F98

Lately, Siwoo had been making frequent phone calls in English. Usually, it happened early in the morning, from his private space that he used alone, and always without Yeonho knowing.

Every time Siwoo closed the door and made a call, Yeonho pressed his ear to the door and tried to eavesdrop. He couldn’t catch every word, but he could guess well enough who Siwoo was talking to and what it was about.

As soon as the call ended, Yeonho rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a ladle. Siwoo soon came out and wrapped his arms around Yeonho from behind as he stood in front of the stove, stirring the soup.

Siwoo buried his face in Yeonho’s soft hair, then pressed his nose and lips into the back of his neck.

Yeonho set the ladle down and reached back to stroke Siwoo gently, as if petting a warm puppy. Siwoo tightened his arms around Yeonho’s waist, holding him tighter, like a child that needed reassurance that this peaceful morning was real.

“Hold me.”

Yeonho turned around and hugged Siwoo tightly. He took Siwoo’s weight into his arms and rubbed his cheek against Siwoo’s.

“You really met a lot of people when you were in the States, didn’t you? You did well, hyung.”

Siwoo had struggled and tried everything to survive what had been the hardest, loneliest time of his life. Yeonho was proud of him. It was worth celebrating that Siwoo’s world had expanded, in any way.

Of course, because of what some of those people said and the lies Siwoo had once told, Yeonho couldn’t help but imagine things sometimes. But it was more curiosity than anything else, curiosity about the days he hadn’t seen.

Siwoo looked into Yeonho’s eyes, narrowing his own suspiciously.

“Did I really do well?”

“You did. I mean it. Even if it turned out you really did date someone else in America, I’d be okay with it. No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, Yeonho. You don’t have to lie.”

“You’re right, sorry. I wouldn’t be okay. But what I said before that was true.”

You’re mine. Even the stray hair that falls from your shoulder, the dead nail that breaks off, all of it is mine.

Yeonho whispered the words he had kept to himself straight into Siwoo’s ear. The possessiveness made Siwoo strangely happy. So in that moment, he practiced what he called Yeonho-style love. Observing and learning from the other person, then repeating what made them happy because it made him feel good too.

Yeonho, every part of you is mine. Your heart, your ankles, your eyes. Every part of you.

But he still didn’t know how to say that out loud like Yeonho could. It sounded cute when Yeonho said it, but he worried it would sound scary coming from him. So for now, he just kept it in his thoughts.

***

Seong Junyoung, who had been forcibly sent to the United States, shamelessly went on social media. He even started a video channel under the pretense of documenting the life of a young male immigrant. His intention to show off a comfortable life and use it as revenge against Joo Yeonho was so blatant that even Yeonho’s mother couldn’t hold back her anger.

Before Junyoung left Korea, their mother had done everything she could to help Yeonho. She had taken his side at every step. Yeonho often wondered if she did it out of love for him or because she didn’t want to lose her husband. But eventually, he was able to feel her love as something genuine and deeply sincere.

For a while, he had completely shut his heart and treated her as nothing more than a means to secure a future with Siwoo. But after seeing that all of Junhee’s photos had been removed from the family columbarium, and reading the newly placed letter there, he was able to forgive her entirely. It was then he realized how even the most well-meant choice for someone you love could lead to consequences completely opposite from your intention.

The letter she left for the deceased Seong Junhee had been written five years earlier, during the funeral.

I want to bring you back to life and tear you apart a thousand more times, but since Yeonho survived, I have no choice but to cover your sins.

Yeonho felt sorry toward her, even belatedly. He understood her hatred for him. The idea of your child attempting suicide not once but twice was something no parent should ever have to imagine, not even for a second.

Junyoung kept uploading vlogs, showing off his glamorous American life, causing Yeonho a subtle, dull ache. Then, after the long-delayed broadcast finally aired, the flood of hateful comments led him to stop posting for a while. Yeonho guessed he’d probably reappear after about a week.

After finally revealing the truth about Seong Junhee to the world, Yeonho logged into the university community site with trembling hands. He didn’t care much about the opinions of people who didn’t know who Seong Junhee, Joo Yeonho, or Kim Yeonho were. What he was curious about were the reactions of those who could identify them from the pseudonyms, initials, or the blurred outlines shown in the broadcast.

His whole body tensed as he held the phone. His jaw ached from clenching too hard. He took a deep breath and calmly scrolled through the posts. He didn’t pay much attention to the ones expressing pity or trying to add a second layer of harm to the victim.

What he was looking for wasn’t related to himself. It was someone who hadn’t even appeared in the broadcast, someone who had no connection to the abuse by his stepbrothers. A person named Kim Yeonho, who had once been just a young university student whose whole life was made up of family and school, but who had to flee because he could no longer belong to any group.

Re: Was the victim really a graduate from our school? The abuser’s brother was a lecturer here?

⤷ Yeah, photography department

Re: Lmao that freshman trip was actually justice in action

Re: Just saying, unintentional manslaughter like that often results in a suspended sentence. Sure, his parents hired lawyers, but that’s not the whole story. That architecture senior got buried as trash for snowboarding drunk and getting a suspended sentence with lawyers, but nobody mentions his alcohol level was 0.000. If he really drank, it was a sip at most. He crashed because he didn’t know how to board properly, that was his mistake. But facts are facts. Back then, nobody listened to me because that lecturer had such a good image.

Re: The harassment and the trip were separate. The trip accident was just an accident. He was insulted way too much and basically pushed out of school. Everyone got too riled up chasing justice and morals. Now that his real self is out, people are finally sharing different opinions.

Re: I took his class. Yeah, he was good at image management, but people went overboard romanticizing him after he died. Some kids never even took his class, but wrote tribute posts like he was their lifelong mentor. It was ridiculous.

Re: Be honest, wasn’t bullying Kim just fun? I was hoping he’d kill himself. Rich and good-looking? Annoying.

⤷ Don’t drag our school’s name through the mud. Delete this.

⤷ ⤷The hate got way worse after people found out he was a construction CEO’s son. Clearly there were a lot of people like you.

Re: Could the younger brother have killed him? He was there when the accident happened, right?

⤷ There’s a victim involved. Don’t play detective.

Yeonho’s body relaxed and he dropped the phone. He collapsed onto the bed and let out a shaky breath. His chest rose and fell with each heavy exhale. This was the best he could do for Siwoo, who had borne the pain in his place.

He would live his life repenting. Not to Seong Junhee, but to Kim Yeonho.

Out in the living room, Siwoo turned off the notifications on his phone that had been buzzing nonstop with new messages. He didn’t bother checking. He could already guess what they would say. If this brought Yeonho even the slightest bit of peace, it was enough.

He returned to the bedroom and wrapped his arms around Yeonho, who lay sprawled on the bed. More messages were arriving on Yeonho’s phone too. Even without showing his face, name, or voice, anyone who knew Seong Junhee and Joo Yeonho had recognized them in the broadcast.

The people who once called Seong Junhee a wonderful person at the funeral were now cursing and condemning him. Those who knew him were tearing his memory apart with their fingers and mouths. It made you wonder if it was a waste that he no longer existed in this world. Maybe they had let him go too gently. Let him hear it in the afterlife. Let him suffer even in death.

Siwoo gently stroked Yeonho’s back in silence. Yeonho held him just as tightly, like he might break from it. Neither of them cried or smiled. They simply held each other, tighter and tighter, to bring comfort.

All the choices they made to survive until this day had been the best ones they could. Absolute truth and absolute lies were not the answer.

So they continued to touch each other’s hearts and soothe each other’s bodies for a long, long time.