who would arrive first. Even when they took the same elevator up, they would race to see who could take off their shoes and enter the house first.

They met in the morning and spent the entire day together, wherever they happened to be, parting ways only when the sun went down. Their emotions were at a constant boil, never cooling, as if the peak of their passion wouldn’t waver.

One thing had changed. With the start of the new semester, Yeonho began sleeping much more. Siwoo, who had once been the one to wake Yeonho, had now become the one who put him to sleep. Whenever he held Yeonho in his arms, the younger boy would melt and fall asleep almost instantly.

Siwoo didn’t think much of the change at first. During the first week of school, there were more gatherings and drinks than usual, so he figured it was just accumulated fatigue. He quietly enjoyed holding Yeonho and watching over him. Watching him sleep was more stimulating and entertaining than any party or night out.

But by the second week, Yeonho’s condition hadn’t improved. He was sleeping even more. Siwoo started checking in on him at night, calling or messaging to make sure he was asleep. Yeonho never responded, clearly fast asleep. Then, like clockwork, every morning at 7:30, he’d send a message that said, “I just woke up!” followed by an excited ramble about his dreams.

As Yeonho began sleeping through more than half their time together, Siwoo eventually carried him on his back to a hospital. He was convinced something had to be wrong with his health, but the tests showed no issues. Feeling guilty that Yeonho had been pricked by a needle because of him, Siwoo kissed the veins in his arm in apology.

A month passed like that. Their sex life didn’t slow down, but Siwoo started noticing moments when Yeonho looked tired in the middle of it. He wasn’t as active as before, and he no longer seemed to want to climax multiple times a day.

On a holiday, a rare full day of rest, Siwoo had confirmed that Yeonho had no particular plans the day before. For once, he didn’t want their day together to be spent half in sleep. So after lunch, just as Yeonho was about to take a nap, Siwoo scooped him up and carried him to the couch.

He slipped his hand into Yeonho’s pants, caressing his backside as their tongues intertwined. Yeonho climbed onto Siwoo’s body and kissed him with all he had. He licked and bit Siwoo’s neck, even nibbled his ears. But before long, his head dropped, and he began dozing off against Siwoo’s shoulder.

Siwoo didn’t stop. He cupped Yeonho’s face with both hands and pushed his tongue into his mouth. But even with a tongue sliding in and out of his mouth, Yeonho’s heavy eyelids refused to lift again.

Siwoo finally pulled back and asked in a weary voice, “Yeonho… again?”

With a small sigh, he gently laid Yeonho down on the couch and tapped the tip of his nose. Yeonho quickly fell asleep, and Siwoo could only sit there and stare. He stroked Yeonho’s slender neck and murmured quietly, “Am I boring?”

No matter how tired he was, who dozes off while kissing the person they love in the middle of the day? He didn’t blame Yeonho. He blamed himself. It wasn’t easy to admit that he might no longer excite Yeonho. He knew that as time passed, he might become less interesting, but they hadn’t even been dating for a full year yet.

So he just sat there, staring at Yeonho’s face in silence, waiting for him to wake up and look at him.

When Yeonho did wake up, he remembered the last thing before falling asleep had been their kiss. Feeling guilty, he whined and clung to Siwoo. Siwoo, touched by Yeonho’s affection, quickly forgave him and followed him into the bedroom like a loyal puppy.

Yeonho, now fully awake, was bursting with energy. He laid Siwoo on the bed, tenderly caressed him, pulled off his pants and underwear, and climbed on top, squatting as he lowered himself onto Siwoo’s shaft like a reward.

“Huuh…”

Depending on how many days had passed since they last had sex, Yeonho’s inner muscles always felt different. Since it had only been two days, he was still gently tight and soft inside. Siwoo touched his flexing thighs and asked,

“Nothing’s changed between us, right?”

“I’m sorry… huuh… I keep falling asleep… you must be bored… haa… I’ll get better soon.”

“It’s fine. Just looking at your face makes time fly.”

“Because it looks funny?”

Yeonho let out a breathy laugh and collapsed onto Siwoo’s chest. As they pressed against each other, he muttered self-reproachfully,

“From now on, even if I’m asleep, just do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“You can pinch my cheeks or draw on my soles. If my sleeping face looks funny, you can take pictures. You can do even worse. Whatever you want.”

Then he brought his lips close to Siwoo’s ear and whispered,

“Only you… it can only be you. Never anyone else…”

His voice carried a strange intensity. He repeated the words like a quiet chant. Only you, only you in this world.

Siwoo flipped their positions, placing Yeonho beneath him. He lifted one of his legs and began thrusting harder. Yeonho clung to the bed sheets, shaking with every deep stroke, as he spoke.

You can take pictures of me naked while I’m asleep. You can touch me without permission. If I don’t wake up, you can just slip inside me and move on top of me. Only you, only you. I gave that permission only to you.

In that moment, Siwoo couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Yeonho was hiding a secret he couldn’t bring himself to say out loud.