FMT 50

Chapter 50 Liking

Before Xiaodan came back, Liandan’s appetite had already improved a little. After the child returned, with no more worries in his heart, his spirits lifted, and he ate much more.

When Chen Shuangning ate, Liandan usually stayed by his side. Whatever Shuangning could not finish always ended up in Liandan’s stomach.

Chen Shuangning thought he had not eaten, but after asking, he found out Liandan had already had a meal. Worried he might upset his stomach eating so much, Shuangning told him to stretch out his hand so he could take his pulse.

Liandan’s eyes shone brightly. He obediently laid his hand on the table.

Chen Shuangning’s fingers pressed gently on his wrist. After focusing for a while, his expression turned complicated.

Liandan grew anxious. “How is it?” he asked.

Shuanning withdrew his hand. “It’s fine. Your body is healthy.”

Liandan felt he was brushing it off too lightly, and his gaze lingered on him. Shuanning sighed softly and told the truth, “It really is fine. I only felt… a slippery pulse. The child is doing well, very strong.”

In the inner bed, Xiaodan was playing with a little wooden cart, squirming his small bottom as he played happily on his own.

The two adults, one sitting on the bed’s, the other by the table, fell into silence after that one exchange. Both lowered their heads slightly.

The mood grew oddly indescribable. Liandan’s cheeks flushed red. He quickly stood. “I’ll take the bowls away. You’ll need your medicine later.”

Shuangning nodded and watched him carry the tray out.

Later, when pushing the wheelchair through the garden after he had taken the medicine, Liandan asked, “How do you know medicine?”

Shuangning looked at the blossoms on the tall trees in the garden. “We had to learn a bit of everything since childhood. Besides martial arts and medicine, we also studied disguise, geomancy, the arts of Qimen Dunjia. Liu Shuqi’s qinggong is exceptional, Bai Wushuang is skilled at Qimen Dunjia¹.”

“Except for martial arts, I was mediocre at all of it. Especially medicine, I am far inferior to Shuangruo. She was gifted, so when she was taken out of here, she met Feng Xingzhou, a man known in the martial world as a medicine fanatic. He accepted her as a disciple. The sect leader wanted to draw him in, so he didn’t interfere. Later she came back, and her master came with her. Unfortunately, when the sect fell into chaos, he went missing.”

Liandan listened quietly, picturing Shuangning and his sister as children.

The Bai family had not been good people. Liandan’s own childhood was also hard, but no matter how bad it was, he had his mother and his sister Lianye to protect him somewhat.

“What were you like as a child?” Shuangning asked, turning to him.

Liandan thought for a while. “At home, whatever food and drink there was always went to my younger brother first. My sister and I were always hungry. But my sister was clever, she always found ways. I liked autumn the most and disliked winter. In autumn, there were wild fruits in the mountains, my sister would take me to pick them. Even if we had no meals, at least we could fill our stomachs.

“In winter, there was nothing. We had no cotton coats or shoes and could not leave the house. Sometimes when hunger became unbearable, my sister would sneak sorghum from the storeroom. In the middle of the night, the two of us would chew raw grains under the covers. They actually tasted good.

“The best was when father sent us to buy wine. Mother would tell us to buy soy sauce and vinegar as well. On the way, we would take turns sipping the soy sauce and vinegar. When there was only half left, afraid of being caught, we would pour in some water.

“Thinking back, whether it was the stolen sorghum or the soy sauce and vinegar, my mother surely noticed but never said a word.”

“Your parents favored your younger brother so much. You never resented them?” Shuangning asked.

Liandan shook his head. “Back then, I hated myself for being a ge’er, not a man. Father didn’t like me because of that. I couldn’t bring honor to my mother or make her life easier. That was my fault, not theirs.”

“In those days when I went every day to Xinglong Treasure Shop, sitting in that upstairs room, looking out at the crowds, besides waiting for your news, I thought about my past and my present.”

“One day, I suddenly understood. I never did anything wrong. They were the ones at fault. But I wouldn’t hate them, because hatred would trap my heart, trap my steps. I had to raise my head and look forward.”

