F42

Autumn passed in a precarious, tense state, and winter came. Yeonho’s promise that he would try to make himself trustworthy had been a complete lie. As winter settled in, the days Yeonho didn’t come home grew more frequent.

Siwoo waited for him alone in the empty house for a week. If Yeonho had completely cut off contact, he might have actively gone out looking for him. But Yeonho answered messages regularly, only to offer a different excuse every day about why they couldn’t meet. And so, one day at a time, a week went by.

Siwoo thought this was the limit of his patience. He had imagined every possible scenario over the past week, and it had been hell. He felt it was finally time to stop avoiding reality and face it head-on.

He went to Yeonho’s home, timing it to when Seong Junhee would’ve returned from work. Using the keycard he’d swiped back in summer, he entered the front door without hesitation and swung open the bedroom door.

“Ha, haha…”

All he could do was let out a hollow laugh at the sight before him. On Yeonho’s bed, Seong Junhee was lying down, with Yeonho curled up in his arms. It was a scene he had already braced himself to see.

Though the actual image was far tamer than what he’d imagined, seeing Yeonho in someone else’s arms with his own eyes made it feel like he couldn’t breathe. He found himself thinking, It would be better if everyone in this room just stopped breathing altogether, right now.

Yeonho shot up from the bed and stared at Siwoo with wide, panicked eyes but didn’t say a word. He let out only a low, pained groan, his expression resigned, as if he’d already given up. Seong Junhee looked at Siwoo with disdain and asked,

“What do you think you’re doing? Why are you barging into someone else’s house like this?”

Siwoo glanced between the two of them with a look of contempt. If he could hit one of them, it would be Seong Junhee. But seeing him in person, he couldn’t bring himself to raise a hand. Was it because he felt like Junhee was the one who had intruded into their relationship? Or because it felt like he was the one who should be stepping away?

Siwoo’s gaze, wavering with confusion, eventually settled on Seong Junhee. Standing tall and composed, Siwoo said,

“Hyung-nim, let’s step outside and talk.”

It was time to hear what this man had to say.

Junhee maintained the air of a victor, responding with leisurely calm. Siwoo knew that if he lost his temper here, it would mean defeat. The only way to avoid losing to a man so much older than him was to keep his composure. So he made an effort to respond as calmly as possible.

Sitting across from him at the table, Junhee sipped the whiskey he’d ordered and spoke in a condescending tone, like a kindergarten teacher speaking to a child.

“I never believed that ridiculous story about you being a housekeeper in the first place. You should end things with Yeonho before you get hurt any further.”

“Why don’t you start by telling me what kind of relationship you have with Yeonho?”

Siwoo picked up the damp glass in front of him. Junhee narrowed his eyes and said,

“We’ve loved each other for a long time. Ever since Yeonho first saw me, he kept asking me to marry him. He’s always adored me.”

“You’re twelve years older than him. Are you seriously saying you’ve loved him since then? He was practically a baby, and you were already an adult…”

“There are different kinds of love, aren’t there? Back then, my feelings were more like paternal affection. But Yeonho’s an adult now, so even if my feelings have changed, it’s not a problem. We’re not blood-related or anything. I confessed my feelings to him as an adult, and Yeonho is wavering. Soon, he’ll end things with you and choose me.”

Siwoo didn’t back down. Calmly, he said what he wanted to say.

“We’ll see which of us he ends things with. For now, I’ll be staying with Yeonho.”

Junhee sneered, as if he’d heard it all before.

“This isn’t the first time Yeonho’s done this. It’s not even the first time he’s slept with someone else. Since he was a kid, he used to try to provoke me because I wouldn’t see him as more than a younger brother. He always struggled, saying he wanted to stop loving me, so he’d cling to someone else to try and get over me.”

Siwoo didn’t want to believe any of it. So he simply chose not to believe it. Junhee continued without pause.

“But Yeonho could never let me go. I’ll be by his side for the rest of his life, whether you like it or not. I’m his family, and that’s not going to change. I’m telling you this for your sake. End things with him.”

“I don’t care. I’m not letting Yeonho go.”

“I’ll give you some time. Stay with him for a while, and once you’re done, send him back home. But if this drags on for more than a week, I’ll report it as kidnapping.”

