FMT 53

Chapter 53 Confession

Liandan quickly looked toward Leng Shan, but at some point he had already left.

This so-called “Chen Hanwen” stepped closer and closer. Liandan stared at him and kept retreating.

Until this Chen Hanwen stopped, worry appeared on his face. He spoke slowly, “If you are afraid, I won’t come closer. Don’t keep backing away, be careful not to hurt yourself.”

Liandan stopped, still staring at him warily.

Chen Hanwen saw his guarded look and showed a helpless smile. “I know my sudden appearance makes you doubtful and afraid. But I also know you need me now, so I came.”

Liandan looked at him in confusion. “Where did you come from?”

Chen Hanwen pointed to the ground with his finger. “From there.”

Liandan asked again, “Why did you come?”

Chen Hanwen answered, “To take you and the child home.”

“Home?” Liandan’s expression froze. “Where is my home?”

Chen Hanwen looked at him, smiled with pity, and said, “At the Chen family in Kaoshan Village. My home is your home.”

Liandan said, “The child in my belly is not yours.”

Chen Hanwen paused, his expression grew sorrowful. After staying silent for a while, he said, “I know. That was something you couldn’t help. I understand your suffering.” He paused. “Liandan, you have suffered. You can be at ease now. From now on, I will treat you well, and I will treat them well too.”

Liandan looked at him and said nothing.

Chen Hanwen tried stepping forward, then stopped with control. He softly called his name, “Liandan, I am your rightful husband. You are my spouse. I came to take you. Let’s go back and live a good life together.”

Liandan stayed still and silent.

Chen Hanwen stepped closer again. “Let’s go back. I will study hard, pass the exams, become a scholar, then a provincial graduate. I will give you a good life. No one will ever dare bully you again.”

“Liandan,” Chen Hanwen had reached right before him, “don’t you want to go back and see your mother? Your sister thinks of you every day, worrying for you and Xiaodan. And Aunt Wu’s family, they are watching over your home, hoping for your return.”

Liandan’s gaze wavered. Chen Hanwen looked down at him, his eyes soft to the extreme. “And Tang Hua, you promised him you would return soon. His little daughter can already walk. Will you break your word? Don’t you want to go back and see?”

“Liandan,” Chen Hanwen sighed, “we are ordinary people. To live a safe and healthy life is enough. What more do you want?”

“Liandan, Liandan…” Liandan lifted his head to look at him. Chen Hanwen called his name over and over, like chanting a spell. He reached out his hand. “Liandan, come with me. Let’s go back. All right?”

Liandan’s eyes were bloodshot. He said hoarsely, “All right.”

The word “all right” was carried by the wind blowing into the temple, spinning away into the distance.

Outside the temple, from some corner, it seemed like someone coughed. But it also seemed like an illusion.

After Liandan agreed, Chen Hanwen’s face lit with joy. He stepped closer. The distance between them was already very small.

But Liandan stepped forward too. The two were about to collide. Chen Hanwen’s joy stiffened, surprise just appeared on his face, when Liandan swiftly raised his hand and pulled at the seam between his cheek and hairline.

The skin of Chen Hanwen’s face was ripped away at one corner. His mouth opened silently, but before a sound could escape, the whole mask was in Liandan’s hand.

Liandan looked carefully. Shocked, he stepped back again and again.

This was no human face. Under the mask were thin strips of bamboo woven together.

Without the face, “Chen Hanwen” seemed blind. He stumbled back several steps, hands groping in the air. In just a moment, he collapsed with a clatter into scattered bamboo strips on the ground and a green robe.

Liandan stared in disbelief at the mask in his hand. It was the same kind of human-skin mask Shuangruo had shown him before.

Liandan gritted his teeth, bent down, picked up the familiar green robe, raised it to his nose, and smelled the familiar scent of soap from home.

This was the robe Chen Shuangning had worn back in Kaoshan Village.

Liandan’s head turned up toward the temple door. In the darkness, nothing could be seen.

He clutched the robe, ran out into the empty night, and shouted loudly, “Chen Shuangning, I know you are here, come out!”

“Chen Shuangning, come out… come out…!”

Liandan shouted for a long time. But the surroundings stayed silent. No one answered.

Liandan was exhausted. The whole day and half the night had drained him. The little one in his belly was moving, stirred by his intense emotions.

Liandan panted heavily, staring at a point in the void of darkness. He cursed, “Chen Shuangning, you are a coward, I despise you!”

After shouting this, Liandan threw the robe to the ground, turned back into the temple, and shut the doors.

He lay down on the cloth he had spread earlier, staring at the dying fire until he could not endure anymore. With swollen eyes, he fell asleep.

When the fire finally burned out and the last spark went out with a snap, the temple door creaked softly.

A figure slipped inside almost without a sound.

He carried something in his hand. After stepping inside, he stood watching the sleeping young man for a while. Then he covered him with the thing he carried.

Then he turned and left.

The temple doors closed again, and inside it was silent once more.

The next morning, Liandan was woken by birds calling in the forest outside the temple.

