F66

Startled by Yeonho’s words, Siwoo moved quickly so he wouldn’t have time to think of anything else. He lifted Yeonho up in his arms, carried him over to the bed, and turned on the light.

Yeonho, who had been trying to dig up buried memories, stopped his train of thought the moment the light revealed Siwoo’s beautiful face. And then, he chose to surrender himself, both body and mind.

To be stalked and threatened for months by the man who killed his own brother out of jealousy, and now to be raped. If one were to list only the facts, this moment would appear to be the most dangerous and miserable point in Joo Yeonho’s life. But no matter how much he tried to resist, his lips kept moving toward him against his will.

In truth, Yeonho had imagined raping Siwoo many times. Especially during the lonely days when it felt like he was the only one in love, he had once made plans to assault him but gave them up in an attempt to live like a decent human being.

The reverse, however, had never crossed his mind. The sentence “Kim Siwoo rapes Joo Yeonho” was never something that could exist.

What truly brought Yeonho relief now was the fact that Siwoo wasn’t trying to have sex with him out of guilt. It was absurd to feel this way toward a murderer, but the fact that he was trying to ease Yeonho’s burden instead of shifting guilt onto him was deeply moving. So Yeonho decided to accept Siwoo’s gentle consideration and immerse himself in this moment.

I, Ju Yeonho, am not some desperate person who’s dying to have sex with my crazy ex-boyfriend who killed my family out of twisted love. I’m not that depraved. I am being raped right now.

Siwoo came back with lube and a condom. He grabbed both Yeonho’s pants and drawers in one motion and pulled them off. Then, just as he had promised last time, he spread Yeonho’s legs wide open to check how tight he had become. In front of him were Yeonho’s pale, pretty buttocks and the small hole Siwoo liked so much. It had only been two weeks.

Yeonho clenched his eyes shut and jerked his head away, covering himself with one hand as he shouted.

“No! Don’t put it in!”

Siwoo pressed his lips together and shut his eyes, holding back a laugh for a brief moment. Playing along with Yeonho’s desperate performance, he pinned his thigh down with his own leg, forced Yeonho’s wrist away, and spoke with deliberate pressure.

“Move your hand. I need to check how tight it is.”

Yeonho, trying to preserve the last shred of his conscience, made a show of blocking himself. But the sensation of lube dripping down between his thighs made his lower body twitch. Soon, one of Siwoo’s fingers slipped inside. As always, Yeonho gripped the bed sheet and let out a painful moan. This wasn’t an act.

“Hhngh…”

Siwoo felt Yeonho’s inner walls tighten warmly around his finger, gently nibbling at the knuckle. That was enough proof no one else had been inside him for the past two weeks. Of course, he knew Yeonho had been too busy searching for his lost memories to meet anyone.

It was tight, yet distinctly different from the last time they had sex. Compared to then, it felt noticeably softer, and it was easier to add more fingers and move them around inside.

“Mmm…”

He wanted to believe Yeonho’s claim of not having had sex with anyone for four years. Even though people who knew Seong Junyoung had told him that “Joo Yeonho confessed his love to him, kissed the corners of his lips, and threw himself into his arms,” Siwoo wanted to deny it all.

Even if he were to be betrayed again, he wanted to believe in Yeonho. Was that foolish? Still, wasn’t it better to be a fool one more time than to leave Yeonho in danger?

When Siwoo pulled his fingers out, Yeonho was left gasping with tears at the corners of his eyes. Siwoo pulled him tightly into his arms and sat back against the headboard. Cradled like a child, Yeonho’s delicate features were traced by Siwoo’s fingertips as he murmured.

“….Monster.”

Yeonho’s tears streamed down. His face, seen from such a close distance, looked truly sorrowful, as if that one word had deeply wounded him. His earlier words about his face being hideous didn’t feel like a lie.

Maybe that accident hadn’t just caused memory loss, but triggered some massive error in Yeonho’s mind.

Should I believe him in this too? That when Yeonho tried to seduce me again last spring, it wasn’t out of confidence that he could have anyone he wanted, but because it was me, Kim Siwoo, that he gathered every ounce of courage he had?

With his hands pinned and unable to hide his face, Yeonho glared at him and said,

“You’re the one who’s obsessed with that monster.”

Siwoo turned and pulled Yeonho back into his arms, covering his face with kisses. His forehead, brows, philtrum, temples, chin, every corner was thoroughly kissed and licked, letting Siwoo taste every drop of Yeonho’s hot tears.

Yeonho shouted at him as Siwoo devoured his face like he was trying to swallow it whole.

“Don’t! Don’t do this to my face, just fuck me already!”