“Now, I have someone I want to cherish…”

The wheelchair stopped. Liandan walked around to the front, crouched down, and looked up at him.

“Shuangning…” His voice was soft like the breeze brushing his cheek, his eyes full of affection.

Shuangning turned his head away, avoiding his gaze.

Liandan smiled faintly, adjusted a strand of his hair, and without saying more, rose to push the wheelchair.

The child in his belly was five months now. Liandan’s stomach had rounded noticeably, even through clothes.

Shuangning often stared at it for a long time, lost in thought.

During Liandan’s first pregnancy, he could not be there. This time, being with him every day and watching the changes, his odd and irritable temper gradually softened.

On ordinary days, he would play with Xiaodan, teaching him to babble words.

He would also bring suitable books from the study, continuing to teach Liandan characters and writing.

By now, Liandan had improved greatly. Imitating Shuangning’s handwriting so long, his characters looked very similar.

When Shuangning rested, Liandan sometimes went to the study himself to pick books he liked.

The first time he felt the baby move, Liandan blushed, lifted his outer robe, and placed Shuangning’s hand on his belly.

After a while, Shuangning’s fingers shifted slightly, and his face showed surprise.

“It’s a mischievous child.” When Shuangning said this, Liandan looked up at him. His expression was gentle, and there was even the faintest smile at his lips.

The very next day, Shuangning was able to stand on his own and walk in the courtyard for a while.

Seeing his condition improve, Liandan could focus on nourishing the pregnancy with more peace of mind.

But only a few days later, Shuangruo came quietly to find him.

“There is news of my master. Someone saw him appear in the western frontier,” she said.

Liandan jumped to his feet in excitement. “So that means there is still hope?”

But Shuangruo shook her head. “It’s too late…”

Liandan’s expression froze. “Shuangruo, what do you mean by that?”

Crying, she said, “I’m sorry. He forbade me to tell anyone. My brother… he may not last until the end of this year!”

A ringing sound filled Liandan’s head, and he almost collapsed. Shuangruo quickly helped him back into a chair.

He stared blankly at the girl in front of him. “It’s the start of the eighth month now. You mean he has at most five months?”

Shuangruo nodded, then shook her head. “That would be the best case. Maybe only three or four months. The western frontier is far. Just the travel alone takes at least a month. And even if we arrive, we don’t know if my master is still there. Even if he hasn’t left, the land there is vast. Finding one man is like looking for a needle in the sea. There is no guarantee we could find him.”

Liandan’s lips trembled. “How can this be? Didn’t you say the medicine would slowly help, that he could use inner strength to suppress the poison temporarily?”

Shuangruo choked up. “Back then when he was poisoned, I gave him my master’s life-saving pill. Only with inner strength to suppress it could he hold it down. Without using inner strength, his life would have been no more than ten years. But for our sake, he kept using inner strength.”

“Later, on that night at Lingyun Temple…”

“What happened that night?” Liandan suddenly realized something, his voice shaking.

Shuangruo said, “The Left Protector set a trap for him. He knew my brother would not bear to harm the innocent. That night, though he knew it was a trap, he had no choice but to jump in. But doing that, you know, it only delayed the Blue Flower poison’s attack in your body. It could not truly be cured.”

“You mean the trap,” Liandan’s eyes turned red, “was me?”

Shuangruo covered her face and wept. “The Blue Flower poison has no cure. The two pills I gave you were never antidotes. Through coupling, the poison in your body was transferred into his.”

Liandan’s eyes widened, his whole body stiff.

Shuangruo said, “The Left Protector knew my brother was wary and could not be poisoned easily. So he devised this vicious method. And my brother had no choice but to take it.”

A tear slid down Liandan’s face. He murmured, “He must not die. He must not give up. He must not die…”

“Shuangruo,” he grasped her hand and looked straight at her, “in two days, get ready. I will go to the western frontier with him.”

That evening, Liandan ate with Chen Shuangning.

He did not mention what Shuangruo had told him. After Shuangning finished eating, he only said calmly, “I’ll leave Xiaodan to Shuangruo. For the rest, Liu Shuqi and the others are preparing. Two days from now, I’ll go with you to the western frontier.”

