FLPR 1.1

“I wish I had a boyfriend like Hyung. Then I’d be truly happy.”

Seo Doyul swallowed, his hands wet with nerves. The noisy pub seemed to quiet down the moment he uttered those words. It was an impulsive, ambiguous confession. He couldn’t bring himself to say a straightforward “I like you, Hyung.” He loved Woohyun, but the feeling might not be mutual. Doyul tried to appear calm, but he couldn’t hide the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.

He’d known Min Woohyun for a long time, since Doyul was in elementary school. The man he’d admired since childhood had become even more captivating as an adult. Woohyun’s slightly wavy black hair was neatly styled, emphasizing his thick eyebrows, gentle eyes, and clear, fair skin. At a little over 190cm tall, with the kind of handsome features that made people turn their heads, he was undeniably striking. His light eyes, a stark contrast to his dark hair, added to his charm. And then there was his kind personality. Doyul couldn’t help but fall in love.

Min Woohyun blinked a few times, then responded with a smile.

“I’m glad to have a good younger brother like you.”

‘A good younger brother.’

Doyul wasn’t dense. He understood the rejection. Woohyun was perceptive and intelligent, as well as kind. He’d turned Doyul down gently.

Doyul fought back the rising tears. Crying now would only embarrass Woohyun after his considerate rejection.  ‘It’s okay, I knew this might happen.’  Doyul lifted his beer glass, swallowing his tears along with the bitter liquid.  ‘It’s time to give up.’

He’d once heard that if you have a crush for too long, there must be something wrong with your brain. Maybe there was something wrong with him. If Woohyun had rejected him outright, Doyul might never have been able to face him again. He resolved to let go of his unrequited love. Pursuing it further would only burden Woohyun and cause Doyul more pain. That day, at 21, Doyul decided to enlist in the military as soon as possible.

But life rarely goes according to plan. For the next three years, Doyul couldn’t shake his feelings. Loving Min Woohyun had become as natural as breathing, and he simply couldn’t figure out how to stop even though they’d gone from seeing each other several times a month to just exchanging occasional greetings once or twice a year.

Three years was a large amount of time. Enough for a middle school student to become a high school student, a private to become a reservist, and someone single to get engaged.

He’d known from the beginning it was unlikely to work out, but the news still hurt. The day he heard about Woohyun’s engagement from his high school friend, Hyunsoo, he’d gotten thoroughly drunk. He’d cried for a long time, feeling foolish for clinging to hopeless feelings. Even though he’d expected this day might come, it still hurt. That’s how most things were. You expected the pain and prepared for it, but reality always hit harder. That night, Doyul turned off his phone, afraid he’d call Woohyun and make a drunken scene.

‘Why can’t I control my own feelings?’  He wondered.  ‘They’re a part of me, but they won’t obey.’  Then a sarcastic chuckle escaped him. Could he control catching a cold? No. People couldn’t control illness. If humans truly had control over their bodies, there would be no such thing as disease.

In the end, there was nothing in the world he could truly control. And that was a universal human experience.

* * *

“What? An accident?”

Doyul asked, doubting he’d heard correctly. The person on the other end of the phone continued, their voice laced with concern.

“Yeah, Min Woohyun was in some kind of accident and seriously injured! He regained consciousness but isn’t accepting visitors.”

“What kind of accident?” Doyul bit his lip. He couldn’t believe the man he loved had been in an acciconc’.  Why? How? So suddenly? ‘ Those questions filled his mind. Hyunsoo, who had called him, replied casually,

“Accidents happen, you know? If they gave you a warning, it wouldn’t be an accident; it’d be an incident.”

“Do you know which hospital he’s in?”

“How would I know? You’re close to him. Try contacting him.”

Doyul stifled a sigh. It had been nearly ten months since he’d last spoken to Woohyun. Would Woohyun even answer if he suddenly reached out? Especially since he wasn’t accepting visitors? But he didn’t feel like explaining all that to Hyunsoo.

“Okay, I’ll try contacting him.”

“Alright. Let me know what happens when you see him.”

“Haha…Later.”

Doyul forced a laugh and ended the call. Even if he managed to contact Woohyun, he wouldn’t be telling Hyunsoo anything. Hyunsoo couldn’t keep a secret. Case in point: back in high school, a friend had told Hyunsoo before the first period that he’d bought a new Playboy. By lunchtime, the entire school, including the teachers, knew, resulting in the magazine’s confiscation. Doyul liked Hyunsoo well enough, but he never confided anything important to him.

Doyul sighed, his face a mask of worry. He wanted to rush to Woohyun’s side, but he wasn’t accepting visitors.  ‘What right do I have to intrude? ‘ He thought, hesitating to contact him. And even if he did go, Woohyun would likely be with his fiancée. Doyul wasn’t ready to see that.