This time, it wasn’t an act. It was genuine. But Siwoo just gave a small laugh and ignored him.

“You’re being raped right now. I’m going to do what I want.”

Yeonho struggled and glared at him with eyes full of hatred. But Siwoo, who was now pushing forward with unstoppable force, looked at him like he couldn’t be more in love. Yeonho tried to escape, only to be caught and pulled back in, his eyes, nose, and mouth all devoured once again.

Siwoo’s tongue pushed deep inside, exploring every inch, then moved on to lick the bones and flesh of Yeonho’s rough, unattractive face like it was delicious. It was mentally exhausting. It really did feel like he was being assaulted.

Eventually, Yeonho gave up trying to escape Siwoo’s grasp. He just lay there in his arms, crying and gasping for breath. Siwoo planted soft kisses on Yeonho’s exhausted face and whispered gently.

“Yeonho. You like me because I look good, but that’s not why I love you.”

“…”

“No matter what you looked like, I would’ve loved you anyway. Maybe it would’ve taken a little longer, but the result would’ve been the same. So don’t question why I fell for you just because of what you see in the mirror.”

Yeonho finally managed to wriggle out of Siwoo’s arms and turned his back to him, avoiding his intense gaze. As he wiped his tears, he murmured,

“…Sorry. I can’t let go of your face. Please keep it the way it is.”

“You’re seriously such a brat.”

Siwoo clenched his fist. Yeonho turned his head to glance at him, but even with that look of frustration on Siwoo’s face, he was still painfully beautiful. Yeonho had no intention of taking his words back.

“I really like your face. I’m sorry.”

After having his ugly face devoured and being forcibly taken, Yeonho was completely drained. He naturally collapsed and rested his head on Siwoo’s thigh. Siwoo pulled up Yeonho’s shirt and rubbed his nipple. Yeonho stared at Siwoo’s now prominent erection and whined.

“I think I’ve already had more than enough. I don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t put it in.”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“I don’t want to suck you either. Not for a while.”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to. It’s not your job.”

Siwoo lay down beside him and took Yeonho’s chest into his mouth. Yeonho looked down at him with annoyed eyes, then reached out to pet his head.

“Kim Yeonho, you’re a slut.”

Siwoo, still sucking on his chest and stroking Yeonho’s cock, burst into laughter.

“Oh, so now I’m the slut?”

“Four years is basically like going through an entire marriage. That’s enough time to have two kids.”

“You were the one who told me to meet someone else. You said to find someone good, so I did exactly what you told me.”

“So what. I don’t remember any of that. Maybe you made it up.”

Yeonho’s shameless remark made Siwoo let out a stunned laugh. Yeonho grabbed both sides of Siwoo’s face and pulled it upward.

“Even if I did say that, you should’ve known better than to actually go through with it. And if you were going to see someone, why not just date anyone? Why go for someone good? Were you planning to seriously start over with them?”

He let out a soft groan and covered his eyes with one hand.

“I’m so mad I could lose my mind.”

His hand trembled as he experienced the exact same pain Siwoo had once gone through. Yeonho couldn’t stop himself from raging against a second lover of Kim Siwoo, someone who didn’t even exist in the real world.

“Did you love them? You must’ve, if you stayed with them for four years.”

“…”

“Did your hatred for me finally win out and push you to end things and come back?”

Siwoo decided to keep quiet for now. He was actually enjoying Yeonho’s rampage. So instead of telling the truth, he said nothing. As he ran out of steam from shouting alone, Yeonho gave up on pretending to be a decent person and confessed honestly.

“I’m not even human. I’m more angry that you were with someone else than I am about you killing my brother. That’s right. I’m insane. I already went off the deep end, so what’s the difference if I go a little further?”

At that moment, Siwoo thought, maybe there really was a twist even back when Yeonho left him.

He hoped there had been some understandable reason behind Yeonho’s decision. At the same time, he also wished Yeonho hadn’t gone through anything at all. He was afraid. Afraid that there had been something he missed in all those questions and worries he had asked over and over during those days.

Yeonho grabbed a fistful of Siwoo’s hair and yanked him into his arms, mumbling,

“I should’ve just ruined Kim Yeonho’s life back then. Should’ve recorded a sex video with you or something.”

Even as he said such terrifying things, Yeonho knew that he would never actually do anything that cruel to Siwoo.

Ah, this is so upsetting. Siwoo, buried in Yeonho’s embrace, tried to steady his breathing as Yeonho’s fists and complaints rained endlessly down on his back. Just like when Yeonho confessed his love for the first time, his blood was pounding wildly through his body.