Chen Shuangning wiped his mouth with a cloth, his eyes lowered. “Wait a few more days. After Mid-Autumn.”

Mid-Autumn was only four or five days away. Liandan said, “Fine. As you wish. We’ll leave after the festival.”

Chen Shuangning gave a quiet “Mm” and agreed.

During those days, besides caring for Shuangning, Liandan packed what they needed for travel and spent extra time with Xiaodan before leaving.

On Mid-Autumn, Liu Shuqi, Bai Wushuang, Leng Shan, and the others were all present. Shuangruo had three tables set in the main hall, and everyone ate together in lively cheer.

Chen Shuangning drank some wine. He was taking medicine, so he should not have. Liandan hesitated for a while but did not stop him.

His body was weak. Sitting too long made his back and waist ache. When he put down his cup and stopped eating, Liandan got up, said his farewells to the others, and helped him back to his room.

From an old woman he received a basin of hot water. He wiped Shuangning’s face and hands, washed him, then pulled up the quilt to tuck him in, ready to leave.

They would depart early in the morning. Shuangning needed rest to gather his strength.

But Shuangning caught his wrist. Liandan paused and turned back.

“Stay and talk with me,” the man leaning on the headboard said.

Liandan sat back down. Shuangning shifted inward, leaving space against the pillows for him.

Seated again, Liandan’s belly bulged like a small pot pressed above his waist. He rubbed it gently. “I always feel this child will be a ge’er.”

Shuangning was a little drunk. He placed his hand over Liandan’s. “As long as the body is healthy, anything is fine.”

Liandan turned on his side, cheek against the pillow, watching Shuangning. His face had recovered seven or eight parts already. Perhaps from the wine, his cheeks and lips held a faint flush, very beautiful.

“What are you looking at?” Shuangning moved his lips and asked.

Liandan said, “Shuangruo’s eyes look like yours. Xiaodan’s too.”

The corner of Shuangning’s lips curved slightly. “These eyes came from our mother. Shuangruo resembles Father, I look like our mother more. Xiaodan looks like you.”

Liandan felt something. It was the first time he had seen Shuangning smile so freely. “What kind of people were your parents?”

Shuangning exhaled lightly. “They were cloth merchants. I remember Father had a bad temper. He was very strict. Shuangruo was still young then, but if her calligraphy was poor, she would be made to hold out her palms for the rod. Mother, distressed, would try to stop him. He would scold that soft mothers ruin children. But when Mother was driven to tears, he would still secretly coax her afterward.

“He was a merchant and hoped I would one day pass the exams, bring honor to the family. He wanted Shuangruo to be learned and proper, so she could marry well.

“That day… the only relief was that they didn’t suffer long. Before they even understood what was happening, they were already gone.”

Pain stabbed through Liandan’s chest. He leaned closer, gently wrapped his arms around Shuangning’s waist. “From now on, you must live well. Shuangruo must live well. We will all live well.”

….

Liandan later returned to his own room.

In bed, Shuangning seemed to be asleep. But he suddenly opened his eyes.

He got up silently, feet making almost no sound, and went out. He stopped outside Liandan’s door, listening closely.

Inside, Liandan was speaking with Shuangruo.

Shuangruo asked, “Liandan, are you afraid?”

Liandan was silent for a while. “Yes.”

“What I want to say, he never lets me say aloud,” Liandan continued. “I fear he has no confidence to survive this, so he doesn’t want to answer, he doesn’t want me to be more attached.”

Shuangruo asked, “If that’s the case, what will you do?”

Liandan replied, “It makes no difference whether he allows it or not. I know in my own heart—I like him.”

Outside the door, Shuangning smiled faintly. But in an instant, the smile froze and faded.

He stayed there for a while, head lowered, lost in thought. Then he quietly returned to his room.

He tidied the bedding, put on an outer robe, tied up his long hair. After glancing once toward the room next door, he opened the window and jumped outside.

In the courtyard, Leng Shan bowed to him.

Shuangning said softly, “Let’s go.”

The two left one after the other, boarded a carriage waiting outside the gates, and in the dark night, departed without a sound.

1. It is a kind of divination and strategy method. ↩︎