Frustrated, he sighed again and looked out the window. The summer heat shimmered off the asphalt. The days were long, and even though it was nearly 5 p.m., it felt like 2 p.m. He had to leave for his part-time job at the pub soon. Hesitantly, Doyul texted Woohyun.

“Hyung, I heard about the accident. Are you okay? Let me know which hospital you’re in, and I’ll visit.”

Doyul stared at his phone for a moment before turning it over and standing up. He needed to hurry and get ready for work. If he was even a minute late, the owner would make a scene. He was supposed to arrive fifteen minutes early to prepare, a rule he routinely ignored. The owner didn’t pay him for that extra time. And if he worked an extra thirty minutes, the owner would argue that it wasn’t a full hour and refuse to pay overtime. It has happened more than once.

‘I really need to find another part-time job soon,’ he thought as he headed to the bathroom to wash up.

Looking in the mirror, he saw his long, dark brown hair, which reached his eyebrows, sticking out every which way. His large, slightly upturned eyes held a touch of annoyance. He disliked his reflection. It seemed to mirror his inner turmoil. Doyul sighed and started to wash his face.

Doyul lived in what was commonly called a “moon village”—a low-income neighborhood. After his grandfather passed away last year, he lived there alone. Rumors of redevelopment had been circulating for years, but there was no visible progress.

His grandfather used to say that when the area was redeveloped, they’d receive a substantial payout and buy a house in a better neighborhood. Doyul had secretly checked their house’s market value. Even with five times the current price, it would barely cover the security deposit on a small two-bedroom apartment. He’d thought about telling his grandfather the truth but decided against it. His grandfather would only get upset.

His grandfather had never liked him. He’d probably resented his daughter for bringing home a baby with an unknown father. And then his daughter had abandoned them both. The only reason his grandfather hadn’t abandoned Doyul was because he was the last vestige of his daughter. Perhaps he’d also felt some responsibility for her difficult life.

As a child, Doyul had wondered why his grandfather disliked him, but as he grew older, he understood. He’d resented his grandfather until he died. He was a man quick to scold Doyul for the smallest mistakes, sighing dramatically whenever he had to spend money and muttering about how he shouldn’t have taken Doyul in. But after his grandfather’s death, the resentment had faded, replaced by a hollow feeling. He still felt some resentment, but hating a dead man wouldn’t change anything.

Doyul walked down the long hill from his house to the bus stop. The summer air was silent. Each step felt suffocating, the sun burning his scalp. The heatwave had been intense for days, making sleep difficult. He didn’t have an air conditioner at home, so he spent many nights tossing and turning.

At the bus stop, Doyul checked the arrival time and took out his phone. No reply from Woohyun, as expected.

‘I should have kept in touch with him more.’ Doyul’s lips curved into a frown. It always hurt to be reminded that he wasn’t special to the person he loved. He tried to write it off as a symptom of first love.  ‘Someday, when I finally move on, I won’t feel like this.’  He mumbled, burying his face in his hands.

“When will I finally get over him…? ”

It had been three years since he’d been rejected. They weren’t completely out of touch, but they rarely saw each other, maybe once or twice every few months. He remembered hearing that an unrequited crush lasting longer than three years was a sign of mental illness. If that was true, he must be insane.

“The 000 bus will arrive shortly.”

Doyul heard the announcement and got up from his seat.

* * *

He checked his phone again after work. Perhaps because of the heat, the pub had been packed, keeping him frantically busy. They were understaffed, which made things even more hectic. He’d ended up working overtime again.  ‘What time is it?’  He turned on his phone to check the time, and a new message notification popped up.

‘Is it spam? ’ he wondered, opening his messages.

‘I’m in room 5007 at OO Hospital.’

The text was from Woohyun. A surge of joy, quickly followed by confusion, washed over him.

“Why is he being so formal? ”

Woohyun had never used polite language with him before. Was it really he who sent the message? But Doyul couldn’t imagine Woohyun letting anyone else use his phone. He was very particular about his things.

A little confused, Doyul replied.

‘I’ll visit you tomorrow.’

This time, the reply came swiftly.

‘Okay.’

Doyul tilted his head, puzzled.

‘Did he injure his head, not his body? ’

The sudden formality felt like a wall between them, and it annoyed him. He almost texted back, asking why the sudden shift to polite speech, but stopped himself. Maybe it was a joke. He should be grateful he’d gotten a reply at all. According to Hyunsoo, Woohyun wasn’t accepting visitors. But he’d told Doyul that he could visit. Forgetting his earlier disappointment at Woohyun’s lack of response, Doyul felt a rush of excitement. He couldn’t help but smile. It was like receiving confirmation that he was still special to Woohyun.

Doyul decided to visit Woohyun the next morning. He planned to ask how he was doing and take the opportunity to see him.