Having said all he wanted to say, Junhee downed the rest of his drink and stood up. Siwoo, determined not to be provoked until the very end, responded coolly.

“I don’t believe a word you said.”

Yeonho had been waiting in Siwoo’s car while they talked. As soon as Siwoo got into the driver’s seat, Yeonho asked in a trembling voice,

“What… what did big hyung say to you?”

Siwoo gripped the steering wheel in silence, trying to calm himself down.

“Yeonho.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t care if I’m your first or not. I don’t care who you loved or slept with before you met me. But don’t lie to me. There’s no reason to lie about something like that.”

“What did big hyung say about me? That I loved someone else? That I slept around?”

Yeonho choked out a sob. Siwoo started the car, afraid that if he stayed still, he’d lose control. If he was driving, at least he could force himself to stay calm.

While driving, Siwoo repeated everything Junhee had said. Yeonho let out several guttural sounds of rage and frustration. Siwoo clung to those agonized cries. He hoped that, once this was all said and done, Yeonho would clearly tell him that Junhee had lied, that he’d been blackmailed or manipulated, that none of it was true.

“If what he said is a lie, just tell me it’s a lie. I’ll believe you. And if something happened, we can deal with it together.”

Yeonho stayed silent for a long time. It wasn’t until Siwoo parked the car and took his hands off the wheel that Yeonho finally spoke.

“I’m sorry. I can’t even ask you to hold onto me anymore.”

“…So what he said wasn’t a lie?”

Siwoo asked, his voice trembling with betrayal.

“…”

“Did you really change because he confessed to you?”

Yeonho said nothing, only let silent tears fall, as if he had already made up his mind.

Siwoo’s fingers pushed into Yeonho’s mouth. With his other hand, he pulled down Yeonho’s pants and underwear. Forcing Yeonho to lean against the wall, Siwoo took the saliva-wet fingers and rubbed them along the cleft of Yeonho’s ass before pushing both deep inside.

Yeonho immediately realized what Siwoo was checking for, whether someone else had been inside him. The pain was sharp, like tearing flesh, but he tightened his legs to hold himself up and relaxed his body to make it easier for Siwoo’s fingers to slide in.

After a week of not seeing each other, Yeonho’s tight insides tried to push Siwoo out. A small part of Siwoo wondered if he should be grateful they hadn’t had sex yet. But no, there was nothing to be thankful for.

They simply hadn’t crossed that line yet because Yeonho hadn’t ended things with him. Maybe that regret, that hesitation, was what had stopped them. Yeonho had probably been using him as a substitute all along.

Just how much pity had Seong Junhee felt, seeing Yeonho forced to sleep with another man? Siwoo felt like his gut was rotting from within. He had become the thing that made their relationship feel tragic and precious.

At that moment, Yeonho’s phone rang. Siwoo snatched it away and saw the name ‘Eldest Brother’ on the screen. He answered, then tossed the phone out of Yeonho’s reach onto the sofa. He grabbed Yeonho’s arm, which was trying to muffle his mouth, and thrust into him faster.

The sounds escaped no matter what.

“Hnng… haah…”

It continued for about three minutes. After the call disconnected, Siwoo bit down on Yeonho’s lips and then released him, still speaking gently.

“Even though this is already a forbidden love, I bet it’s twice as thrilling now because of me, huh, Yeonho?”

“…”

Yeonho kept his mouth shut and cried without a sound.

“You’re always so bored when you’re with me. I wonder how much fun you had with him. Did you two fight about love, using my name back at the house?”

“…”

“You didn’t start this not knowing how easy you are. But I guess since I kept calling myself your toy, you really started treating me like one. Even toys are hard to break once you’ve grown attached to them.”

Yeonho still looked wronged, but he no longer seemed interested in defending himself. He just kept anxiously tearing at his own fingers with his nails. Siwoo held both of his wrists tightly to stop him from hurting himself.

“When we were having sex, were you thinking of your hyung? Did you imagine it was him inside you?”

Yeonho’s expression crumpled. Siwoo, recalling every moment they’d shared from the beginning, was so consumed with betrayal that he could barely breathe.

“When you always said, ‘Hyung, you’re my first,’ and ‘I’m only showing this to you,’ were you not saying that to me? Were you really saying it to your brother?”

“…”

“Say something! If there’s nothing to explain, then lie to me!”