When he got up, he noticed the green robe had slipped off his body. It was the same robe he had thrown outside the door the night before.

Liandan suddenly jumped up, put the robe down, opened the temple door, and ran out.

But as soon as his foot stepped past the threshold, he froze.

Outside the temple, a young man in white stood there. His long hair was loose, his looks strikingly handsome. His phoenix eyes, dark and deep like a pool, were fixed on him.

Liandan lifted his head slightly to look at him. His lips trembled. He stepped forward a few paces, hit his shoulder once with his fist, then threw himself into his arms.

The tears he had held back the whole way finally broke free. They poured out, soaking his face and wetting the man’s robe, searing into his heart.

Chen Shuangning bent down, wrapped his arms around Liandan’s waist and legs, lifted him across his arms, and carried him into the temple. The doors slammed shut.

Liandan’s body shook. The sobs stuck in his throat finally spilled out, and he cried like a child.

Chen Shuangning sat down on the cloth on the ground, settled Liandan on his lap, and stroked his back gently, up and down, patient and soft.

When Liandan’s crying quieted, leaving only his face buried in Shuangning’s neck with the occasional sob, Shuangning asked quietly, “You won’t go back?”

Liandan shook his head against his neck. Chen Shuangning lowered his gaze, watching him.

Liandan’s skin was pale. Now, his ears and neck were red from crying. His face must have been even redder, swollen and messy.

“Why don’t you want to go back? Did you think over what Leng Shan said?” Chen Shuangning asked again.

Liandan hugged him tighter. “I thought it through. I am willing.”

“Willing for what?” Shuangning pressed.

Liandan answered, “No matter what happens in the future, no matter the consequences, I am willing to bear them.”

“No one knows the future. Maybe by then you will regret it,” Shuangning said slowly.

Liandan suddenly raised his head from his neck. His face was flushed from crying, his hair sticking messily to his forehead, but his eyes were clear like water, as if they could show the depths of his heart.

“A person who does not even dare listen to me say I like him, what right does he have to doubt my resolve?” Liandan said through clenched teeth.

Hearing this, Chen Shuangning froze, then lowered his eyes to hide his expression.

But Liandan no longer cared. All the hesitation and fear in his heart had vanished. In this moment nothing could stop him from saying the words he had kept in his chest for so long.

“Chen Shuangning, I like you,” Liandan said. “I want to spend my whole life with you.”

Shuangning’s lips moved. “My life may only have three or four months left.”

Liandan’s voice was hoarse but firm. “Then three or four months it is!”

Shuangning fell silent.

Liandan looked at him. “I want to go to the western border with you. All right?”

Shuangning’s throat moved. He said, “All right.”

Liandan closed his eyes and leaned into his chest, holding him tightly.

“If I had left with that Chen Hanwen, what would you have done?”

This time, Shuangning did not answer.

Liandan lifted his head from his chest, hit his shoulder again with his fist. It looked strong but fell as light as a caress.

Then he cried again.

Shuangning pressed him back into his chest and whispered by his ear, “I am sorry.”

That day after breakfast, once everything was packed, Liandan and Shuangning went to the ferry together.

Besides Leng Shan, there were also several men Liandan recognized who traveled with them.

They did not take the ferryman’s boat but a hired one. Inside the cabin were soft mats so Shuangning could rest well.

His condition was still fairly stable. While Liandan cared for him, Shuangning also cared for Liandan.

As long as he was not seasick, water travel was comparatively comfortable.

After five or six days on the river, they reached another ferry, left the boat, and took carriages.

In the carriage it was far less comfortable, jolting for more than ten days.

They hurried the whole way, often skipping inns to cover more distance.

They camped outside most nights, sometimes slept in the carriage.

One day it rained heavily, and by night it still had not stopped. They could not light a fire. The whole day they only ate cold hard flatbread and braised meat.

Rain hammered on the carriage roof. Shuangning’s body was cold. Liandan held him tightly, feeling his slight trembling, rubbing his back and arms again and again to warm him.

That night was too cold to sleep. The next morning the rain stopped, but Shuangning’s complexion looked bad.

That afternoon, when the sun was good, Liandan hung their quilts and bedding across the carriage beams to dry. Returning inside, he saw Shuangning leaning back against the wall, and he felt worried.

Luckily, fortune was better that day. By night they reached a town and could rest in an inn.

Leng Shan parked the carriage and went in to arrange rooms. Liandan called to him. “Brother Leng, please get one room for me and Shuangning.”

Leng Shan looked at Shuangning. Seeing he had no objection, he agreed.

They ate hot food in the inn. Before bed, a servant carried in a bath barrel.

Liandan insisted on helping Shuangning wash. This time, he did not refuse.

After Shuangning finished, Liandan dried his hair, then stripped off his own clothes and washed quickly.

When he came out, Shuangning was already leaning on the bed, asleep from exhaustion.

Liandan sat on the bed edge and looked down at him. He wanted to touch his face, but he held back.

Shuangning had been sleeping poorly lately. Liandan was afraid of waking him.