F73

After settling the exact time and place for the meeting, Yeonho ended the call with Seong Junhee. For a while, he had kept a six-digit password on his phone that only he knew, but he now changed it to a simple four-digit number. On the receipt he received when buying the packing materials, he carefully wrote down a note.

[The day I first met Mom!]

As if gently placing all the pain he’d endured into the box and sending it away, he placed the phone and the receipt with the memo into the box with a light heart. The empty spaces were filled with materials to cushion the phone so it wouldn’t get damaged.

He sealed the box thoroughly with tape and dropped it off at the convenience store for shipping. He tucked the customer copy of the shipping label the clerk handed him into the pocket of his ski jacket and asked,

“Would it be alright if I leave these over there for others to use?”

With the clerk’s permission, Yeonho neatly left the packing tape and scissors next to the parcel kiosk and stepped out of the store. Unlike when he’d arrived, his steps as he returned to the resort were light.

With his face hidden behind goggles and a sports warmer, Yeonho reentered the resort and headed straight to the CCTV control room, which he knew well. The CCTV manager had already gone home.

Ever since this place was just a small ski resort, Yeonho had run around it like a playground. Having come here every school break while growing up and working various part-time jobs, he knew where everything was, how to get in, and how to operate every facility.

He turned off the CCTV for the expert-level slope. So it wouldn’t seem suspicious, he turned off two more cameras in different areas. There was only one reason for disabling them.

He didn’t want the news to repeatedly show the accident footage. It would be too painful for his family. It was bad enough that the resort’s name would be mentioned on the news, but now they would have to watch both their sons die again and again.

Only after stepping outside did Yeonho remove his goggles and warmer, revealing his face. He was wearing a ski outfit rented from the resort’s rental shop.

Even though the resort was about to close, there were still a few people renting gear and ski clothes. Because the designs weren’t that varied, most people looked the same, making it impossible to tell who was who once their faces were covered.

A little later, Seong Junhee showed up wearing his own flashy and extravagant ski outfit, carrying his gear and a lift pass. Yeonho greeted him with a beaming smile. A smile filled with sincerity. He was thrilled at the thought of sending Seong Junhee straight to hell.

“Thanks for playing with your little brother even though you must be tired.”

“If you want to, of course I have to. Why wouldn’t I?”

Like he had for the past thirteen years, Seong Junhee played the part of the gentle older brother and smiled shyly. What was disgusting was how, since that earlier call, he had been acting like they were some kind of lovers, wearing a tender, longing expression.

Yeonho felt a wave of revulsion at that bashful smile. This was someone shameless and vile enough to call the reason for his crimes ‘love.’ He did it because he loved him? That was love?

But one thing was certain. If Seong Junhee had just left Siwoo alone, things would not have come to this. Yeonho would have gone to their parents, taken legal steps, cut ties, and left it at that.

So really, Seong Junhee had been the one to offer up his neck and ask Yeonho to kill him.

***

Siwoo followed them like he was hypnotized, watching Seong Junhee and Yeonho smile and walk past him, happy together. Yeonho slipped slightly on the snow and grabbed onto Seong Junhee’s body. They laughed while facing each other, then held hands and headed toward the lift. Yeonho was clearly smiling.

Do you know how many times I imagined that the way he pushed me away with those cruel words wasn’t really how he felt? But those delusions always betrayed me in the end. What followed hope was always a deeper despair.

“He loves him like that, of course he regrets meeting me. I kept interfering, getting between them…”

Why is it so hard to accept this simple truth? Why do I keep wanting to deny it? Seeing Seong Junhee and Yeonho together, smiling like that, made Siwoo feel like his heart was being crushed. He couldn’t breathe. He honestly thought he might die if this continued.

Yes, Kim Siwoo really was the villain who got between Seong Junhee and Joo Yeonho. He was just supposed to pass briefly through Yeonho’s life, not try to take the lead. But he couldn’t imagine a future without Yeonho. There was nothing but darkness ahead.

Now, Kim Siwoo was desperately struggling to survive. The desire to live was powerful and terrifying.

