F80

Yeonho urged Siwoo to shower first, and once he heard the sound of water running from the bathroom, he hurriedly opened the dresser drawer. He pulled out his old phone, the one he had kept beside Siwoo’s. It had been charged with a portable battery during the trip back from Gangwon Province, so it powered on right away.

Worried Siwoo might find it one day, Yeonho had changed the password to something Siwoo would never guess. The current code was 0315, the date of his birthday, and the day he first met his mother. It was set with her in mind, but now Yeonho realized it might be too easy for Siwoo to figure out.

“I need to hide it where he’ll never find it.”

Where could he possibly hide it, knowing Siwoo cleaned every corner of the house so thoroughly? He tried placing it under the sink, beneath the bed, between furniture and the wall, but none of the spots felt secure.

Eventually, Yeonho chose the pocket of the ski suit hanging in the closet. He tucked the phone into the clean glove of the pair and shoved it into the pocket. He didn’t think Siwoo would go looking there.

Just as he was about to shut the closet door, the bathroom opened with a clunk. Yeonho jumped in surprise and collapsed to the floor, pretending to be picking out clothes and underwear.

Siwoo walked into the dressing room with a towel around his waist, covering his genitals. Approaching Yeonho, he rubbed the back of his neck and said,

“Hand me some underwear.”

“I don’t think mine would fit you. You’d have to be tiny. Just go grab some from your place while I shower.”

“I’ll just go without.”

That was reasonable, considering they’d be naked all night anyway. As he dried his wet hair in front of the mirror, Siwoo asked,

“Aren’t you supposed to go see Seong Junyoung? You said you’d spend the night with him.”

“Then why did you shower at my place?”

“To keep you from leaving. I’m using my whole body to stop you.”

“Yeah, I noticed. I’m kind of stuck now. I’m not exactly the type who sticks to plans. I like to stay flexible.”

“Right. From what I’ve seen, that ‘flexibility’ of yours is way over the top.”

Yeonho pouted at Siwoo’s words. With so little time left before Siwoo quit and left Korea, he had no intention of wasting even a second of it on someone like Seong Junyoung. He was going to cling to Siwoo like glue. Visiting Junyoung briefly after work would be enough.

“I’ll shower now.”

Just as Yeonho started to leave, Siwoo grabbed his face with one hand and said,

“If I loved you just a little less, you’d be dead by now.”

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Yeonho replied with a bright, genuine smile, his first real one today. He gently removed Siwoo’s hand from his jaw and whispered at his ear,

“Then when you stop loving me a little in America, come kill me. Deal?”

Siwoo, who would never truly forget him, and Yeonho, who would die in his hands, was there a more fitting happy ending for a life so thoroughly broken? After whispering, Yeonho placed a soft kiss on Siwoo’s lips.

Siwoo could tell Yeonho meant what he said. But his own words had been a lie. As soon as Yeonho stepped into the shower, Siwoo began searching the apartment top to bottom for the hidden phone. He focused first on obvious spots, places that were easy to reach. He hadn’t expected to find it immediately anyway.

While Siwoo was hunting, messages began flooding into Yeonho’s current phone. He tried the password he knew, 180616, but it didn’t work. Of course Yeonho had changed it again.

Siwoo figured the messages were from Seong Junyoung. He had called three times as well. In the past, if it hadn’t been such a delicate situation, Siwoo would’ve picked up the phone himself without hesitation. But this time, he left it alone.

Soon, Yeonho returned, his body still damp from the shower. Siwoo held out the phone to him and said,

“You changed the password.”

“You’re still snooping through my phone?”

“You knew I was. That’s why you changed it, right?”

“Yeah. I knew.”

“Unlock it.”

Unlike five years ago, Siwoo now demanded it. Back then, he had let it go, thinking Yeonho was just cheating on him. But now, as a victim being threatened by a criminal, he wasn’t about to let anything slide.

He was sure the phone contained countless threats. Seong Junyoung had threatened him already, and that was exactly why Yeonho was acting like this now. Everything was repeating, the patterns, the fear, the guilt.

If his hunch was right, Yeonho’s old phone would contain Seong Junhee’s threats, and the current phone would contain Seong Junyoung’s.

“Hurry up.”

Yeonho paused briefly, then unlocked the phone. He checked Junyoung’s messages first, then handed the device over and began drying his hair again in front of the full-length mirror.

Siwoo read through the messages calmly. This was what they said:

Babe, you said you’d visit me in the hospital! When are you coming? I’ll give you a kiss. Be ready.

Let’s take a selfie when you get here, babe. Hurry up and reply.

Hey babe. Have we been dating for two days or eighteen years? When did you start liking me?

Babe, I asked the doctor, if the surgery goes well, I’ll be able to get it up again. I’ll recover. Just wait for me.

Siwoo frowned at the ridiculous messages and muttered,

“What the hell is this?”

Exactly. What was this?

Yeonho, just as bewildered by how far things had spiraled, looked at Siwoo through the mirror. Their eyes met, and Yeonho couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing.

“Oh, hyung…”

There was nothing to say. They were destined to separate anyway, so he didn’t even bother to explain. All he could do was laugh. From the day he met Siwoo until now, looking at it from Siwoo’s perspective, how insane must Yeonho seem?

He had crossed the line, again and again and again.

Watching him laugh, Siwoo chuckled too. Once or twice was concerning, but when you’d been stabbed in the back this many times, it became a joke. Shaking his head with a wide grin, he let out a sigh of admiration.

“… You’re incredible.”

“I’ve been consistent, right?”

“At this point, I actually kind of respect you, Yeonho.”

Just moments ago, Siwoo had been 99 percent sure Yeonho only loved him. There had only been 1 percent doubt. But seeing something like that, so visually immediate, shook him. He had no time for logic. His certainty dropped sharply to under 20 percent.

“Hmm…”

His mind was spinning. Through the mirror, he locked eyes with Yeonho. This was a turning point.

Yeonho, now too deep in the mess to dig himself out, leaned into shamelessness. All he focused on now was winning this staring contest while drying his hair.

Siwoo glared back, trying to calm his storm of thoughts. He couldn’t get emotional.

Junyoung had been violently attacked the same night his crimes were exposed. Siwoo hadn’t said it out loud, but he was almost certain Yeonho was responsible. Who else could it be? Definitely not him. So it had to be Yeonho.

Then Junyoung had threatened him. Yeonho had been visibly anxious about that. Not long after, Siwoo got into a suspicious car accident. Somewhere in between, Yeonho recovered his memory and once again tried to run.

He had to stay sharp. He’d told himself countless times, if he didn’t change, nothing would.

He took control of his thoughts, forced himself back to clarity. His confidence slowly rose again, back up to 90 percent. With a faint, bitter smile, he threw out another lie.

“It’s fine. I had no expectations, so I’m not disappointed.”

Yeonho blinked.

“Oh. I lost the staring contest.”

He was pretending it didn’t hurt. Pretending everything was fine. But the way his jaw clenched and that faint walnut-shaped lump formed beneath it made everything obvious.

Now that Siwoo had regained his certainty, everything was clear. Yeonho’s face, his gestures, he couldn’t hide it.

He looked so pitiful, so heartachingly sad, Siwoo just wanted to pull him into a hug.

Five years ago, had he been too blinded by jealousy to notice this? Or was he just seeing what he wanted to now?