Chapter 10 – The Misadventures of Corpse Herding
by Salted Fish20:30 Beijing time—the golden hour of the day when all the best TV dramas air and online games hit their peak player counts… However, if you had a Spectator Mode, you’d see that even during this prime time, this particular server only had 23 players online. Twelve of them had been AFK for over five hours, three were promotional bots, and two players on Nanjing Road were actually hacked accounts whose thieves found the loot unsellable—this server was depressingly desolate. That left one temporary squad finally doing something players were supposed to do.
Bone Burial Village, the entrance to the Xiangxi Corpse King Necropolis dungeon.
[Party] Milk is Mom: Ready?
[Party] Your Uncle: Mhm.
[Party] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Mhm.
[Party] Refined Into a Demon 438: Mhm.
[Party] Mad Lad: Are we synchronizing watches or what?
Polly never answered such meaningless questions, so Fang Zheng was used to it. Seeing the Assassin’s reply, he naturally clicked to enter the dungeon.
On the other end of the fiber optic cable, Birdy-kun1-kun is a Japanese honorific used for casual or friendly address. Here it’s like a nickname tag, kinda like calling him ‘good guy Birdy.’ but with a weeb flavor. Oh, and Birdy is Milk Mom’s nickname for Polly, in case you forgot, who had just lit a cigarette and barely tapped his keyboard twice, silently deleted the “en” in his input box as he watched the loading screen.
The sky over Bone Burial Village was perpetually overcast. Fang Zheng adjusted the sound effects to a moderate level, making the cold wind seem to brush against his scalp. The village was eerily quiet, seemingly abandoned for years, with weeds swaying in the wind and scattered human bones peeking through the grass.
Though Milk is Mom was the party leader, in dungeons, the tank always led the charge. However, their party lacked a Blood Warrior or Berserker. Your Uncle and 438 were both squishy magic classes, leaving only Mad Lad to act as a pseudo-tank—assuming he swapped his full-DPS gear for something more balanced.
What about Polly?
Well, zombies had decent defense, but what if the heals couldn’t keep up? If he went Solid as a Rock, the whole party would be stuck waiting for ten minutes…
Mad Lad didn’t disappoint. He carried multiple gear sets with different stats—who knew how many inventory slots he’d paid to expand—swapping them out like a fashion show on a runway.
Soon, the party reached the edge of Bone Burial Village, where two paths branched out. One led west, stretching endlessly into the distance, while the other headed east, faintly revealing a mass grave in the distance. Veteran players knew both paths eventually led to the same first miniboss at the mass grave—one was just shorter than the other.
Mad Lad naturally chose the eastern shortcut.
No one objected, following closely behind.
But shortcuts came with risks. Game developers wouldn’t release a dungeon without some twists, so this path had its own special feature—Grandpa Wang.
Grandpa Wang’s wooden hut stood in the eastern wilderness. A devoted widower who had guarded his late wife’s grave for thirty years, his hobbies were simple: visiting the grave, drinking, and smoking. According to player lore, after paying respects, he’d drink under the sunset, then sit by the roadside with a pipe, reminiscing and waiting for players. And if you ran into him? Too bad—road closed.
You could fight him, but no party had ever defeated Grandpa Wang. His Berserk Skill summoned his late wife, and when that fierce old lady appeared, it was like a nuke detonating—insta-killing everything within a hundred meters. Some players complained it was a bug, but the developers cheerfully replied: “No game is complete without bugs!”
The six of them progressed smoothly until halfway through, when someone spoke up—
[Party] Your Uncle: Wonder if we’ll run into Grandpa Wang this time.
Fang Zheng facepalmed.
[Party] Milk is Mom: You want to run into him?
[Party] Your Uncle: I’ve never seen him before in all my runs. It’s a shame.
[Party] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Normal. He spends 80% of his time at the grave, 15% drinking, and only 5% sitting roadside. You’d be lucky to see him once in 20 runs.