Maybe he should just run up to them, fall to his knees, and beg, pathetically.

You can live without Yeonho, can’t you? But I can’t. I’m a lonely person. My whole world is Yeonho. I don’t have a purpose without him. So why not just give him to me? And if you can’t, then disappear. Let me take your place.

Giving in to his basest desire, Siwoo found himself on the slope a short while later, snowboarding. He was now seriously considering something dangerous. Imagining crashing into Seong Junhee at full speed and killing him.

It was just thirty minutes before closing at the ski resort. The steep expert slope was almost deserted. Yeonho was wearing the same rental ski outfit as a few others. But Seong Junhee stood out easily, thanks to his loud and colorful gear.

Yeonho and Seong Junhee kept close, boarding side by side or taking turns in the lead. Watching them made Siwoo’s anger rise again.

You can imagine anything. You can become a murderer or a monster in your head. But on that snowy slope, the monster and would-be murderer that was Siwoo eventually came to this conclusion: it was right for him to disappear and lose Yeonho.

Not because he valued human life so much, or had some moral belief that killing was wrong. Simply because the person he wanted to kill was someone Yeonho loved.

If he took away what Yeonho loved most, Yeonho might wither away. But Kim Siwoo, no matter how much he hated Joo Yeonho, was not someone who could make him suffer.

That stupid feeling called love.

So the fantasy ended, and only discarded Kim Siwoo remained. He slowed down and followed Yeonho’s descent from behind.

Then suddenly, something about Yeonho’s snowboarding felt off. He was moving fast, closing the distance to Seong Junhee in a trajectory that looked like a direct collision course.

“What is he doing?”

Was he just rusty from not snowboarding for a while? Was he drunk? Yeonho looked like he had no intention of avoiding or slowing down.

“Yeonho, no!”

Siwoo chased after him as fast as he could. If they collided like this, both of them could be seriously hurt.

He had to save not just Yeonho, but also Seong Junhee. Not out of some lofty sense of humanity. He didn’t want Yeonho to live with the guilt of hurting the person he loved. No matter how Yeonho had discarded him, Siwoo couldn’t bear to let him suffer like that.

Siwoo threw himself between them to stop the crash. But unfortunately, Yeonho was faster.

Yeonho’s body and board slammed into Seong Junhee with full force. Knocked back by the impact, Seong Junhee lost his helmet and went tumbling, smashing his head into the fence.

It was the kind of scene you wouldn’t even want to see in a nightmare. With that kind of impact, his neck and limbs likely snapped. He must be dead.

The force of the collision sent Yeonho flying too, sliding fast toward the fence. Siwoo twisted his direction and caught Yeonho with his entire body. He had to save him no matter what.

Taking on half the impact himself, Siwoo crashed into the fence and wire mesh with Yeonho tangled in his arms. The whole area was stained red with blood.

Siwoo, who had shielded Yeonho with his own body, felt like his arm had snapped. Pain exploded through him, but he still raised a trembling hand and stroked Yeonho’s cheek as he wheezed for breath. Even speaking sent pain through his ribs, but he gritted his teeth and tried to calm him.

“Yeonho, are you hurt? Just hold on a little longer. The ambulance is coming.”

Yeonho, who had planned to destroy Seong Junhee and then wreck his own body, blinked slowly, trying to make sense of what was happening. It didn’t make sense. He saw Siwoo’s face. Heard his voice.

Why am I in your arms right now? Just hours ago, you discarded me like trash. Why are you here, speaking so gently? Why are you, the one who hated me enough to choke me, wrapping yourself around me to protect me?

Is this not reality? Am I dreaming this in heaven? Are you an angel sent to retrieve a sinner?

“It’s okay, Yeonho. It was just a mistake.”

No, it wasn’t. I came here to kill my brother and take my own life to save you. But you came to save me too.

Stupid man. You’re the one who’s hurting.

Seeing the rescue team approaching, Siwoo continued stroking Yeonho’s bloodied cheek. His eyes landed on a slip of paper poking out of Yeonho’s pocket. A long rectangular piece of paper that looked like a shipping receipt.