F52

Even now, he was walking around with the second brother by his side and seducing Siwoo, who he had just met, straight into bed. What other reason could there have been back then? The present was nothing more than a repetition of the past. Kim Siwoo had no expectations left for Joo Yeonho. He looked at Yeonho, frozen in shock, with pathetic disdain.

Yeonho couldn’t believe he had chosen Seong Junhee. It was absurd.

What on earth could have happened in such a short period that would cause someone to develop romantic feelings for someone they’d lived with as a brother for thirteen years? To the point of discarding someone they loved? He swore, not even for a moment had he loved Seong Junhee in that way.

His current feelings were clearer proof than the memories that still hadn’t returned. Even though that person had disappeared completely from his life, he didn’t feel the slightest sorrow.

“…..So something really did happen between me and hyung. No wonder something felt off.”

Yeonho murmured as he pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips. It was hard to believe, yet something about it also made sense now. Siwoo’s words didn’t seem like a lie.

If something had indeed happened between him and Junhee back then, maybe that was why he didn’t love him now. If he recovered his memories, perhaps all the confusion would resolve at once. Lighting his cigarette, Yeonho spoke with conviction.

“He was never that kind of person to me. I never loved him the way I loved you. You won’t believe me, but it’s true.”

“No. I don’t believe you.”

Siwoo gave a short reply, then pulled out his own cigarette. Yeonho lit it for him and said,

“You quit after you met me back then.”

“I started again because of you.”

Yeonho blew out a puff of smoke and stared at Siwoo. As he looked at Siwoo’s face, the pieces in his mind started to align. The things Siwoo had told him were part of the puzzle.

“I once attacked my father. I’m someone who could put you in danger.”

“If Joo Yeonho is unhappy, I think I’d feel joy. If he had no one to rely on, and the person he loved left him.”

The words Siwoo had spoken began to mix with the memories coming back, pounding painfully in Yeonho’s head. His breath caught.

If that “person” was Seong Junhee, could it have been intentional? Not an accident, but murder?

No matter how similar the outcome, an unintentional accident and a premeditated killing could never carry the same weight of guilt.

Yeonho looked at Siwoo and asked, hoping for immediate denial.

“It’s not because of me that you killed hyung, right? It wasn’t on purpose, was it?”

But Siwoo said nothing.

“Why aren’t you answering? Don’t tell me you got rid of him just to bring me back.”

Siwoo let out a scoffing laugh, then chuckled under his breath. He looked at Yeonho, who was trembling, with eyes full of contempt and said,

“So what if I did. I warned you already. I’m the kind of person who almost killed my own father.”

“That’s ridiculous. Even if something happened between me and him, I’m the one who betrayed you. If anyone had to die, it should’ve been me, not someone else.”

Tears welled in Yeonho’s eyes as he lowered his voice, almost whispering so no one nearby could hear. Siwoo gave a dry laugh and tapped Yeonho’s cheek with his fingers.

“Fine, live thinking that way. Just blame everything on me. I don’t care what you believe.”

“Don’t be vague. Just say it clearly. Were you joking?”

“You’ve got it easy. You forgot everything that happened that day.”

“If there’s something I really don’t know, then tell me. That’s not it, right? It was just an accident, wasn’t it?”

“Yeonho-ya.”

Siwoo’s sarcastic tone softened, returning to its usual gentleness. Yeonho’s eyes lit up, hoping Siwoo would tell him his guess was wrong. But in a quiet, affectionate voice, Siwoo whispered into his ear.

“There was a time when I asked you that exact same question. Over and over. If there was something I didn’t know, please tell me. And you always responded in vague, frustrating ways. That’s why I kept hoping. I held on to that hope.”

“…”

“So now it’s your turn. Keep hoping that your brother wasn’t killed because of your foolishness. Keep hoping, and then fall into despair.”

And he said nothing more about it. Instead, he changed the subject.

“I don’t care if you hate me or curse me. From now on, all you have to do is take whatever I give you. Soon, there will be no one left by your side. Understand?”

Siwoo’s soft-spoken threats no longer sounded sweet. Yeonho, on the verge of tears, asked in a trembling voice,

“Did you come to this resort planning to kill my whole family? Are you going to kill my second brother too, and my dad, and my mom?”

“Depends on how you act.”

“You’re insane.”

Siwoo grinned and snatched the cigarette from between Yeonho’s fingers, tossing both his and Yeonho’s into the trash. Then he wiped away the tears gathered in Yeonho’s eyes with his fingertips and turned to leave.

