F90

Siwoo stared into Yeonho’s eyes as if trying to see through them and pressed firmly into his belly.

Feeling both Siwoo’s gaze and touch, Yeonho could guess what he was feeling. He hoped, maybe, that Siwoo would praise him for somehow avoiding that kind of situation.

Because of Seong Junhee’s creepy, perverse tendencies, Yeonho had managed to avoid having sex with him. But Seong Junyoung was different. Yeonho had grown up watching Junyoung’s flashy, hedonistic lifestyle and had long known that his preferences were nothing like Junhee’s.

So the moment he discovered Junyoung’s true nature, he unconsciously crushed the one thing that could be used to threaten him, his genitals. Even after being hospitalized, Junyoung would still make comments about wanting to have sex with Yeonho, so in the end, it had been the right choice.

No matter what the situation had pushed him toward, the idea of Yeonho having slept with other men could never be easy for Siwoo to accept. That was why Yeonho believed he’d be happy to learn the truth. Even if Siwoo could rationally say it was okay, there was no guarantee his obsession wouldn’t make him feel disgusted by Yeonho on a visceral level.

Yeonho, his face flushed red, moved Siwoo’s hand from his belly to his own hip and whispered in the smallest voice.

“The only one who gets to be inside me is you. I don’t know anyone else’s body but yours. I know I must’ve confused you over and over again, but this is the truth.”

He lowered his voice further.

“Please, do it now…”

Siwoo scooped Yeonho up right off the bed. Yeonho threw his arms around Siwoo’s neck and wrapped his legs around his waist. Holding Yeonho’s backside in his arms, Siwoo once again carried him to the shower room, just like the night before. As he let out a sigh against the nape of Yeonho’s neck, he whispered.

“I’m so glad. That you didn’t have to go through that.”

He was relieved Yeonho hadn’t suffered something so terrible. The fact that Yeonho had never been with anyone else didn’t make him feel any more possessive or lustful. He’d always scolded Yeonho for his supposedly careless behavior, so he didn’t know whether Yeonho would believe him, but he meant it sincerely.

“I really am glad. Really…”

Siwoo repeated himself, grateful that even a small part of the suffering Yeonho endured might have been less than he’d feared.

But the knowledge that Yeonho hadn’t been raped didn’t ease Siwoo’s guilt. The things Yeonho had gone through didn’t just vanish. And the words Siwoo had once said to Yeonho – thinking he was just some easy, promiscuous boy – now echoed louder and sharper in his own head.

Yeonho felt proud hearing Siwoo repeat how relieved he was. He felt as though he had helped ease the unease Siwoo had long harbored about him. Wanting to reassure him further, he said again,

“I’m not some toy. I wasn’t their toilet. So don’t worry anymore. I’m not dirty.”

“Yeonho, please. You know that’s not how I feel. Right?”

“I was just worried because you’re kind of a clean freak. If it were the other way around and you’d slept with someone else, I probably would’ve let it go as a misunderstanding too. But that was a lie, and I figured I couldn’t just leave things unsaid like that.”

Inside the shower room, Siwoo set Yeonho down and, with his face buried in Yeonho’s shoulder, let out a painful groan as he shut his eyes tight. The words he’d once used to hurt Yeonho were now coming back to cut into himself.

Even if he’d had every reason to misunderstand Yeonho at the time, he shouldn’t have said things he’d regret later. If he was going to love Yeonho anyway, why had he hurt him so badly?

“No matter what I say, you probably won’t believe I mean it anymore. Because words don’t get erased. I said those things, and they hurt you. That’s all that matters.”

“You only thought that way because of how things looked. I was really mad too, when you lied about sleeping with someone else. I’m not saying I didn’t understand.”

But the more Siwoo tried to explain, the more it sounded like he was just making excuses to protect his own image. In the end, he gave up and said plainly,

“Fine. Let’s just say it’s a good thing. Yeah. I’m glad no other bastard got to fuck you. I’m glad you don’t know what anyone else’s cock feels like.”

“I don’t. I really only know yours. I don’t even know what anyone else’s looks like. I’m honestly way too innocent.”

Yeonho answered brazenly, playfully, like always. Siwoo bit the tip of his nose, then let go, and with a voice full of barely restrained anger, kept speaking.

“Just thinking you might’ve slept with Seong Junyoung to protect me makes my brain want to rot. I want to twist his neck and kill him.”

He hadn’t started with the intention of saying something honest, but somehow, the truth kept slipping out. Understanding the tangled mess of emotions inside Siwoo, Yeonho chuckled and reached for his belt buckle.