[Party] Refined Into a Demon 438: Where’d you get those stats? Is he your relative? =_=
[Party] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Baidu’s more reliable than relatives. ╮(╯_╰)╭
[Party] Refined Into a Demon 438: …
Fang Zheng wasn’t sure if Crossplayer was right, but in his experience, Grandpa Wang rarely appeared. So he’d almost forgotten the melancholy figure smoking his pipe in the sunset…
[Party] Mad Lad: Fuck!
Perfect. The system kindly reminded him. =_=
[Party] Crossplayer’s Blessing: I told you not to jinx it!
[Party] Your Uncle: When did you say that?!
[Party] Refined Into a Demon 438: Stop arguing. What now?
[Party] Milk is Mom: What else? Retreat!
[Party] Your Uncle: Uh… this is my first time seeing him. Can I go take a selfie…
[Party] Milk is Mom: Why don’t you just marry him and be his second wife!
[Party] Your Uncle: TAT
Fang Zheng felt no guilt. In his eyes, Grandpa Wang had appeared solely because of Your Uncle’s cursed mouth… Was this a tongue twister or what?!
After wasting half their progress, the six of them returned to the starting point.
Now they had no choice but to take the long route—but honestly, no one wanted to.
It wasn’t just the distance. Unlike the east path’s smooth sailing (unless Grandpa Wang showed up), the west path was hell. Forget the grotesque zombies; this route had a hard rule: you had to “herd corpses.”
“Corpse herding” meant the party formed a single file. The leader walked ahead, and the other five automatically followed, moving wherever the leader went. In this state, all aggro transferred to the leader—no matter how much damage others dealt, mobs would only attack the leader as long as they lived. Meanwhile, the leader couldn’t attack, meaning even if zombies turned them into a bloody mess, they could only endure while mentally urging their teammates to kill the damn things faster.
In short, the west path demanded a lot from the leader and party formation. The leader had to avoid pulling too many enemies, and the party had to ensure everyone could attack effectively while the leader got chewed on. Since you couldn’t move in follow mode, if a monster was out of range, tough luck.
[Party] Polly: This path’s rough. Get on YY, 4876XXX.
As soon as the party stopped at the fork, Birdy-kun dropped the voice chat channel number.
Fang Zheng recognized it—it was the same room from their last dungeon run. Soon, Mad Lad, 438, and Crossplayer joined.
“Hello, I’m the healer,” Fang Zheng announced with the gravitas of a party leader.
“I’m Refined Into a Demon,” 438 said, sounding like a well-behaved student.
“I’m Blessing,” Crossplayer said, his voice surprisingly bright and cheerful, devoid of any of what his name suggested2the term used for Crossplayer can mean transgender, but it’s also a gaming slang for someone who plays a character of a different gender.
“I’m the Assassin,” Mad Lad said, his voice steady and reassuring—much to Fang Zheng’s surprise.
“Polly,” Birdy-kun said simply, then glanced around the five-person room. “Where’s Your Uncle?”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
This was awkward. Whoever answered would unwittingly let the Spirit Master claim seniority. =_=
As they struggled, the culprit appeared in party chat—
[Party] Your Uncle: Just found out my YY account got hacked TAT
Fang Zheng choked on imaginary blood. First, Your Uncle wished for Grandpa Wang, and he appeared. Now, when they needed YY, his account got hacked… Was this guy cursed?!
[Party] Polly: 2873XXXX, password 123456. Use this for now.
[Party] Your Uncle: Thanks TAT
After much stumbling, the group finally assembled in voice chat. Your Uncle, with a tone unbefitting his nickname, apologized, and they began planning their corpse-herding formation.
“Mad,” Polly said bluntly, “you take point.”
“Fine by me, but can your DPS keep up?”
“With two healers feeding you milk, even slow DPS won’t be a problem.”