Yeonho was consumed by guilt for having had sex with Siwoo, chasing only instinct. Did he really ignore Siwoo’s words that he was someone dangerous, and become his lover anyway, only to have his brother killed because of it?

“No. That couldn’t be. He’s just saying that to hurt me. To mess with my head.”

The pain was unbearable. But this wasn’t grief over losing his brother. It was self-loathing. Just like Siwoo said, all he could do now was pray that this was nothing more than a ridiculous misunderstanding.

Yeonho looked at Siwoo’s retreating back with resentment. Despite the subzero weather, Siwoo wore only a shirt and tie. Yeonho turned away at first, but unable to hold himself back, he ran after him.

He grabbed Siwoo’s arm, stopping him in his tracks, and stepped in front of him. Siwoo looked down at him with weary eyes. Yeonho blinked through his reddened eyes and held his hand. The moment their eyes met, a thought crossed Yeonho’s mind, something no human being should think.

Even if you really did commit that horrible act… even so, I still…

“…Why didn’t you wear a coat?”

Siwoo said nothing. After all, he had come straight here the moment he got Yeonho’s call during dinner. Even though they were in the same place, they hadn’t seen each other in over a week. He had wanted to see him even one minute sooner. There had been no time to go back and grab a coat.

Yeonho hadn’t really expected an answer. He just took off his padded jacket and wrapped it around Siwoo’s shoulders.

“I live close. Your office is far from here.”

“…”

“To be honest, the moment I saw you like this, I wanted to give it to you. But I figured you’d refuse. So I didn’t. Wear it when you leave.”

“Go inside. Now. You’ll catch a cold.”

Siwoo didn’t refuse the jacket Yeonho gave him. He put it on and slipped his hands into the pockets, still warm from Yeonho’s body.

***

That day, Yeonho had no intention of opening the front door.

After punching in random numbers on the door lock, Seong Junyoung gave up on trying to enter and instead went up to the rooftop of the apartment. From there, he could clearly see the slope where his older brother had died. As he stared at the spot, memories of the past came rushing back. Memories of Seong Junhee.

Five years ago, when he came home, his father had been yelling at Seong Junhee in the study. It was the first time Junyoung had ever seen his perfect, exemplary brother being scolded.

Even as a child, Junhee had never been reprimanded. Yet here he was at thirty-two, being slapped. It was a scene Junyoung couldn’t afford to miss. He stood behind the door and listened closely to their conversation.

His father said,

“If something like this happens again, I won’t let it slide. What if Yeonho or his mother finds out?”

To Junyoung, Junhee had been a role model, an idol. He had copied everything his brother did. Seeing how Junhee treated Yeonho with affection, Junyoung also showered Yeonho with loving words. But now, through that conversation, Junyoung discovered a secret side of his elite older brother that he had never even imagined.

“I’m only letting this go because I’m your father. Be glad I’m the one who caught you. If it happens again, I’ll throw you out. You’ll no longer be my son. I won’t care even if you get beaten to death in the streets.”

That day, Junyoung sneaked into his brother’s room based on what he had overheard. He searched every corner of his laptop. Hidden folders. Innocuous file names. His eyes went wide. What Junyoung found on that laptop was…

Of course, he had always thought Yeonho was pretty, but he had never allowed himself to think anything more. Yeonho had just been a sweet, adorable younger brother. That perspective changed only after he snooped through Junhee’s laptop.

The night before leaving for a short-term language program, Junyoung had drinks with Yeonho, who had just turned twenty. When Yeonho passed out, he slipped his hand under his loose shorts and touched his thigh. There was no way he could have done that while Yeonho was awake.

The flesh in his hand felt so good that a thought suddenly struck him. He wanted to touch Yeonho like this while Yeonho was awake, looking into his eyes.

While he was still feeling up Yeonho’s thigh, drinking, he happened to turn his head and met Seong Junhee’s eyes through a crack in the door.

Junyoung wasn’t even surprised. He kept staring back, mocking his brother, and didn’t move his hand away from Yeonho’s leg.

Junhee stood at the doorway, arms crossed, watching him with an unreadable expression.

Every time Junyoung pulled some twisted prank on Yeonho, he often felt the urge to say this to his dead brother.

You’re the one who raised me. Isn’t it only natural that the younger brother would grow up copying the older one? Don’t you think?