“If I really did that, wouldn’t that mean I just used you as an excuse to sleep with Seong Junyoung? I’d never do something like that.”

He whispered while slipping his hand into Siwoo’s underwear and palming his shaft.

“I broke it. I crushed his dick.”

“What happened after the surgery?”

“It didn’t go well. But for me, that’s a good thing.”

Yeonho slid his hand deeper between Siwoo’s legs, cupping his balls and rolling them in his palm, before pulling down both his pants and briefs.

Siwoo looked at Yeonho with something like reverence. He was so kind, so gentle, and yet he pulled off a perfect act of violence. His lover had broken someone’s genitals and crushed their balls, he felt nothing but admiration.

Letting out a half-laugh, Siwoo rubbed his knuckles under Yeonho’s chin, lifting his face.

“You’re strong.”

“You’re the one who always compares us, but I’ve got a big frame and a lot of strength. I can handle your body because I’m strong.”

“Your body is big?”

Tilting his head, Siwoo dropped his gaze to Yeonho’s hips and grabbed them with both hands. His stomach was flat, his hips narrow, his butt small.

Even now, Siwoo found it hard to believe there was space inside Yeonho’s body for his own. Especially when he entered from behind, when Yeonho was lying prone, it felt impossible. How did it even go all the way in? Was he not damaging his organs?

As soon as Yeonho pulled down his pants and underwear, Siwoo pressed in close from below. While he rubbed against him, Yeonho tiptoed and buried his nose in Siwoo’s hair, breathing in his scent. Siwoo tilted his head down.

Yeonho found comfort in the fragrant smell of Siwoo’s shampoo. It seemed like he’d washed during the night while Yeonho was sleeping. Even his clothes were different from the day before. But today, Yeonho decided, he wouldn’t ask any petty questions. He wouldn’t let jealousy get in the way. He only wanted to worry about Siwoo’s broken fingers.

Just yesterday, when he was picking fights out of jealousy, he still didn’t know exactly how Siwoo had injured his hand. He had assumed it happened during the accident. But now he remembered clearly: Siwoo had thrown himself down the slope again, risking everything, to save him.

When Siwoo said his life depended on Yeonho, he hadn’t been exaggerating. He’d hurled his entire body into danger without hesitation. No matter what happened to him, he hadn’t cared.

And Yeonho, what the hell had he done in return? He thought his hatred had outweighed his love, and he hadn’t realized just how deeply Siwoo loved him. He thought that once the anger faded, the love would disappear too. That Siwoo would live just fine without him. But the truth was, as Siwoo had said, Yeonho was the one who had driven him to the brink of death.

Eyes clouded with desire, Yeonho gasped and asked Siwoo,

“I always thought I loved you more. That was my mistake. I’m sorry.”

Siwoo tightened his arms around Yeonho’s torso to steady him and began moving his hips faster. He pressed his forehead to Yeonho’s and said,

“I thought the same. That I loved you way more. Looks like we both made the same mistake.”

“Then maybe we love each other the same amount.”

Siwoo rubbed his cheek against Yeonho’s, trying to catch the tear before it fell. He kissed the little, bandaged head gently and whispered sweetly.

“Don’t cry. It’ll make your head hurt.”

“I’m really okay now. It hurt while I was sleeping yesterday, but I’m fine today.”

“No, you’re not. And we’re not doing it today either. If you move too much, your head will hurt.”

“My head’s not as messed up as your fingers are.”

Yeonho looked up at him with aching eyes, pleading. But Siwoo shook his head and tightened his hold on Yeonho’s torso, grinding hard below.

Just then, a noise came from outside the shower room. Yeonho, who had been moaning softly, covered his mouth with his hand. Siwoo slowed the motion of his hips and listened closely.

“Hey, Joo Yeonho. Yeonho, you bastard. Where are you!”

The voice calling his name was without a doubt Seong Junyoung’s. Yeonho looked up at Siwoo. His eyes had gone cold.

Siwoo lifted Yeonho in one swift motion and moved right in front of the shower door. Then he pulled Yeonho’s hand away from his mouth and dropped to his knees.

He pinned both of Yeonho’s wrists under his hands to stop him from covering his mouth again, and took him deep into his throat.

“Haa… haa… ngh… ah! Ahhh!”

Yeonho couldn’t suppress the moans as he watched Siwoo bob his head, tightening his throat around him.

Footsteps approached. Junyoung seemed to have figured out exactly what they were doing and was heading straight for the shower room. A moment later, the locked door handle shook violently right in front of Yeonho’s eyes.