“Uh… why does that sound kinda exciting…”
Fang Zheng’s eye twitched. “You two need to stop…”
Crossplayer’s Blessing simply spammed the chat with ellipses.
Unfazed, Polly continued professionally: “I’m melee, so I’ll follow Mad for easier attacks. The Spirit Master and Demon Refiner are ranged, so they’ll be third and fourth. The healers go last—just focus on keeping Mad alive. Any issues?”
Nope.
Birdy-kun’s plan was solid, so the party lined up at the west path entrance. Following the formation, Mad Lad clicked a roadside gravestone, triggering the corpse-herding state.
Jiang Yang wasn’t new to this dungeon, but he wasn’t familiar with this path—he’d never seen Grandpa Wang before today. Thanks to Your Uncle, he was getting the full experience. =_=
Since he wasn’t familiar, even with caution, he inevitably pulled mobs. Two hopping zombies soon surrounded him—one gnawing at his neck, the other slashing with razor-sharp nails.
Jiang Yang didn’t dare move forward, afraid of pulling more, so he stood still, watching his screen fill with his teammates’ flashy skills.
Five against two—the monsters died quickly, and Jiang Yang’s HP was already full again.
Sighing in relief, he cautiously continued, but mobs were evenly spaced, and another zombie soon latched onto him.
“Leave this one to me!”
Your Uncle suddenly declared with gusto.
The party obliged, holding back their attacks—one monster wasn’t a big deal. Meanwhile, the Spirit Master began chanting.
Still chanting…
Still chanting…
Fang Zheng gulped, sensing impending doom.
In a flash, the screen erupted in flames as a phoenix soared into the sky—Phoenix Rebirth!
The monster’s HP dropped by four-fifths instantly. Your Uncle followed up with Ice Shatter!
The monster crumpled.
Then, a horde of zombies began converging on Mad Lad from all directions…
—Phoenix Rebirth, the Spirit Master’s ultimate AoE nuke. Max magic damage, max range, and… AoE.
Jiang Yang wanted to cry. He bolted, dragging the party behind him, venting in voice chat: “Are you fucking working for the dungeon boss?!”
Your Uncle, knowing he’d messed up, stayed meekly silent.
But the zombies weren’t easy to shake. After a dozen seconds, Mad Lad got cornered, and soon, over a dozen zombies piled on, beating him senseless…
The healers panicked, spamming every heal they had—Silent Nourishment, Revival of the Withered, Blessing of Healing—anything off cooldown. Even then, they barely kept him alive.
The DPS didn’t slack either, focusing on one monster at a time under Polly’s orders. But with so many zombies, even as a few fell, the poor Assassin still suffered.
“Can you guys try to be sharper?” Watching his HP yo-yo was torture. “If I had my full DPS gear, I’d one-shot these fuckers!”
The DPS were already frantic, fingers cramping from mashing keys, and hearing their tank complain didn’t help. But since he was the one taking hits, they tried to comfort him—
Crossplayer’s Blessing: “They’re just Zombies. Pretend you’re a potato and let them nibble!”
Jiang Yang spat blood: “The fuck?! Is this Plants vs. Zombies3A tower defense game released on multiple platforms, where you place plant-themed “towers” to fend off zombies. The things they mentioned are all items (towers) in that game. now?!”
Fang Zheng laughed: “Pretty much. Look, we’re shooting peas at them.”
“Fuck that!” The Assassin demanded. “I want a Chomper! One bite, one kill!”
Refined Into a Demon 438 reminded him: “Chompers still chew. A Squash would be faster—one squash, one squish.”
Your Uncle chimed in: “Why not a Jalapeño? Wipes out a whole row!”
Amid the banter, Jiang Yang’s HP dipped dangerously again. He’d had enough—this torture was worse than having his brains eaten!
On the other end of the fiber optic cable, Polly, who had been silent the whole time, was earnestly trying to remember—
Plants vs. Zombies… which dungeon was that again?
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